IT training psychologies UK TruePDF spring 2019

UK EDITION

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SPRING 2019

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Contents
SPRING 2019

Page
96

* COVER STORY

REGULARS

Page
38

Page
58

Page
130
Page
17

Page
20

Page
50
Page
64
Page
61

Cover: Maarten de Boer/
The Licensing Project

7

EDITOR’S LET TER

8

LET TERS

9

I’D LIKE TO THANK …

11

THE FIX

19

HARRIET MINTER

42

DIARY

102

THE WORDS

130

*

HAPPINESS BOOK CLUB

20 * INTERVIEW

Keira
Knightley

Be part of
our club!
Our online coaching club
is free to all subscribers
(see page 80). Access
interactive videos, podcasts
and downloadable
workbooks, plus join a kind
community of like-minded
people. Change your life
at psychologies.co.uk/lifeleap-club-new-subscribers

“I love a challenge.
If I don’t get out
of my comfort
zone, I get bored”
FEATURES
17

24 MOTHERHOOD AND ME

Stepmum Barbara Meakin’s journey
to the heart of her blended family
28 MY LIFE, MY WAY

Physicist Melanie Windridge feeds
her need for adventure on Everest

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

*

STOP TRYING SO HARD

Instead of slaving away resentfully,
Heidi Scrimgeour pleases herself

FREE

£37!

SUCCEED AND BE CONTENT

Buddhist monk Haemin Sunim
shares his wisdom on fulfilment

38
GIFT WORTH

*

44 SHARED VALUES

The principles and passions of
activist and author Rose McGowan
50

*

‘HELP ME WITH MY TEENAGER’

Agony aunt Mary Fenwick assists
three readers with dilemmas

64 * THE DOSSIER

Simplify
your life
66 THE EASY LIFE SPRING CLEAN

Anita Chaudhuri explores the latest
psychological insights to find practical,
uncomplicated tools for a streamlined life
72 FREE ‘GO SLOW’ COURSE

Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker issues an
invitation to launch your own Life Leap Club,
and find a simpler way of living together
74 ‘EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE IS BETTER’

A few easy strategies at home and work
ensure businesswoman Claire Hurst
achieves the order and calm she needs
76 WHAT’S STOPPING YOU?

If you yearn for a smoother road, but feel
overwhelmed, take our test to find out what

type of thinking causes all that chaos

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 3


Contents
SPRING 2019

FEATURES
52

TO HEAVEN AND BACK

People who have had a near-death experience
say it changed them. Jini Reddy looks for answers
57

ORGASMIC LIFE: EMBRACING YOUNG ME

Karla Newbey’s sexual journey continues
58

*

‘OUR OFFICE DYNAMIC IS TOXIC’

*

NOT SO SMARTPHONE

Award-winning coach Kim Morgan helps a
struggling manager deal with workplace conflict
61

Suzy Walker begins a life-changing experiment in
search of a calmer life. First up, her phone addiction
62

IT’S JUST A JOB!

Analytical straight talker Oliver Burkeman has the
Last Word on being happier in work you don’t love

THE RETREAT
10 4 HE AL ME , MOTHER GREECE

In need of serenity and reflection, Suzy Walker
and Caroline Sylger Jones take time out in the sun

#360ME

108 ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN

Vee Sey and her daughter explore the lore and
have a bonding experience in Italy’s Sarntal Alps
110

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now!

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PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

90

WHEN YOU’RE TRYING to create positive change,
it can be challenging to stay on track. So, sign up for our
weekly uplifting dose of inspiration, with videos from
top coaches, practical articles on how to thrive, not just
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4 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E S P R I N G 2 0 1 9

THE OPEN MIND

Wellbeing Director-at-Large Eminé Kali Rushton
considers the two types of women in her family,
and ponders the path her children may follow

HEALTHY EVERYDAY PASTA

Delicious lighter versions of classic dishes from
food stylist and writer Julia Azzarello

THE PL AN

Expert advice in four holistic sections – Mind,
Body, Spirit and Gut – for happiness, and pleasure

