hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in american and vietnamese = che giấu những cảm xúc không vui trong các cuộc hội thoại hàng ngày ở người mỹ và người việt nam

Vietnam national university
College of foreign languages
Postgraduate department

----------------**0**----------------

Cao ThÞ HËu

Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in
American and vietnamese

(Che giấu những cảm xúc không vui trong các cuộc hội
thoại hàng ngày ở ng-êi Mü vµ ng-êi ViƯt Nam)

PROGRAM I
M.A. MINOR THESIS

Field: English Linguistics
Code: 60 22 15

Hanoi, 2009


Vietnam national university
College of foreign languages
Postgraduate department

----------------**0**----------------

Cao ThÞ HËu

Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in
American and vietnamese

(Che giấu những cảm xúc không vui trong các cuộc hội
thoại hàng ngày ở ng-êi Mü vµ ng-êi ViƯt Nam)

PROGRAM I
M.A. MINOR THESIS

Field: English Linguistics
Code: 60 22 15
Supervisor: Đỗ Thị Mai Thanh, M.A.

Hanoi, 2009


iv

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Part 1: Introduction .............................................................................................. 1
1. Rationale .................................................................................................... 1
2. Aims of the study ....................................................................................... 2
3. Scope of the study ...................................................................................... 2
4. Methodology of the study ........................................................................... 3
4.1. The survey instrument.......................................................................... 3
4.2. The participants. .................................................................................. 3
4.3. Data collection. .................................................................................... 3
4.4. Data analysis ....................................................................................... 4
5. Design of the study..................................................................................... 4
Part 2: Development............................................................................................... 6

Chapter 1: Theoretical background .................................................................... 6
1.1. Language, communication, and culture. ............................................... 6
1.1.1. Language and communication. .............................................. 6
1.1.2. Language and culture. ........................................................... 6
1.2. Hiding bad feelings used as a face saving act. ...................................... 7
1.3. Previous researches on subject matters related to hiding feelings.......... 8
Chapter 2: Verbal communication and hiding bad feelings............................... 10
2.1. Verbal communication......................................................................... 10
2.2. Ways of using verbal language to hide bad feelings. ............................ 11
Chapter 3: Results and Discussions .................................................................... 16
3.1. Ways to express different strategies to hide bad feelings in American
English and Vietnamese..................................................................... 16
3.1.1. Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in American and
Vietnamese in particular social groups. ............................... 17
3.1.2. Different strategies used by American and Vietnamese in hiding
bad feelings ......................................................................... 20
3.1.3. Communication in university. ................................................ 22
3.1.4. Communication in family. .................................................... 23
3.1.5. Communication in business. .................................................. 24


v

3.2. Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two
groups - as seen from gender perspective. ............................................. 25
3.2.1. Hiding bad feelings used by Vietnamese females vs. males. .. 25
3.2.2. Hiding bad feelings used by American females vs. males ...... 33
Part 3: Conclusion .................................................................................................. 41
1. Summary .......................................................................................................... 41
2. Some suggestions for successful communication .............................................. 42

3. Suggestions for further study ............................................................................ 43


vi

LIST OF TABLES AND GRAPHS

Table 1: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of age. ..................................... 17
Table 2: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of gender. ................................ 18
Table 3: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of marital status. ...................... 18
Table 4: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of living area. .......................... 19
Table 5: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of occupation. .......................... 19
Table 6: Frequency of verbal hiding bad feelings in terms of language acquisition. ........... 20
Chart 1: Different strategies used by American and Vietnamese in hiding bad feelings..... 21
Chart 2: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in university used by
native speakers of Vietnamese and native speakers of English. .......................................... 22
Chart 3: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in family used by
native speakers of Vietnamese and native speakers of English. .......................................... 23
Chart 4: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings in communication in business used by
native speakers of Vietnamese and native speakers of English. .......................................... 24
Chart 5: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two groups:
Vietnamese females vs. males............................................................................................ 26
Chart 6: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in university by
Vietnamese females vs. males............................................................................................ 27
Chart 7: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in family by
Vietnamese females vs. males............................................................................................ 28
Chart 8: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in business by
Vietnamese females vs. males............................................................................................ 30
Chart 9: Different purposes of Vietnamese males and females in hiding bad feelings. ...... 31
Chart 10: Different bad feelings hidden by Vietnamese males and females. ...................... 32

