effects of divorce on children

The Effects of Divorce Divorce in our society has become
increasingly common. Fifty percent of all marriages will end in divorce
and each year 2 million children are newly introduced to their parents
separation, (Monthly Vital Statistics Report ). Demographers predict that
by the beginning of the next decade the majority of the youngsters under
18 will spend part of their childhood in single-parent families, many
created by divorce. During this confusing period of turmoil and high
emotional intensity, the child must attempt to understand a complex
series of events, to restructure numerous assumptions and expectations
about themselves and their world. He or she may be uprooted to a new
school, city or neighborhood leaving their familiar social ties behind. They
must often assume new household duties, possibly feel the financial loss
and most importantly receive less support and nurturing from their
parents. These are just a few implications of divorce but demonstrates
how it changes the lives of children. Each child is unique, so the short
and long term functioning of the children after divorce varies widely.
Wallerstein and Kelly (1980) observed and interviewed parents and
children three times in five years, and reported an estimate of one third of
the children come out of divorce unharmed. Another one third function
adequately, but experience difficulties, and the remaining one third have
severe upsets in their developmental process. However the authors of
the "Family in Transition", approach this finding with caution because the
conclusions were made without comparing the children of two parent
families. Never the less they do note there are overall trends in the
functioning of children after divorce. The areas most often discussed are
intellectual performance, juvenile delinquency and aggression, social and
emotional well-being and cognition and perception, (A & J Skolnick p.
349). Most research shows that boys are more vulnerable than girls to
divorce related stress and recover more slowly. A. and J. Skolnick offer
the possibility that living with the opposite sex is more difficult than with
the same sex and because the custodial parent is often the mother, boys

are exposed to this situation more often. Another perspective is that girls
are likely to be just as troubled by divorce as boys are, but demonstrate
their feelings in a manner that is more appropriate to their sex role,
namely by being anxious, withdrawn or very well behaved, (Kaslow and
Schwartz p. 164). In examining the data on the factor of age influencing
a child's adjustment to divorce, it seems that older and younger children
at the time of separation experience different short term effects, but share
commonalities in the long term effects. Preschool children with their
egocentric forms of reasoning, blame themselves for a parent leaving and
take it as a personal rejection. This can be associated with a child's
disturbed eating, sleeping, play and toileting, (Wallerstein & Blakeslee).
School age children suffer from loyallty conflicts and fantasize about their
parents getting back together. This is associated with the decline in
academic performance or psychosomatic symptoms. Participating in
outside activities help to get away from the tensions at home, (A & J
Skolnick p. 355). When a marriage breaks down, men and women
alike often experience a diminished capacity to parent. They give less
time, provide less discipline and are less sensitive to their children, since
they themselves are caught up in its aftermath, Wallerstein p.21).
According to the Skolnick's mothers become more coercive and fathers
become more lax and indulgent. They make less demands for mature
behaviors and communicate less effectively and provide less affection.
As a result children may become less compliant and parent child
relationships can be associated with behavior problems in the children. In
a study done by Judith Wallerstein, she tracked 131 children of divorced
parents 10 and 15 years after the divorce, she found that diminished
parenting continued permanently, disrupting the child-rearing functions of
the family. The role of the child becomes one of warding off the serious
depression that threatens the parents and holding the parent together.
Wallerstein calls these children the "overburden child". They accounted

for 15 percent of the children in her study. Many become angry at being
trapped by the parent's demands, at being robbed at their separate
identity and denied their childhood. They are saddened, sometimes
beyond repair, at seeing so few of their own needs gratified, (p. 41).
Judith Wallerstein also found that divorce has long lasting
psychological effect on many children, one that in fact, may turn out to be
permanent. Children of divorce have vivid memories about their parens'
separation. The details are etched permanently in their minds, more than
any other experiences in their lives. She also identified the "sleeper
effect" as another long term implication of divorce. It is a delayed
reaction to an event that happened many years earlier, (p.60). She saw
many young women with acute, delayed depression which she defines as
the sleeper effect and warns of it's danger. It occurs when many young
women are about to make decisions that have long term implications for
their lives. Due to the different studies that have been followed out and
the research that I have done, I expect to find many changes in children
both short and long term due to the divorce of their parents. I expect that
these long term effects will affect these children when it comes to them
making choices about their future, especially when a significant other is
involved. MethodSubjects : The subjects in this study were a Joe age 4
and Jessica age 9. Both are upper-middle class Caucasions who reside
with their mother in a nice house in Beverly. Their mother is college
educated. I recruited my subjects through work. I am a full time Nanny
for these two children. I watch these children at their mothers house
while their parents work. The father comes over everday after work and
relieves me and watches the children until the mother comes home. The
children seem to have a good family background because they see their
father a considerable amount and their maternal grandparents only live a
mile down the road which makes it more accessable to see them.
Procedure : In my study I mainly observed these children. Since I see

