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Rape disclosure: the interplay
of gender, culture and kinship in
contemporary Vietnam
Nguyen Thu Huong

a

a

Department of Anthropology, Vietnam National University, Hanoi,
Vietnam
Version of record first published: 16 May 2012.

To cite this article: Nguyen Thu Huong (2012): Rape disclosure: the interplay of gender, culture
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Research, Intervention and Care, 14:sup1, S39-S52
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Culture, Health & Sexuality
Vol. 14, No. S1, November 2012, S39–S52

Rape disclosure: the interplay of gender, culture and kinship
in contemporary Vietnam
Nguyen Thu Huong*
Department of Anthropology, Vietnam National University, Hanoi, Vietnam

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(Received 15 August 2011; final version received 10 March 2012)
This paper examines the social management of rape within kin groups in contemporary
Vietnam, with a particular focus on the decision whether or not to seek legal redress.
Post-rape management entails negotiations among families on matters such as apology
and compensation before a decision is made about whether to report the incident to the
authorities. By drawing on an ethnographic study of a limited number of respondents,
this paper highlights how rape disclosure is often bound up with notions of family
honour, with assumptions about kinship, gender relations, social belonging and shared
responsibility in a collective society such as Vietnam.

Keywords: rape disclosure; kinship; honour; gender; Vietnam

Introduction
Sexual violence against women has been the subject of growing international attention over
the past decades and is generally considered a serious violation of women’s human rights. The
relationships between violence against women and social constructions of sex, gender and
sexuality in Asia have also received increasing attention in recent years, as seen in the growing
number of English-language texts, articles and newsletters on the topic (see among many
others, Manderson and Bennett 2003; Niaz 2003; Burns 2005; Nguyen Thu Huong 2011). The
general view is that due to humiliation, pain and risk of stigma, women who have experienced
sexual assault tend to treat it as a personal matter. Most authors tend to portray these women
as victims of male oppression and violence, while largely overlooking the agency of women.
Although rape has become more visible in Vietnam due to the changes brought about by
Doi Moi (Nguyen Thu Huong 2011), the topic is still shrouded in taboo and shame.1 Why?
Because to speak of being raped or sexually abused is to invite stigma and social exclusion,
not only for the victim but for her extended family as well. It is thus appropriate to examine
a less studied aspect in rape research – the role of kinship – which still carries considerable
weight especially in rural areas of Vietnam (Werner 2009) in decisions over whether or not
to bring cases to light. The empirical work undertaken by Luong (1989), Rydstrom (2003)
and Vijeyarasa (2010) indicates that patriarchy in Asian cultures takes a different form from
patriarchy in the West. In the case of rape, the notion of family honour is used as a distinctive
patriarchal tool to restrain the victim’s choice in pressing charges against the rapist. In this
study I will explore how the notion of family honour is manifested not by acts of violence
but through efforts of negotiating a settlement and/or finding ways at the family and kin level
to deal with social consequences caused by the rape of a family member.

*Email:
ISSN 1369-1058 print/ISSN 1464-5351 online
q 2012 Nguyen Thu Huong
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To understand how and why family dynamics and kin relations play a major role in
the reporting decision, my discussion focuses on two main points: the gendered role of
women in the kinship structure and family honour. My findings indicate that the mother
occupies a central place in the process of disclosing and/or reporting rape. The significant
involvement of mothers in the aftermath of their daughters’ rape confirms the observations
made by Stoler (1989) and Douglas (1991) that women are held responsible for policing
the moral-physical boundaries of their families, including the sexuality of women and
girls. By focusing on relationships between victims’ family members, within wider kin
networks and within social hierarchies more generally, I try to gain insight into aspects
of ‘face-saving’ that often arise in post-rape settlements.

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Methods and sample
This paper is based on an ethnographic study of a limited number of respondents from the
Kinh majority in Vietnam, using open-ended interviews, life histories and participant
observation. Given the cultural and social stigma attached to rape, I approached victims
through a counselling office that provided a contact address in the flyers I distributed at
the beginning of my research. The flyer highlighted the purpose of the research, the
confidentiality of personal information, the voluntary nature of participation and the free
counselling services offered by a local non-governmental organisation – the Research
Centre for Family Health and Community Development (CEFACOM) – whose main
activities at the time focused on child sexual abuse. The Research Centre for Family Health
and Community Development had agreed to provide consultation to rape victims through its