A COLOURFUL CONCOCTION

Treat your rooms like recipes, with vivid elements
fusing with love for a soulful and harmonious result
120

84

93

ECO WORRIER

Ellen Tout makes it her mission to stop wasting
food and introduces us to ‘compleating’
95

WHOLISTIC WOMAN

Bestselling author and nutritional therapist
Henrietta Norton discusses keeping our bones
strong during the menopause and beyond
96

*

JOIN OUR MINDFUL HE ALTH CLUB

Develop habits to revolutionise your vitality in our
new series with Editor-at-Large Ali Roff, who

savours the benefits of intuitive eating this month
99

RE AL NUTRITION

Our Nutrition Editor, Eve Kalinik, takes a tea break
for a good old-fashioned cuppa – and a biccie!


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Kelsey Media, Cudham Tithe Barn,
Berry’s Hill, Cudham, Kent TN16 3AG
(01959 541444, email )

CONTRIBUTORS

OUR TEAM
Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker
Design Director Lynne Lanning
Creative Director Laura Doherty
Features Director Elizabeth Heathcote
Wellbeing Director-at-Large Eminé Kali Rushton
Associate Editors Danielle Woodward, Anita Chaudhuri
Editor-at-Large Ali Roff
Features Writer and Digital Editor Ellen Tout
Production Editor Vee Sey
Deputy Production Editor Leona Gerrard
Contributing Editors Wellness Nicky Clinch, Elizabeth Bennett,
Larah Davies Body Hollie Grant Spirit Annee de Mamiel Mind Suzy Reading
and Will Williams Gut Eve Kalinik Yoga Kat Farrants Nature Paul Rushton
Retreat Caroline Sylger Jones Health Hazel Wallace Digital Katherine Weir
ADVERTISING & PRODUCTION
TigerBee Media, Commercial Director Nikki Peterson (020 3510 0849)

Production Manager Melanie Cooper (01733 363485)

Production Supervisor Dionne Fisher (01733 363485)


Meet three of the people who have taken part
in the creation of Psychologies

Ali Roff

Journalist and mindfulness
teacher-in-training
Ali is Psychologies’ Editor-at-Large and has
launched our year-long Mindful Health Club
– a revolutionary life hack that uses your
mind to create a healthier body. ‘Mindfulness
is a powerful tool to enable us to become
more aware of our habitual behaviour, which
empowers us to make conscious change in our
lives – without deprivation or punishment.’
See page 96 for Ali’s second instalment.

Tiu de Haan

Creative facilitator, coach
and ritual designer

MANAGEMENT
Managing Director Phil Weeden
Chief Executive Steve Wright

Chairman Steve Annetts
Finance Director Joyce Parker-Sarioglu
Publishing Director Kevin McCormick
Retail Distribution Manager Eleanor Brown
Audience Development Manager Andy Cotton
Subscription Marketing Manager Rebecca Gibson
Events Manager Kat Chappell
Publishing Operations Manager Charlotte Whittaker
Senior Print Production Manager Nicola Pollard
Print Production Manager Georgina Harris
Print Production Controller Alicia Stewart

Tiu specialises in the possibility of wonder,
reminding people how to shift their perspective
to see the magic in the mundane. Her
workshops, online courses and one-to-one
adventures are all about creating moments
of meaning that connect us to ourselves, each
other and our creativity. Join Tiu for live videos
on Facebook @Psychologiesmagazine, next on
10 April at 7pm.

SUBSCRIPTIONS
13 issues of Psychologies are published per annum
● UK annual subscription price: £58.50
● Europe annual subscription price: £72
● USA annual subscription price: £72
● Rest of World annual subscription price: £78
● UK subscription and back issue orderline: 01959 543747
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Jini Reddy

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Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark. Copyright ©2002
Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark and is published monthly by Kelsey Media 2019 © all
rights reserved. Kelsey Media is a trading name of Kelsey Publishing Ltd. Reproduction in whole or in part
is forbidden except with permission in writing from the publishers.
Note to contributors: articles submitted for consideration by the editor must be the original work of the
author and not previously published. Where photographs are included, which are not the property of the
contributor, permission to reproduce them must have been obtained from the owner of the copyright.
The Editor cannot guarantee a personal response to all letters and emails received. The views expressed
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6 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E S P R I N G 2 0 1 9

