Tài liệu The Autobiography of St. Ignatius ppt

CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius, by
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The Autobiography of St. Ignatius, by 1
Title: The Autobiography of St. Ignatius
Author: Saint Ignatius Loyola
Editor: J. F. X. O'Conor
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THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF
St. Ignatius
EDITED BY
J. F. X. O'CONOR, S.J.
NEW YORK, CINCINNATI, CHICAGO
BENZIGER BROTHERS
Printers to the Holy Apostolic See
1900
Imprimatur.
MICHAEL AUGUSTINE, ARCHBISHOP OF NEW YORK.
Nihil obstat.
EDWARDUS I. PURBRICK, S.J., Præpositus Provincialis Provinciæ Marylandiæ Neo-Eboracensis.
JACOBUS J. CASEY, S.J., Censor Deputatus.
NEW YORK, Dec. 14, 1899.
COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY BENZIGER BROTHERS.
[Illustration: ST. IGNATIUS RECEIVING ST. FRANCIS BORGIA.]
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius, by 2
[Illustration: ST. IGNATIUS LOYOLA.]
[Illustration: THE FIRST VOWS AT MONTMARTRE OF ST. IGNATIUS AND COMPANIONS. FATHER
FABER CELEBRATING MASS.]
[Illustration: ST. IGNATIUS CONVERSING WITH ST. FRANCIS XAVIER AT THE UNIVERSITY OF
PARIS.]
[Illustration: ST. IGNATIUS AT THE HOLY SACRIFICE. Painted by Rubens.]
Editor's Preface
This account of the life of St. Ignatius, dictated by himself, is considered by the Bollandists the most valuable
record of the great Founder of the Society of Jesus. The editors of the Stimmen Aus Maria Laach, the German
review, as well as those of the English magazine, The Month, tell us that it, more than any other work, gives
an insight into the spiritual life of St. Ignatius. Few works in ascetical literature, except the writings of St.
Teresa and St. Augustine, impart such a knowledge of the soul.

To understand fully the Spiritual Exercises, we should know something of the man who wrote them. In this
life of St. Ignatius, told in his own words, we acquire an intimate knowledge of the author of the Exercises.
We discern the Saint's natural disposition, which was the foundation of his spiritual character. We learn of his
conversion, his trials, the obstacles in his way, the heroism with which he accomplished his great mission.
This autobiography of St. Ignatius is the groundwork of all the great lives of him that have been written.
Bartoli draws from it, Genelli develops it, the recent magnificent works of Father Clair, S.J., and of Stewart
Rose are amplifications of this simple story of the life of St. Ignatius.
The Saint in his narrative always refers to himself in the third person, and this mode of speech has here been
retained. Many persons who have neither the time, nor, perhaps, the inclination, to read larger works, will
read, we trust, with pleasure and profit this autobiography.
Ignatius, as he lay wounded in his brother's house, read the lives of the saints to while away the time. Touched
by grace, he cried, "What St. Francis and St. Dominic have done, that, by God's grace, I will do." May this
little book, in like manner, inspire its readers with the desire of imitating St. Ignatius.
THE EDITOR.
EASTER, 1900. COLLEGE OF ST. FRANCIS XAVIER, NEW YORK.
Preface of Father Louis Gonzalez, S.J., to the "Acts of St. Ignatius," received from the lips of the Saint and
translated into Latin by Father Hannibal Codretto, S.J.
Preface of the Writer
Jesus, Mary. In the year 1553, one Friday morning, August 4, the eve of the feast of Our Lady of the Snows,
while St. Ignatius was in the garden, I began to give him an account of my soul, and, among other things, I
spoke to him of how I was tempted by vain glory. The spiritual advice he gave me was this: "Refer everything
that you do to God; strive to offer Him all the good you find in yourself, acknowledging that this comes from
God, and thank Him for it." The advice given to me on this occasion was so consoling to me that I could not
refrain from tears. St. Ignatius then related to me that for two years he had struggled against vain glory; so
much so, indeed, that when he was about to embark for Jerusalem at Barcelona he did not dare to tell any one
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius, by 3
where he was going. He told me, moreover, that since that time his soul had experienced great peace in regard
to this matter.
An hour or two later we went to dinner, and, while Master Polancus and I were dining with him, St. Ignatius
said that Master Natalis and others of the Society had often asked him to give a narrative of his life, but he had

never as yet decided to do so. On this occasion, however, after I had spoken to him, he reflected upon it alone.
He was favorably inclined toward it. From the way he spoke, it was evident God had enlightened him. He had
resolved to manifest the main points of his interior life up to the present, and had concluded that I was the one
to whom he would make these things known.
At that time St. Ignatius was in very feeble health. He did not promise himself one day of life, but, on the
contrary, if any one were to say, "I shall do that within two weeks or a week," St. Ignatius was accustomed to
say: "How is that? Do you think you are going to live that long?" However, on this occasion, he said he hoped
to live three or four months to finish the narrative. The next day when I asked him when he wished to begin,
he answered that I should remind him every day until he had an opportunity for it. As he could not find time,
partly on account of his many occupations, he told me to remind him of it every Sunday. In the following
September he called me, and began to relate his whole life clearly and distinctly with all the accompanying
circumstances. Afterward, in the same month, he called me three or four times, and told me the history of his
life up to the time of his dwelling at Manresa. The method followed by St. Ignatius is so clear that he places
vividly before our eyes the events of the past.
It was not necessary to ask him anything, as nothing important was omitted. I began to write down certain
points immediately, and I afterward filled out the details. I endeavored to write nothing that I did not hear
from him. So closely did I adhere to his very words that afterward I was unable to explain the meaning of
some of them. This narrative I wrote, as I have indicated above, up to September, 1553. From that time until
the 18th of October, 1554, when Father Natalis came, St. Ignatius did not continue the narrative, but pleaded
excuse on account of infirmities or other business, saying to me, "When such and such a business is settled,
remind me of it." When that work was done, I recalled it to his memory. He replied, "Now I have that other
affair on hand; when it is finished remind me."
Father Natalis was overjoyed that a beginning had been made, and told me to urge St. Ignatius to complete it,
often saying to me, "In no other way can you do more good to the Society, for this is fundamentally the
Society." He himself spoke to St. Ignatius about it, and I was told to remind him of it when the work in regard
to the founding of the college was finished. And when it was over, and the business with Prester John settled
and the courier had departed, we continued the history on the 9th of March, 1555. About this time Pope Julius
became ill, and died on the 23d of the same month. The narrative was then postponed until the election of the
new Pope, who died soon after his election. Our work remained untouched until Pope Paul mounted the papal
throne. On account of the great heat and many occupations, the biography did not make much progress until

