Tải bản đầy đủ (.pdf) (56 trang)

Write It Right With Strunk and White

Bạn đang xem bản rút gọn của tài liệu. Xem và tải ngay bản đầy đủ của tài liệu tại đây (651.92 KB, 56 trang )

& WHITE

Write It Right
WITH STRUNK
celebrating The

Elements of Style 1918-1979

STEVE HIGH &
NAT CRAWFORD


Copyright © Improve Your English Tutoring Services, 2009
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons
Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License. To view a copy of this license,
visit />or send a letter to Creative Commons,
171 Second Street, Suite 300,
San Francisco, California, 94105, USA.


Contents
Introduction............................................................................................i

The Sentence
Rule 1: Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding ’s...........................1
Rule 2: In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction,
use a comma after each term except the last........................................1
Rule 3: Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas............................2



When the main clause of a sentence is preceded by
a phrase or a subordinate clause, use a comma to
set off these elements......................................................................................2

Rule 4: Place a comma before a conjunction introducing
an independent clause..............................................................................3
This rule explains how to punctuate compound sentences
and compound predicates.
Rule 5: Do not join independent clauses with a comma.................................4
This rule addresses the comma splice or run-on sentence.
Rule 6: Do not break sentences in two. .............................................................5
This rule addresses sentence fragments of a particular type.
Rule 7: Use a colon after an independent clause
to introduce a list of particulars, an appositive,
an amplification, or an illustrative quotation........................................6


A colon must be preceded by an independent clause.........................................6

Rule 8: Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption
or to announce a long appositive or summary.....................................6


Dashes can also indicate a sudden reversal.....................................................6

Rule 9: The number of the subject determines
the number of the verb. ..........................................................................7
The subject is sometimes some distance from the verb.
Rule 10: Use the proper case of pronoun. ........................................................7



Pronoun Agreement.......................................................................................8



Gender-Neutral Language.............................................................................9



Indefinite Reference........................................................................................9


Rule 11: A participial phrase at the beginning of a sentence
must refer to the grammatical subject.................................................10


The same rule applies to prepositional phrases
and elliptical clauses.....................................................................................10

Rule 12: Choose a suitable design and hold to it............................................10
Rule 13: Make the paragraph the unit of composition..................................11
Rule 14: Use the active voice. ............................................................................11


The passive voice..........................................................................................11



The verb to be............................................................................................12


Rule 15: Put statements in positive form.........................................................12
Rule 16: Use definite, specific, concrete language. .........................................12


This / That / These / Those......................................................................14



Get / Got / Gotten....................................................................................14



Bland Words...............................................................................................14



Similar and Different..................................................................................14

Rule 17: Omit needless words............................................................................15


Avoid the there is construction...................................................................15

Rule 18: Avoid a succession of loose sentences.............................................15


Eleven ways to add variety to a sentence.......................................................16

Rule 19: Express coordinate ideas in similar form.........................................17
This rule addresses parallelism.

Rule 20: Keep related words together..............................................................17


Use the flexibility of adverbial expressions
to keep adjectives and nouns close together.....................................................17

Rule 21: In summaries, keep to one tense........................................................18
Rule 22: Place the emphatic words of a sentence
at the end..................................................................................................19
Style Reminder 4: Write with nouns and verbs.............................................19


Uncover verbs whose action is buried in nouns,
especially with nouns ending in -ion..............................................................20



Do not invent verbs by adding -ize to nouns. ................................................20


How to Write an Essay
1. Limit the subject relentlessly. Divide and subdivide it;
splinter it, and then write about one of the splinters........................21
2. Begin promptly.................................................................................................22
3. Give body to the essay. Consistently develop
one idea....................................................................................................22
4. End when you’re done. Your essay should end
as decisively as it begins.........................................................................22

Types of Paragraphs

INTRODUCTIONS...........................................................................................22
1. Give background on the topic.......................................................................23
2. Describe different points of view on the matter........................................23
3. Discuss the topic in general terms. ...............................................................24
4. Tell a story.........................................................................................................24
CONCLUSIONS.................................................................................................25
1. First, restate thesis in new words, and recap
your argument.........................................................................................25
2. After you have restated your thesis, explain why your
thesis matters...........................................................................................25


