diary of a whimpy kid

,PYHU\H[FLWHGWKDW\RXUHKROGLQJWKH.LQGOHHGLWLRQRI
'LDU\RID:LPS\.LGLQ\RXUKDQGV
:KHQ,UHDGP\ILUVWHERRNRQD.LQGOH,ZDVDPD]HGDW
WKHSRVVLELOLWLHV&DUU\LQJDZKROHOLEUDU\DURXQGZLWKPHRQD
GHYLFH,FRXOGILWLQWKHSDOPRIP\KDQG"$PD]LQJ
:KDWVEHHQYHU\UHZDUGLQJWRPHDVDQDXWKRUKDVEHHQ
VHHLQJNLGVFDUU\LQJWKHLUGRJHDUHGFRSLHVRI'LDU\RID
:LPS\.LGZLWKWKHP7KH.LQGOHDOORZVNLGVWRKDYHWKH
ZKROHVHULHVDWWKHLUILQJHUWLSVDQGWKHUHDGLQJH[SHULHQFH
LVFULVSDQGFOHDQHYHU\WLPHZLWKQRFKDQFHRIWRGD\V
EUHDNIDVWVWDLQLQJWKHSDJHV
7KDQN\RXIRUSXUFKDVLQJ'LDU\RID:LPS\.LGRQ\RXU
.LQGOH,KRSHLWJLYHV\RXORWVRIODXJKVDQG\RXKDYHDV
PXFKIXQUHDGLQJLWDV,GLGZULWLQJLW
-HII.LQQH\
6HSWHPEHU
7XHVGD\
)LUVWRIDOOOHWPHJHWVRPHWKLQJVWUDLJKW7KLV
LVD-RXUQDOQRWDGLDU\,NQRZZKDWLW
VD\VRQWKHFRYHUEXWZKHQ0RPZHQWRXWWR
EX\WKLVWKLQJ,VSHFLILFDOO\WROGKHUWR
JHWRQHWKDWGLGQWVD\|GLDU\}RQLW
*UHDW$OO,QHHGLVIRUVRPHMHUNWRFDWFKPH
FDUU\LQJWKLVERRNDURXQGDQGJHWWKHZURQJLGHD

7KHRWKHUWKLQJ,ZDQWWRFOHDUXSULJKWDZD\
LVWKDWWKLVZDVPRPVLGHDQRWPLQH
%XWLIVKHWKLQNV,PJRLQJWRZULWHGRZQP\
|IHHOLQJV}LQKHUHRUZKDWHYHUVKHVFUD]\6R
MXVWGRQWH[SHFWPHWREHDOO|'HDU'LDU\}WKLV
DQG|'HDU'LDU\}WKDW
7KHRQO\UHDVRQ,DJUHHGWRGRWKLVDWDOOLV
EHFDXVH,ILJXUHODWHURQZKHQ,PULFKDQG
IDPRXV,OOKDYHEHWWHUWKLQJVWRGRWKDQ
DQVZHUSHRSOHVVWXSLGTXHVWLRQVDOOGD\ORQJ6R
WKLVERRNLVJRQQDFRPHLQKDQG\
/LNH,VDLG,OOEHIDPRXVRQHGD\EXWIRUQRZ
,PVWXFNLQPLGGOHVFKRROZLWKDEXQFKRIPRURQV

/HWPHMXVWVD\IRUWKHUHFRUGWKDW,WKLQN
PLGGOHVFKRROLVWKHGXPEHVWLGHDHYHULQYHQWHG
<RXJRWNLGVOLNHPHZKRKDYHQWKLWWKHLU
JURZWKVSXUW\HWPL[HGLQZLWKWKHVHJRULOODVZKR
QHHGWRVKDYHWZLFHDGD\
$QGWKHQWKH\ZRQGHUZK\EXOO\LQJLVVXFKDELJ
SUREOHPLQPLGGOHVFKRRO
,ILWZDVXSWRPHJUDGHOHYHOVZRXOGEHEDVHG
RQKHLJKWQRWDJH%XWWKHQDJDLQ,JXHVV
WKDWZRXOGPHDQNLGVOLNH&KLUDJ*XSWDZRXOG
VWLOOEHLQWKHILUVWJUDGH

7RGD\LVWKHILUVWGD\RIVFKRRODQGULJKWQRZ
ZHUHMXVWZDLWLQJDURXQGIRUWKHWHDFKHUWRKXUU\
XSDQGILQLVKWKHVHDWLQJFKDUW6R,ILJXUHG,
PLJKWDVZHOOZULWHLQWKLVERRNWRSDVVWKHWLPH