the 21st of September, when there was question of sending me to Spain. And so he appointed the morning of
the 22d for a meeting in the red tower. After saying Mass I went to him to ask him if it were the time. He told
me to go and wait for him in the red tower. Supposing that I should have to wait a long while, I delayed on the
porch, talking with a brother who asked me about something. When St. Ignatius came he reprimanded me
because, contrary to obedience, I had not waited for him in the appointed place, and he would not do anything
that day. Then we urged him very earnestly to continue. So he came to the red tower, and, according to his
custom, dictated while walking.
While taking these notes I tried to see his face, and kept drawing near to him. He said to me, "Keep your rule."
And as I approached again, and looked at him a second and a third time, he repeated what he had said and
then went away. Finally, after some time, he returned to the red tower to complete the dictation. As I was
about starting on my journey, and St. Ignatius spoke to me the day before my departure, I could not write out
the narrative in full at Rome. At Genoa where I went I had no Spanish secretary, so I dictated in Latin the
points I had brought with me, and finished the writing at Genoa in December, 1555.
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius, by 4
Contents
Page
EDITOR'S PREFACE 5
PREFACE OF THE WRITER 9
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius, by 5
CHAPTER I
His Military Life He is wounded at the Siege of Pampeluna His Cure Spiritual Reading The
Apparition The Gift of Chastity His Longing for the Journey to Jerusalem and for a Holier Life 19
CHAPTER I 6
CHAPTER II
Ignatius leaves his Native Land What he did at Montserrat and Manresa 30
CHAPTER II 7
CHAPTER III
Scruples Heavenly Favors Journey to Barcelona 47
CHAPTER III 8
CHAPTER IV

His Journey to Rome, Venice, Jerusalem, and the Holy Land 66
CHAPTER IV 9
CHAPTER V
The Arrival in Apulia, Venice, Ferrara, and Genoa He is apprehended as a Spy He is despised as a Fool His
Studies at Barcelona and Alcala 78
CHAPTER V 10
CHAPTER VI
The Prisons at Alcala and Salamanca 93
CHAPTER VI 11
CHAPTER VII
His Studies in Paris, and Other Incidents of his Life 111
CHAPTER VII 12
CHAPTER VIII
His Arrival in his Native Land and the Virtues practised there His Journey into Spain and Italy The Famous
Apparition and his Life in the Same Place 129
APPENDIX
St. Ignatius and his Work for Education 145
Authors 155
The Educational Plan of St. Ignatius 156
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius
The Account of his Life dictated to Father Gonzalez by St. Ignatius
CHAPTER VIII 13
CHAPTER I
HIS MILITARY LIFE HE IS WOUNDED AT THE SIEGE OF PAMPELUNA HIS CURE SPIRITUAL
READING THE APPARITION THE GIFT OF CHASTITY HIS LONGING FOR THE JOURNEY TO
JERUSALEM AND FOR A HOLIER LIFE
Up to his twenty-sixth year the heart of Ignatius was enthralled by the vanities of the world. His special
delight was in the military life, and he seemed led by a strong and empty desire of gaining for himself a great
name. The citadel of Pampeluna was held in siege by the French. All the other soldiers were unanimous in
wishing to surrender on condition of freedom to leave, since it was impossible to hold out any longer; but

Ignatius so persuaded the commander, that, against the views of all the other nobles, he decided to hold the
citadel against the enemy.
When the day of assault came, Ignatius made his confession to one of the nobles, his companion in arms. The
soldier also made his to Ignatius. After the walls were destroyed, Ignatius stood fighting bravely until a
cannon ball of the enemy broke one of his legs and seriously injured the other.
When he fell, the citadel was surrendered. When the French took possession of the town, they showed great
admiration for Ignatius. After twelve or fifteen days at Pampeluna, where he received the best care from the
physicians of the French army, he was borne on a litter to Loyola. His recovery was very slow, and doctors
and surgeons were summoned from all parts for a consultation. They decided that the leg should be broken
again, that the bones, which had knit badly, might be properly reset; for they had not been properly set in the
beginning, or else had been so jostled on the journey that a cure was impossible. He submitted to have his
flesh cut again. During the operation, as in all he suffered before and after, he uttered no word and gave no
sign of suffering save that of tightly clenching his fists.
In the meantime his strength was failing. He could take no food, and showed other symptoms of approaching
death. On the feast of St. John the doctors gave up hope of his recovery, and he was advised to make his
confession. Having received the sacraments on the eve of the feasts of Sts. Peter and Paul, toward evening the
doctors said that if by the middle of the night there were no change for the better, he would surely die. He had
great devotion to St. Peter, and it so happened by the goodness of God that in the middle of the night he began
to grow better.
His recovery was so rapid that in a few days he was out of danger. As the bones of his leg settled and pressed
upon each other, one bone protruded below the knee. The result was that one leg was shorter than the other,
and the bone causing a lump there, made the leg seem quite deformed. As he could not bear this, since he
intended to live a life at court, he asked the doctors whether the bone could be cut away. They replied that it
could, but it would cause him more suffering than all that had preceded, as everything was healed, and they
would need space in order to cut it. He determined, however, to undergo this torture.
His elder brother looked on with astonishment and admiration. He said he could never have had the fortitude
to suffer the pain which the sick man bore with his usual patience. When the flesh and the bone that protruded
were cut away, means were taken to prevent the leg from becoming shorter than the other. For this purpose, in
spite of sharp and constant pain, the leg was kept stretched for many days. Finally the Lord gave him health.
He came out of the danger safe and strong with the exception that he could not easily stand on his leg, but was