Chart 11: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two groups:
American females vs. males............................................................................................... 34
Chart 12: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in university by
American females vs. males............................................................................................... 35
Chart 13: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in family by
American females vs. males............................................................................................... 36


vii

Chart 14: Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used in communication in business by
American females vs. males............................................................................................... 37
Chart 15: Different purposes of American males and females in hiding bad feelings......... 39
Chart 16: Different bad feelings hidden by American males and females. ........................ 40


viii

LIST OF ABBREVIATIONS AND CONVENTIONS

SPSS = Statistical Package for the Social Sciences
FTA = Face threatening act
FSA = Face saving act
Stra = Strategy
Uni = University
Fami = Family
Busi = Business
A = Always
S = Sometimes
N = Never

MS = Marital status
LA = Living area
Pur = Purpose
F = Feeling


1

Part 1: Introduction
1. Rationale
Language, according to Schmidt & Richard (1980, p. 161), is used to ‚build bridges, to
consolidate political regimes, to carry on arguments, to convey information from one
person to another, to entertain – in short, to communicate.‛ When the function ‚to
communicate‛ flows successfully, a social relation has been established, reinforced and
maintained. Thus, successful communication requires not only pure linguistic competence
but also knowledge of social norms, social status, social values, and relations between
individuals known as communicative competence - the ability to use the language correctly
and appropriately. Successful communication needs the correct interpretation by an
addressee of a speaker’s/ writer’s intent in performing a linguistic act. The lack of this
pragmatic competence as well as linguistic competence may lead to impoliteness,
misinterpretation, culture shocks, or even communication breakdown.
Hiding bad feelings is chosen for investigation in this study not accidentally. First,
communicative functions are not only language – specific, they are culture – specific as
well. The difference in the ways in which languages realize the same function seems to
make it problematic for language learners to say the right thing at the right time. It seems to
be dangerous when the exposure of negative feelings may insult or loose face of the
interlocutors. Knowing how to hide the bad feelings and response appropriately is very
necessary, especially for cultural outsiders. Second, a number of studies concerning speech
acts such as thanking, advising, requesting, apologizing, disagreeing, etc. have been carried
out in this college. Some of the researches on hiding feelings have already done at undergraduate level, but none has been carried out at higher levels. Thus, I would like to

continue exploring this topic in my M.A. thesis. Moreover, a comparison of hiding bad
feelings between American native speakers of English and native speakers of Vietnamese
is considered to be valuable to the teaching and learning of spoken English in Vietnam.
That is why the thesis is named ‚Hiding bad feelings in daily conversations in American
and Vietnamese‛.


2

2. Aims of the study
The very first aim of this study is to find out the ways to express different polite strategies
to hide bad feelings in American English and Vietnamese. The second purpose is to
compare the different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of two
ethnic groups: Vietnamese females vs. males, and American females vs. males. Thanks to
these findings, some suggestions for successful communication will be given. The study is,
therefore, conducted with the hope of contributing to the socio-cultural aspects of spoken
English communication for the avoidance or at least the reduction of communication
failures in terms of sociolinguistic.
The following questions guided the research:
1. What are ways to express different polite strategies to hide bad feelings in
American English and Vietnamese?
2. Does gender difference affect the ways of hiding bad feelings of American and
Vietnamese?
3. Scope of the study
Although the author is fully conscious of the role of non-verbal factors in real life
communication, they are beyond the scope of this study. The study is only confined to the
verbal aspect of the communication of hiding bad feelings. And the study focuses on some
specific situations in business, university and family.
The Vietnamese northern dialects and American English are chosen for contrastive
analysis. By American English, the author means the English spoken by those who have

American nationality and speak English as their native language.
Although such sociological factors such as relative power, ranking of impositions and
social distance are crucial, they are kept neutral and constant. The study especially focuses
on the effects of different genders on the ways of hiding bad feelings of native speakers of
Vietnamese and American.