network, acting as a contact point for prospective clients coming from the flyer distribution
campaign and providing information such as where to go for medical examination and/or
psychological help, how to bring the case to court and where to find safe accommodation or
temporary shelter if necessary. Well aware that those seeking help may not be interested in
taking part in the research, we made clear that everyone was welcome without obligation.
All in all, we distributed 50,000 flyers mainly in the Hanoi area.
In the end, I managed to follow 23 cases,2 including four cases pending from previous
fieldwork conducted in 2005. Three were brought to my attention by CEFACOM and the
rest came from the leafleting campaign. Data were collected through interviews with these
young women and girls, as well as members of their social networks including family
members, relatives, neighbours, friends, colleagues and social workers.3 See Appendix 1
for demographic details of research participants and types of rape.
Findings
Intra-familial decision: going public or not
Disclosure is a crucial first step in the process of reporting an assault to the appropriate
authorities (Hanson et al. 1999; MacMartin 1999). Accordingly, depending on the types of
support providers (informal versus formal), victims may receive positive or negative
reactions after disclosure (Ahrens 2006; Ahrens et al. 2007). Prior research on rape
disclosure (Felson et al. 2002; Felson and Pare 2005) shows that speaking out about the
assault to insensitive interlocutors may have detrimental consequences for the victims as
they are subjected to further trauma at the hands of the very people they turn to for
help. The experience may seem like a secondary victimisation (Campbell et al. 2001).
Some of the women and young girls in this study suffered severe physical injuries as
a result of rape. These victims, however, did not initiate disclosure themselves; rather,


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their sexual assault was discovered ‘accidentally’, for example when the physical injury of
a child was noticed by an adult. It is important to add that children rarely have the
resources to report directly to the police or other agencies. Therefore they may have to rely
on an adult for facilitating abuse reporting. Moreover, one should take into account the
social-cultural context of Vietnam where people often get things ‘done’ through informal
networks rather than seeking recourse to official channels. In such cases, reporting is
a collective effort in which the individual’s moral position and meanings of the family’s
honour are jointly negotiated. This conceptualization, on the one hand, highlights the
potential dynamics of the family as a whole in post-rape negotiations – which may leave
out the victim’s voice. On the other hand, family involvement can allow the individual
victims of rape to turn their painful predicament into a more or less collective endeavour,
a sort of social sharing, rather than having to bear it alone.
Before discussing the ways that kinship relations can influence rape experiences of
women and girls in Vietnam, I will outline what rape is in the context of the current law.
In Vietnamese legal parlance, rape is defined as an act committed by someone who,
through means of violence or a threat of violence or by taking advantage of the victim’s
helplessness or other means, forces the victim to have sexual intercourse against her will.
It carries a punishment of imprisonment for two to seven years. Convicted offenders are
barred from taking up any positions of responsibility or performing certain kinds of jobs
for a subsequent period of one to five years. Terms of up to 20 years or even life
imprisonment could be imposed in severe cases where victims suffer grievous bodily
harm, perpetrators are known HIV carriers, or victims die or commit suicide as a result of
rape (for a detailed treatment of the legal aspects of rape in Vietnam, see Nguyen Thu
Huong 2006).
I encountered several cases of rape involving a report to the authorities soon after the
assault. Take the case of 17-year-old Linh, raped by her uncle in 2003. In her own account,
Linh’s mother, Nhi (54 years old) expressed her outrage over the rape of her daughter,
particularly venting her anger at the offender, a member of her extended family.

Who would expect it to happen right in my mother’s house? What scum. When they [Linh’s cau
or younger brothers of her mother] dragged him away from her, he got down on his knees,
kowtowed to grandma and cried out that everyone could beat him to death right there in the
house. Then he ran upstairs, threatening to jump to his death. They [Linh’s cau ] had to drag him
down as he raised a hullabaloo to cover his crime. My mother [Linh’s ba ngoai or grandmother]
was afraid that if he stayed in the house, my younger brothers would beat him up. Yes, the
three of them would beat him to death. In that case they would commit a crime themselves.

Linh’s grandmother’s decision to contact the police came only after she had gone through
a family drama involving intricate kin interactions. It is interesting to note that the ‘rapist
uncle’ at first appeared remorseful, fully aware of the prospect of returning to jail (he had
previously served a long sentence for raping another niece). Since parents and elders in the
family often command respect from and exert influence over their offspring, the rapist
uncle turned to Linh’s grandmother – the de facto head of the household after her
husband’s death – to apologize and seek pardon, together with a threat to kill himself. This
double act of contrition was nullified, however, by his denial of the crime at the trial.
The idea that women are accountable for their children’s behaviour and their family’s
moral image is prominent in Vietnamese social discourse. Women are the most affected
when their families encounter difficulties. Mothers are commonly blamed when
reproduction goes awry (Gammeltoft 2007), while wives bear responsibility for marital
conflict (Schuler et al. 2006). Mothers are often blamed for the sexual abuse of their
daughters. In Linh’s case, the grandmother’s decision to seek legal intervention was