forced to lie in bed.
As Ignatius had a love for fiction, when he found himself out of danger he asked for some romances to pass
away the time. In that house there was no book of the kind. They gave him, instead, "The Life of Christ," by
Rudolph, the Carthusian, and another book called the "Flowers of the Saints," both in Spanish. By frequent
reading of these books he began to get some love for spiritual things. This reading led his mind to meditate on
holy things, yet sometimes it wandered to thoughts which he had been accustomed to dwell upon before.
CHAPTER I 14
Among these there was one thought which, above the others, so filled his heart that he became, as it were,
immersed and absorbed in it. Unconsciously, it engaged his attention for three and four hours at a time. He
pictured to himself what he should do in honor of an illustrious lady, how he should journey to the city where
she was, in what words he would address her, and what bright and pleasant sayings he would make use of,
what manner of warlike exploits he should perform to please her. He was so carried away by this thought that
he did not even perceive how far beyond his power it was to do what he proposed, for she was a lady
exceedingly illustrious and of the highest nobility.
In the meantime the divine mercy was at work substituting for these thoughts others suggested by his recent
readings. While perusing the life of Our Lord and the saints, he began to reflect, saying to himself: "What if I
should do what St. Francis did?" "What if I should act like St. Dominic?" He pondered over these things in his
mind, and kept continually proposing to himself serious and difficult things. He seemed to feel a certain
readiness for doing them, with no other reason except this thought: "St. Dominic did this; I, too, will do it."
"St. Francis did this; therefore I will do it." These heroic resolutions remained for a time, and then other vain
and worldly thoughts followed. This succession of thoughts occupied him for a long while, those about God
alternating with those about the world. But in these thoughts there was this difference. When he thought of
worldly things it gave him great pleasure, but afterward he found himself dry and sad. But when he thought of
journeying to Jerusalem, and of living only on herbs, and practising austerities, he found pleasure not only
while thinking of them, but also when he had ceased.
This difference he did not notice or value, until one day the eyes of his soul were opened and he began to
inquire the reason of the difference. He learned by experience that one train of thought left him sad, the other
joyful. This was his first reasoning on spiritual matters. Afterward, when he began the Spiritual Exercises, he
was enlightened, and understood what he afterward taught his children about the discernment of spirits. When
gradually he recognized the different spirits by which he was moved, one, the spirit of God, the other, the

devil, and when he had gained no little spiritual light from the reading of pious books, he began to think more
seriously of his past life, and how much penance he should do to expiate his past sins.
Amid these thoughts the holy wish to imitate saintly men came to his mind; his resolve was not more definite
than to promise with the help of divine grace that what they had done he also would do. After his recovery his
one wish was to make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. He fasted frequently and scourged himself to satisfy the
desire of penance that ruled in a soul filled with the spirit of God.
The vain thoughts were gradually lessened by means of these desires desires that were not a little
strengthened by the following vision. While watching one night he plainly saw the image of the Blessed
Mother of God with the Infant Jesus, at the sight of which, for a considerable time, he received abundant
consolation, and felt such contrition for his past life that he thought of nothing else. From that time until
August, 1555, when this was written, he never felt the least motion of concupiscence. This privilege we may
suppose from this fact to have been a divine gift, although we dare not state it, nor say anything except
confirm what has been already said. His brother and all in the house recognized from what appeared
externally how great a change had taken place in his soul.
He continued his reading meanwhile, and kept the holy resolution he had made. At home his conversation was
wholly devoted to divine things, and helped much to the spiritual advancement of others.
CHAPTER I 15
CHAPTER II
IGNATIUS LEAVES HIS NATIVE LAND WHAT HE DID AT MONTSERRAT AND AT MANRESA
Ignatius, starting from his father's house, set out upon his journey on horseback. About this time he began his
habit of taking the discipline every night. His brother desired to accompany him as far as Ogna, and during the
journey was persuaded by the Saint to pass one night of watching at the shrine of Our Blessed Lady at
Aruncuz. Having prayed some time at the shrine for new strength for his journey, leaving his brother at Ogna
at the house of their sister, to whom he paid a short visit, he journeyed on to Navarre. Remembering that an
official in the Duke's palace owed him some money, he collected it by sending in a written account to the
treasurer, and distributed it among persons to whom he felt indebted. A portion of the money he devoted to
the restoration of a picture of the Blessed Virgin. Then dismissing his two remaining servants, he rode forth
alone from Navarre in the direction of Montserrat, a mountain town of Catalonia in the northern part of Spain.
It will not be amiss to recall an event that occurred during this journey, to show the manner in which God
directed him. Although filled with an ardent desire of serving God, yet his knowledge of spiritual things was

still very obscure. He had undertaken to perform extraordinary penances, not so much with a view to satisfy
for his sins as with the intention of doing something pleasing to his Lord. He declared indeed that though
filled with the liveliest abhorrence of his past sins, he could not assure himself that they were forgiven; yet in
his austerities so intense was his desire to do great things for Christ that he did not think of his sins. When he
recalled the penances practised by holy persons, his whole mind was bent on doing something to equal and
even surpass them. In this holy ambition he found his consolation, for he had no interior motive for his
penances, knowing as yet very little about humility or charity or patience, for to obtain these many holy men
have led austere lives. He knew still less the value of discretion, which regulates the practice of these virtues.
To do something great for the glory of his God, to emulate saintly men in all that they had done before
him this was the only object of Ignatius in his practices of external mortification.
While he journeyed on, a Saracen mounted on a horse came up with him. In the course of the conversation
mention was made of the Blessed Virgin. The stranger remarked that though he admitted that the Mother of
Christ had conceived without detriment to her virginal purity, yet he could not believe that after the
conception of her divine Son she was still a virgin. He was so obstinate in holding this opinion, that no
amount of reasoning on the part of Ignatius could force him to abandon it. Shortly afterward the Saracen rode
on, leaving the pilgrim to his own reflections. These were not of the most peaceful nature. He was sorely
troubled as he thought over the conduct of his recent fellow-traveler, and felt that he had but poorly acquitted
himself of his duty of honoring the Mother of God. The longer his mind thought upon the matter, the more his
soul was filled with indignation against himself for having allowed the Saracen to speak as he had done of the
Blessed Virgin, and for the lack of courage he fancied he had shown in not at once resenting the insult. He
consequently felt impelled by a strong impulse to hasten after him and slay the miscreant for the insulting
language he had used. After much internal conflict with these thoughts, he still remained in doubt, nor could
he decide what course to follow. The Saracen, who had ridden on, had mentioned to him that it was his
intention to proceed to a town not far distant from the highroad. At length, Ignatius, wearied by his inward
struggle and not arriving at any determination, decided to settle all his doubts in the following novel way: he
would give free rein to his horse, and if, on coming to the cross-road, his horse should turn into the path that
led to the destination of the Moor, he would pursue him and kill him; but if his horse kept to the highroad he
would allow the wretch to escape. Having done as he had decided, it happened through the Providence of God
that his horse kept to the highroad, though the place was distant only about thirty or forty yards, and the way
leading to it was very wide and easy.

