outlinging essay 2 potx

arship in children. Lastly, it will free the time and
talents of teachers and administrators.
The concluding paragraph in a narrative essay
could sum up the story.
I can look back now on that day long ago. I was at
the crossroads. I knew I loved children and that my
parents would be proud. I signed up for teacher’s
training.
The last sentence or two should contain the
clincher. Its purpose is to end the paragraph gracefully
and leave the reader with a sense of finality.
The last sentence of a persuasive essay may be a
call to action, a question, a prediction, or a personal
comment. You might add one of these clinchers to the
thesis summary on school uniforms:
What are we waiting for? We need to talk to our
teachers, principals, and school boards, and give our
children ALL the tools we can that are essential for
their growth and development.
Since school uniforms do so much good, would you
want your school to miss out?
For a narrative essay, this last sentence could state
your opinion, or talk about someone, even yourself,
who will never be the same. You might add one of
these sentences about your decision to go into teacher
training:
I am glad I did.
My world will never be the same.
I often wonder how many children’s lives will be
changed because of one decision on that one April
day.

It can be difficult to write this last sentence or
two, but you need to supply your readers with some-
thing that makes your essay memorable.
Once you have your ideas down on paper, it’s
important to see that they are clearly and correctly
expressed—unlike the paragraphs found in this lesson.
Go on to Writing 4 and Writing 5 to see how to make
your sentence structure and word choice work for you.

Writing 4: The Sentence
Doctor
Even more important than a logical structure is the
content of your essay. Generalizations need to be sup-
ported with exact and specific details, which you are
free to make up. Your choice of words needs to be pre-
cise, your sentences varied, and your paragraphs uni-
fied. Your paragraphs should have connections
between them so that your whole essay flows from one
thought to another. Let us look at some of the sentence
elements that make up good paragraphs.
Varied Sentence Structure
Within your paragraph, your sentences should be var-
ied. It makes your essay more interesting and shows the
HOT TIP
Although you aren’t required to write a title, it helps the
judges to see that you are an organized and thoughtful
person. Leave a few lines blank at the beginning of your
essay, since you might not come up with a title until you’re
nearly finished. Make sure your title captures the main
idea of your essay. “Uniforms, Boon or Bane?” would not

be appropriate for an essay that mostly deals with the
positive reasons for uniforms because it suggests there
are two sides to the story. “In Praise of Uniforms” would
be better.
–CBEST MINI-COURSE–
143
test evaluators that you have mastered different sen-
tence structures.
There are two types of sentence variation: sen-
tence length and sentence structure. Sentence length
should not be a problem. Put in some long sentences
and some short ones. For varying the structure of a
sentence, you might need to brush up on parts of
speech and different types of clauses and phrases. If
this is the case, go to your local curriculum department
or school district office and check out a book on gram-
mar, or check out some of the books on writing listed
at the end of this chapter. The idea is not to be able to
name all the different types of clauses, but only to be
able to place some variety in your writing. The follow-
ing exercise demonstrates a few examples of various
sentence structures.
Practice with Varied Sentence
Structures
Rewrite the sentences beginning with the part of
speech indicated.
1. The hostess greeted her special guests graciously.
(Adverb)
2. The proprietor, hard as nails, demanded the rent.
(Adjective)

3. One must learn how to breathe to swim well.
(Infinitive)
4. The white stallion leapt over the hurdles.
(Preposition)
5. An octogenarian was playing with the children.
(Participle)
6. The schools will not be state funded if they do
not hire certified teachers. (Adverb clause)
For an additional exercise, try writing sentences
that begin with these words:
Answers
1. Graciously, the hostess greeted her special guests.
2. Hard as nails, the proprietor demanded the rent.
3. To swim well, one must learn how to breathe.
4. Over the hurdles leapt the white stallion.
5. Playing with the children was an octogenarian.
6. If they do not hire certified teachers, the schools
will not be state-funded.
Dangling Clauses
When beginning your sentences with a clause, try to
avoid dangling clauses. Dangling clauses mix up who’s
doing what:
If they do not hire certified teachers, funds will not
be sent to the schools.
It sounds as if the funds were doing the hiring!
Instead you should write:
If they do not hire certified teachers, the schools will
not receive funding.
If you start off with a clause, make sure that the
who or what referred to in the clause begins the next

part of the sentence.
Look for dangling clauses in the first body para-
graph from the last lesson. You should find two.
In my opinion, a uniform policy will benefit par-
ents. Because they are all the same style and shape
and usually very well made, children can use the
hand-me-downs of older siblings or other children.
After
Although
As
Because
Since
Unless
Where
Wherever
While
–CBEST MINI-COURSE–
144
Parents they were also able to save money by buying
fewer school clothes for their children. Children,
who are often demanding, will have already agreed
on what clothes their parents will need to buy so
there will be fewer arguments over clothes for
school their parents will need to buy. Children and
teachers like it too. Parents are generally in favor of
uniforms because you do not have to provide your
children with a different matched set of clothes for
each day. After buying uniforms the first year, more
peace was reportedly experienced by 95% of the
parents interviewed and many surveys reported that