%\WKHZD\OHWPHJLYH\RXVRPHJRRGDGYLFH2Q
WKHILUVWGD\RIVFKRRO\RXJRWWREHUHDOFDUHIXO
ZKHUH\RXVLW<RXZDONLQWRWKHFODVVURRPDQGMXVW
SOXQN\RXUVWXIIGRZQRQDQ\ROGGHVNDQGWKH
QH[WWKLQJ\RXNQRZWKHWHDFKHULVVD\LQJ{
6RLQWKLVFODVV,JRWVWXFNZLWK&KULV+RVH\LQ
IURQWRIPHDQG/LRQHO-DPHVLQEDFNRIPH

-DVRQ%ULOOFDPHLQODWHDQGDOPRVWVDWWRP\
ULJKWEXWOXFNLO\,VWRSSHGWKDWIURPKDSSHQLQJ
DWWKHODVWVHFRQG
1H[WSHULRG,VKRXOGMXVWVLWLQWKHPLGGOHRID
EXQFKRIKRWJLUOVDVVRRQDV,VWHSLQWKH
URRP%XW,JXHVVLI,GRWKDWLWMXVWSURYHV
,GLGQWOHDUQDQ\WKLQJIURPODVW\HDU

0DQ,GRQWNQRZZKDWLVXSZLWKJLUOVWKHVH
GD\V,WXVHGWREHDZKROHORWVLPSOHUEDFNLQ
HOHPHQWDU\VFKRRO7KHGHDOZDVLI\RXZHUHWKH
IDVWHVWUXQQHULQ\RXUFODVV\RXJRWDOOWKHJLUOV
$QGLQWKHILIWKJUDGHWKHIDVWHVWUXQQHUZDV
5RQQLH0F&R\
1RZDGD\VLWVDZKROHORWPRUHFRPSOLFDWHG1RZ
LWVDERXWWKHNLQGRIFORWKHV\RXZHDURUKRZ
ULFK\RXDUHRULI\RXKDYHDFXWHEXWWRUZKDWHYHU
$QGNLGVOLNH5RQQLH0F&R\DUHVFUDWFKLQJWKHLU
KHDGVZRQGHULQJZKDWWKHKHFNKDSSHQHG
7KHPRVWSRSXODUER\LQP\JUDGHLV%U\FH
$QGHUVRQ7KHWKLQJWKDWUHDOO\VWLQNVLVWKDW
,KDYHDOZD\VEHHQLQWRJLUOVEXWNLGVOLNH

%U\FHKDYHRQO\FRPHDURXQGLQWKHODVWFRXSOH
RI\HDUV

,UHPHPEHUKRZ%U\FHXVHGWRDFWEDFNLQ
HOHPHQWDU\VFKRRO
%XWRIFRXUVHQRZ,GRQWJHWDQ\FUHGLWIRU
VWLFNLQJZLWKWKHJLUOVDOOWKLVWLPH
/LNH,VDLG%U\FHLVWKHPRVWSRSXODUNLGLQRXU
JUDGHVRWKDWOHDYHVDOOWKHUHVWRIXVJX\V
VFUDPEOLQJIRUWKHRWKHUVSRWV
7KHEHVW,FDQILJXUHLVWKDW,PVRPHZKHUH
DURXQGQGRUUGPRVWSRSXODUWKLV\HDU
%XWWKHJRRGQHZVLVWKDW,PDERXWWRPRYH
XSRQHVSRWEHFDXVH&KDUOLH'DYLHVLVDERYHPH
DQGKHVJHWWLQJKLVEUDFHVQH[WZHHN

,WU\WRH[SODLQDOOWKLVSRSXODULW\VWXIIWRP\
IULHQG5RZOH\ZKRLVSUREDEO\KRYHULQJULJKW
DURXQGWKHPDUNE\WKHZD\EXW,WKLQN
LWMXVWJRHVLQRQHHDUDQGRXWWKHRWKHUZLWKKLP
7RGD\ZHKDG3K\V(GVRWKHILUVWWKLQJ,
GLGZKHQ,JRWRXWVLGHZDVVQHDNRIIWRWKH
EDVNHWEDOOFRXUWWRVHHLIWKH&KHHVHZDVVWLOO
WKHUH$QGVXUHHQRXJKLWZDV
:HGQHVGD\