3

4. Methodology of the study
4.1. The survey instrument
The survey instrument, a three-page questionnaire, was devised to work out hiding bad
feelings in daily conversations in American and Vietnamese. The questionnaire was
divided into three sections. The first section contained demographic questions in order to
gain information about the participants’ nationality, age, gender, marital status, area where
they spend most of their time, occupation, acquisition of language(s) other than their
mother tongue. The second section consisted of three questions. Respondents were asked:
‚How often do you hide your bad feelings? What is your purpose when you hide your bad
feelings? What bad feelings do you often hide?‛ This section dealt with the basic concept
of hiding bad feelings in order to review the subjects’ understanding of hiding bad feelings.
The third section related to seven situations, including 3 situations in university, 2
situations in family, and 2 situations in business. In this section, informants were asked to
be in specific positions to produce practical strategies of hiding bad feelings. They can
choose one of the appropriate answers given or express their own ideas.
4.2. The participants.
The subjects in this study were divided into two groups: Vietnamese people and American
people. The Vietnamese group included 20 females and 20 males, who were native
speakers of Vietnamese living in the Northern part of Vietnam. The American group
included 20 females and 20 males who were native speakers of English living in the USA.
The questionnaires were delivered to many people of two groups from different professions

and social status. Their ages range from 18 to 60 years.
Due to research requirement seen from gender perspective, the survey was distributed
almost evenly in number of female and male respondents in both of the two groups. The
number of females respondents accounts for 50% and male respondents 50%. This balance
will affirm valid findings of the study.
4.3. Data collection.
Two different methods were used for data collection. First, while visiting some places like
travel agencies, restaurants, hotels, cafeterias, libraries, classrooms, and at home in
February, March and April of 2009, the researcher contacted 44 foreigners and 55


4

Vietnamese people and asked them to answer the questionnaire. A total of 75 participants,
including 35 foreigners and 40 Vietnamese people, completed the survey giving a response
rate of 79.6%, 72.7% respectively. Next, written questionnaires were mailed to 10
Americans and 12 Vietnamese people. Out of 22, a total of 18 questionnaires from 8
Americans and 10 Vietnamese people were returned, giving a response rate of 80%, 83.3%
respectively. The large gap of response rates in data collection may be the result of the two
different approaches for data collection, namely visiting or mailing. After all the data had
been collected, the answers were kept and referred to when analyzing the findings.
4.4. Data analysis.
To understand the basic knowledge about the theme, such materials as textbooks, reference
books, newspapers, sources from internet were consulted.
The research is mainly relied on the survey questionnaires. The data was coded and entered
onto Microsoft Excel sheets, and then analyzed statistically, using percentage and
reliability values, via the computerized program called SPSS (Statistical Package for the
Social Sciences).
Based on the collected information from the questionnaires, all the discussions, comments,
and conclusions are inductively made. The quantitative method is mainly employed in the

investigation with the illustration of tables, and graphs.
Together with the quantitative method, contrastive analysis is also used to achieve the
objectives of the research. Supporting techniques such as consultation with the supervisor,
discussion with colleagues, and personal observations are also of significant contribution to
the study.
5. Design of the study
The study is divided into three main parts:
Part 1: Introduction:
The rationale, aims, scope of the study, methodology, comments on the survey
instrument, on the participants, on the data collection and analysis method are all
introduced in this part.


5

Part 2: Development:
This part is the focus of the study which is divided into 3 chapters:
Chapter 1: Theoretical background consists of 3 parts:
1.1. Language, communication, and culture.
1.2. Hiding bad feelings used as a face saving act.
1.3. Previous researches on subject matters related to hiding feelings.
Chapter 2: Verbal communication and hiding bad feelings includes 2 parts
entitled:
2.1. Verbal communication.
2.2. Ways of using verbal language to hide bad feelings.
Chapter 3: Results and Discussions is designed to find out the answers for the
research questions. Therefore, it contains 2 parts:
3.1. Ways to express different polite strategies to hide bad feelings in
American English and Vietnamese.
3.2. Different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by different gender of

two groups - as seen from gender perspective
Part 3: Conclusion
This part briefly presents review of the major findings, conclusions remarked, some
suggestions for successful communication, and suggestions for further study.


