WRITING A RESPONSE (FOR BUSINESS ENGLISH STUDENTS AND OTHERS)

ASSIGNMENT 3: WRITING A RESPONSE
"Women are the most intriguing and also the most complicated creature in the world."
This is a statement that I have heard from many men, especially those who are in love or are
married. In fact, women often have a lot of problems in love, but they often shy away from
expressing themselves directly to their men, especially in matters considered "sensitive", and
finance is one of them. The story of a 22-year-old girl in the article "My boyfriend just bought
fish and asked me to buy vegetable" posted on vnexpress.com.vn on April 26, 2017 is a clear
demonstration for this topic. In the article, the girl revealed that she was having a love affair
with 23-year-old, ambitious man; and the troubles in the relationship appear when her
boyfriend encountered financial crisis due to failure in his business. He had to go to work all day
and night, didn’t care about her as much as what he had did before so the girl was quite sad and
didn’t know what to do other than encouraging him. But things get worse in one time the man
went to the market, just bought fish and asked her to buy vegetables with the reason "If I have
to pay for everything, I cannot have any savings at all!”. The girl was very disappointed to find
that the lover calculated even trivial expense like that; because she thought a man must always
be financially capable and willing to carter for his wife in the future. Many people have
commented to criticize the girl's view about financial responsibility in a family; however,
personally I am just interested in another issue. Why is the girl shy away from sharing face-toface with her lover, and willing to ask for advice from netizens who knows nothing about her
real relationship? Are there any problems in the mutual understanding between her and her
boyfriend? If the girl speaks out her concerns, what will happen? In my own point of view,
women should be proactive in creating mutual understanding through face-to-face discussions
in a love affair, so that they can make wise decision with their love.
Mutual understanding is a very important factor in maintaining a love affair. Intense
emotions and feelings at early stage of the relationship cannot create a long-lasting and
sustainable love if the two do not have the understanding and sympathy for the problems that
the other person is experiencing in life. The best way to create mutual understanding is that
women frankly and proactively open face-to-face conversations, especially when a problem
arises. There are several reasons for my view point. In the first place, in fact, women are the


people who often confront more issues in love. According to a survey conducted by Ms. Thai

Huong Giang in her Master thesis in Psychology at Vietnamese National University in 2017;
among 100 men and 100 women aged 25-35, being in love affairs for more than 6 months , 76%
women find more than three issues in their relationship, while the number among men is only
34%. Obviously, women need more explanations while they are in love, and if they do not
actively speak out, these problems will affect the quality of the relationship, leading to
unreasonable tensions. Moreover, according to the survey above, 67% of men are willing to
share their thoughts and try to meet the wishes of the lovers if the woman proactively express
their emotions. This fact means that men really want to have mutual understanding and
pamper his girlfriends or wives, but the woman ought to create the opportunity and
environment for them to do it by actively speaking out what they think. This is quite reasonable
for the Vietnamese people, when the thought of "real men should not actively talk too much" is
ingrained in men’s subconscious; and changing that deep-rooted conception is very difficult and
unnecessary. A surprising figure from the T&M team in the 2017 Marketer’s Spirit Competition
shows that 192 out of 241 women aged 25 to 35 felt more comfortable when they talk about a
problem than when they hear the same matter from their lovers. In addition, the form of
sharing should be face-to-face, as it gives deeper mutual understanding. It is a fact that only in
face-to-face conversation can a woman observe the transformation of emotion on the other's
face, thereby combines this with other factors to get an accurate guess about the thought of the
person who is talking to her. In short, it is quite reasonable for a woman to speak out her own
concerns directly to her men.
But what is the ultimate goal of creating mutual standing by face-to-face sharing? It's not
just maintaining a lasting love, it's being able to make the right decision for the relationship.
Let’s return to the story of "splitting money to buy fish and vegetables" in VnExpress online
newspapers. If the girl does not speak out her thoughts and continue to immerse in the
disappointment, or tries to sympathize with her boyfriend but still has a deep upset because
she doesn’t dare to say anything; this love will never bring her happiness again. If the girl
expresses her concerns, she will surely have an explanation from her boyfriend, and whether it
is positive or negative, she will at least have no doubts about what her man is thinking are and

have enough information to consider continuing or ending the relationship. Love, after all, is just
a feeling that brings satisfaction to human; therefore, the aim of having mutual understanding
by face-to-face sharing is to help a women consider whether the love that she is in is really
bringing her with happiness or not to decide whether she should keep it or leave it. If she keep
it, what will happen in the future; and if she decides to give up, she must know how to limit the
tension. Why the person deciding the future of a love affair should be the women? In my
opinion, it is really reasonable for women in Vietnam to do that with an aim to create actual
gender equality. In Vietnamese society, almost everyone is fighting for women’s right by giving
priority to women in every circumstance without knowing that the problems actually lies in
another aspect. As Mrs. Khuat Thu Hong mentioned in the article “Understand properly about
gender equality” in tiasang.com.vn, the true state of gender equality comes from the roles and
experience of women in life. It means that if the experience of a girl in any matters, especially in
a love affair, does not show her equal role with a man, she is not in the true state of gender
equality. One of the most important reasons for that is the passiveness of girls in making
important decisions in their life, which is a deep-rooted life style built in thousands of years
through “beautiful words like “celestial", "good tradition", "culture identity", etc.” – said Mrs.
Hong. Therefore, encouraging each woman to raise her voice and proactively consider about
her love affairs or any other kinds of relationship will partially help changing that passiveness
and creating a real state of gender equality in Vietnam.
Conclusively, the problem that the girl raised in her story is just covering a loss in mutual
understanding, widely happening in love affairs among couples. The key to solve the problems is
in the woman’s hands, which is to speak out their thoughts to create a comfortable
environment for free sharing, helping her make wise decision for her relationship. If the set of
actions are conducted widely, the passiveness in the subconscious of women will be gradually
eliminated and the true state of gender equality will surely be applied in Vietnam in the future.
Work cited:
My boyfriend just bought fish and asked me to buy vegetable, www.vnexpress.com.vn, April 26,
2017.

Understand properly about gender equality by Mrs. Khuat Thu Hong, www.tiasang.com.vn,
March 6, 2017.
Psychological factors affect the quality of a love affair by Ms. Thai Huong Giang – Master in
Behavioral Psychology, Vietnamese National University.
Research in women’s attitude in a love affair in Vietnam by T&M team, Marketer’s Spirit
Competition, 2017.