Arriving at a large village situated a short distance from Montserrat, he determined to procure a garment to
wear on his journey to Jerusalem. He therefore bought a piece of sackcloth, poorly woven, and filled with
prickly wooden fibres. Of this he made a garment that reached to his feet. He bought, also, a pair of shoes of
coarse stuff that is often used in making brooms. He never wore but one shoe, and that not for the sake of the
CHAPTER II 16
comfort to be derived from it, but because, as he was in the habit of wearing a cord tied below the knee by
way of mortification, this leg would be very much swollen at night, though he rode all day on horseback. For
this reason, he felt he ought to wear a shoe on that foot. He provided himself also with a pilgrim's staff and a
gourd to drink from. All these he tied to his saddle.
Thus equipped, he continued on his way to Montserrat, pondering in his mind, as was his wont, on the great
things he would do for the love of God. And as he had formerly read the stories of Amadeus of Gaul and other
such writers, who told how the Christian knights of the past were accustomed to spend the entire night,
preceding the day on which they were to receive knighthood, on guard before an altar of the Blessed Virgin,
he was filled with these chivalric fancies, and resolved to prepare himself for a noble knighthood by passing a
night in vigil before an altar of Our Lady at Montserrat. He would observe all the formalities of this
ceremony, neither sitting nor lying down, but alternately standing and kneeling, and there he would lay aside
his worldly dignities to assume the arms of Christ.
When he arrived at Montserrat, he passed a long time in prayer, and with the consent of his confessor he made
in writing a general confession of his sins. Three whole days were employed in this undertaking. He begged
and obtained leave of his confessor to give up his horse, and to hang up his sword and his dagger in the
church, near the altar of the Blessed Virgin. This confessor was the first to whom he unfolded his interior, and
disclosed his resolution of devoting himself to a spiritual life. Never before had he manifested his purpose to
anybody.
The eve of the Annunciation of Our Blessed Lady in the year 1522 was the time he chose to carry out the
project he had formed. At nightfall, unobserved by any one, he approached a beggar, and taking off his own
costly garments gave them to the beggar. He then put on the pilgrim's dress he had previously bought, and
hastened to the church, where he threw himself on his knees before the altar of the Blessed Mother of God,
and there, now kneeling, now standing, with staff in hand, he passed the entire night.
After receiving the Blessed Sacrament, to avoid recognition he left the town at daybreak. He did not go by the
direct route that leads to Barcelona, as he might have met those who knew him and would honor him, but he

took a byway that led him to a town called Manresa. Here he determined to remain a few days in the hospital
and write out some notes in his little book, which for his own consolation he carefully carried about with him.
At about a league's distance from Montserrat, he was overtaken by a man who had ridden after him at a rapid
pace. This man accosted him and inquired if he had given certain garments to a poor man, as the latter had
declared. Ignatius answered that it was true that he had given them to a beggar. On learning that the latter had
been ill-treated because he was suspected of having stolen the clothes, the eyes of Ignatius filled with tears, in
pity for the poor man.
Although he had fled so anxiously from the praise of men, he did not remain long at Manresa before many
marvellous things were narrated of him. This fame arose from what had occurred at Montserrat. His reputation
increased day by day. Men vied with each other in adding some particulars about his sanctity, declaring that
he had abandoned immense revenues, and other wonderful things without much regard to real facts.
At Manresa he lived on the alms that he daily begged. He never ate meat nor partook of wine, though they
were offered him. On Sundays, however, he never fasted, and if wine were offered him, he drank of it
sparingly. In former days he had been very careful of his hair, which he had worn, and, indeed, not
unbecomingly, in the fashionable manner of the young men of his age; but now he determined to cease to care
for it, neither to comb it nor to cut it, and to dispense with all covering for his head both day and night. To
punish himself for the too great nicety which he had formerly had in the care of his hands and feet, he now
resolved to neglect them.
It was while he was living at the hospital at Manresa that the following strange event took place. Very
frequently on a clear moonlight night there appeared in the courtyard before him an indistinct shape which he
CHAPTER II 17
could not see clearly enough to tell what it was. Yet it appeared so symmetrical and beautiful that his soul was
filled with pleasure and joy as he gazed at it. It had something of the form of a serpent with glittering eyes,
and yet they were not eyes. He felt an indescribable joy steal over him at the sight of this object. The oftener
he saw it, the greater was the consolation he derived from it, and when the vision left him, his soul was filled
with sorrow and sadness.
Up to this period he had remained in a constant state of tranquillity and consolation, without any interior
knowledge of the trials that beset the spiritual life. But during the time that the vision lasted, sometimes for
days, or a little previous to that time, his soul was violently agitated by a thought that brought him no little
uneasiness. There flashed upon his mind the idea of the difficulty that attended the kind of life he had begun,