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grounded in the anticipation of trouble if she chose to deal with the case informally. It was
a move to pre-empt her sons from committing crimes of their own.
At first glance the strong position of the elderly widow does not fit the general
perception of Vietnamese kinship as dominated by patriarchal lineage. But in fact the
gender roles of men and women and the distribution of power within Vietnamese families
can be seen as a paradox of power (Oosterhoff et al. 2008). Although the woman’s
traditional position is quite limited (Vu 2008), it is enhanced when she gives birth to a son,
thus strengthening her husband’s line. The wife’s influence becomes even greater when
her sons marry, due to her right to ‘teach’ her daughters in-law. Her authority increases
even more after her husband’s death; elderly widows often act as matriarchs in their
families (Teerawichitchainan 2009). This can be seen in Linh’s ba ngoai (maternal
grandmother) acting as the de facto head of her household after the death of Linh’s ong
ngoai (maternal grandfather) in 1998. Linh’s ba ngoai – the chairperson of the Women’s
Union at the local ward and an important social figure – had been the breadwinner for her
family of nine children ever since. Her position inside and outside her family no doubt
influenced her decision to report the rape to the local authorities. Arguably, her
involvement in local politics made her all the more aware of her obligation to report cases
of child sexual abuse to the authorities, especially when it happened in her own family.
Examination of the family composition revealed that this ba ngoai was in fact the
second wife of Linh’s ong ngoai, who also had a daughter from his first marriage. This
daughter was married to the man who raped Linh. Was the ba ngoai, in seeking external
intervention, trying to avoid blame for the internal conflict in her family? The
grandmother’s decision to report to the authorities was a complicated, risky business.
The above example also illustrates how biological children are favoured over
stepchildren, as reflected in the popular proverb doi nao me ghe ma thuong con chong (No
stepmother will ever love her stepchildren). It is relevant here to address how incest is
perceived and defined in Vietnam. The legal recognition of incest as a crime, as provided
for in the Penal Code is part of an attempt to address with greater sensitivity the prevalence
of sexual intercourse between close relatives. It is interesting to note that Vietnamese
people conceive of incest to include ‘blood/consanguineal relatives’ (i.e., parentschildren; grandparents-grandchildren) and those related by adoption or marriage within

three generations of the family (i.e., the first includes adoptive, in-law and step parents; the
second generation refers to full, half and/or in-law siblings and the third covers both
patrilateral and matrilateral same-generation cousins). In this case, the absence of blood
ties with the perpetrator – an affinal relative of Linh – made disclosure easier. Because of
the limited scope of this study I did not discuss potential differences in dealing with the
issue of family honour in cases of rape involving perpetrators who are affinal relatives of
the victims and cases of rape involving perpetrators who are acquaintances or strangers.
This could be a subject for future studies.
Pressing charges: the buffering effects of kin support
In addition to the role of mothers (or grandmothers) in the decision-making process, the
relationship between a mother and her own siblings or siblings in-law plays a buffering role
in efforts to seek help. More particularly, the response the victim’s family receives from
its kin members is likely to affect its course of action, from reporting to initiating a lawsuit.
Thu, 17, was raped by a 66-year-old next-door neighbour in 2004. Her mother did not
know about the incident until she was told by another neighbour one week later. Thu had
first knocked on this neighbour’s door for help. Fearing that her mother would punish her,


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she had wanted to cleanse herself so that her mother would not know what had happened.
Thu then turned to her co (paternal aunt – the younger sister of her dead father) who lived
nearby and told her about the rape. Knowing that her mother and her nha noi (paternal
family) were not getting along and were unlikely to discuss the matter together, Thu
sought support from this aunt. However, the aunt used the occasion to badmouth Thu’s
mother, blaming her for her daughter’s misfortune. Thu’s mother, Sao (44 years old)
recalled her anger when her mother in-law told her:

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See, if you save a person’s life you will reap multiple merits, but this daughter of yours is
pretty whorey, you know it. If he [the rapist] goes to jail, it still doesn’t solve anything.

Women’s rape narratives are often called into question, even by other women who deny
the reality of pervasive male violence against them and their loved ones (Shearer-Cremean
and Winkelmann 2007). Emerging from this attitude is an emphasis on women’s
responsibility for male violence that influences social attitudes towards women as victims.
Newman (2007), in her study of childhood sexual abuse in the USA, points out that the
socio-cultural and historical milieu of sexual trauma create environments in which
survivors anticipate disbelief, shame, blame, alienation or punishment from others.
The response of Thu’s grandmother reflects the nature of bloodline and intra-family
relationships. However, this bloodline relationship did not appear to act as a buffer in the
disclosure process. Thu’s aunt spread malicious gossip instead of giving her solace or
tangible aid. It is possible that the aunt did not feel comfortable discussing the rape with
Sao. The distance between Sao and her in-laws can be traced to their family history.
Though born out of wedlock, Thu’s father was the eldest son in the family. While Thu’s
paternal grandfather was still alive and seemed sympathetic towards Thu and her widowed
mother, he did not give his con dau (daughter in-law) and chau gai (granddaughter) any
tangible help. As Sao explained to me, this was because he was now living with a married
son, on whom he depended. Thu’s grandmother showed little sympathy after disclosure of
the incident. In doing so, she made a point of denying Sao a sense of belonging: Sao was
neither part of the family nor a member of the extended kin group and thus had no moral
right to ask for help. Thu’s co (paternal aunt) told me in an interview:
She [Sao] is just a peasant woman who left her village to pick garbage in the city. At night she
sleeps with the landlord, that’s why her daughter is good for nothing.

