How to Be an Awesome Uncle

art ofmanliness.com
/>utm_source=Daily+Subscribers&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=f3450bbea1-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN
Photo Source
How to Be an Awesome Uncle
by Brett & Kate McKay on November 14, 2012 · 14 comments
in Relationships & Family
Psychologists tell us
that one of the most, if
not the most important
factor in our happiness
is the number of quality
relationships in our lives.
Decades ago, such
relationships were easy
to come by. You were
very likely to be
surrounded by extended
family who all got
together often for loud
and boisterous
celebrations. As you
grew up, you got to
know your cousins, and
your aunts and uncles
as well.
These days, many
families live far apart,
and family reunions are
few and far between —
often non-existent, it
seems. But everybody still wants to feel part of a clan, and family ties are just as important as they

seems. But everybody still wants to feel part of a clan, and family ties are just as important as they
ever were.
In the role of uncle, you have a chance to forge those ties in positive ways with your nieces and
nephews.
Uncles have a unique and important role to play in families. They’re older than their nieces and
nephews, and so can be positive male mentors. But they’re younger than Gramps, and can be up
for goofy fun. They’re also different than their siblings, providing nieces and nephews a look at life
through the eyes of someone who branched off the same family tree, but may have a very
different lif estyle than their parents. Siblings can have widely varying personalities and interests,
and the best kind of uncle is often one who can share a different world with his nieces and
nephews than the one t hey’re growing up in at home.
For example, Kate’s uncle Buzz lives in Vermont, and when she would visit him while she was a kid
(and still today), he showed her things foreign to her suburban upbringing — going for hikes in the
mountains, taking canoe trips, and shooting the BB gun in the backyard. Kate grew up fairly
idolizing Buzz, and he sparked in her an interest in the outdoors and a love for all things Vermont.
The uncle role is especially important for men who are unmarried and don’t have kids of their own.
Not only do bachelor uncles have more time to spend with their nieces and nephews, they also
bring another varied influence into kids’ lives. It’s hard to describe, but “undomesticated masculine
energy” is the closest I’ve got. Kids naturally gravitate to bachelor uncles, and see them as
seriously cool dudes.
Whether he was married or single, most of us can remember that cool uncle in our lives that we
looked up to. As you get older, and your siblings have kids, it’s time to become that cool uncle
yourself. I have admittedly not always taken on the mantle as fully as I should have, but below are
the things I’ve done, and am trying to do better, in my pursuit of awesome uncle-dom.
Int eract wit h t hem. At a family gat hering, it’s tempting to stick with the adult s and let the kids do
their thing. But take the time to talk and goof around with your nieces and nephews. Ask them
about what’s been going on in their lives. Have trouble talking to kids? Ask what their favorite
subject is in school, what they’re going to be f or Halloween, what they’re hoping to get for
Christmas, etc. It doesn’t have to be much, but I know I always felt import ant when an uncle or
aunt seemed sincerely interested in me. Plus, kids want to play more than talk, so just get down

there and play along with them.
Of fer t o babysit if you live nearby. If you live close to your nieces and nephews, offer to take
the rugrats off their parents’ hands for a couple hours or an entire evening. Your siblings (or
sibling-in-laws) will appreciate it, it gives you a chance to bond with the kiddos, and it’s practice for
when you have kids of your own. Babysitting will be a bit more involved when your nieces and
nephews are actually babies. I offered to watch my sister’s two kids when I was in college — my
niece was four and my nephew was just a few months old. The niece was easy to watch. The
nephew, not so much. I had to change my first diaper during that babysitting experience and he
screamed the entire time his parents were away. I was a litt le shell-shocked, but little did I know
that that two-hour babysitting experience would prepare me for those first days home with Gus
when all he did was scream and poop his diaper.
As the kids get older, watching them becomes less of a hassle and actually enjoyable. Show them
how to do and make neat things, introduce them to your favorite childhood cartoons and movies,
and amaze them with magic tricks (see below).
Bone-up on the jokes, riddles, and magic t ricks you knew as a kid. Will Murray, author of the
Definitive Guide for Becoming the World’s Greatest Aunt or Uncle, says one of the most important
jobs of an uncle is to teach kids how to be children. I think he’s on to something. My favorite uncles
were the ones who went out of their way to teach me all the cool stuff kids are supposed to
know. Many of the silly jokes, riddles, and magic tricks that I know, I picked up from uncles. One
uncle taught me how to make a trumpet noise that I used to annoy my family with; another taught
me how to do t he famous “pull your thumb apart” magic trick; and my cowboy uncle imparted lots
of great jokes t hat I still use today and get laughs from.
Last time I was with my nephew I showed him how to “levitate” and make it sound and appear like
he was breaking his nose. He thought that was pretty awesome. My brother and I passed the time
with both my niece and nephew telling riddles. I even learned some new ones myself.
One of these days we’re going to do a post showcasing how to do a bunch of great uncle tricks.
So if you have one in your repertoire that you think should be included, leave a comment!
Do f un (and slightly dangerous) stuff with them. This bit of advice is related to the above one.
Besides jokes, riddles, and magic tricks, make it your duty to teach your nieces and nephews all the
fun and slightly dangerous stuff their parents won’t let them do at home. When my extended