and he felt as if he heard some one whispering to him, "How can you keep up for seventy years of your life
these practices which you have begun?" Knowing that this thought was a temptation of the evil one, he
expelled it by this answer: "Can you, wretched one, promise me one hour of life?" In this manner he overcame
the temptation, and his soul was restored to peace. This was his first trial besides what has already been
narrated, and it came upon him suddenly one day as he was entering the church. He was accustomed to hear
Mass daily, and to assist at Vespers and Compline devotions from which he derived much consolation.
During Mass, he always read over the history of the Passion, and his soul was filled with a joyful feeling of
uninterrupted calm.
Shortly after the temptation just spoken of, he began to experience great changes in his soul. At one time he
was deprived of all consolation, so that he found no pleasure in vocal prayer, in hearing Mass, or in any
spiritual exercise. At another, on the contrary, he suddenly felt as if all sorrow and desolation were taken from
him, experiencing the relief of one from whose shoulders a heavy cloak had suddenly been lifted. On noticing
all this, he was surprised, wondering what could be the import of these changes which he had never before
experienced, and he said to himself, "What new kind of life is this upon which I am entering?"
At this time he became acquainted with some holy persons who manifested great confidence in him, and
gladly conversed with him; for though he had, as yet, little knowledge of spiritual things, still he spoke with
great fervor on religious subjects, and incited his hearers to make greater progress in the way of God's service.
Among those holy persons who dwelt at Manresa, there was one lady well advanced in years who had long
been given to the service of God, and who was so well known in many places in Spain that his Catholic
Majesty, the King of Spain, had desired her presence on one occasion in order to take counsel with her about
certain projects that he had in his mind. This lady, speaking one day to our new soldier of Christ, said to him,
"Would that the Lord Jesus might appear to you some day!" Ignatius, wondering at her words, understood in a
literal sense, and asked her, "What would He look like if He were to show Himself to me?"
He always persevered in his custom of approaching the Sacraments of Confession and Holy Communion
every week. But herein he found a great source of anxiety on account of the scruples with which he was
annoyed. For though he had written out his general confession at Montserrat, and with great diligence and
care had tried to make it complete, yet he always felt that he had forgotten something in his confession, and
this caused him much anxiety. Even though he should now confess it again, he received no consolation. He
tried then to find a spiritual person, who could give him relief in his trouble, but he found no one. Finally, a
certain doctor who had experience in spiritual things, and who was a preacher in the church, advised him to

write down anything he remembered and feared that he had not confessed. He obeyed, and even after he had
confessed these sins, his scruples still continued to fill his soul, and he was constantly recalling minor details
that he had not confessed. In this way he was cruelly tormented. He knew well that these scruples caused no
little harm to the spiritual life, and that it was most expedient to get rid of them, yet they continued to torture
him. At times it occurred to him that it would be well if he could have his confessor command him in the
name of the Lord Jesus not again to confess anything of his past sins; and he inwardly prayed that his
confessor would give him some such command, but he could not bring himself to ask him to do so.
CHAPTER II 18
CHAPTER III
SCRUPLES HEAVENLY FAVORS JOURNEY TO BARCELONA
At last his confessor, without any suggestion on the part of the penitent, commanded him to confess nothing
of his past life, except what was very clear and evident. But as he regarded everything of the past as evident,
the confessor's order did not help him at all. He was in constant anxiety. At that time he lived in the
Dominican monastery, in a little cell which the Fathers had allotted to him. He kept up his usual custom of
praying on bended knees for seven hours a day, and scourged himself three times a day and during the night.
But all this did not remove his scruples, which had been tormenting him for months. One day, when terribly
tormented, he began to pray. During his prayer, he cried out to God in a loud voice: "O Lord, help me, for I
find no remedy among men, nor in any creature! If I thought I could find one, no labor would seem too great
to me. Show me some one! O Lord! where may I find one? I am willing to do anything to find relief."
While tortured by these thoughts, several times he was violently tempted to cast himself out of the large
window of his cell. This window was quite near the place where he was praying. But since he knew that it
would be a sin to take his own life, he began to pray, "O Lord, I will not do anything to offend Thee." He
repeated these words frequently with his former prayer, when there came to his mind the story of a certain
holy man, who, to obtain of God some favor which he ardently desired, spent many days without food, until
he obtained the favor he asked. He determined to do the same. He resolved in his heart neither to eat nor drink
until God should look upon him in mercy, or until he should find himself at the point of death; then only
should he eat.
This resolution was taken on a Sunday after communion, and for a whole week he neither ate nor drank
anything; in the meantime he practised his usual penances, recited the Divine Office, prayed on bended knees
at the appointed times, and rose at midnight. On the following Sunday, when about to make his usual

confession, as he had been in the habit of making known to his confessor everything he had done, even the
smallest detail, he told him that he had not eaten anything during the past week. Hereupon his confessor bade
him break his fast. Although he felt that he still had sufficient strength to continue without food, nevertheless
he obeyed his confessor, and on that day and the next he was free from scruples. On the third day, however,
which was Tuesday, while standing in prayer, the remembrance of his sins came back to him. One suggested
another, until he passed in review, one after another, all his past sins. He then thought he ought to repeat his
general confession. After these thoughts a sort of disgust seized him, so that he felt an inclination to give up
the life he was leading. While in this state, God was pleased to arouse him as it were from sleep, and to relieve
him of his trouble. As he had acquired some experience in the discernment of spirits, he profited by the
lessons he had learned of God, and began to examine how that spirit had entered into possession of his soul;
then he resolved never again to speak of his past sins in confession. From that day he was free from scruples,
and felt certain that it was the will of our merciful Lord to deliver him from his trouble of soul.
Besides the seven hours devoted to prayer, he spent a portion of his time in assisting souls who came to him
for advice. During the rest of the day he gave his thoughts to God, pondering on what he had read or
meditated that day. When he retired, it often happened that wonderful illuminations and great spiritual
consolations came to him, so that he abridged the short time he had already allotted to sleep. Once while
thinking over this matter he concluded that he had given sufficient time for conversation with God, and that
moreover the whole day was also given to Him. Then he began to doubt whether these illuminations were
from the Good Spirit. Finally he came to the conclusion that it would be better to give up a portion and to give
sufficient time to sleep. This he did.
While he persevered in his resolution to abstain from meat, it happened on a certain morning after rising, that
a dish of cooked meat seemed to be set before him. He appeared to see it with his eyes, although he had felt
no previous craving for it. At the same time he afterward experienced within himself a certain movement of
the will, urging him to eat meat. Although the remembrance of his former resolution came to mind, he had no
CHAPTER III 19
doubt about determining to eat meat. When he made this known to his confessor, the latter advised him to
consider whether it was a temptation or not. Pondering over it, he felt certain that he was right. At that period
God dealt with him as a teacher instructing a pupil. Was this on account of his ignorance or dulness, or
because he had no one else to teach him? Or on account of the fixed resolve he had of serving God, with
which God Himself had inspired him, for the light given him could not possibly be greater? He was firmly