7KDWSLHFHRI&KHHVHKDVEHHQVLWWLQJRQWKH
EODFNWRSVLQFHODVWVSULQJ,JXHVVLWPXVWYH
GURSSHGRXWRIVRPHRQHVVDQGZLFKRUVRPHWKLQJ
$IWHUDFRXSOHRIGD\VWKH&KHHVHVWDUWHGJHWWLQJ

DOOPROG\DQGQDVW\1RERG\ZRXOGSOD\EDVNHWEDOORQ
WKHFRXUWZKHUHWKH&KHHVHZDVHYHQWKRXJKWKDW
ZDVWKHRQO\FRXUWWKDWKDGDKRRSZLWKDQHW
7KHQRQHGD\WKLVNLGQDPHG'DUUHQ:DOVK
WRXFKHGWKH&KHHVHZLWKKLVILQJHUDQGWKDWV
ZKDWVWDUWHGWKLVWKLQJFDOOHGWKH&KHHVH7RXFK
,WVEDVLFDOO\OLNHWKH&RRWLHV,I\RXJHWWKH
&KHHVH7RXFK\RXUHVWXFNZLWKLWXQWLO\RX
SDVVLWRQWRVRPHRQHHOVH
7KHRQO\ZD\WRSURWHFW\RXUVHOIIURPWKH
&KHHVH7RXFKLVWRFURVV\RXUILQJHUV

%XWLWVQRWWKDWHDV\UHPHPEHULQJWRNHHS\RXU
ILQJHUVFURVVHGHYHU\PRPHQWRIWKHGD\,HQGHG
XSWDSLQJPLQHWRJHWKHUVRWKH\GVWD\FURVVHG
DOOWKHWLPH,JRWD'LQKDQGZULWLQJEXWLW
ZDVWRWDOO\ZRUWKLW
7KLVRQHNLGQDPHG$EH+DOOJRWWKH&KHHVH
7RXFKLQ$SULODQGQRERG\ZRXOGHYHQFRPHQHDU
KLPIRUWKHUHVWRIWKH\HDU7KLVVXPPHU$EH
PRYHGDZD\WR&DOLIRUQLDDQGWRRNWKH&KHHVH
7RXFKZLWKKLP
,MXVWKRSHVRPHRQHGRHVQWVWDUWWKH&KHHVH
7RXFKXSDJDLQEHFDXVH,GRQWQHHGWKDWNLQG
RIVWUHVVLQP\OLIHDQ\PRUH
,PKDYLQJDVHULRXVO\KDUGWLPHJHWWLQJXVHG
WRWKHIDFWWKDWVXPPHULVRYHUDQG,KDYHWR
JHWRXWRIEHGHYHU\PRUQLQJWRJRWRVFKRRO
0\VXPPHUGLGQRWH[DFWO\JHWRIIWRDJUHDW
VWDUWWKDQNVWRP\ROGHUEURWKHU5RGULFN

7KXUVGD\

$FRXSOHRIGD\VLQWRVXPPHUYDFDWLRQ5RGULFN
ZRNHPHXSLQWKHPLGGOHRIWKHQLJKW+HWROG
PH,VOHSWWKURXJKWKHZKROHVXPPHUEXWWKDW
OXFNLO\,ZRNHXSMXVWLQWLPHIRUWKHILUVW
GD\RIVFKRRO
<RXPLJKWWKLQN,ZDVSUHWW\GXPEIRUIDOOLQJ
IRUWKDWRQHEXW5RGULFNZDVGUHVVHGXSLQKLV
VFKRROFORWKHVDQGKHVHWP\DODUPFORFNDKHDGWR
PDNHLWORRNOLNHLWZDVWKHPRUQLQJ3OXVKH
FORVHGP\FXUWDLQVVR,FRXOGQWVHHWKDWLWZDV
VWLOOGDUNRXW
$IWHU5RGULFNZRNHPHXS,MXVWJRWGUHVVHGDQG
ZHQWGRZQVWDLUVWRPDNHP\VHOIVRPHEUHDNIDVW
OLNH,GRHYHU\PRUQLQJRQDVFKRROGD\