Explain some consequences of your thesis’s
being true.................................................................................................25



Issue a call to action...............................................................................25



If you began with an anecdote, you may return to it. ......................26



End with a quote. ...................................................................................26

BODY PARAGRAPHS......................................................................................27



Sample body paragraphs..............................................................................28

WRITING EFFECTIVE PARAGRAPHS.....................................................29


More about Rule 16: Use definite, specific,
concrete language....................................................................................30


Argumentative Paragraphs..........................................................................30



Descriptive Paragraphs................................................................................32

Style Reminder 5: Revise and rewrite.............................................................33
Appendices
Appendix I: Words and Expressions Commonly Misused............................34
Appendix II: Using Verbs Correctly..................................................................35


a. Verb Formation...................................................................................36



b. One Hundred Irregular Verbs..........................................................37

Glossary................................................................................................................... 40



Introduction
Want to improve your English? Write with nouns and verbs, not adjectives and
adverbs. That’s the advice of The Elements of Style, by William Strunk, Jr. and E. B.
White.
White was a professional writer; Strunk was his Cornell English professor. In
part for this reason, professional writers and teachers of English almost universally admire this book. The Associated Press Stylebook, for example, calls Strunk
and White a “bible for writers.” Few students graduate from an American college
without buying at least one copy.
Despite its immense popularity with experts, many beginning writers find Strunk
and White hard to use, rarely take it from their shelves, and privately wonder
what all the heavy breathing is about. The purpose of this booklet is to explain,
illustrate, and send you back to The Elements of Style.
Strunk and White presents 11 rules of usage, 11 rules of composition, and 22
style reminders—hints rather than rules—from E. B. White, one of America’s
most admired stylists. This little book, which in all editions is fewer than 100
pages, makes no pretense to replace authoritative works like the 871-page Chicago
Manual of Style; The Elements of Style covers only a small part of English usage.
Strunk originally wrote it for his introductory writing class at Cornell. He printed
it at his own expense in 1918 and again in 1919, the year E. B. White entered
Cornell. Harcourt Brace published it as a commercial textbook in 1920. Strunk
revised that edition considerably, adding for the first time the essential rule—use
definite, specific, and concrete expressions. In 1934, the publisher brought out
another edition, enlarged and expanded by Strunk’s first and now virtually unknown collaborator, Edward Tenney. After retiring in 1940, Strunk authorized
a reprint of the 1920 edition, omitting the Tenney additions and changes altogether.
In 1959, White produced the edition that gave his old professor undying fame. In
1972, he revised the book again with the help of Eleanor Packard, The New Yorker
copy editor whom he generously acknowledges in that edition. By the release of
the enlarged, expanded, and extensively rewritten third edition of 1979, the book
had become what we know today as Strunk and White. The fourth edition updated examples and discussed removing gender bias. It added a charming foreword
by E. B. White’s son-in-law, Roger Angell; a valuable glossary; and an afterword

by Charles Osgood.
Strunk and White is still as practical, useful, and necessary to the serious writer as
ever. Each line is worth reading and rereading, and all 44 of its numbered recommendations are worth absorbing.
Introduction | i


In 2005, the publishers brought out an illustrated edition with striking and amusing pictures drawn by Maira Kalman. In 2009, an edition commemorating the
50th anniversary of the first Strunk and White edition appeared. These last two
editions, however, made no changes to the text of the fourth edition. While these
versions are pleasant to own, we strongly recommend the fourth-edition paperback, which will fit in your pocket as readily as it does in the pocket of Charles
Osgood.
Both Strunk and White assumed that you had already learned grammar before
you picked up their book. Many of you, however, have not. For this reason, in
this companion volume we have added some basic grammar, notably a table of
irregular verbs; a guide to the correct formation of verb tenses; and a brief discussion of punctuation.
We hope that this booklet is helpful. But our real goal is to get you to pick up
Strunk and White again.