convinced, both then and afterward, that God had treated him thus because it was the better spiritual training
for him. The five following points will prove what he says:
In the first place, he had a great devotion to the Blessed Trinity. Every day he prayed to each of the three
Persons and to the whole Trinity. While thus praying to the Blessed Trinity, the thought came of how to offer
fourfold prayers to the Divinity. This thought, however, caused him little or no trouble. Once, while reciting
on the steps of the monastery the little hours in honor of the Blessed Virgin, his vision carried him beyond the
earth. He seemed to behold the Blessed Trinity in the form of a lyre or harp; this vision affected him so much
that he could not refrain from tears and sighs. On the same day he accompanied the procession from the
church, but even up to the time of dinner he could not withhold his tears, and after dinner his joy and
consolation were so great that he could speak of no subject except the Blessed Trinity. In these conversations
he made use of many different comparisons to illustrate his thoughts. Such an impression was made on him on
that occasion that during his after life, whenever he prayed to the Blessed Trinity, he experienced great
devotion.
At another time, to his great joy, God permitted him to understand how He had created this world. This vision
presented to him a white object, with rays emanating from it. From this object God sent forth light. However,
he could not clearly explain this vision, nor could he recall the illuminations given to him by God on that
occasion. During his stay of about a year at Manresa, after he had begun to receive from God consolations,
and fruitful lights for the direction of others, he gave up his former rigorous penances. At that time he
trimmed his nails and hair. During the time of his residence at Manresa, while assisting at Mass, he had
another vision in the church of the monastery. At the elevation of the body of Christ Our Lord he beheld, with
the eyes of his soul, white rays descending from above. Although he cannot, after so long an interval, explain
the details of this vision, still the manner in which Our Lord Jesus Christ is present in the Blessed Sacrament
was clearly and vividly stamped upon his mind. Often in prayer, and even during a long space of time, did he
see the humanity of Christ with the eyes of the soul. The form under which this vision appeared was that of a
white body, neither large nor small; besides, there seemed to be no distinction of members in His body. This
vision appeared to him often at Manresa, perhaps twenty or even forty times, once at Jerusalem, and once
when he was at Padua. He saw the Blessed Virgin under the same form, without any distinction of members.
These visions gave him such strength that he often thought within himself, that even though Scripture did not
bear witness to these mysteries of faith, still, from what he had seen, it would be his duty to lay down his life
for them.

One day he went to the Church of St. Paul, situated about a mile from Manresa. Near the road is a stream, on
the bank of which he sat, and gazed at the deep waters flowing by. While seated there, the eyes of his soul
were opened. He did not have any special vision, but his mind was enlightened on many subjects, spiritual and
intellectual. So clear was this knowledge that from that day everything appeared to him in a new light. Such
was the abundance of this light in his mind that all the divine helps received, and all the knowledge acquired
up to his sixty-second year, were not equal to it.
From that day he seemed to be quite another man, and possessed of a new intellect. This illumination lasted a
long time. While kneeling in thanksgiving for this grace, there appeared to him that object which he had often
seen before, but had never understood. It seemed to be something most beautiful, and, as it were, gleaming
with many eyes. This is how it always appeared. There was a cross near which he was praying, and he noticed
that near the cross the vision had lost some of its former beautiful color. He understood from this that the
apparition was the work of the devil, and whenever the vision appeared to him after that, as it did several
times, he dispelled it with his staff.
CHAPTER III 20
During a violent fever at Manresa, he thought he was near his death. The thought then came to his mind that
he was already justified before God. Calling to mind his sins, he tried to combat the thought, but could not
overcome it, and this struggle to overcome the temptation caused him much more suffering than the fever
itself. After the fever had somewhat abated, and he was out of danger, he cried out to some noble ladies who
had come to visit him, and asked them for the love of God, to cry out aloud the next time they should find him
near death, "O sinner!" and "Remember the sins by which you have offended God."
On another occasion, while sailing from Valencia to Italy, in the midst of a violent storm, the rudder was
broken, and he and every one on board were convinced that the ship must founder unless help came from
above. Then, as he examined his conscience and prepared for death, he had no dread on account of past sins,
nor fear of eternal punishment, but he experienced intense shame and sorrow at the thought of not having
made a good use of the favors and graces which God had bestowed upon him. Again, in the year 1550, he was
dangerously ill, and in his own judgment and that of others he was about to die. This time, however, whenever
he thought of death, such consolation poured into his soul that he wept tears of joy. He continued in this state
so long that he often had to divert his mind from the thought of death, lest he should find in the thought too
much consolation.
In the beginning of another winter he became very ill, and was placed under the care of the father of a man

named Ferrera, who afterward entered the service of Balthasar Faria. Here he was very carefully attended.
Several ladies of the highest rank were very devoted to him, and came every night to watch beside him. When
he began to recover, he was still extremely weak, and suffered from severe pains in the stomach. These two
causes, together with the intense cold and the entreaties of his attendants, induced him to wear shoes, warmer
clothing, and a cap. He was obliged to accept two small coats of coarse grayish stuff, and a small cap of the
same color. During that illness his constant wish was to speak of spiritual things, and to find some one who
could talk upon such subjects. Meanwhile the time which he had determined upon for his journey to Jerusalem
was approaching.
In the beginning of the year 1523, therefore, he set out for Barcelona. Many offered to accompany him, but he
refused, as he wished to go alone. He expected to derive great advantage from placing his whole trust in God
alone. Several were very earnest, and insisted that as he knew neither Latin nor Italian, he should not go alone,
but should take with him a certain companion whom they praised very much. Ignatius replied that even were
he the son or brother of the Duke of Cordova, he would not take him as a companion, as he wished only three
virtues, Faith, Hope, and Charity. If he took a companion, when hungry he would look to his companion for
food; if exhausted, he would call on his companion for help; and so he would confide in his companion, and
have some affection for him: whereas he wished to place all this confidence, hope, and affection in God alone.
These words were not a mere expression of the lips, but they were the true sentiments of his heart. For these
reasons he wished to embark not only alone, but even without any provision for the voyage. When he
arranged about his passage, the captain agreed to take him free, as he had no money; but on condition that he
should take with him as much sailors' bread as would suffice for his sustenance. Were it not for this condition
imposed by the captain, Ignatius would have refused to take with him any provision at all.
When he thought of procuring bread, he was much troubled with scruples. "Is this your hope and faith in God,
who, you were sure, would not fail you?" The force and violence of the temptation were such that he was
greatly distressed. Good reasons on both sides presented themselves. Finally, in his perplexity, he determined
to leave the matter to his confessor. He told him first of his great desire to go to Jerusalem, and to do
everything for the greater glory of God. Then he gave the reasons for not taking provisions for the voyage. His
confessor decided that he ought to beg what was necessary and take it with him. He went to a lady of rank to
ask for what he needed. When she asked where he was going, he hesitated a little about telling his final
destination, and replied that he was going to Italy and Rome. She was somewhat astonished at this, and
replied: "To Rome? Why, as to those who go there well, I do not like to say what they are when they return."