GLOBAL EDITIONS
Groupe Psychologies, 2-8 rue Gaston-Rébuffat, 75019 Paris, France. Tel: 01 44 65 58 00
PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE
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PHOTOGRAPHS: GRACE GELDER; JOHN LAWRENCE

Author of the award-winning Wild Times
(Bradt Travel Guides, £14.99), Jini is writing a new
book, exploring the magical in the landscape. This
month, she writes about an unusual near-death
experience. ‘Attending a workshop using virtual
reality to explore near-death experiences was
fascinating in every way,’ she says. ‘It has also,
crucially, left me feeling less fearful of death and
more optimistic about life.’ Read why on page 52.

WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING


EDITOR’S LETTER

Be a hero in your own life

We explore heroes and inspiration in this issue. ‘Ultimately,
people need to realise that they can be brave; that they don’t
need a hero, they can be their own hero,’ says Rose McGowan,
activist and author of Brave, on page 44. Keira Knightley riffs
on the same theme (page 20), urging us to find women to look
up to: ‘Women need female heroes – it’s vital that girls learn in
Suzy Walker
school about the contributions women have made in history.’
Editor-in-Chief, with Oscar
the office dog
Be inspired by environmentalist and physicist, Melanie
Windridge, our brilliant ‘My life, my way’ subject, who says
of conquering Everest (page 28): ‘I like to challenge myself… to
walk in the footsteps of explorers, of people who did the impossible.’
What do you need to do to be a hero in your life? What ‘impossible’ challenge calls
you? Why not enter our competition on page 116, learn to dive with PADI on a retreat
worth £3,000 – and maybe swim with sharks or turtles before the year is out?
But maybe you need to create space for adventure. Our Dossier (page 64) helps
you simplify your life – plus sign up for our free ‘Go slow’
course, for greater productivity, health and
happiness, with top coach Simon Hague.

Let’s do it together

EE
FR
T WORTH

£37!

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However you want to streamline and bring
ease to your life, you are not alone. Join the
‘Psychologies’ Life Leap Club, free to all
subscribers, and be part of a kind community
of inspiring readers, who are
creating life leaps of their
own. Go to psychologies.
co.uk/life-leap-clubnew-subscribers

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S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 7


Viewpoint

Send your letters to and tell us what you love about our
magazine. You could win a six-month subscription, plus access to our new Life Leap Club!
Star
letter

NEW HORIZONS
As a new reader of Psychologies, I was pleasantly
surprised by the uplifting content, which is often
missing in other magazines. I found the Dossier
in the February issue, focusing on being brave,
particularly inspiring. I have always dreamed of
working in a creative profession, but self-doubt
has prevented me from pursuing it.

I’ve recently left my well-established career
in pursuit of greater fulfilment but have still
been questioning whether I have what it takes
to succeed. Having read your articles, I now
feel reassured that my feelings of fear are
perfectly normal, and I feel more energised
and prepared to fully embrace change. Rachel

Share with us…

Share your photos and comments on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine,
or tweet us @PsychologiesMag both using #PsychologiesMagazine
@agnes_hall: I have just
finished reading the @walkamileuk
article in @PsychologiesMag
and it made me smile so much.
There’s always hope of finding
good people in the most unknown
corners, isn’t there?

@mi_healy:
Love is... a lie-in and
a cup of tea in bed
with time to read my
fave @psychologies
magazine.

@button03_4
After a week in bed with the flu, I am
catching up on some reading and

making notes for the year with my
@PsychologiesMag.

@amiecrewscoach:
‘Let’s go upstairs and get dressed,’
I say. ‘But I’m just reading this
@PsychologiesMag,’ my threeyear-old responds!

Get your weekly fix!
8 PSYCHOLO GIES MAGA ZINE SPRIN G 201 9

@nicolacook74:
I just love sitting
down with my new
@psychologiesmagazine,
turmeric tea and inspiring
messages. Create your
own happy tribe.