The Elements of Style doesn’t just help you avoid mistakes in your next writing project. It helps you write it right.
STEVE HIGH & NAT CRAWFORD

Introduction | ii


& WHITE

Write It Right
WITH STRUNK
celebrating The


Elements of Style 1918-1979



The Sentence
Rule 1: Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding ’s.
There is an alternative rule (James’ instead of James’s) for singular words ending
in -s. Most editors prefer the Strunk way, but whichever you choose, you must
follow it. You cannot use one rule one time and the other at another time.
In the discussion of this rule, Strunk includes the following admonition:

Do not confuse it’s with its. It’s means “it is.”
When proofreading, mentally expand every “it’s” or “its” into “it is.” This exercise will spare you from condescension, embarrassment, and rejection.

To understand the following principles of sentence structure, learn the following
terms: coordinating conjunctions, subordinating conjunctions, relative pronouns,
conjunctive adverbs, main clause, subordinate clause, and phrase. All these terms are
explained in the glossary.

Rule 2: In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction,
use a comma after each term except the last.
If you’ve memorized the seven coordinating conjunctions, you can easily spot
the conjunction used as the final link of the three terms below:

We opened the door, walked into the room,
looked around, and admired the house.
Like Rule 1, this practice is not universally followed. The Associated Press Stylebook,
used by all newspapers and many businesses, recommends dropping the comma
before the conjunction in a series. Just make sure that, whichever standard you
follow, you remain consistent. As with Rule 1, you cannot follow the AP guidelines at one point in an essay and Strunk and White at another.


WRITE IT RIGHT | 1


Rule 3: Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas.
Parenthetic expressions provide an extra element of description to the sentence;
the information in such expressions can usually be removed without damaging
the meaning of the sentence. Knowing this rule can help clear up the punctuation of two grammatical structures: appositives and adjective clauses.
Usually, appositives provide parenthetic information about the noun. In the following sentence, an appositive phrase adds extra information about the father.

My dad, a former CIA agent,
speaks English, French, and Thai.
Sometimes appositives provide information essential to identifying a noun. In the
following sentence, we need the appositive to know which cousin is being discussed. Hence, the word is not parenthetic and has no commas surrounding it.

I have two cousins. My cousin Diego
lives in Salt Lake City these days.
Adjective clauses nearly always begin with relative pronouns. If an adjective
clause is not needed to specify a noun, it is a parenthetic expression; separate it
from the sentence with commas.

My father, who worked for the CIA
for many years, owns a lie detector.
Charlie Smith, who used to cook for us,
has just opened his own restaurant.
If an adjective clause is needed to specify a person, place, or thing, it is not a parenthetic expression; do not separate it from the sentence with commas.

The man who opened the door
was my uncle.
We saw two dogs. The dog that had

black spots was rolling on the ground.
The that entry in Strunk and White’s alphabetical listing of “Words and Expressions Commonly Misused” adds to Rule 3.
Rule 3 includes the following point:

When the main clause of a sentence is preceded by a phrase or
a subordinate clause, use a comma to set off these elements.
2

| WRITE IT RIGHT


Here’s an example of an initial phrase:
For three months out of the year,

we stay with my friend in Ohio.

Here’s an example of a subordinate clause beginning a sentence:
Because we needed a place to stay,

we called my friend in the city.

After the publication of the original Elements of Style, some teachers simplified
punctuation by developing a corollary to this rule: if a dependent clause comes at
the end of the sentence, don’t put a comma before it.

We called my friend in the city,

We called my friend in the city

because we needed a place

to stay.

because we needed a place
to stay.

incorrect

correct

Rule 4: Place a comma before a conjunction introducing an independent clause.
This rule explains how to punctuate compound sentences and compound predicates.
If each clause can stand alone, always use a comma before the coordinating conjunction; if only one clause can stand alone, never use a comma. This is a simplification that is always correct.
compound predicate:

He tried everything,
but succeeded at nothing.