family would get together f or Thanksgiving at my grandpa’s place in New Mexico, my cowboy
uncle would make me and my cousins hay forts in my grandpa’s barn. He’d also make a big pile of
hay for us to jump into from the barn’s loft. We didn’t tell our moms about that stunt. This same
uncle would let me ride a horse by myself instead of being guided around the corral by a leader
rope. As an eight-year-old suburban kid, that made my week.
My brother and I have t ried to continue the timeless uncle tradit ion of making moms worry. I’ve
shown my nieces and nephews how to shoot a sling shot and my brother has taught them the
finer points of Fourth of July firecrackers. Besides the dangerous stuff, we just try to teach them
the fun things we did as kids. For example, when my brother and I were in elementary and middle
school, we made obstacle courses in our backyard and we’d pretend we were training for the Navy
SEALs. A few summers ago my sister and her family were visiting my folks’ place and the kids were
bored. My brot her and I put on our uncle hats and saved the day by building one of our old
obstacle courses. The kids loved it and we all had a blast racing each other through it.
Also, don’t forget to roughhouse! It’s not just for dads. Do Superman, play horsey, and hang t hem
upside down. Playful noogies are okay occasionally; wedgies never.
Send a birthday card stuff ed wit h a little moola on your nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays. You
were a kid once. How did you feel when you got a birthday card from an aunt and uncle, eagerly
ripped it open, and found nothing inside? Probably prett y crestfallen. Conversely, how did it feel to
open the card and find a little green? Like Scrooge McDuck swimming in his pool of coins and
cash? Okay, maybe that was just me. But you probably felt awesome. Make your nieces and
nephews feel awesome, too, by remembering to send a card with a bit of lettuce tucked inside. If
you’re the kid’s godfather, send a little extra as a reminder of your special bond. It doesn’t have to
be much. Just the fact that you remembered it was their birthday will mean a lot.
I’m admittedly pretty bad when it comes to sending cards to my nieces and nephews. I usually
remember on the day of their birthday, so I have to send a belated birthday card like a chump uncle.
But I’m working on getting better. I finally got all my nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays in my Google
Calendar, and I try to send a card at least a day or two in advance.
Remember important event s. Besides birthdays, keep tabs on other important life event s in your
nieces’ and nephews’ lives. Religious rites of passage like First Communions, bar and bat mitzvahs,
or baptisms deserve a card. Better yet, try to be there to witness it if you can. As the kids get older,