6

Part 2: Development
Chapter 1: Theoretical background
1.1. Language, communication, and culture.
1.1.1. Language and communication.
Language has appeared and evolved to help mankind communicate. As language is used to
communicate, the essential problems to be solved have something to do with ‚how to make
our intentions known to others, how to communicate what we have in our conscious, what
we want done on our behalf, how we wish to relate to others, and what in this or other
worlds is possible.‛ (Bruner, 1978)
When mentioning communication, normally people think of communicating with words. In
fact, the concept must be understood as ‚the process of sharing meaning through verbal and
nonverbal behaviors.‛ (Nguyen Quang, 1994, p. 6)
Saundra Hybels and Rechard L. Weaver II (1992, p. 5) offer a more specific definition of
communication: ‚Communication is any process in which people share information, ideas,
and feelings. That process involves not only the spoken and written words, but also body
language, personal mannerisms and style, the surroundings anything that adds meaning to a
message.‛
Therefore, it is clearly seen that central to the whole communication process is language.
For communicating successfully and effectively, caution must be exercised in order to
avoid ambiguity. For example, informal language is used for every day interactions but it
needs elaborating for meetings and conferences. Thus a successful communicator must
own a good command of language at first.

1.1.2. Language and culture.
It has been seen that language of a community is part of or a manifestation of its culture.
Culture and language are closely related and interact between themselves. Culture may be
described by some people as opera, fine art, and so on. Culture, however, in our sense in
relation to language is the way we act, the context in which we exist, think, feel and relate
to others.


7

According to Kottak, C. P. (1979, p. 4), culture is ‚that complex whole which includes
knowledge, belief, arts, morals, law, custom, and any other capabilities and habits acquired
by man as a member of society‛. In this definition, culture is taken as socially acquired
knowledge in a community and anything like habits.
In Sapir’s view (1970, p. 207), ‚language doesn’t exist apart from culture, that is from the
socially inherited assemblage of practices and beliefs that determines the texture of our
lives‛. In other words, he defines culture as ‚what society does and thinks‛ and language is
‚a particular how of thought‛.
Form Kramsch (1998, p. 4) reaffirms that language not only expresses but also embodies
and symbolizes cultural reality. And language is ‚one of the most important symbol
systems in any culture‛ (Brumfit, C. J et al, 1985). Thus in the foreign or second language
classroom the activities and cultural influences can not be separated from what is learnt.
1.2. Hiding bad feelings used as a face saving act.
Face must be persistently attended to in interaction. Face can be maintained, enhanced as
well as threatened as each communicative interaction brings with it the possibility of losing
face. So face is constantly at risk. The polite speaker is expected to preserve and avoid the
loss of face. Generally, they behave in particular ways to show their awareness of the other
person’s expectations that their public self-image will be respected, i.e., their face wants.
Interactants’ cooperation in maintaining each other’s face also allows them to save their

own face. It is in the mutual interest of both partners of communication to do so. If a
speaker says something that might be interpreted as a threat to another individual’s face, it
is described as a face threatening act (FTA). And if the speaker can say something to lessen
the potential face threat in some action or speech, it is called a face saving act (FSA).
According to speech act’s classifications by Yule G. (1997, p. 84) (following Austin), and
Searle (1969, p. 67), hiding bad feelings is obviously a speech act. Hiding bad feelings act
carries all the characteristics of speech acts and by no means is exempted from the
influences of social context. One salient feature of this speech act is that, in doing it, the
addresser tries to hold his/ her real feelings for whatever reasons he/ she assigns to.


8

Regarded as a speech act, hiding bad feelings can operate well on the basis of politeness, a
general foundation of any speech acts.
The purpose of hiding bad feelings is to avoid hurting a person’s feelings, minimize
disagreement, and hide one’s true negative feelings. In other words, hiding negative
feelings is aimed at lessening the threat of loosing the other’s face. It helps to maintain
good relationship among interlocutors by saving their own face. Therefore, hiding bad
feelings can be used as a face saving act.
1.3. Previous researches on subject matters related to hiding feelings.
Although hiding feelings is a rather interesting and worth-studying topic, it is surprising to
know that there have no M.A. theses on subject matters related to hiding feelings in our
college so far. Also, you can find few articles as well as researches on this topic on the
internet. However, there are two graduation papers on this subject.
The first graduation paper entitled ‚Body language used in hiding feelings‛ was written
by NguyÔn Phïng Khao Trang who graduated from university in 2003. The study focuses
on finding out the differences between Anglicist and Vietnamese people in hiding feelings
non-verbally with two main aspects:


Frequency of non-verbal hiding feelings.