Sao herself was also the subject of gossip and was blamed for breaking up other people’s
families. Thu’s father was already married to another woman when they met.

Out of this complex intra-familial web, the moral line is simple: a mother who fails to
live up to the moral ideal of chastity is bound to have a daughter who behaves in similar
ways that will drag her into the mud. This reasoning, which dominated the ‘public’
assessment of Thu’s sexual victimization, resonates with a long tradition in Vietnamese
culture of attaching moral meanings to social events. Local mores, grounded in Buddhist
beliefs of luat nhan qua (karma), tend to link misfortune to the family’s lack of phuc duc
(merit and virtue): what happens to a person in this life is governed by the law of cause and
effect and may be due to actions in one’s previous life or those of one’s immediate family
members. More specifically, the Kinh believe that phuc duc tai mau, that merit and virtue
are derived from the mother. A good woman of proper conduct and morals brings
happiness and good fortune to her family; a bad woman brings only tragedy and despair.
This popular belief masks the cultural construction of women as the keepers of morality
(Nguyen and Harris 2009). Yet the accountability that phuc duc places upon family
members through different generations may operate as a social resource for the fashioning
of individual thought and action, in this case of the victims of rape.


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This moralized version of rape suggests that if the mother transgresses orthodox moral
standards, the daughter might do likewise. Inevitably the victim/daughter is subjected to
innuendo and suspicion that she may have provoked the rape herself. This is in line with
the framing of a ‘just world’, where the victim is seen as responsible for her fate, a mother
is held responsible for her child-rearing and a woman is blamed for any deviant behaviour
that goes against the prevailing gender ideology. By challenging the perpetrator through
legal action, Sao wanted to show that she had nothing to hide, thereby enhancing her

credibility and reducing the risk of being blamed. The negative reactions from her kin
relatives also affected her decision to take legal action.
At another level, Sao’s anger was partly due to her failed attempt to claim for her
daughter a proper place in the paternal family. Given the position of Sao as a poor migrant
widow living on the margins of society, such a claim would also appeal to a sense of
responsibility on the part of her husband’s family. Still, these kin members rejected her cry
for help, giving no resources or referrals. Left out in the cold by her family in-law, Sao
decided to go it alone, bringing her daughter’s case to justice. In doing so, Sao not only
wanted to show that she was badly treated by her in-laws, but also what a poor migrant
widow could do to secure her and her daughter’s rights.

All quiet at one’s home village: a rescue alternative
Sao did not turn to her natal kin for help because she believed that doing so would only
bring shame and blame upon her. The underlying cultural norm is that a married woman is
considered as ‘belonging’ to her husband’s family, thus cutting her off from her natal kin
(Be´langer 2002). Central to this view is the belief that a woman should consult with her
husband’s family to which she belongs, both socially and morally.
Meanwhile, the support that Linh and her mother received from their maternal
relatives seems to be in tune with the popular saying of chau ba noi toi ba ngoai (one can
be a granddaughter of a paternal grandmother but the burden of care falls on the maternal
grandmother). This in a way contradicts the scenario above. But as Luong (1989) points
out, even after marriage a daughter still maintains strong ties with her natal family,
reflecting a certain bilinearity in the Vietnamese kinship system.
A closer look at Thu’s case reveals that the mother tried to keep the incident secret
from her que (natal village), fearing social consequences would follow if others back home
knew about her daughter’s predicament. As Sao explained:
Such a story will make it impossible for her to get a husband there. I asked everyone [in her
natal family] to keep it [the incident] within the family. Later if she [Thu] wants, she might go
back there to find a husband.