@alli2409:
That time of the month
when my favourite
magazine comes out.
No kids, a bit of me time
to sit down and breathe.

WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING


feedback

Letter of
gratitude

CHANCE ENCOUNTERS
I was in a hotel in 2005 when a stranger sat down
at a table and pulled out a magazine. She was so
engrossed and couldn’t take her eyes away. I sat
nearby and glanced over to catch the cover of the
magazine: Psychologies, it read. Later, I popped out
to a buy a copy and spent the evening reading it. I was
absolutely amazed. At the time, I was in an abusive
relationship. All the advice and features made me into
the strong and positive person that I am today. Thank
you stranger, and thank you Psychologies. Helen

I’d like to thank…

My little sister, Yasmin
Who knew we’d only have 20 years together?
I remember the day you were born. I was 12
and, as a teenager, I thought a new baby
would be so annoying. When you turned one,
you became more interesting. At two, I was

PHOTO COMPETITION

besotted with your gorgeous giggle. At seven,

I took this picture on a skiing trip to La Plagne,
France. Parts of 2018 were tough with family

illnesses, work stress and job uncertainties.
Arriving in the Alps and spending a week in
the mountains with clean air, beautiful scenery
and time with great friends and my partner
was good for the soul. Mountains inspire
me and give me perspective – time in nature
always heals. Georgina

The
winner

you coined a new nickname for me, ‘Aisha
Pizza’, after my favourite food. As the older
sister, I wrote your essays, took you to nice
places, gave you lectures and shared wisdom.
When you were 10, we spoke about the day
you’d turn 18. We did so much counting. In the
end, you were taken from us at the young age
of 20. Even still, I wouldn’t change it.
Thank you for those precious years. You’ve
taught me not to count months and years,
but to live in the moment. If I could have any
other sister for a lifetime or you for those

A isha P izza
WOULD YOU LIKE to showcase your photographic
talent in ‘Psychologies’? What moment has made you
feel inspired, grateful or moved this month? Capture
it and tell us why. We’ll print the winner, plus you’ll
receive a six-month subscription, and access to our

Life Leap Club! Share your photo with us and explain
its inspiration on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine
with the hashtag #PsychologiesPhoto or email


This month’s gratitude
letter, star letter and
chosen photo win a
six-month subscription
to Psychologies worth
£25.80, plus access to
our Life Leap Club!
Send your letters to


*

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20, I’d choose you every time.

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SPRIN G 201 9 PSYCHOLO GIES MAGA ZINE 9


n
me
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Cycle 300km along the beautiful Dalmatian Coast in Croatia
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The Fix

News I Reviews

I Books

I Film

I

Art

I

Ideas

EDITED BY ELLEN TOUT

me, what is it you plan to do
“withTellyour
one wild and precious life?
”
MARY OLIVER

There Are Girls Like Lions is a new
illustrated poetry anthology about
being a woman. ‘This is a collection
that erodes stereotypes,’ says
poet and editor Cole Swensen.
‘Poetry is unique in the arts in
making voice literal – we speak
out, we have our say. No one of
these voices speaks for everyone,
but through them, we all have a
voice.’ Read their voices, and find
yours too, in the new book.

‘There are Girls Like Lions: Poems About
Being A Woman’, illustrated by Karolin
Schnoor (Chronicle Books, £11.99)

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 11


The Fix

93%

Thought-provoking culture, creative ideas, insightful science and inspiring gifts
OUR KINDNESS PROJECT

OF REGULAR CAMPERS SAY
A BREAK UNDER CANVAS
MAKES THEM HAPPIER. AND
80 PER CENT OF THEIR KIDS
BELIEVE IT MAKES THEIR
PARENTS LESS STRESSED.**
HAPPY CAMPERS INDEED!