Differences between Anglicist and Vietnamese people in using types
of body language in hiding feelings.

In general, the paper only concentrates on the three types of body language that people
usually use in hiding their feelings which are: face and eyes signals, hands and arms
gestures, and legs positions. After analyzing the data, the author concluded that Vietnamese
people are more in favor of hiding feelings non-verbally than Anglicist people. In almost all
relations, hands and arms are applied with high percentage. These body movements are the
most popular among Anglicist people when hiding feelings with acquaintance or colleague
at the same age while Vietnamese people use them the most when talking to their parents
or boss.
The second graduation paper is ‚Some Anglicist Vietnamese cross-cultural differences
in hiding feelings by Trần Thị Quúnh Lª, graduating in 2002. In this thesis, the author


9

focuses mainly on verbal aspects of the act of hiding feelings, (more specifically dislike
and disappointment). In the light of cross-cultural pragmatics and basing on data collected,
two main issues have been given special emphasis on:


Frequency of hiding feelings.



Realization of politeness strategies in hiding feelings.

Also found in this thesis are some potential culture shock evocations and implications for
teachers and learners of English. It is concluded that not only the choice is affected by the
speakers themselves (their age, sex, etc.) but more importantly the social relationship
between hearer and speaker, which is decided by such factors as age, social status, sex, etc.
of hearer. In addition, the different choice of the most favorable strategy in Anglicist and
Vietnamese indicates that while Anglicist people resort to silence for their safety,
Vietnamese ones find their harmony in being ambiguous and vague.
In this thesis I will try to avoid repeating areas covered by those graduation papers.
Although my thesis also focuses on verbal aspects, I do a research in order to find out the
answers for the two following questions:


What are ways to express different polite strategies to hide bad feelings in
American English and Vietnamese?



Does gender difference affect the ways of hiding bad feelings of American and
Vietnamese?

My emphasis is on working out the different strategies of hiding bad feelings used by
different gender of two groups: American and Vietnamese - as seen from gender
perspective, and then withdrawing the general differences between American and
Vietnamese ways of hiding bad feelings. Studying different strategies of hiding bad
feelings used by different gender of two groups is my new way to exploit this topic.
Moreover, different from Ms. Quúnh Lª, I only study the ways to hide some negative
feelings not all feelings that humans have by researching some certain situations

(specifically at home, at work place and in university).


10

Chapter 2: Verbal communication and hiding bad feelings.
2.1. Verbal communication.
The basis of communication is the interaction between people. Verbal communication is
one way for people to communicate face-to-face. Some of the key components of verbal
communication are sound, words, speaking, and language.
Over 3,000 languages and major dialects are spoken in the world today. The development
of languages reflects class, gender, profession, age group, and other social factors. The
huge variety of languages usually creates difficulties between different languages, but even
within a single language there can be many problems in understanding.
Problems with relationships happen when your verbal communication or written
information is misunderstood. People have their own way of interpreting. They understand
something using one or more of their five senses. An example is, instead of telling your
spouse that you need him more often, you tell him that he does not care anymore. This will
usually lead to an argument.
Through speaking we try to eliminate this misunderstanding, but sometimes this is a very
hard thing to do. Just as we assume that our messages are clearly received, so we assume
that because something is important to us, it is important to others. As time has proven this
is not at all true. Many problems can arise in speaking and the only way to solve these
problems is through experience.
In general, mastering linguistic skill is not reserved for the selected few. It is a skill that
each and every one should develop for personal growth and to improve relationships and
interactions.
Everyone's brain is forever having thoughts and they are primarily with words. Words
spoken, listened to or written affect your life as well as others. They have the power to
create emotions and move people to take action. When verbal communication is delivered

accurately and clearly, you activate the mind and encourage creativity.
"The quality of your life is the quality of your communication." - Anthony Robbins
(cited on />

11

Your ability to communicate effectively is one of the skills that you require for your
personal growth and success. You cannot assume and use your vague knowledge and
limited vocabulary and expect to change your life.
2.2. Ways of using verbal language to hide bad feelings.
In general, there are many negative feelings we may experience such as disagreement,
anger, fear, sadness, annoyance, doubtfulness, nervousness, discomfort, boredom, anxiety,
shyness, but we do not want to reveal them when we are communicating with other people.
The reasons for hiding negative feelings are different, depending on each person. People
hide their bad feelings maybe because of being polite, preventing other people’s
embarrassment, preventing yourself from being embarrassed, getting yourself out of
troubles, not shocking or surprising others, avoiding giving away information about a third
person, avoiding hurting a person’s feelings, minimizing disagreement, hiding one’s true
feelings. In short, bad feelings may affect our conversations and even loose the
interlocutors’ face. Therefore, it is better for us to hide our true feelings, but how to hide
our bad feelings verbally?