He tried everything
but succeeded at nothing.

compound sentence:

He tried everything
but he succeeded at nothing.
incorrect

He tried everything,
but he succeeded at nothing.
correct


WRITE IT RIGHT | 3


Rule 5: Do not join independent clauses with a comma.
This rule addresses the comma splice or run-on sentence. The following sentence is incorrect:

The mouse ran away quickly,
the cat caught it anyway.
Because each half of the sentence could stand by itself as a sentence, it is incorrect to connect the two halves with a comma. You may use a comma plus a coordinating conjunction.

The mouse ran away quickly,
but the cat caught it anyway.
You may also join independent clauses with a semicolon.

The mouse ran away quickly;
the cat caught it anyway.
When you use a semicolon, the material both before and after it must be an independent clause.

Sam put on his hat and walked
out the door; planning his big day.

Sam put on his hat and walked
out the door; he was planning
his big day.

incorrect

correct

You may also show transitions between independent clauses with conjunctive

adverbs.

During the festival, the town choir will sing
at noon. Also, the marching band will perform.
You answered three questions correctly;
however, you must answer four correctly to win.
Surround conjunctive adverbs in the middle of a clause with commas.

George started using better fertilizer.
His plants, consequently, flourished.
The soldiers wanted to go home for the weekend;
the general, however, had other plans.

4

| WRITE IT RIGHT


Remember that commas are delicate little marks. Don’t strew them over your
writing like rock salt on an icy road. Don’t use a comma to separate compound
subjects or compound adverbs.

The players, and coaches
walked slowly, but cheerfully
back to the locker room.

The players and coaches
walked slowly but cheerfully
back to the locker room.


incorrect

correct

Rule 6: Do not break sentences in two.
This rule addresses sentence fragments of a particular type. When you split a
sentence in two—perhaps because you think it’s too long—one of the two pieces
may be a fragment.

If you go to Boston on Saturday.
By itself, this clause is obviously only a piece of a complete sentence, a fragment.
The writer broke it off from a main clause either before or after it and mistakenly punctuated it as a sentence. In context, the fragment may be less apparent:

Be sure to say hello to
your grandparents and give them
my best wishes. If you go to
Boston on Saturday.
incorrect

Be sure to say hello to
your grandparents and give them
my best wishes if you go to
Boston on Saturday.
correct

You can write another kind of incomplete sentence by going on and on without
reaching your destination, a predicate.

The tired soldiers of Company C, exhausted from the long
march and homesick for their loved ones and under relentless fire that seemed endless, in a drenching rainstorm on a

muddy trail winding through mountains and forests.
Such sentences are fragments even though they are not broken off from anything else.
A third type of fragment is the stylistic fragment written deliberately for the sake
of, in Strunk’s phrase, “some compensating merit, attained at the cost of the violation.” Try this on your next school paper. If you feel lucky.

WRITE IT RIGHT | 5


Rule 7: Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list
of particulars, an appositive, an amplification, or an illustrative
quotation.
A colon must be preceded by an independent clause.

In the words of John F. Kennedy:
“Ask not what your country
can do for you—ask what you
can do for your country.”

John F. Kennedy said it best:
“Ask not what your country
can do for you—ask what you
can do for your country.”
correct

incorrect

Do not place a colon between a verb and its object or between a preposition and
its object.

We need: pens, paper,

and masking tape.

We need the following supplies:
pens, paper, and masking tape.

We went for a drive
on: Blossom Avenue.

We went for a drive on my
favorite road: Blossom Avenue.

incorrect

correct

Rule 8: Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption or to
announce a long appositive or summary.
The following examples cover the most common use of the dash: setting off appositives that deserve emphasis.

Rupert’s car—a Lotus with a custom apple-green
paint job—was easy to spot.
At length, Eliot received one of the world’s
highest honors—the Nobel Prize.
Dashes can also indicate a sudden reversal.

It was impossible for anyone to escape
the dungeon—and yet he had.
Do not use dashes instead of commas without a reason. For more examples,
consult Strunk and White.