%XW,JXHVV,PXVWKDYHPDGHDSUHWW\ELJ
UDFNHWEHFDXVHWKHQH[WWKLQJ,NQHZ'DGZDV
GRZQVWDLUV\HOOLQJDWPHIRUHDWLQJ&KHHULRVDW
LQWKHPRUQLQJ
,WWRRNPHDPLQXWHWRILJXUHRXWZKDWWKHKHFN
ZDVJRLQJRQ
$IWHU,GLG,WROG'DGWKDW5RGULFNKDG
SOD\HGDWULFNRQPHDQG+HZDVWKHRQHWKDW
VKRXOGEHJHWWLQJ\HOOHGDW
'DGZDONHGGRZQWRWKHEDVHPHQWWRFKHZ
5RGULFNRXWDQG,WDJJHGDORQJ,FRXOGQW
ZDLWWRVHH5RGULFNJHWZKDWZDVFRPLQJWRKLP


%XW5RGULFNFRYHUHGXSKLVWUDFNVSUHWW\JRRG
$QGWRWKLVGD\,PVXUH'DGWKLQNV,YH
JRWDVFUHZORRVHRUVRPHWKLQJ
7RGD\DWVFKRROZHJRWDVVLJQHGWRUHDGLQJJURXSV
7KH\GRQWFRPHULJKWRXWDQGWHOO\RXLI
\RXUHLQWKH*LIWHGJURXSRUWKH(DV\JURXS
EXW\RXFDQILJXUHLWRXWULJKWDZD\E\ORRNLQJ
DWWKHFRYHUVRIWKHERRNVWKH\KDQGRXW
)ULGD\

,ZDVSUHWW\GLVDSSRLQWHGWRILQGRXW,JRW
SXWLQWKH*LIWHGJURXSEHFDXVHWKDWMXVWPHDQV
DORWRIH[WUDZRUN
:KHQWKH\GLGWKHVFUHHQLQJDWWKHHQGRIODVW
\HDU,GLGP\EHVWWRPDNHVXUH,JRWSXWLQ
WKH(DV\JURXSWKLV\HDU
0RPLVUHDOWLJKWZLWKRXUSULQFLSDOVR,OOEHW
VKHVWHSSHGLQDQGPDGHVXUH,JRWSXWLQWKH
*LIWHGJURXSDJDLQ
0RPLVDOZD\VVD\LQJ,PDVPDUWNLGEXWWKDW
,MXVWGRQW|DSSO\}P\VHOI

%XWLIWKHUHVRQHWKLQJ,OHDUQHGIURP5RGULFN
LWVWRVHWSHRSOHVH[SHFWDWLRQVUHDOORZVR\RX
HQGXSVXUSULVLQJWKHPE\SUDFWLFDOO\GRLQJ
QRWKLQJDWDOO

$FWXDOO\,PNLQGRIJODGP\SODQWRJHWSXW
LQWKH(DV\JURXSGLGQWZRUN
,VDZDFRXSOHRIWKH|%LQN6D\V%RR}NLGV

KROGLQJWKHLUERRNVXSVLGHGRZQDQG,GRQW
WKLQNWKH\ZHUHMRNLQJ
:HOOWKHILUVWZHHNRIVFKRROLVILQDOO\RYHUVR
WRGD\,VOHSWLQ
0RVWNLGVZDNHXSHDUO\RQ6DWXUGD\WRZDWFK
FDUWRRQVRUZKDWHYHUEXWQRWPH7KHRQO\UHDVRQ
,JHWRXWRIEHGDWDOORQZHHNHQGVLVEHFDXVH
HYHQWXDOO\,FDQWVWDQGWKHWDVWHRIP\RZQ
EUHDWKDQ\PRUH
6DWXUGD\

8QIRUWXQDWHO\'DGZDNHVXSDWLQWKH
PRUQLQJQRPDWWHUZKDWGD\RIWKHZHHNLW
LVDQGKHLVQRWUHDOFRQVLGHUDWHRIWKHIDFW
WKDW,DPWU\LQJWRHQMR\P\6DWXUGD\OLNH
DQRUPDOSHUVRQ
,GLGQWKDYHDQ\WKLQJWRGRWRGD\VR,MXVW
KHDGHGXSWR5RZOH\VKRXVH
5RZOH\LVWHFKQLFDOO\P\EHVWIULHQGEXWWKDWLV
GHILQLWHO\VXEMHFWWRFKDQJH
,YHEHHQDYRLGLQJ5RZOH\VLQFHWKHILUVWGD\RI
VFKRROZKHQKHGLGVRPHWKLQJWKDWUHDOO\
DQQR\HGPH
