A CROSS-CULTURAL STUDY OF CONCEPTION ABOUT LOVE, MARRIAGE BETWEEN THE VIETNAMESE AND AMERICANS

A CROSS-CULTURAL STUDY OF CONCEPTION ABOUT LOVE, MARRIAGE
BETWEEN THE VIETNAMESE AND AMERICANS
OUTLINE
Introduction
A. Literature review
Vietnamese - American cross-cultural communication:
1.Theories of intercultural communication……………………………… ……….1
1.1 What is culture ? 1
1.2 What is communication? 1
1.3Vietnamese vs. American perceptions and communication styles….…2
1.3.1 Individualistic vs. collectivistic cultures……………… ……2
1.3.2High- vs. low-context cultures…………………………… …3
B. Vietnamese and American outlook
1. Conception of love……………………………………………….…………… 3
1.1 Definition of love………………………………………………… …3
1.2 Vietnamese‘s opinion……………………………….……………… 4
1.3 American’s opinion………………………………………………… 5
2. Conception of marriage……………………………………………………… 6
2.1 Definition of love………………………………………………….…6
2.2. Vietnamese’s opinion ……………………………………………….6
2.3 American’s opinion……………………………………………… …8
C. Cross-cultural conception strategies…………………………………………… … 9
Conclusion……………………………………………………………………… 10
References……………………………………………………………………… 11
INTRODUCTION
Nowadays, cross-cultural takes many accounts of not only many researchers but
also people all over the world. Thanks to globalization, it has increased contact between
all people from different cultures, but as a result, each cultural has conserve their own
cultural. Therefore, the misunderstanding and cultural conflict are still continues to
survive in conception about love, marriage and happiness from diverse cultures such as
Vietnamese and American. The world today has a growing number of contacts resulting

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in communication between people with different linguistic and cultural backgrounds.
The communication needs to be as constructive as possible, without misunderstandings
and breakdowns.
In this assigment, the aims are discussed in the issues of intercultural
communication in outlook on love, marriage between Vietnamese and American.
Specially, the assignment will compare and contrast the two conception in order to find
the misunderstanding and cultural conflicts. Thus, people from the two cultural can easy
to know deeply about the other cultural.
A) LITERATURE REVIEW
1. THEORIES OF INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION.
1.1 What is culture?
Culture: shared background (eg . national, ethnic, religious) reflecting a common
language and communication style, shared customs, beliefs, attitudes and values.
Cultural refers to the informal and often hidden patterns of human interactions,
expressions and viewpoints that people in one culture share. The hidden nature of
cultural has been compared to an iceberg, most of which is hidden under water! Like an
iceberg, most of the influence of culture on an individual cannot be seen. The hidden
aspects of culture have significant effects on behavior and on interactions with others.
1.2 What is communication?
The process of sharing meaning through verbal and non-verbal communication.
Communication between people from different cultures; communication which is
influenced by cultural values, attitudes, and behavior; the influence of cultural on
people’s reactions and respond to each other.
Communication between people of different cultural backgrounds involves much
more than overcoming the language barrier. Starting with the point that cross-cultural
communication competence affects the performance of communication, I will examine
how national culture affects one’s perceptions of cross-cultural communication.
1.3 Vietnamese vs. American communication perceptions and communication
styles

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The most distinctive characteristics of the American culture are: individualism,
equality, competition, self-help concept, task orientation, informality, directness,
practicality, and materialism, which are often opposed to those of the Vietnamese
emphasizing collectivism, hierarchy, cooperation, interdependent, restraint, implicitly,
and humility.
1.3.1 Individualistic vs. collectivistic cultures
The factors such as the physical environment, the history, religion, etc. have
given Vietnam a vertical, group oriented structure of society which is reflected as
“molecular” social structure. This sociological reality requires that one be more indirect,
diplomatic, non-confrontational, and cautious in communicating with others. In
America, these same factors have led to a horizontal, individually-oriented culture, or
atomic social structure. Individualism ranks highest and is a significant factor in the life
of Americans. Individualistic vs. collectivistic perceptions underpin many of the
differences in values and communication between the Vietnamese and Americans. The
U.S. counterpart may feel that the Vietnamese is being excessively diplomatic or
“flowery,” which is generally associated with insincerity in the United States. In
contrast, the U.S. person’s individualism may be perceived as being selfish or
egotistical.
1.3.2 High- vs. Low-Context Cultures
Communication in high-context Vietnamese culture is opposed to that in low-
context U.S. culture. Vietnamese prefer indirect and implicit manner, in which the
message is actually highly dependent on the context in contrast to direct and explicit
communication preferred in America. There are differences in request and refusal
strategies between the Vietnamese and the American. For example, rather than refuse an
invitation, a Vietnamese might say yes but then not come. Americans, in contrast, use
more direct requests and refusals. While the Vietnamese refuse, however, they use more
avoidance strategies and sometimes give insufficient answers. Therefore, the
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Vietnamese are viewed, in American eyes, with suspicion, as if they have something to