them almost everyday I feel I can make strong statements as to what I
believe. I carried out my observing in the house while I worked and kept
notes. I read the research and looked for specific warning signs in the
childrens behavior. I also made up a few questions to get a grasp of what
Judy, the children's mother thought about their progress and how they
have been affected.
Results After observing I found many things. I found
that Joe had become very aggressive. I noticed it especially when it
came to other living things such as the family dog. He would also lash
out at his sister, as well as myself at times. He never ment to cause harm
but he couldn't seem to control his temper. At other times he acted even
as a younger baby. He would act and talk like one. Another behavior
change was that he wanted to start sleeping with his mother in her bed ,
again. Before the divorce Joe, had been sleeping in his own bed in his
own room. It seemed as if he didn't want to leave his mother. I also
noticed some changes in Jessica as well. She started to become very
mouthy. She was very vocal, mostly trying to be wise. It seemed as if
she was doing it on purpose to get a rise out of people. I also noticed
that her grades at school have begun to drop. She has gotten a few
progress reports sent home from school saying that her grades have
gone down. I have also noted that it seems that she feels as though it
may be her responsibility to watch out for and take care of her little
brother. She also seems to manipulate her mother and father. I would
catch her saying one thing to her father and something different to her
mother. Her famous words I always hear are "My father/mother said it is
ok."Discussion One of the major findings, I believe is that divorce
has a long term effect on children as well as short term effects At one
time it wasn't clear of these effects but now it has been proven by
researchers. Several studies have shown academic achievement of
children of divorce parents are at a disadvantage. They found academic

deficits among them, lagging behind children from two parent families.
This was consistent regardless of social class. According to
parent's, children's reports and court and school records antisocial
actions occur more frequently among children of divorce than other
groups, including intact families. This behavior can be defined as
fighting, bullying other children, cheating ,lying, stealing, and running
away. Sex role socialization can be defined as the goals, values and
behaviors deemed masculine or femninine by culture. Children imitate
the behavior of the same sex and if that parent is absent then boys
especially will exhibit a feminine play preference, feminine self concepts
and lower aggression. This was found to be true of only preschool
children and even though the development of masculine sex roles is
slowed it is not long-term. Social and emotional functioning includes
interaction with peers, emotional states of fear, anxiety, depression and
capacity to cope with stress or frustration. The majority of studies show
the social-emotional functioning of children of divorce is less than intact
families, ( A & J Skolnick p. 351). On the average children of divorce have
somewhat more negative outlook on their world as compared to children
in intact families. They are more likely to evaluate their parents
unfavorably, are more pessimistic about their own future wedding, ( A & J
Skolnick p. 351). The Skolnick's point out that 10 to 30% of children in
divorced families perceive rejection from their father, devalue the
noncustodial parent, believe divorce is stigmatized or predict they will not
marry. There are some limitations to what I have found. I was only able to
observe two children on an ongoing basis. Two children is not a lot so for
that reason I couldn't obtain a wide variety of conclusions. Only the one's
based on these two children. Another limitation is that I didn't really get to
observe the children in a different setting, such as school, playground, or
after school activities. So I was unable to compare these children in
different atmospheres. The most important is that I have not gotten to

see the long term effects of the divorce on the children such that a
longitudinal study would give me. I also did not have a culturally diverse
sample group to study. However, I do not feel that my questions were
answered untruthfully, therefore I do not see this as one of my
limitations. Since I was a known person to the children I am sure that
they were not acting differently due to my presence, so that could not
factor into a limitation. I believe there are many implications of
divorce. I would suggest that divorced parents make sure that they are
meeting the basic needs of the children. They need to be nurtured, and
cared for by both the mother and father. The parents should make sure
that there is an open line of communication between them and their
children. They should also love them for who they are and not take out
their frustrations of the former spouse on the children. The parents
should never ask the children to choose between them. Children also
need their own time to mourn the death of their mother and fathers
marriage, just as much as their parents need to. In the school
setting I would suggest that teachers do not present a negative attitude
about divorce toward students whose parents may not be living together,
due to divorce or separation. The teachers should not demean these
children nor take pity on them. These students should be treated just like
any other.ReferencesJohnson, Linda C. (1989) Everything You Need to
Know About Your Parents' Divorce. New York: The Rosen
Publishing Group, Inc. Kantrowitz, Barbara. (1992). "Breaking the Cycle
of Divorce." Newsweek, Jan. 13 pp. 48-53.Kaslow, Florence and
Schwartz, Lita. (1987). The Dynamics of Divorce. New York:
Brunner / Mazel publishers.Kohlberg, L. (1966). The Development of Sex
Differences. Berkeley Calif.: Stanford University Press.
Krantzler, Mel and Belli, Melvin. (1988). Divorcing. New York: St. Martin
Press.Skolnick, Arlene and Jerome. (1989). Family in Transition. Scott,
Foresman and Co.Wallerstein, Judy. (1989). "Children After

Divorce, wounds that don't heal". New York Times Magazine.
Jan. 22 pp. 19-21, 41-43.QUESTIONS 1.) Does either one of the
chidren seem to be withdrawn around other
children in school, at home or any other activities? 2.) Did the divorce
seem to affect the younger child, Joe more or less than
Jessica? How? 3.) Do you believe your son receives the male
role model he needs? 4.) Do you find it hard to discipline your child?
If so is it because they do not listen or they are too
aggressive? 5.) Do you believe that both children have the sufficient
amount of contact with their father that they need and
deserve? 6.) What is the relationship like between you and your
ex-husband? Is it civil or hostile? If hostile, do you act it
around the children? Do you feel that the children can
sense that? 7.) Do you believe that Jessica has difficulty in the school
setting?