Mug, £14,
notonthe
highstreet.com

A SPOONFUL
OF KINDNESS
Author David Hamilton is an
advocate of kindness. Here, he

explains why he’s happy to be kind
KINDNESS IS LIKE a pill
that makes us feel better,
and there’s evidence
for kindness having
antidepressant effects.
Studies of large numbers
of people who take part
in volunteer work have
found much lower rates
of depression in volunteers
than in the general
population. Research
also shows that
volunteering elevates
our happiness levels.
A study* at the University
of California compared

people who performed five
acts of kindness per week
to people not doing so.
Happiness was measured
at the beginning and again
after six weeks. Those who
performed the acts of
kindness became happier.
Those who didn’t, saw no
boost. And the greatest
gains in happiness came

when the volunteers did
the five acts of kindness
on the same day.
It just goes to show that
simple, daily acts of kindness
can work wellbeing wonders.

Join ‘Psychologies’ kindness tsar David Hamilton live on Facebook

@Psychologiesmagazine for his free 30-day kindness challenge every month,
next on 1 April at 1pm. For access to more like this, join the ‘Psychologies’ Life
Leap coaching club, free when you subscribe to the magazine. ‘The Five Side
Effects Of Kindness’ by David Hamilton (Hay House, £10.99) is out now

Hammock, £157,
vivalagoon.com

ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

Dream of dozing in a hammock on a
beach? A new study† found that a rocking
bed helps us enjoy better sleep and
process memories. When tested, rocking
didn’t help people fall asleep faster, but
they did spend longer in the deep stages
of slumber. A rocking bed also triggered
more ‘sleep spindles’ – bursts of brain
activity that help prevent us from waking
and aid in the consolidation of memories.

JOIN OUR CLUB! WE’VE LAUNCHED A WORLD-CLASS ONLINE COACHING CLUB – AND MEMBERSHIP


PHOTOGRAPH: CHRIS MINIHANE, 2008. *S LYUBOMIRSKY ET AL, PURSUING SUSTAINED
HAPPINESS THROUGH RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS AND COUNTING ONE’S BLESSINGS,
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, 2004; **THE CAMPING AND CARAVANING CLUB, 2019; †A PERRAULT
ET AL, WHOLE-NIGHT CONTINUOUS ROCKING ENTRAINS SPONTANEOUS NEURAL OSCILLATIONS
WITH BENEFITS FOR SLEEP AND MEMORY, ‘CURRENT BIOLOGY’, 2019; ††ONEPOLL, 2018

Culture

Joy to
the world

WHAT DOES JOY MEAN TO YOU? Bruce Velick
is a gallery curator and created the new book Joy!
(Chronicle Books, £10.99) as an exhibition of images
of life’s happiest moments, captured by photographers
across the globe from the 1920s to the present. It’s
an uplifting collection that documents everyday
moments you can’t help but smile at – such as this
picture by Chris Minihane of a Masai warrior enjoying
a sunset ride home over the Ngong Hills in Kenya.
Joy! includes beautiful snaps of everything from a
dog playing on a beach, to people dancing in the rain
or revelling in the ecstasy of a fairground ride.
‘We may not know how to define joy, but we know it
when we see it,’ says professor of psychology Robert
Emmons. ‘Velick exquisitely captures this emotion
throughout this beautiful and elevating book – a

collection of joyful images depicting joy in lived lives.’

Lunchbox, £15,
talkingtables.com

22mins

IS THE AVERAGE TIME
PEOPLE TAKE FOR A LUNCH
BREAK.†† BARELY ENOUGH
TIME TO EAT A SANDWICH!

IS FREE TO ALL SUBSCRIBERS. LEAP INTO A BETTER LIFE AT PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK/LIFE-LEAP-CLUB-NEW-SUBSCRIBERS
S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 13


The Fix

Thought-provoking culture, creative ideas, insightful science and inspiring gifts

MINDFUL MUTTS

Dog bookends,
£25, tch.net

Walking a dog helps us feel positive and energised,
according to 96 per cent of people surveyed. But sadly,
research shows only 42 per cent of the nation’s
dogs are walked daily, with the average outing
lasting just 20 minutes. The study* marks

the launch of Forthglade’s The
Great Dog Walk Challenge, which
aims to highlight the mutual benefits
and inspire us all to ‘rediscover
the joy in walking’. Join the
challenge at forthglade.com.