In doing so, Sao was preparing an escape route for her daughter to return to her home
village, which may have hindered her efforts to seek social support from her natal kin.
A closer look at Sao’s interactions with the larger kin group indicates that speaking out
about the rape had detrimental consequences for the mother herself as she was subjected to
blame by the very people she turned to for help. This most often occurs when there is no
father figure in the family, highlighting the importance of the (usually male) head of the
family, not only for the household’s socio-economic status but for upholding family life,
discipline and morality. Given the intricate interplay of family and kin relations, revealing
the rape of a female family member is generally a risky and unpredictable matter.
These cases took place against the socio-cultural backdrop of the majority Kinh people
and its Confucian emphasis on female virginity and chastity, where the public reporting


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of rape entails serious consequences – not only for the raped person but for the whole
family. But in Linh’s case, no one seemed to take this into account when initiating legal
steps. Linh’s mother, citing the need to protect her daughter’s good name, decided to
drop the case only after the lower court passed an unfavourable judgment. There are often
conflicting family interests – particularly the parents’ own interests and the need to
focus on their daughter’s well-being. The following sections examine the complexity of
post-rape dealings at the inter-familial level, which may result in a ‘sentiment-based’
negotiated settlement or a legal fight till the bitter end.
Apology and restitution
In most incidents in this study, the victims’ mothers told me that the attitudes and
responses of the offenders and their families influenced their decision over whether or not

to file formal charges. Mothers who initially reported the rape to the police sometimes
reconsidered their decisions, eventually dropping the case.
In the case of 17-year-old epileptic, Nga, raped by a neighbour in 2003, the arrogant
behaviour of the offender and his family was the major factor leading to her mother’s
decision to report the rape to the police, though she and her family were well aware of the
possible consequences. Nga’s mother, Hoa (58 years old) told me:
To tell the truth, when all this happened it was not really a good thing for my daughter, deep
down I was very apprehensive.

Sao shared similar feelings:
I did not want to start a big fight. It’s a matter between humans and not with animals. If it
became a big thing, my daughter, young as she is, would have to bear all the shame.

The delay of the police in bringing rape charges against the assailants signalled to the
victims’ families that they should resolve the issue informally. The popular notion about
female virginity also emerged in the local police’s thinking. Hoa recalled:
They [the police] said: ‘Your daughter is unhurt, that’s a good thing, no problem now. Your
family denounces his crime, which is just. But since your daughter is OK, it’s better to drop it.’

The police’s emphasis on female virginity (‘your daughter is OK’) likely reflected their
prejudices concerning the seriousness of the case, rendering the offender’s act not so
serious as to be considered rape. When this occurs together with blaming and doubting
from the local community, it only reinforces the perception that existing systems do
not care. For Nga and Thu, their lower socio-economic status may have encouraged
the perpetrators and their families to deny responsibility, apology and compensation.
As Bataineh and Bataineh (2006) point out, the assumption is that apology shows a
willingness to humiliate oneself, to the extent that it is a face-saving act for the recipient
and a face-threatening act for the offender.
In Thu’s case, the offender was released after a nine-day detention. The police did not
investigate the case further, thus sending a signal that his crime would go unpunished. Sao:

He [the perpetrator] just acted arrogantly, telling his neighbours that he didn’t care or else he
could have ‘slapped that damned woman’s face’ [Sao]. At that time my blood boiled, I just
wanted to fight him then and there. If this was what he wanted, I’d take him to court to make it
clear, black and white. If his family didn’t have money, he’d have to come and talk to my
family, asking for pardon, then I might forgive.

Apology, especially when involving some form of restitution, plays an important role in
Kinh social relations. Apology is often negotiated in the context of the extended family
and clan. Attempts to offer apology may restore face and re-establish harmony in social


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relationships which, in turn, may prompt forgiveness. As Hook, Worthington and Utsey
(2009) observe, for collectivists group, harmony and preservation of mutual face are crucial.
There are also cases of stranger rape when the perpetrator’s family is unavailable for
negotiation or when the perpetrator cannot be identified. In such cases, Nguyen Thu
Huong (2011) has shown that as soon as the perpetrator is identified by the police, his
family or representatives will do all they can to get information about the plaintiff. All in
all, the practice of law enforcement in rape cases often reflects a power play between the
victim (and her family), the perpetrator (and his family) and the local authorities.

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Half-hearted apologies and delaying tactics
A half-hearted attempt to apologize on the part of the offender or his family was often cited
as the main reason for the injured party to seek justice. Hoa recalled:
A few days later [after the incident] his [the offender’s] mother and his wife kept on coming here.

But suddenly they stopped coming, maybe they had already arranged something with the police.
The scoundrel began to insult our family. He accused my daughter of selling him heroin, he had
nothing to fear. It costs him 50 million VND, he said, so go ahead and sue him, he dared us.

In this case, the offender’s family tried to extricate themselves by using their social
connections, which explained their reluctance to offer an outright apology. At first, the
offender feigned goodwill by desiring an agreement with Nga’s family – a form of
temporary appeasement. Soon, however, he began spreading rumours that he had spent 50
million VND to turn the case in his favour – a form of psychological pressure on Nga’s
family to make them drop the case or risk being sued for calumny. From the offender’s
perspective, success in having the case dropped would carry significant implications. His
family would be seen as having won the ‘struggle’ – socially as well as financially.
In the case of Ai, an 18 year-old who was intoxicated and gang raped by six teenagers
in 2006, the offenders’ families delayed offering compensation until Ai’s mother filed a
complaint. The mother, Thi (48 years old), recalled how she reacted to the attitude of the
offenders’ parents:
I said to them: you just want to play it the hard way. You all knew about the incident after it
happened, but you didn’t tell us. When we found out, you said you would pay compensation.
After a time you stop coming here, you said you couldn’t find the money.