The easiest way is to use vague or neutral responses, for example:
A: How do you like my new shoes?
B: I don’t think I’ve ever seen any quite like that or OK, they’re nice.

In this way, you can not frankly speak what you are thinking of the new shoes. ‚Oh, it is
colorful‛. Or, ‚It is not suitable to you‛ or something like that. If you let your true feelings
be known, you may bore your friend and he/ she will never share his/ her pleasure or

sorrow with you. In other words, you are widening your friendship by yourself.


Another way to hide your bad feelings is by trying to find one aspect of the item
being asked about to compliment.

In a relationship, it is important to understand your partner's preference. Your
communication will be more successful if you excite the person using her preferred sense.
For example, you hate your friend’s shirt, but the color is not too bad you may say: ‚Oh, I
like the color‛. Your friend will feel happy and pleasant because you like his/ her shirt. No


12

one feel satisfied and excited if they buy something which is worthless. Don’t hesitate to
compliment even you are only interested in a small aspect of the item.


Finding one positive aspect of a person to compliment is one of the ways to hide
your negative feelings.

As can be seen this communicative strategy and the previous one are alike. These strategies
work by using positive words to please the listeners. The former requires you to
complement one good aspect of the item while the latter is used by complimenting one
positive aspect of a person. There are many ways to hide your true feelings about one
person you dislike by dealing with his/ her good aspect as follows:
- ‚Well, she seems nice, but I’ve only known her a few days.‛
- ‚It’s still a little early to tell, but I’m sure I will when I get to know her a little
better.‛
- ‚Well, she seems interesting, but I don’t know her very well yet.‛

- ‚She has a good sense of humor.‛


Giving some excuse is another choice to hide bad feelings in verbal
communication.

When do you give some excuse? Maybe, when you want to get out of something – don’t
want to go somewhere – don’t want to be held responsible or accountable for something. It
is said that we all are guilty of using such kings of excuses. However, not all excuses are
bad. There are legitimate excuses - reasons that you cannot or should not go somewhere or
do something. Skilful communicators often give the legitimate excuses in order to avoid
hurting their interlocutors or hide their true negative feelings. These excuses may be ‚The
salad is nice, but I’m starting to get full‛. Or ‚It is quite good, but I can’t eat any more.
I’m not feeling very well‛. Normally, they try to show one good point of the item being
talked about then using opposite word like ‚but/ however, etc‛ to give excuse. This way
seems to be tactful, popular and rather effective in hiding bad feelings in daily
conversations.


13



Self-abasement is also a strategy used in hiding bad feelings.

Using this technique, speaker has to humble and lower himself/ herself and raise the other
self. Speaker tries to indicate that hearer is of higher social status than him/ her and that he/
she is not as qualified as hearer. Some statements of this kind are:



-

Maybe I wasn’t right for the position.

-

I don’t mind. She deserves it.

-

It’s no problem. I know I have to strive much.

Hiding bad feelings by employing flat refusal.

This strategy is considered very FTA potential since it gives hearer no more chance to
insist.. Apparently, it is a kind of frankly speaking what the speaker is thinking, however, it
can still be heard from truthful people. Unless it is tactfully performed, it might cause
misunderstanding for hearer. For example:



-

I prefer not to say anything about it.

-

Thanks all the same but I couldn’t.

-

Not for me, thanks.

-

Thank you, I won’t.

Self-comfort is a way chosen to hide bad feelings.

Speaker uses this way to comfort himself/ herself even before hearer does. By actively
getting involved in the topic, speaker indirectly confesses his loss yet in an optimistic way,
that is his/ her hope that the same thing would never occur to him/ her again. For example:
-

Well maybe next time.

-

No matter, not this time then another time.

-

Ok. It’s no problem.