She meant by this that as most of those who went to Rome did not go through motives of piety and devotion,
when they returned they were not much better. The reason of his not openly declaring that he intended to go to
CHAPTER III 21
the holy city of Jerusalem was his dread of yielding to vain glory. In fact, he was so much troubled by this fear
that he was afraid to make known even the place of his birth or the name of his family. When he had secured
the bread, before going on board he took care to leave behind him, on a bench on the wharf, five or six
Spanish coins, which had been given to him as alms.
[Illustration: OUR LADY OF THE WAYSIDE. Favorite Picture of St. Ignatius.]
He was obliged to remain at Barcelona more than twenty days before the ship was ready to sail. During that
time, in accordance with his custom, in order to speak with spiritual men about his soul, he sought them out
even though dwelling in hermitages at a long distance from the city. But neither then, nor during the whole
time of his stay at Manresa, could he find any one who could help him to advance as he wished. He met one
woman, however, who seemed to be thoroughly acquainted with the spiritual life. She promised to pray to
Jesus Christ and to ask Him to appear to Ignatius in person. In consequence of this promise, after leaving
Barcelona, he gave up all anxiety about finding souls advanced in the spiritual life.
CHAPTER III 22
CHAPTER IV
HIS JOURNEY TO ROME, VENICE, JERUSALEM, AND THE HOLY LAND
After a voyage of five days and nights the vessel in which they set out from Barcelona reached Gaeta, and the
pilgrim disembarked and started for Rome, although there was danger there on account of the plague. After
reaching the city, he found the gates closed. He spent the night in a damp church, and in the morning sought to
enter the city, but could not obtain permission. As no alms could be obtained outside of the city, he wished to
go on to a neighboring village, but for sheer weakness, the pilgrim could go no farther. On that day it
happened that a great procession came out of the city. On inquiry the pilgrim learned that the Duchess was in
the throng. He approached her, told her that his malady was simply the effect of weakness, and asked
permission to enter the city to get relief. She readily consented. He was successful and his strength returned,
and two days later he resumed his journey, reaching Rome on Palm Sunday.
Those whom he met at Rome knew he had no money for his journey to Jerusalem. They tried to dissuade him
from his undertaking, alleging that such a journey was impossible without money. He felt assured, however,
that everything needed for his voyage would be at hand when required. Accordingly, on the octave of Easter,

he received the blessing of Adrian VI and left Rome for Venice. He had in his possession six or seven pieces
of gold which they had given him to pay his passage from Venice as far as Jerusalem. He had taken this
money with him from Venice only because they had convinced him that without it he could not reach
Jerusalem. On the third day from the time he set out from Rome, he realized that this fear had come from a
want of confidence, and was sorry he had accepted the money, and was deliberating about giving it away.
Finally, however, he determined to spend it on those he met, who were chiefly beggars. The result was that
when he came to Venice he had only four coins left, and these were necessary for his lodging that night.
On this journey to Venice, on account of sentinels placed around the cities, he was obliged to sleep outside the
walls. The dread of the pestilence was so great that one morning on rising he saw a man fleeing from him in
terror. Pursuing his journey, he reached Chizoa with several others who had joined him on the road. There he
learned that he would not be allowed to enter the city. He then proceeded with his companions to Padua, to get
the testimony of a notary that the party was not stricken with the plague. Ignatius could not, on account of his
weakness, keep pace with the others, and was left alone in an open field. Then Christ appeared to him, as He
had appeared on former occasions. By this vision he was greatly strengthened and consoled. The next
morning, filled with new courage, he came to the gate of the city, and although provided with no certificate,
entered unquestioned by the guard. In the same way he left the city unquestioned. His companions were
surprised at this, for they had to present a certificate, which he had taken no pains to procure. At Venice they
begged their food, and slept in St. Mark's Square. Ignatius refused to go to the house of the Ambassador, and
although he made no effort to get money for his voyage to Jerusalem, he felt sure nevertheless that God would
provide him with means.
One day he met a rich Spaniard, who asked him whither he was going, and having learned his intention,
brought him to dine at his house. Here he remained for several days. From the time he left Manresa, Ignatius,
while seated at table with others, had made it a practice never to speak except to give a brief answer to
questions. However, he heard all that was said, and took occasion after dinner to give the conversation a
spiritual turn. His host and all his family were so filled with admiration for him that they tried to induce him
to remain with them, and introduced him to the Doge of Venice. The latter offered him accommodations on
the government ship about to sail for Cyprus. Many pilgrims had assembled at Venice to go to Jerusalem, but
the greater part hesitated through fear, as the Island of Rhodes had fallen into the hands of the Turks. Thirteen
sailed in the pilgrims' ship, which was the first to weigh anchor. The government ship carried eight or nine.
About the time of departure Ignatius was taken ill with a fever, which lasted several days. On the day of