To understand the half-hearted attitude of the offenders’ families, it is necessary to explore
the implications of apology in resolving interpersonal conflicts. When a person is accused
of committing a misdeed, he/she is motivated to provide an excuse to avoid possible legal
and social sanctions. Offering a formal apology, especially when accompanied by
compensation, is perceived as an implicit admission of guilt, with stigma attached not only
to the offender but to all his kin. When the need to negotiate arises, both parties profess a
solution based on tinh lang nghia xom (community sentiment; cf. Gillespie 2005). But if
one party perceives that its demands are not met (for example too little compensation) or
that it has the upper hand in the legal process (owing to social and political connections),
the willingness to make peace can evaporate. It is a tug-of-war involving both soft and

hard tactics, with pauses in-between to assess the situation and rally support from
influential quarters. Meanwhile, the community looks on, offering support or disapproval
depending on the nature of their social relations with the involved parties.
Conversely, attempts to pursue legal justice may be prompted by social pressure from
people outside the kin network. For instance, a neighbour commented in Nga’s case:
Everyone says: it shows that your family has lost to his family. They have money, but you
don’t. You can’t pay the police, that’s why you lost.


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This suggests that despite the pain and embarrassment caused to the victim’s family, the
decision to go public via legal channels can be an attempt to restore the family’s social
status. As Hoa explained:
We must protect our daughter’s rights, to defend her honour. It would give her some
consolation and give us a clear conscience. It’s strange. The victim’s side is pushed deep in the
mud while the offender’s side acts like victors. That’s why we’ll fight this to the bitter end.

Concern about the family’s ‘face’ also entered the picture in Thu’s case. This was different
from the initial disclosure of rape, when her mother’s main worry was social disgrace for
the whole family. Now, filing a lawsuit was a challenge to the social reluctance to
acknowledge that rape had actually occurred. As Sao explained:

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If I could bring a lawsuit, it’d be a good thing. If I couldn’t, they [local people] would laugh at
me, saying: you bring a lawsuit, but you can’t do a thing against him [the perpetrator].

Because of such criticism as well as uncertainty over the legal outcome, Sao told
her neighbours that she would be away visiting friends, when in fact she was busy with
the legal proceedings. Her initial success, however, was crucial in changing the attitudes
of others:
After I filed the complaint and the police came here to arrest him, the neighbours said: Oh
yeah, it’s true, her daughter was harmed. They did not lie about it.

There was a measure of ‘heroism’ in Hoa’s account:
It’s a matter of honour. This scoundrel has raped quite a few women, but people couldn’t do
anything despite his crimes [the perpetrator was a known drug addict having close contact
with senior police officials]. First, it’s for the sake of our daughter; second, it’s a kind of
contribution to society, this makes us determined to lay bare all the facts . . . to set an example
for others in the future.

By linking her daughter’s rape to the series of crimes committed by the same perpetrator,
Hoa benefited from a sense of solidarity, even support, within her community. This
unexpected source of support brought a new dimension to the prosecution of the case,
enhancing their chances of being heard and reducing the risk of being blamed. The
satisfaction of being heard encouraged Hoa to look beyond her family’s predicament to the
larger picture where justice was yet to be rendered in similar cases. The following section
examines why Kinh women often take on the role of negotiator.
Mothers as peacemakers
In traditional Kinh families, the wife is supposed to be in charge of day-to-day decisions on
running the household, leaving the important decisions to the husband who is considered
‘the pillar’ of the family (Rydstrom 2003). As noted earlier, mothers are considered
responsible for raising children and often bear the brunt of blame for their children’s
misfortunes. When it comes to rape – with all of its moral and social implications – the task
is left to women as third-party mediators to negotiate a settlement. This is not to say that the
rape itself is perceived as a ‘minor’ affair. Arguably, and regardless of the means by which
the rape is resolved internally, the inherent secrecy surrounding it conveys the idea that

sexual violence is something bad and dangerous. Within the victim’s family, rape with its
gender and sexual connotations is regarded as ‘women and girls’ affairs’, something the
husband would rather let his wife handle. The outcome of these negotiations, however,
affects not only the ‘face’ of the raped woman but that of her family and wider kin.
Incidentally, the findings presented in this paper involved 18 cases where the father
was absent or had a weak position as household head. It suggests that further research is


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Nguyen Thu Huong

needed on the fathers of rape victims – in its own right as well as to test the argument that
it is primarily (or only) mothers who disclose and report cases of rape.
Women who act on behalf of the offender often appeal to the emotions of their
counterparts in the victim’s family – to sympathy based on their shared gender but also on
their role as mothers. As Thi told me:
Tha`nh’s [the perpetrator’s] mother came here. First she writhed on the floor then pretended to
faint on the bed. That made me quite afraid. I had to call the neighbours over to act as
witnesses. I told them she did it on her own, none of my family did anything to her. She said
only I could save him, nobody else.