6

| WRITE IT RIGHT


Rule 9: The number of the subject determines the number of the
verb.
The subject is sometimes some distance from the verb. Do not be fooled by intervening material. Strunk and White uses a version of the following example:

The bittersweet flavor of youth—its
trials, its joys, its challenges—are
not soon forgotten.

The bittersweet flavor of youth—its
trials, its joys, its challenges—is not
soon forgotten.

incorrect

correct

You have to spot the subject, flavor, to find the correct form of the verb. An -s at
the end makes the verb singular, but an -s at the end of a noun usually makes it
plural. In most cases, therefore, a subject and verb combination should have exactly one -s between them.
For much more on verbs, see Appendix II.

Rule 10: Use the proper case of pronoun.
Learn to use the correct case, or form, of the nominative, objective, and possessive pronouns (e.g., who, whom, whose; he, him, his).
Pronoun Case
Avoid problems with pronoun case by mentally splitting compound subjects or

objects.

My sister and her missed
the bus.

My sister and she missed
the bus.

My sister and her missed
the bus.

My sister and she missed
the bus.

incorrect

correct

You wouldn’t say “her missed the bus” but rather “she missed the bus.” The following is correct:

My sister and she missed the bus.

WRITE IT RIGHT | 7


The same trick can be applied in the following situation:

The bus almost hit she and I.
The bus almost hit she and I.
The bus almost hit she and I.

The bus almost hit she and I.

The bus almost hit her and me.
The bus almost hit her and me.
The bus almost hit her and me.
correct

incorrect

You wouldn’t say The bus almost hit I, but rather The bus almost hit me. By the same
reasoning, she should become her. The following is correct:

The bus almost hit her and me.
This trick doesn’t work with the common blunder between you and I. Just remember that between you and me is always correct and that the other is always wrong.
Rule 10 does not address pronoun-antecedent agreement although Strunk and
White briefly discusses this issue in the they entry in “Words and Expressions
Commonly Misused.”
Pronoun Agreement
Match singular nouns to singular pronouns, plural nouns to plural pronouns.
incorrect
SINGULAR

When a person hopes for
PLURAL

the best, they often do the worst.

correct
SINGULAR


When a person hopes for
SINGULAR

the best, he or she often does the worst.
PLURAL

When people hope for
PLURAL

the best, they often do the worst.
A single person is obviously not a they; this common but illogical usage may nevertheless some day become acceptable. It is not acceptable yet.

8

| WRITE IT RIGHT


Gender-Neutral Language
Consider these strategies to avoid an awkward overuse of he or she or an unintentional emphasis on the masculine:
Use the plural rather than the singular.

The writer must address
his readers’ concerns.
singular, gender-biased

Writers must address
their readers’ concerns.
plural, gender-neutral

Eliminate the pronoun altogether.


The writer must address
his readers’ concerns.

The writer must address
readers’ concerns.

pronoun,
gender-biased

no pronoun,
gender-neutral

Substitute the second person for the third person.

The writer must address
his readers’ concerns.
third-person,
gender-biased

As a writer, you must
address your readers’
concerns.
second-person,
gender-neutral

(Adapted from Strunk and White,
3rd and 4th eds.)
Indefinite Reference
The pronoun it, like they, also causes problems. Like all pronouns, it requires an

antecedent. However, writers sometimes mistakenly use it without one. Also, a
sentence can sometimes be improved by eliminating the it altogether.
First, check to make sure that it has an antecedent. In the following example, the
writer seems to think that it refers to setting off fireworks. However, that phrase
does not appear in the sentence, so the it has no antecedent.

When people set off fireworks,
it is a way of being patriotic.
incorrect

When people set off fireworks,
they are showing their patriotism.
correct

Notice that the revised sentence replaces a form of to be with an active verb.
WRITE IT RIGHT | 9


Second, check to see if the it can be eliminated.

It is important for us to see the show.

We should see the show.

weak

vigorous

Again, the revised sentence eliminates a form of to be and uses a concrete subject.
These strategies will help you eliminate unnecessary words and make your writing

vigorous.