hide or lack self-confidence. However, to the Vietnamese, American directness may be
perceived as being blunt to the point of rudeness, or lack of subtlety and sophistication.
B) VIETNAMESE AND AMERICAN OUTLOOK.
1. CONCEPTION OF LOVE.
1.1 Definition of love.
Love is known as an emotion which can also be included a felling of warm
attachment or deep affection such as family love, materialistic love and godly love, in
this assignment, we discuss about a romantic love or love between a men and a woman.
According to Wikipedia, love is a word
which refers to a variety of different emotional
states, feelings or attitudes which range from those of simple personal pleasures or
desires to those characterizing interpersonal affection and many forms of profound
kindness, compassion, and benevolent concern for the good of others.
And oxford dictionary, love is a strong felling of affection for some body that
you are sexually attracted to.
To sum up, the definition of love is almost the same all over the world. But its
expression and conception are different from country to country.
1.2 Vietnamese’s opinion.
For instant, in Vietnam, love is going along with marriage. A true love is a love
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was allowed by parents and the couple will get married in the future, love is a serious
relationship and the couple must have responsibilities with others. In some countries,
love is often accompanied by sex. Until now, Vietnamese people‘s outlook on sex has
not changed much yet, because it was influenced by Buddhist theology and Confucian
philosophy .In Vietnam, sex is considered as a taboo subject and having pre-marital sex
or co-habitation is unacceptable according to the social convention. Therefore, couples
in Vietnam have been expected to have a platonic love before they officially get
married.
Most Vietnamese parents prevent their children from having a boyfriend or
girlfriend when they are in their late teens because they want their children to

concentrate on their study. Has been deeply affected by Confucianism, introduced from
China during a thousand years of Chinese rule, the conception of love in Vietnam was
changed but it is still an important relationship and take many attentions of the family
and social.
The urgent issue in Vietnam is co-habitation which young generation claim that
they live in modern style like western country. It is really a big misunderstanding. In
American, love is often comes along with romance, Ideas of romantic love suffuse their
lives and guide their emotional experiences and behaviors. These constructs of love
guide public and private behavior, create judgments of values in relationships, and
control rules of openness or closure in expression. How love is understood or practiced,
manipulated or restricted, as a social discourse informs a considerable part of our
culture.
1.3 American’s opinion.
For Americans, romantic love is a basic belief for marriage, happiness, and
success but American individualism creates a conflict because “Americans believe in the
self” .The sharing required by the promise of love threatens the self. Love, then, is a
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paradox as love is an expression of spontaneous inner freedom, a deeply personal, the
immediate feelings. There for, love in American is belong to individual felling, their
family do not pay much attention in their child’s partner, people live in freedom and
individual liberes. And love is often accompanied by sex. The couple will express their
love by having sex and it is acceptable according to the social convention.
2. CONCEPTION OF MARRIAGE.
2.1 Definition of marriage.
According to Wikipedia, marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a
socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes
rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between
them and their in-laws. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures,
but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships,
usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is

recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.
When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal.
In Oxford dictionary, marriage is a legal relationship between a husband and a
wife.
2.2 Vietnamese‘s opinion.
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Marriage has a vital role in Vietnamese culture and tradition .In the past, most
marriages were arranged by parents or extended family and children might only
sometimes be consulted. The groom and bride may have only met on the day of the
engagement.
- Vietnamese families were patriarchal: the man always took the lead
- Divorce was legal but not common in Vietnamese society: a wife was expected
to live in an unhappy marriage and sacrifice her life for her children rather than divorce
-Parental leadership in the family was considered a rule. Children must obey their
parents and a certain physical punishment was not considered an abuse.
-Unmarried boys and girls are not free to date when and with whom they please
selves. Parental permission is not as important as in the past.
As western influence increased in Vietnam, the Vietnamese culture and is shifting and
changing
- The wife’s role in the family is changing. More independent works outside the family,
they are more equal to the husband and even though he takes the lead in the family
- Divorce is beginning to be accepted, but it is still rare
- Children are becoming more independent and allowed to speak out their own ideas in
the family, they began take more of advisory role in the choice of their child’s mate.
- Parents are beginning to listen to their children and talk to them when they make a
mistake, rather than physically punishing them
一 - The relationship between unmarried girls and boys is more open, and healthy
interaction needs to be encouraged.
But Vietnamese’s cultural is still influenced by Buddhist theology and
Confucian philosophy, they believed that fate in marriage, as well as wealth and

position, were preordained, though choice could play some role in activating a positive
or negative fate. Traditionally, children lived with their parents until marriage, then the
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couple moved to the husband's father's household. The extended family arranged
marriage, but individuals were usually consulted on the choice of their mate. The typical
engagement lasted six months, with little contact between the bride and groom prior to
the marriage. Traditionally the marriage was at one of the couples' homes. Men usually
married between 20 and 30 years, and women at 18 to 25 years. Women kept their
maiden names legally but used their husband's name formally
2.3American’s opinion.
American is a developed country with strong notion of equality and liberty. There
for, they has a general trend towards ensuring equal rights within marriage for women
and legally recognizing the marriages of interracial, interfaith, and even a same-gender
couples .These trends have been motivated by a desire to establish equality and uphold
human rights.
A marriage is often decided by the couple, individuals were usually consulted on
the choice of their mate. Their parents do not prevent of against their choice, they even
get marriage and tell to their parent later. Children can leave home when they are 18
years old or when they can live themselves. In the family, the role of a husband and a
wife are equal. Women do not kept their family name but used their husband's family
name formally.
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They do not pay much attention in fate marriage; they can easy to get divorced
when they live in an unhappy marriage. And divorced in marriage is not seem to be a
serious problem. Since the late twentieth century, major social changes in Western
countries have led to changes in the demographics of marriage, with the age of first
marriage increasing, fewer people marrying, and many couples choosing to cohabit
rather than marry.
C) CROSS – CULTURAL CONCEPTION STRATEGIES.
In order to overcome differences, people must understand how he or she is being

perceived by counterparts from other cultures. Then, one needs to use effective cross-
cultural communication. Poor cross-cultural awareness may have many consequences,
some serious others comical. When bridging cultures both similar and foreign to your
own, certain strategies are crucial to international success
1. Learn about other cultures. Respect other peoples culture and religion; the favor is
returned. Forget your assumptions and stereotypes. Try not to evaluate their behavior
against the standards you would use in your own country, and empathize with the
speaker.
2. Temper your own. When some foreigners want to say or discuss about bad point or
good point in your cultural, you need to calm down and explain the gap between two
nations.
3. Ask questions: Questions show you are interested in the other's culture. This interest
and consideration helps build your relationship. People generally are appreciative that
you are trying to understand them.
4. Look for individual differences: Overviews of cultures are meant to be g
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CONCLUSION
Intercultural communication gap is inevitable between the two quite opposite
cultures, Vietnam and the U.S.A. Today, despite widespread global influences, it
appears that cultural values such as Confucianism, low-/high-context communication,
and independent/interdependent selves still underlie and impact on Vietnamese and U.S.
communication. These values have remained fairly constant for the communication
traits. Thus, even though global forces appear to be strong, so are traditions.
The issues discussed in this paper are only a few of the components that can affect
communication and be responsible for miscommunication or misinterpretation. The
examples of differences are also only among the common ones. Cross-cultural skills are
needed to help to understand cultural differences and to use them productively and
creatively, not simply ignoring or overcoming the gap. Careful observation, ongoing
study of cultures, and open-mindedness will all help develop cross-cultural
understanding to effectively communicate across cultures.

REFERENCES
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