it saved them an average of $100 – $200 in clothing
costs.
Did you find them? Look at the second sentence.
Because they are all the same style and shape and
usually very well made, children can use the hand-
me-downs of older siblings or other children.
What is the same style and shape? The sentence
says the children are. Here is a corrected version:
Because they are all the same style and shape and
usually very well made, uniforms can be passed
down from an older child to a younger one, or even
sold.
Now look at the last sentence of the paragraph.
After buying uniforms the first year, more peace was
reportedly experienced by 95% of the parents inter-
viewed and many surveys reported that it saved
them an average of $100 – $200 in clothing costs.
Was it the peace that was buying the uniforms?
Let’s correct it:
On a recent survey, 95% of parents new to school
uniforms attributed an increased feeling of peace to
the adoption of the uniform policy. Parents also
reportedly saved an average of $100-$200 on school
clothes per child the first year.
Opinion Starters
There’s a problem with the first sentence of that para-
graph, too. Never start a sentence with “In my opinion”
or “I think.” If you didn’t think it, you wouldn’t be
writing it. The first sentence of the first body para-
graph should read simply:

A uniform policy will benefit parents.
Over and Over
Avoid redundancy. Try to keep your sentences as suc-
cinct as possible without losing meaning. Make every
word and phrase count. Here’s an example of a redun-
dant sentence from the first body paragraph:
Children, who are often demanding, will have
already agreed on what clothes their parents will
need to buy so there will be fewer arguments over
clothes for school their parents will need to buy.
The phrase “will need to buy” is in there twice.
Get rid of it.“Children, who are often demanding” can
be changed to “Demanding children.” The words “for
school” can be left out, because that’s a given. So now
you have a shorter, more effective sentence:
Demanding children will have already agreed on
what clothes their parents will need to buy, so there
will be fewer arguments.
–CBEST MINI-COURSE–
145
Sentence Stowaways and
Sentence Order
Avoid writing sentences that are not on the same gen-
eral topic as the rest of the paragraph. Did you notice
the stowaway in the paragraph on parents? The sen-
tence “Children and teachers like it too,” does not
belong in that paragraph.
The order of the sentences in your paragraph is
just as important as the order of the paragraphs in
your essay. If you are writing about money parents will

save, put all the sentences on money together. Provide
transitions for your sentences, just as you did with
your paragraphs. You can join sentences with words
such as besides, second, lastly, and so on, or you can put
in sub-topic sentences.
Try rearranging the paragraph on parents in a
logical order. You have two sub-topics: money and
peace in the family. So add a sub-topic sentence to
announce the first sub-idea:
First, uniforms would save parents money.
The fake survey you added at the end of the para-
graph reports statistics on both money and peace, so
that’s a great way to tie the two topics together. The rest
of the sentences should all fit under one of the two
sub-topics. If you have something that doesn’t fit, just
leave it out. You don’t have enough time to fool with it.
Here’s one way to provide a more logical organization:
A uniform policy will benefit parents. First, uni-
forms will save parents money. Parents will not have
to provide their children with a different matched
set of clothes for each day, so they will need to buy
fewer school clothes for their children. Because uni-
forms are all the same style and shape and usually
very well made, they can be passed down from an
older child to a younger one, or even sold. On a
recent survey, parents new to school uniforms
reportedly saved a whopping $100-$200 on school
clothes per child the first year. The survey also
reported that 95% of parents attributed an
increased feeling of peace to the adoption of the

uniform policy. Children will have already agreed
on what clothes their parents will need to buy, so
there will be fewer arguments.
And On and On and On
and On . . .
Before you move on to problems with words in the
next lesson, take a look at a problem sentence from the
second body paragraph on school uniforms.
Children who dress differently are alienated from
cliques at school and left to feel like outsiders and
are teased unmercifully and end up losing a lot of
self-esteem and so maybe they will grow up bitter
and join gangs and use drugs and end up murder-
ing someone.
Do you see that there are two things wrong with
this sentence? For one thing, it goes on and on and on.
It should have been divided into at least two sentences.
Maybe you also noticed that the reasoning here is
faulty. This is an exaggerated example of slippery slope
reasoning: something causes something that leads to
HOT TIP
Make sure you have a quality eraser—unless you are per-
fect! Find an eraser that will erase pencil marks from
newsprint without leaving smudges or tearing. Your essay
paper will not be newsprint, but if an eraser can erase
newsprint, it can erase anything. Avoid replacing a word
with another by writing darker over the first word without
erasing first. When you need to add a word, avoid “^”
marks. Erase the words before and after the word you will
put in, and put three words in place of two.