♥
Audible
books

Our friends at Audible tell us why
you will be transported to an enchanting
childhood wonderland with Bookworm

WE LOVE
‘Bookworm’
by Lucy Mangan
When Lucy Mangan was little,
stories were everything. They
opened up new worlds from
Narnia to Kirrin Island and
Wonderland, casting light on all
the complexities she encountered
in this one. In Bookworm, Mangan
revisits her childhood reading with
wit, love and gratitude. She relives
our best-beloved books and their
extraordinary creators, and looks at
the subtle ways they shape our lives.

Beautifully narrated, Bookworm brings
the favourite characters of our collective
childhoods back to life and brilliantly
uses them to tell her own story.

Get your weekly fix!
14 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E S P R I N G 2 0 1 9

‘Bookworm’ is
available for £14.99;
free to members
or with a 30-day
Audible trial.
See audible.co.uk

75%

OF PEOPLE
AGREE THAT A
GOOD MORNING
ROUTINE CAN
LEAD TO A MORE
SUCCESSFUL AND
PRODUCTIVE DAY,
BUT 46 PER CENT
SAY THE EARLY
HOURS ARE A
TIME WHEN THEY
FEEL STRESSED**

WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING


LEAP INTO LAUGHTER

FINDING
SIMPLICITY
Emma Stroud,
our clown-in-residence,
takes a quiet look within
AS A CLOWN on the go, I often
find myself travelling. A few
weeks ago, my phone decided
that it had had enough. It no
longer wanted to provide me
with brilliant distractions! I was
left bereft for a few moments,
until I realised I had a pen and
paper. I took a breath and started
to write. It was one of those
magical moments when I was
in flow and my new show started
to emerge with a clarity I’d been
desperately searching for in
far louder and busier places.
This was the best reminder for
me to turn off, sit, breathe and
allow. Who knows what your
inner wisdom will say to you…

FILM REVIEW: DANIELLE WOODWARD. AUDIOBOOK RECOMMENDATION
BY ELISE ITALIAANDER, CONTENT MANAGER AT AUDIBLE.
*
FORTHGLADE, 2018; **3GEM RESEARCH AND INSIGHTS, 2018

Film
of the
month

Fisherman’s Friends

Directed by Chris Foggin

THIS UPLIFTING, WARM AND HEARTFELT
comedy is based on the remarkable true
story of an a cappella group of sea shantysinging fishermen from Port Isaac, in
Cornwall, who performed in pubs to raise
money for charity and got their big break
when a radio DJ heard them sing and
introduced them to his manager, who got
them a £1m contract with Universal Music.
The film tells it slightly differently:
Daniel Mays plays a disillusioned city
music executive who finds himself in
a Cornish village on a stag do and, in a
prank by his boss, attempts to sign the

group, led by Jim (James Purefoy). But,
as he gets to know the fishermen, their
families and community – and falls for

B&B owner and single mum Alwyn
(Tuppence Middleton) – he decides
to get them a record deal for real.
With a backdrop of beautiful coastal
scenes, pretty harbours and winding
17th-century lanes, it has a big feel-good
factor. The film tells an engaging and
emotive tale of history and community, love
and loss, with a soundtrack of uplifting
traditional folk songs that will have you
smiling and singing along with them. DW

Glitter notebook, £3,
paperchase.com

Join bananas clown-in-residence
Emma Stroud live on Facebook

@Psychologiesmagazine every month,
next on 23 April at 1pm. For more like
this, join the ‘Psychologies’ Life Leap
club, free when you subscribe to the
magazine. Read our Dossier about
an easier, slower life on page 64

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S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 15

emotional intelligence

HOW TO …

Succeed and be content
International bestselling author, Buddhist monk and teacher
Haemin Sunim shares his observations on living a fulfilling life

1

4

2

5

3

6

Do not beg for the attention
of other people. As you
discover and develop your unique
strengths and talents, people will
automatically pay you attention.
If we see a person who is
passionate about their
work, we naturally feel drawn
to them. We can’t take our eyes
off them. Passion is contagious.

be happy forever, but waves
of despondency flood in, and
success gives way to a backlash
you never anticipated. Instead
of postponing happiness until
you have achieved your goal, live
a little and enjoy the moment.