Rule 11: A participial phrase at the beginning of a sentence must refer to the grammatical subject.
A participial phrase describes an action, but it does not say who or what performs the action. What performs the action of the phrase must appear at the beginning of the main clause. If you neglect this rule, you will produce a dangling
participle, which is often nonsensical.

Pondering the dessert choices,
a slice of cake sounded good to Tim.

Pondering the dessert choices, Tim
thought a slice of cake sounded good.

incorrect

correct

A slice of cake cannot ponder anything.
The same rule applies to prepositional phrases and elliptical clauses.

After opening the box, the present
fell into my lap.

After opening the box, I watched the
present fall into my lap.

incorrect

correct

The present cannot open the box.

If you habitually convert your words into visual images, you will avoid this error
and many more.

Rule 12: Choose a suitable design and hold to it.
Begin each writing job by asking yourself what you are writing. Are you writing
a cookbook? A letter to the editor? A five-paragraph essay? Almost certainly,
someone has written the same kind of thing before, so study some examples before you begin.
A blank sheet of paper is often intimidating. What to write about? Where to start?
Sometimes it’s best to simply start typing. Writing stimulates thinking; you can (and
probably will) later discard the first sentences, paragraphs, or pages you write until
you reach the real first sentence. Unless it’s good, no one will read further.
10

| WRITE IT RIGHT


But sooner or later, you need to make decisions about not only the beginning but
also the middle and the end. The last sentence you write is as important as the
first (Rule 22). Here you tie a ribbon around everything you’ve said and present it
to the reader as a gift. Knowing what you want to leave the reader with is essential to choosing a suitable design.
White’s Style Reminder 3 covers the same ground as Rule 12. Read them both
before getting too far into your next project. Otherwise, as White warns, there
will be no end to your labors.

Rule 13: Make the paragraph the unit of composition.
(See Types of Paragraphs, p. 22.)

Rule 14: Use the active voice.
Passive Voice
Replace the passive voice with the active voice in at least 95% of your sentences;

use the readability statistics of Microsoft WordTM to see if you have done so. It
is easier to revise passive sentences than it is to recognize them in the first place.
Take a close look at all your verbs. Habitual use of the active voice will make
your writing clearer and livelier.
Here’s how: make the object of the preposition by the subject, and make the subject the direct object.
PASSIVE VOICE
subject

verb

object of "by"

The project

was completed

by me

subject

verb

direct object

I

completed

the project


ACTIVE VOICE

Unfortunately, passive sentences do not always have a by phrase to tell who or
what did the action. In such cases, add the missing word.
PASSIVE VOICE
subject

verb

Government

was reformed

ACTIVE VOICE
subject

verb

direct object

The new emperor

reformed

the government

WRITE IT RIGHT | 11


The Verb To Be

Some people mistakenly think that any use of to be makes a sentence passive. Not
true. In passive-voice sentences, a past participle always follows a form of to be.
The following sentences are not passive.
to be as helping verb
to be as linking verb

He is opening a new store next week.
Beauty is truth.

In each case, the subject performs the action of the verb or experiences a state
of being. By contrast, in passive-voice sentences, the subject receives the action
of the verb.
For examples of the active and passive forms in all the most common tenses, see
the Verb Formation table on p. 37.

Rule 15: Put statements in positive form.
Learn to write what is, not what is not. You can often replace the adverb not by
finding a better noun or verb.

He did not have confidence
in his subordinate’s judgment.

He distrusted his
subordinate’s judgment.

The senator did not tell the
whole truth.

The senator dissembled.


That was not the best decision.

That decision was poor.
positive

negative

In the following revision, Prof. Strunk uses the principles of Rules 15 and 17 to
create a much shorter sentence with a well-chosen action verb.

It was not long before he was
very sorry that he had said
what he had said.

He soon repented his words.

negative

positive

Rule 16: Use definite, specific, concrete language.
This is every writing teacher’s rule. The three terms in it are best understood by
contrast to their opposites.

12

| WRITE IT RIGHT


VAGUE LANGUAGE


DEFINITE LANGUAGE

GENERAL LANGUAGE

SPECIFIC LANGUAGE

ABSTRACT LANGUAGE

CONCRETE LANGUAGE

Some stuff was lying
around.
Trees and grass covered
the slope.