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Recourse to this informal woman-to-woman channel was also reflected in the case of 19year-old Nghi, raped by a friend known through an Internet chat room. Her story contains
the indirect threat of blackmail:
Shortly after the son was arrested, his mother came straight here to apologize. She kept saying
to my mother: ‘Sister, please turn a blind eye so that our family could go on scraping a living.
If you take him to court, my son will surely get no more than three years, but your daughter
will have a hard time getting a husband.’

The situation of 23-year-old Minh, in a well-publicized gang rape case, was more delicate
since one of the offenders was her mother’s cha´u ho (matrilateral distant relative).4
Though Minh and her distant relative had not recognized_ each other during the rape, Minh
was struggling with whether to ask for a reduced sentence for him:
His mother came to ask me to write a petition asking for a reduction of her son’s sentence. She
said although he’s young and foolish, he still has many years to live. They would give him a
heavy sentence, no doubt. She kept begging me. She also put pressure on my mother. I don’t
know what to think.

Conclusion
I have shown that the disclosure of rape – the crucial first step in the process of reporting
an assault to the appropriate authorities – is inextricably bound up with ideas of family
honour, kinship, social belonging and shared responsibility in a collective society such as
Vietnam. The family’s decision regarding disclosure largely depends on the degree of
closeness between the parents of the raped victim and their kin, while the process of
reporting a rape to the authorities reflects the interplay of kinship relations and the socioeconomic status of the parties. In this sense, the decision to pursue a case through legal
means constitutes an attempt to defend the honour of the family and that of the larger kin
network. On the other hand, when no support is received from the wider kin network,
individual action can be seen as an attempt to put other kin members on the spot, forcing
them to share the burden of social prejudice with the victim – their own kin. My research
also reveals that serious crimes against the integrity of persons, such as rape, are
sometimes dealt with outside the justice system – which is against the letter of the law.
In patriarchal societies, the chastity of a woman is not only emblematic of her dignity
and morality, but also reflects the good name of her family, clan, kin group or class. This is
what is affected when women and girls are raped or otherwise abused. But rape is a threat
that hangs over each and every woman in Vietnam and elsewhere, like a sword of
Damocles. In other words, the issue is not just about rape, but about the discursive and
practical constraints on women’s freedoms. There are social rules that remain under the
surface until one unwittingly transgresses them and feels the sanctions. Through exposure

to such sanctions and – more commonly – the threat thereof, women and girls in Vietnam
are constantly reminded of their ‘proper’ behaviour. Women, as mothers, know the rules


Culture, Health & Sexuality

S49

all too well and more often than not actively contribute to upholding these gendered social
and sexual norms, even at the expense of their own daughters’ welfare.

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Notes
1. While the broad definition of rape covers categories such as marital rape, date rape, homosexual
rape etc., this study does not restrict itself to any specific kind of rape. It focuses on the problem of
female victimization since the majority of reported rape cases conform to the pattern of male
perpetrators and female victims. However, one should bear in mind that victims of sexual crimes
are not always female and perpetrators are not always male.
2. Seven participants in this project belonged to minority groups such as Hmong, Dao, Tay and
Muong.
3. All names are pseudonyms. This is to protect the anonymity of the participants in this research
project.
4. This distant-relative perpetrator of Minh’s gang rape is seen as an affinal relative. The rape is thus
not viewed as incest.

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Re´sume´
Cet article examine la gestion sociale du viol au sein de groupes de proches parents dans le Vietnam
contemporain, en se concentrant particulie`rement sur la de´cision ou non de chercher a` obtenir une
re´paration en justice. Cette gestion post-viol a pour implication des ne´gociations entre familles
concerne´es pour l’obtention d’excuses et de compensations, avant que soit prise ou non la de´cision
de signaler le viol aux autorite´s. En utilisant une e´tude ethnographique ayant recrute´ un nombre
limite´ de re´pondants, cet article souligne comment le de´voilement du viol est souvent lie´ a` des
questions d’honneur pour la famille, avec des hypothe`ses sur la parente´, les relations de genre,
l’appartenance sociale et la responsabilite´ partage´e, dans une socie´te´ collective comme celle du
Vietnam.