graduations, college acceptances, first jobs, marriages, and first kids (Congrats! You’re a great-
uncle, a Grunkle!) will deserve recognition as well. Don’t hesitat e to give kudos to your nieces and
nephews for seemingly smaller achievements. My family has a private Facebook group that we use
to keep up with each other. If my sister reports t hat one of her kids did well at a dance recital or
pinewood derby, we send our digital high-five their way.
Bring a small gift whenever you see t hem. I’m terrible about this, but I’m trying to get better
about it. Kids love getting surprises. They don’t have to be anything fancy, either. Something they
can play with straightaway is always a hit. (See the Christmas gift section below for suggestions.) If
there’s a snack that can only be found in your region, pick some up and bring it to the kiddos.
(Uncle Buzz once brought a bag of these special, freshly made, apple cider donuts that you can
only get at t his apple cider mill in VT, on the plane with him to give to us when he came for a visit.
Scored some major uncle points there.) Old fashioned candy always goes over well, too –
especially when it’s bubble gum cigarettes that blow “smoke.” Corporate swag that you have piling
up in your junk drawer can provide lot s of small gifts as well. Little ones are surprisingly impressed
with seemingly banal knickknacks.
Dispense advice when appropriat e. When you’re not teaching them how to shoot a BB gun,
don’t be afraid to offer uncle-y advice to your nieces and nephews. Kids usually don’t see uncles
as just another annoying adult, so they’ll sometimes take your advice more seriously than if it
came from their lame-o parents. If you know your niece or nephew is having trouble with
something in their life, reach out and dispense some friendly suggest ions. You’d be surprised how
much it could help.
Get t hem cool Christ mas presents. And by cool, I don’t mean expensive. Think back to when
you were a kid. Remember the neat , but inexpensive toys and games you loved playing with? Get
your nieces and nephews those. Things they never knew t hey wanted until they started playing
with them.
Here are a few suggestions:
Spy reflector sunglasses
Horseshoe puzzle (I got one of these from an uncle one year and loved showing of f to the
kids at school how I could solve it)
Rubik’s Cube

Balsa wood planes
Plastic parachute men
Silly Putty
Shrinky Dinks
Yo-yos
Magic 8 Ball
Those capsules you put in water to reveal a giant sponge dinosaur
Whoopee cushions
Homemade slingshot
Prank gum that snaps its victim
Magnet Space Wheel
Slinky
Disappearing ink
‘How t o Draw Cartoons’ book, or something similar
Dinosaur Discovery Kit
Let t hem rummage through your t reasure box. Give them an item from it. If you haven’t
started yet, begin your box of manly treasures. Kids love rummaging through them and hearing the
stories about all the items in it. Just lett ing your nieces and nephews look through your treasure
box will make you a cool uncle. To upgrade to coolest uncle of all time, give them an item from
your box. Just make sure it’s something that doesn’t mean that much to you, but will mean the
world to them. If necessary, plant stuff in your box to give the kiddos. Bullet pencils, crappy
baseball cards, or old, worthless, but cool-looking coins are good freebies.
Keep the relationship going as your nieces and nephews get older. Most of this advice is
geared towards when your nieces and nephews are young. That ’s because in my experience it
seems you see your nieces and nephews more when they’re younger, but as they get older and
get busy with other activities, the visits become less and less frequent . It will take a bit more work,
but you can definitely keep the relationship going even as t hey get older; you’ll know you were
successful in achieving awesome uncle status if your adult nieces and nephews want to visit and
keep in touch with you of their own volition.
In their tween and teen years, let a niece or nephew that you really like stay with you for a week

away from their parents. Once they’re college age, make an eff ort to keep in touch. My uncles and
aunts check in with me on Facebook. Kate’s Uncle Buzz has kept the uncle/niece relationship
going by writing her real letters and sending her a good book he’s read.
Something that I appreciate about Buzz’s uncle-dom is that once Kate and I married, he really
incorporated me into the family. He shoots me emails and sends me interesting manly knickknacks
that he’s found at garage sales in VT.
Be a good example. Your nieces and nephews probably think you’re one of the coolest dudes
alive. Whether you like it or not, they’re looking up to you. Do your best to provide a positive male
role model for them. Show them how a good man behaves and comports himself. Don’t do
anything that would let them down. As uncles, we have great power in the molding of our nieces
and nephews, but as Spiderman’s wise Uncle Ben noted, “With great power, comes great
responsibility.” Use your uncle power for good.
What are your tips on being an awesome uncle? Have any uncle memories? Share them with
us in the comments!
Related Posts
1. 4 Mystifying iPhone Magic Tricks
2. Guide to Being a Great Godfather
3. The Awesome Dad Cheat Sheet: 18 Fat herhood Tips They Should’ve
Handed Out at the Delivery Room
4. So You Want My Job: Professional Wrestler