–CBEST MINI-COURSE–
146
something else. In this example, the lack of uniforms
leads to murder—this conclusion is neither logical nor
believable. So let’s just leave off that part and clean up
the sentence structure.
Children who dress differently are usually alienated
from cliques at school and left to feel like outsiders.
Often they are teased unmercifully.
What if you wanted to join those two sentences
after all? You could do it with a semicolon; if you used
a comma, you’d have a sentence fault called a comma
splice. The same is true of the sentence you just read.
For more on fixing your punctuation and word prob-
lems, go on to the next lesson.

Writing 5: Finishing Touches
The scorers who read your essay will be on the lookout
for precise wording and careful, accurate usage. This
chapter will review some common errors.
Punctuation Deficit
A question mark goes at the end of a question.
Use few, if any, exclamation points in your essay and
always end your sentences with a period. There are
many rules for using commas. Here are the most
common places for a comma:
■
At the end of long clauses
■
Between lists of words

■
Around appositives
■
Between the sentences of a compound sentence
■
Around non-essential words and clauses
■
Wherever the meaning of the sentence would not
be clear without one
If these rules aren’t familiar, you can find details
in the books listed at the end of this chapter.
As you proofread, check to see whether your
essay flows well. If additional punctuation is necessary
to get your point across, use it—but don’t go over-
board by throwing in commas where they are not nec-
essary. Can you find the punctuation errors in the
following paragraph?
Not only are parents happy to see a uniform policy
in place, but their children benefit as well. If you
were poor wouldn’t you feel bad if you were not
dressed as well as your peers. Children who dress
differently are usually alienated from cliques at
school and left to feel like outsiders. Often they are
teased unmercifully. Dressing in uniform eliminates
that problem. Instead you feel a sense of belonging.
You are less distractd by cumparing your clothes to
others so you are more apd to be relaxed and queiter
in school. This enables them to learn more. Chil-
dren might be happy with the school uniform pol-
icy but not as happy as their teachers and principals

The second sentence is a question; it should have
a question mark. Because the question doesn’t start
until after a phrase, the phrase should be set off by a
comma.
If you were poor, wouldn’t you feel bad if you were
not dressed as well as your peers?
HOT TIP
Spend the last few minutes of exam time proofreading to
see whether you included everything you had to say,
whether you used the same verb tense and person
throughout, and whether your words are clear. There is no
time for big revisions, but check for such details as peri-
ods after sentences and spelling.
–CBEST MINI-COURSE–
147
There could be a comma after Instead at the
beginning of the fifth sentence. This comma may not
be necessary in some circumstances, but you are
changing the flow of thought here, and you want the
readers to know it.
Instead, you feel a sense of belonging.
The sixth sentence contains a compound sen-
tence that should be set off with a comma. The last
sentence could also use a comma to separate a long
clause from the main sentence, particularly since you
are once again switching gears. Lastly, don’t let the fact
that you’re almost done make you forget to put a
period at the end of the last sentence.
You are less distractd by cumparing your clothes to
others, so you are more apd to be relaxed and

queiter in school. This enables them to learn more.
Children might be happy with the school uniform
policy, but not as happy as their teachers and prin-
cipals.
Identity Disorder
Keep the same person throughout the essay: I and me
or you, or they and them. It is all right to address the
reader with a question, but the facts and statements
should match each other. In the paragraph below, the
subject of the first and third sentences is “children.”
You need to continue to talk about children in the
third person throughout the paragraph.
Not only are parents happy to see a uniform policy
in place, but their children benefit as well. If you
were poor, wouldn’t you feel bad if you were not
dressed as well as your peers? Children who dress
differently are usually alienated from cliques at
school and left to feel like outsiders. Often they are
teased unmercifully. Dressing in uniform eliminates
that problem. Instead, they feel a sense of belonging.
They are less distractd by cumparing their clothes to
others, so they are more apd to be relaxed and
queiter in school.
The second sentence is not talking about chil-
dren, but is addressing the reader, so it’s OK to use you
and your. The last two sentences talk about children,
not about the reader, so those sentences should use
they and their, not you and your.
Spelling Abnormality Disorder
You have to write quickly during the exam, but save a

couple of minutes at the end to check your work for
spelling errors. Often our minds go faster than our
pencils, and left alone, our pencils make a lot of mis-
takes. Too bad there are no perfect pencils in this
world! Did you find the misspelled words in the sec-
ond body paragraph on school uniforms?
They are less distractd by cumparing their clothes to
others so they are more apd to be relaxed and
queiter in school.
Let’s fix it:
They are less distracted by comparing their clothes
to others so they are more apt to be relaxed and
quieter in school.
Forked Tongue Disease
Be on the lookout for words or even sentences that
might have two different meanings. Now that we’ve
fixed the spelling errors in the sentence above, look
again to see how it might be confusing. Does the sen-
tence mean that comparing their clothes is less dis-
tracting? And what are they comparing their clothes
to? To other people? There are too many meanings for
this sentence. It needs to be revised.
–CBEST MINI-COURSE–
148