the feelings of falling in love

The Feelings of Falling in Love What is Love? Is it attraction?
Is it intimacy? Is it attachment? Love, in fact, is all of these things
combined together. "Love is spiritual, not physical. It is a union of souls
and hearts and minds, not something you can't put under your
microscope and understand!" Love is an emotion combined with a series
of feelings. These feelings can be immensely powerful and wonderful.
Romantic love is defined to be an intense emotional state that one person
experiences in relation to another. These types of feelings appear to be
among the most intense that most of us are capable of, and at least in
some cases, grow rather than diminish with time. Falling in love can be
one of the most unexplainable feelings a person can endure. There
are two sets of feelings that are the basis of modern romantic
relationships. The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement you feel
when falling in love. To better explain this feeling, attraction is what you
feel when you have met someone new who really excites you and you
begin to feel aroused when thinking about this person. Although this
sounds very sexual, this feeling is just the first of what will most likely
become a sexual passion. When in this first state of attraction, your body
feels different - more bouncy, more energetic, and in need of less food
and sleep. When in this state of attraction, one feels very happy and
different every time that they are with this person. Frequently the
presence (or sometimes merely thought) of the loved one can evoke
specific physiological reactions. These physiological reactions include:
erections for the male, wetness for the female, a lump in the throat,
sweaty palms, weak knees, cold feet, a pounding heart. dizziness, and
butterflies in the stomach. These physiological reations are completely
normal when falling in love. The second type of feeling that one
endures when falling in love is attachment. Attachment is a bond or a
special tie between people that are attracted to one another. Attachment
helps keep people together and has more to do with feelings of security
than of excitement. Romantic love requires attraction plus attachment.

Someone can be very strongly attracted to another person but never
become attached. Without some feeling of attachment, attraction is
nonspecific. Once you have begun to fall in love with someone, this
process becomes more and more important and you begin to feel more
attached to this person. When in this state of attachment, each person
would feel as if they are one person combined together. A special bond is
shared and a sense of comfort and togetherness is felt in most any
situation. This attachment is very normal in close relationships and
healthy to a certain extent. Many times one person becomes more
dependant on the other and this can be very unhealthy because everyone
needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of identity,
you might feel smothered or unable to funcion without your mate. Either
way it is a lose-lose situation. For a healthy relationship, one needs to be
able to function without total dependence on their mate. There are
three main aspects of love. According to the triangular theory of love,
these three components include intimacy, passion, and
decision/commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of being connected and
close to another person. It is getting to know the person beyond the
friendship level and understanding them on a romantic level. An example
of this might be going to dinner or the movies with a prospective mate,
rather than the casual encounters that someone might have with them in
everyday interaction. Intimacy does not only pertain to specific acts, but
also in verbal and non-verbal expressions of love. Although verbal
expressions of intimate feelings through self-disclosure is important to
relationship quality, the nonverbal expression appears to be more
important. In general people rely more on nonverbal thanb verval cues to
interpret messages. Some examples of these nonverbal cues include
touch, gaze, gestures, and time spent together. The next aspect of
love is passion. Passion is the feelings or physical attraction and sexual
consummation that people have for one another. This is more than

idolization of a superstar such as Tom Cruise or Demi Moore. It is an
attraction that one might have for a peer or a person with whom they are
aquainted. Passion acts as the fire that helps the relationship function.
The last aspect of love is decision/commitment.
Decision/commitment refers to the belief that one is in love and
committed to a certain romantic relationship. This bond may be as
informal as a phrase that states they want to date exclusively, or it might
be as formal as a ring of gold that bonds them forever. This commitment
is exclusive between partners which both need to feel an equal level of
commitment which they need to decide together. These three aspects
involve no certain amount of time. It depends on the person or persons
and the level of the relationship. Time will only give the couple some
room to grow and expand the feelings felt for one another. Although
these feelings are somewhat similar with most people who fall in love,
there are different types of traits that most people tend to fall in love with.
Trusting, caring, humor and friendship may be the best examples of
features associated with healthy adult love relationships. To be cared for
is one of the most rewarding feelings in one's life. In my life I know that I
have many people that care about me but to be cared about by my
boyfriend is completely different. This feeling is a sense of
completeness. Throughout an individuals life they will have the
opportunity to experience many different relationships involving these
types of feelings for love. Many of these relationships will not be true
romantic love. However, hopefully they will learn form these relationships
so they do not repeat their mistakes from the past or let others do the
same to them. I am now in a relationship where I can say that I am truly in
love. I know this because of the feelings I get when I am with this special
person and I am definitely attached to him. All of these feelings can be
very complicated at times but, when you are in the right relationship this
emotional roller coaster is very well worth it to feel these powerful feelings

of love. "A loving relationship is like an ideal "home"- within it you
can totally be yourself, be accepted, understood, trusted, and respected
as a valuable being. It is a nurturing enviornment where effort is made to
provide enough caring and security so that one can share hopes and
fears and where one is encouraged to learn and grow."(Buscaglia, 46.)
Throughout this review of literature, the feelings of falling in love is
explained in a factual matter. The relationship process is a complex
amount of effort as well as feelings. Most every person will feel these
feelings that I have described in some point in their life. When they do
begin to feel these feelings of falling in love I wish them happiness and
luck. BIBLIOGRAPHY Beal, Anne E. and Sternberg, Robert J. Social
Construction of Love, Vol 12 No. 3. London, Thousand Oaks, Ca. and
New Delhi. August 1995. pg. 423. Journal of Social and Personal
Relationships. Buscaglia, Leo. Loving Each Other: The Challenge
of Human Relationships. New Jersey 1984. P. 46. Kalbfleish,
Pamala J. Interpersonal Communication: Evolving Interpersonal
Relationships. New Jersey, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers.
1993. pg. 82. Liebowitz, Micheal R. The Chemistry of Love.
Canada: Little Brown and Company. 1983. Pg. 89. Morrow, Gregory
D., Clark, Eddie M. and Brock, Karla F. Individual and Partner Love
Styles. Vol. 12 No. 3. London, Thousand Oaks, Ca. and New Delhi.
August 1995. Pg. 376. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Perper, Timothy. Sex Signals: The Biology of Love. ISI Press.
Philadelphia 1985. Pgs. 76 and 83. Pope, Kennith. On Love
and Loving: Psychological Perspectives on the Nature and Experience of
Romantic Love. Jossey-Bass Publishers. San Francisco, 1980. Pgs 5,
121, 163. THE FEELINGS OF FALLING IN LOVE: A REVIEW
OF THE LITERATURE SUBMITTED TO: DR. KAREN SHAFER
WRITTEN BY: MELISSA BERNSTEIN COMMUNICATION
325 NOVEMBER 19, 1996