sailing he took the prescribed medicine, and asked the doctor if he could go. The doctor replied he could if he
wished the vessel to be his tomb. Nevertheless he went on board, and after a fit of illness soon recovered.
CHAPTER IV 23
The licentious conduct of those on board Ignatius severely censured. The Spaniards advised him not to do
this, as the rest thought of abandoning him on an island. But the wind quickly conveyed them to Cyprus. From
Cyprus they went to another port called Salinae, ten leagues distant. Here he went on board the ship of the
pilgrims, with no other provision than his hope in Providence. During all that voyage, the Lord often appeared
to him, and gave him great consolation. The visions seemed to take the form of something large, round, and
golden. The travelers reached Joppa, and seated on asses, after the custom of that region, they journeyed to
Jerusalem. A noble Spanish gentleman, named Didacus Minez, as the pilgrims came in sight of the city,
recommended silence and recollection.
All followed his suggestion, and when they saw a monk approaching with a crucifix, dismounted. On
beholding the city, Ignatius was deeply affected, and the rest affirmed that they experienced a sort of heavenly
joy. He always felt this same devotion whenever he visited the holy places. He decided to remain in
Jerusalem, in order to visit the holy places often. For this purpose he had taken with him letters of
recommendation to the Father Guardian. On presenting them, he said that he intended to remain there to
satisfy his own devotion, but said nothing of his purpose of helping others. The Father Guardian told him he
did not see how this could be possible, as his house was not even capable of providing for his own Religious,
and he intended to send some away from the Holy Land. Ignatius said he wished him merely to hear his
confession, since he had come to make it. The Father Guardian said this could be done, but he should wait for
the arrival of the Provincial, who was then at Bethlehem. Relying on this promise, Ignatius began to write
letters to spiritual persons at Barcelona. He had written some on the day before he was to depart, when he was
summoned in the name of the Father Guardian and the Provincial. Then the Provincial, addressing him kindly,
said he had heard of his pious determination to remain in the holy places, and had given it serious thought.
Many others had the same desire, some had died, others had been taken prisoners, and to his Order was left
the work of ransoming captives, wherefore he should prepare himself to resume his journey with the pilgrims
on the following day. To this Ignatius answered that his resolution was very fixed, and he did not think that
anything would keep him from executing it. If the precept did not bind him under pain of sin, he would not
allow any fear to keep him from carrying out his desire. The Provincial said he had authority from the Holy
See to detain those he thought fit, and to even excommunicate those who would not obey when stopped by

him, and he thought in this case it was better for him not to remain. When he wished to show the pontifical
papers giving him power to excommunicate, Ignatius said there was no need, as he believed his word. If they
had the authority, he would obey.
After this, returning to where he was before, he was seized with a great longing to visit Mount Olivet again
before he departed, since the Divine Will would not suffer him to remain in those holy places. On that
mountain is a rock from which Our Lord ascended to heaven, on which even now His footprints are visible.
And this is what he wished to see again. Therefore, without telling any one, and without a guide, although it
was a dangerous thing to go without a Turkish guard, secretly withdrawing he went to Mount Olivet alone. As
the guards would not allow him to enter, he gave them his knife. After great consolation in prayer he desired
to go to Bethphage. When he reached that place, he thought that on Mount Olivet he had not noticed the
position of the right foot of Our Lord and that of the left. He came a second time, and gave his scissors to the
guards to allow him to enter. Afterward when at the monastery it was discovered he had gone without a guide,
a great search was made for him. Coming down from Mount Olivet he met a girdled Christian, those who are
bound to wear a girdle to distinguish them from the Mussulmans; this man, pretending to be very angry,
threatened him with a large stick, and approaching, firmly grasped him by the arm. He allowed himself to be
led, but the good man once he had hold of him did not let him go. In the meantime, as he was thus led along a
captive, he was visited with great consolation, as he seemed to see Christ walking above him. And this
continued until he reached the monastery.
CHAPTER IV 24
CHAPTER V
HIS ARRIVAL IN APULIA, VENICE, FERRARA, AND GENOA HE IS APPREHENDED AS A
SPY HE IS DESPISED AS A FOOL HIS STUDIES AT BARCELONA AND ALCALA
On the following day the pilgrims took their departure, and arriving at Cyprus, were assigned to different
vessels. In the harbor of that place were three or four ships bound for Venice. Of these one belonged to some
Turks; another was too small; but the third, the property of a wealthy Venetian, was very large and strong.
Some of the band asked the captain of this last to take the pilgrim aboard; but, finding that no pay was to be
offered, he refused, in spite of the fact that many begged him and were loud in their praises of the pilgrim. His
reply was, that if the pilgrim were indeed a holy man, he might cross the sea as St. James did.
The favor they asked was easily obtained of the captain of the smaller ship.
On a certain day they set sail with a favorable wind, but toward evening a storm arose, which tossed the

vessels about in different directions. The large ship, whose captain had refused to take Ignatius, was driven by
the tempest against the Island of Cyprus, and dashed to pieces. A like fate overtook the Turkish vessel. The
small ship, however, though for a long time severely tried by wind and waves, finally reached the shores of
Apulia in safety.
Although the winter had set in with intense cold and a heavy fall of snow, Ignatius had no garments save a
pair of knee-breeches of a very rough texture, leaving the legs naked, a black waistcoat open and quite ragged
about his shoulders, a light cloak made of coarse hair, and a pair of shoes. He arrived at Venice about the
middle of January, having spent a good part of the preceding month and all of November aboard the ship
which carried him from Cyprus.
At Venice, he met a friend who had been kind to him on his way to Jerusalem. From him he received alms and
some cloth, which he wrapped about his body as a protection against the intense cold.
When Ignatius understood that God did not wish him to remain at Jerusalem, he began to consider what he
should do. The plan he approved and adopted was to enter upon a course of study in order to be better fitted to
save souls. For this purpose he determined to go to Barcelona, and setting out from Venice he traveled toward
Genoa.
While praying at the principal church of Ferrara, he gave five or six coins to a beggar who asked an alms. To a
second beggar he was equally generous. As soon as the beggars saw him so prodigal of his alms, they flocked
around him, until he had spent all the money that he had; so when others approached to ask for assistance, he
excused himself on the plea that he had nothing left.
While proceeding from Ferrara to Genoa, he met some Spanish soldiers, who treated him kindly, and who
were not a little surprised at his choosing such a route, since by so doing he was compelled to pass through the
very midst of the armies of France and Spain. They entreated him therefore to take a safer road, which they
would point out to him, and to withdraw from the highway.
Not following their counsel, however, he kept straight on until he came to a town fortified by strong walls.
Seized as a spy, the guards cast him into a small house not far from the gate, and, as is customary in such
suspicious times, closely questioned him. On all points, however, he professed the greatest ignorance. Finally
they searched his clothes and shoes to see if he bore any messages, and finding nothing, they led him into the
presence of the captain. They deprived him of his cloak, leaving him only his waistcoat and knee-breeches.
CHAPTER V 25