writing band 7 5

Some people believe that the advent of economical air travel has been very beneficial by
making international travel more accessible, while others argue that it has had a very
negative impact.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about whether the development of economical air travel is positive or
negative. I personally believe that this development positively influences (missing word) lives of people
around the world.
On the one hand, I agree with those who believe that cheap air tickets benefit people in various ways.
Firstly, low-cost flights allow people to travel abroad easily. Therefore, from the economic perspective,
the development of (missing word) aviation industry can be extremely positive since it facilitates trading
activities between countries whereby improving economic growth. Secondly, thanks to accessible flights,
people can travel with a significantly lower price than before. For example, in the past only wealthy
people were able to travel to other countries on holiday. Today as air tickets are more affordable, many
people can enjoy a holiday in other countries. This implies the living standard had increased considerably.
However, the development of economical air travel also causes some negative impacts. As the economy
grows more rapidly, pollution from economic activities also increases greatly. Therefore, in the longterm, people’s welfare will be influenced adversely. Another negative impact of air travel advances is that
it fosters the process of globalization which means people around the world become more connective.
Although this international connection is beneficial in some ways, it absolutely can undermine distinctive
cultures. When globalization occurs, people in different countries will have similar ways of doing things
as well as lifestyles. Therefore, in the long-run they may even lose their national customs and traditions.
In conclusion, while I agree that cheap flights significantly contribute to better quality of lives, there are
also some negative impacts which should be taken into consideration.
(Total words: 271)
Red – Grammar
Blue – Word choice
Unnecessary words are crossed through unnecessary words
Score: 7.5
Task Response: 7
Coherence and Cohesion: 8
Lexical Resource: 8
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Comments & advice
Reasons for score


Task Response:
- This is a very good response which for answers the question directly.
- I would just be careful about the slight contradiction between the line of argument
that you set out in the introduction and the more nuanced view that you took in the
conclusion.
- (I agree wholeheartedly with you about globalization!)
Coherence and Cohesion:
- The essay has a clear structure the sentences are well linked and the ideas are
easily intelligible.
- The paragraphs cohere well around a central theme in each paragraph.
Lexical Resource:
- There is a high standard of vocabulary throughout, although (very) occasionally
word choice could be better.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
- A good range of structures which for the most part are accurately formed. Be
careful with the use of articles and subject verb agreement for plurals or singular
subjects of a sentence. Don’t forget to check your essay at the end.
Spelling mistakes:
None
I recommend writing out again the corrected sentences / phrases.

Good luck

Phil