Recovery is a Wonderland docx

Recovery is a Wonderland
A story of redemption, rebirth and filling the void within
Eve Marie
Smashwords Edition
Copyright Eve Marie 2010-2012. This free ebook may be copied, distributed, reposted,
reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the
reader is not charged to access it Register for an online 12 Step Workshop at
Stepworkshop.com
Recovery is a Wonderland
On Super Bowl Sunday of 1983, a major turning point occurred in my life when I walked
into a 7-11 convenience store. They were selling a certain brand of beer that I liked for
the first time in the state of Florida, so I bought a couple of six packs to celebrate. Why
do I remember that occasion so well? Once I started drinking on that day, I was not able
to stop. It was as if I had crossed an invisible line that had always been there; my
descent into the abyss began. The abyss was the dark void of pain, shame, fear and
loneliness that had always existed within me. Drinking alcohol somehow made
everything bearable, it anesthetized my feelings and let me forget my fears.
Soon I was in complete seclusion, isolating in my apartment. By then, drinking had
become my entire life. I lived to drink and drank to live. Alcohol became my lover, best
friend and confident. Nothing else mattered, except having another drink in my hand. At
times I would try to stop. Professional therapy, rehab, antabuse, controlled drinking,
sheer willpower, substituting drugs for drinking, hospitalizations. Nothing worked. I had
become a prisoner of my own making.
On Saturday, July 23, 1988, I started drinking at noon, by six that night I was in a black-
out. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a doctor leaning over me, in the Intensive Care
Unit of a local hospital. The doctor said I had taken all my pain pills and was very lucky
to be alive.
We talked. For the first time, I opened up to another human being. I surrendered. He
listened as I described my feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse about my drinking and
using. I poured out my life story: losing both my parents as a young girl, being
separated from my biological family, getting adopted against my wishes into a different

culture, enduring every form of abuse, going through the death of my son, and
numerous life-threatening situations including surviving cancer. And now this: the
incomprehensible, demoralization of alcoholism.
Then the doctor gave me the gift of hope. Twelve Step Meetings were brought into the
hospital once a week and the doctor suggested that I attend. I went to my first meeting,
where I picked up a white chip to signify my desire to quit using and start a new way of
life. The next week I went back and heard complete strangers telling my story. This is
where I belong, I thought, I’m in the right place. Two weeks later, I left the hospital. I
continued to go to meetings every night, got a sponsor and began to work the 12 Steps
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In the process of recovery, I gained insight into myself and the diseases of alcoholism,
addiction and relationships. After about five months, the sensations of genuine feelings
began to emerge. I honestly didn’t know what these waves were that were washing over
me and feared I was going insane. Then one sunshiny day, I learned how to smile. In
the program I’ve learned that I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, except
my own. Most importantly I learned that true happiness is an inside job. This was major
growth.
July 24, 2010, will be the 22
nd
anniversary of my new way of life. The story of my
recovery is a story of redemption and rebirth. It’s the story of two lives in one. Today I
have become the person I always wanted to be. Today I can look upon myself and
others with understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, and love. I have discovered the
true meaning of the word joy. The Promises have come true. Recovery is a wonderland.
I attribute my continued sobriety to a blessed state of grace contingent on my spiritual
condition. The dictionary’s definition of the word grace is “unmerited Divine intervention
and love”. During my most difficult moments, I would often contemplate the words from
the old Southern spiritual “Amazing Grace” and somehow that inspiring hymnal always
gave me the hope I needed. I have spent years looking everywhere, trying everything to
fill the void that exists within me. Nothing worked. Until one day, when I started working

the 12 Steps and began looking…within.
Eve Marie
Stepworkshop.com
About the Author
Eve Marie took her first step toward permanent sobriety in the rooms on July 24, 1988.
Today, she is a 12 Step Workshop facilitator and the founder of the website
Stepworkshop.com.
Stepworkshop.com carries the messages of recovery via weekly online meetings that
emphasize the practice of the spiritual principles behind the 12 Steps. The Step
Workshop opens up the healing process through reading assignments from approved
literature, practice exercises and speaker tapes by other members in the recovery
community including Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Al-Anon.
Stepworkshop.com hosted its first online Step Workshop in March 2010. Since then
dozens of participants from around the world from Asia to North America to Europe
have benefited from their participation in the workshop. At any given time, several Step
Workshop groups are in progress Including an AA Step Workshop, Al-Anon Step
Workshop and Men’s’ Step Workshop Group. You may register for a Step Workshop or
contact us at the Stepworkshop.com website for more information.
“Recovery is a Wonderland” was first published in the 75th Anniversary Issue of the AA
Grapevine, the official magazine of Alcoholics Anonymous, and in the book, “Emotional
Sobriety” Volume II also published by the AA Grapevine.
Website: Stepworkshop.com
Twitter: StepWorkshop
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