We need more structures
in which to display works
of art.

Toys, books, and crayon
drawings covered the floor.
Live oaks and olive trees
covered the slope of long,
brown grass.
We should build more
museums.

Write with nouns and verbs and appeal to the reader’s five senses. You must visualize as you write and use words that describe the details of your image. Strunk
and White gives the following example:


The reward was pocketed
by the parking lot attendant with a grateful smile.
indefinite

The parking lot attendant
grinned as he pocketed the
ten-dollar tip.
definite

Begin using this rule, and you will follow in the footsteps of the world’s greatest
writers. The first sentences of John Steinbeck’s Cannery Row, quoted on p. 33, are
a striking example. Here are some others:
Falstaff sweats to death and lards the lean earth as he walks.
–Shakespeare
[He glared] at her face, as devoid of all comeliness of feature and complexion as the most miserable beggar is of money.
–Conrad
We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we
shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we
shall never surrender.–Churchill

WRITE IT RIGHT | 13


The following entries cover common problems with indefinite, abstract, and
vague language.
This / That / These / Those (demonstrative pronouns)
Add a noun after them (making them demonstrative adjectives) or replace them
with concrete language.


My dad wanted to go to
McDonald’s, but I didn’t
like that.

My dad wanted to go to
McDonald’s, but I didn’t
like that plan.

The city council plans to raise The city council plans to raise
fines for parking tickets.
fines for parking tickets.
This will anger residents.
Residents will fume.
indefinite

definite

Get / Got / Gotten
Eliminate these words or replace them with more accurate verbs.

People are getting tired of
watching American Idol.

People are tired of
watching American Idol.

Getting the laundry done

Finishing the laundry
will take a while.


will take a while.

wordy

concise

Bland Words: Pretty, Cool, Thing, Fun, Nice, Neat, Interesting, etc.
Eliminate or replace.

Our new car was very
interesting.
vague

Our new Acura has a custom
paint job and can go from
0 to 60 in nine seconds.
concrete

Similar and Different
Use these words only if you immediately explain what in particular is similar or
different. Usually, you should simply state the similarities and differences, letting
the qualities speak for themselves.

My mother and father are
very different.

My mother is brash and confident; my
father is quiet and unassuming.


There are many similarities and
differences between the two painters.

Like Gauguin, van Gogh was a wizard
with color; in temperament, however, van
Gogh was much less confident.

abstract
14

| WRITE IT RIGHT

concrete


Rule 17: Omit needless words.
The Elements of Style is famous for its insistence on brevity. Reduce word count by
slashing empty words or by combining sentences more efficiently.
The annual event is held once a year.

The event is held once a year.

The two sins that seem evident here
are avarice and sloth.

Two sins seem evident here:
avarice and sloth.

wordy


concise

You can also save words by avoiding the there is construction, which includes there
are, there was, there were, there could be, there becomes, and so forth. Eliminate there and
begin the sentence with the subject; use an active verb if possible.

There could be a way of fixing
the problem.

The problem has several solutions.

There were children playing on
the swings.

Children were playing on the
swings.

wordy

concise

Even when you do not use an active verb, eliminating there makes a better sentence.

There was a porcelain vase on the
table.

A porcelain vase was on the
table.

wordy


concise

Memorable paragraphs use a variety of sentence structures. Strunk and White
addresses one issue in particular.

Rule 18: Avoid a succession of loose sentences.
Strunk and White point out that some writers habitually string their ideas
together with and and but or sometimes with who, which, when, where, and while
used nonrestrictively. The occasional use of such sentences is fine, but you can
improve your sentences by using more variety. We add that writers of English can
choose from scores of techniques for improving sentence variety (those who wish
to see a few of them can take a look at James Joyce’s Ulysses). To develop your eye
for sentence variety, simply consider the options you have for beginning a sentence.
Sample loose sentence

Mr. White carefully planned the stages of his essay,
and then he wrote it.
WRITE IT RIGHT | 15


×