Resumen
En este artı´culo examinamos co´mo se han gestionado socialmente los casos de violacio´n en los
grupos emparentados en el Vietnam actual, prestando especial atencio´n a la decisio´n de buscar o no
una compensacio´n legal. La asistencia tras una violacio´n implica negociaciones entre las familias
sobre asuntos tales como disculpas y una compensacio´n antes de tomar la decisio´n de informar sobre
el incidente a las autoridades. Basa´ndonos en un estudio etnogra´fico de un nu´mero limitado de
entrevistados, en este artı´culo destacamos de que´ modo la divulgacio´n de una violacio´n muchas
veces esta´ unida a la nocio´n del honor de la familia, con suposiciones sobre parentesco, relaciones de
ge´nero, pertenencia social y responsabilidad compartida en una sociedad colectiva como es Vietnam.

Culture, Health & Sexuality

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Appendix 1. Demographic information on research participants and types of rape
Case ID

Age Marital

Occupation

Ethnicity

Assault information

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Stranger rape (n ¼ 6)
Ai

18

Single

High school Kinh
student

Minh

24

Single

Health staff

Muong

Hanh

23

Single

Health staff

Kinh

Hai

22

Married 2
children

Housewife

Hmong

Phi

14

Single

Farm hand

Dao

Thao

19

Single

Farm hand

Hmong

Intoxicated and gang raped by six
teenagers in 2006. Attempted suicide;
police notified; conviction of gang rape.
Robbed and gang raped by nine
teenagers on a country road in 2007.
Police notified and case is pending;
media coverage.
Robbed and gang raped by nine
teenagers on a country road in 2007.
Police notified and case is pending;

media coverage.
Raped while staying in a field hut at
night in 2004. Police notified;
conviction of rape.
Raped by a Kinh road builder in 2007.
Police notified; case dropped.
Raped while staying in a field hut at
night in 2004. Police notified;
conviction of adolescent rape.

Acquaintance rape (n ¼ 9)
Diep

19

Single

Farm hand

Kinh

Diem

23

Single

Sex worker

Kinh

Ly

25

Single

Seasonal
worker

Muong

Nga

17

Single

High school Kinh
student

Nghi

19

Single

Shop clerk

Thu

17

Single

High school Kinh
student

Nguyet

36

Married 2
children

Researcher

Lanh

22

Single

Vy

30

Divorced 1
child

Sophomore Kinh
student
Part-time sex Kinh
worker

Kinh

Kinh

Mentally handicapped; raped by a
neighbour in 2007; became pregnant;
baby given for adoption. Unreported but
known to the local community.
Sexually abused by landlord while
working as housemaid in Hanoi in 2000;
intoxicated and raped by a ‘client’ while
working in prostitution in 2001.
Unreported.
Raped by employer in 2005; became
pregnant; baby given for adoption.
Unreported but known to local
community.
Mentally handicapped; raped by a
neighbour in 2003; sexually harassed by
classmate.
Police notified; conviction of child rape.
Raped by chat-room friend; coerced
into second rape in 2006. Police notified
but case dropped.
Raped by neighbour in 2004. Police

notified; conviction of having sex with a
minor; media coverage.
Attempted rape by informant at research
site in 2005; husband repeatedly forced
sex in early marriage. Underreported
but attack known to local community.
Forced sex with boyfriend in 2007.
Underreported.
Raped by ex-husband who proposed to
remarry her in 2000. Underreported.


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Nguyen Thu Huong

Appendix 1 – continued
Case ID

Age Marital

Occupation

Ethnicity

Assault information

Family (affinal) relative rape (n ¼ 2)
Linh

17

Single

High school Kinh
student

Phuong

26

Married 1
child

Housewife/Ex-sex
worker

Kinh

Raped by uncle in-law in 2003. Police
notified and convicted of child molestation.
Raped by adistant relative on mother’s
side in 1998; left home; became
involved in prostitution. Underreported.

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Incest (n ¼ 6)
Yen

14

Single

Secondary
student

Dao

Duyen

26

Married 2
children

Kinh

Khanh

18

Single

Small
business
owner
Shop clerk

Hong

18

Single

High school Kinh
student

Giang

23

Single

Office clerk Kinh

Ngoc

18

Single

Freshman
student

Tay

Kinh

Raped by brother in-law in 2007; rapist

committed suicide. Police notified but
case dropped.
Sexually abused (non-penetration) by
father in-law twice in 2003. Disclosed
to husband but received with disbelief.
Sexually abused (non-penetration) by
step father in 2003. Underreported.
Repeatedly abused by father since age
of 5 and raped at age of 13. Underreported but known to family and local
community.
Repeatedly abused by father during
childhood; left home. Reported to
newspaper (under anonymity); known
to family and local community.
Repeatedly abused by father during
childhood and raped at age of 14; left
home and attempted suicide. Reported
to newspaper (under anonymity);
known to family and local community.