The more we mature, the
more we see how others have
contributed to our successes. When
we express our gratitude for that,
the next success will follow.

7

When you finally achieve
something you’ve wanted
for a long time, it seems like you’ll

‘Love For Imperfect Things: How
To Accept Yourself In A World
Striving For Perfection’ by Haemin
Sunim (Penguin, £9.99) is out now

The opposite of greed
is not abstinence but
knowing how to be content.

WORDS: SUZY WALKER. PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

Do not be afraid of
making mistakes, only
of not learning from them.

If life was free of adversity,
we wouldn’t have opportunities
to grow. It’s in struggling to solve
life’s challenges that talent is honed
and endurance built.

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 17


in partnership with PHB Ethical Beauty
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be ‘affordable
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you can use every
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In perfect harmony
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Meet the ethical family business that’s changing the
face of natural beauty with its new products

F

our premium, all-natural
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No more nasties

‘We believe in the power of plants,’ says
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18 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E S P R I N G 2 0 1 9

wake up to the animal-based ingredients
and chemical nasties lurking in their
moisturisers and serums.
‘In response, we’ve revamped our

skincare portfolio, taking our ultra-ethical
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Our new ranges use the latest advances
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will make you fall in love with your skin.’
PHB Ethical Beauty has also revamped
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your life, while reducing product
packaging and water waste.

‘Psychologies’ readers will

receive an exclusive 15% off when
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See phbethicalbeauty.co.uk. For more
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PHBEthicalBeauty and @PHBbeauty

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self
LESSONS IN ADULTHOOD

No time like the present
After hearing some devastating news, Harriet Minter considers how
to make the most of the here and now with the people she loves

PHOTOGRAPH: MARK HARRISON. HAIR AND MAKE-UP:
CAROLINE PIASECKI. STYLIST: KATE ANYA BARBOUR

T

here is a moment in your life when you know
you’re getting older. I wish I could tell you that
it’s when your hairdresser suggests a shorter
cut would be more flattering, or when you realise your
boss was born in the 1990s but, the reality is, it’s when
your friends start telling you they have cancer. I know,
I wish that wasn’t how it happens either.
Of course, it’s not the first time someone in my
life has had that stilted ‘I’ve had some bad news’
conversation with me. But, for the first time, it is
neither people so much older than me that I saw
death as inevitable for them, nor is it something
that everyone refers to under their breath as a
‘tragedy’. Instead, it is simply a fact of life.
Last year, two of my friends were diagnosed with
cancer. When the first one told me, I cried. I still feel as
though, in that moment, I let her down and, from then

on, I decided that would be the last time I’d cry in front
of her. I was going to do my best to be strong for her.
Along the way, this is what I learned about supporting a
friend through illness: Firstly, there is no right or wrong
way – you can only do your best. But you also realise that
when we say they’re ‘fighting for their life’, what we really
mean is that they’re fighting for the everyday, normal
things that we all take for granted. They’re fighting for
Sunday lunch with their loved ones and weekend trips
to the seaside. Yes, they’re going through treatment for
cancer but that doesn’t mean they want to focus only on
that. My friend and I used to run once a week, mainly so
we could go for a coffee and croissant afterwards. When
the running became too much, we still went for coffee.
Rather than big Saturday nights out, we had big Saturday
nights in when it didn’t matter if she fell asleep on the
sofa at 9pm. Life as usual became the goal.
I also learned that nobody required me to be

superwoman. I desperately wanted to fix this for my
friends but there was nothing I could do. Thankfully, they
were both much smarter than me and didn’t expect me
to provide solutions, they just wanted me to be there
for them. This, it turns out, is still pretty hard. You feel
completely useless and so the easy option is to slowly fade
out of their lives but, really, all that’s required from you is
to keep turning up. Call them on a Wednesday afternoon
for a chat. Pick them up from the hospital once or twice,
so they don’t have to get the bus home. Just be there.
And, finally, use this as a lesson in how to be truly

present with your friends. So often when we’re with
the people we love, we have half our attention on them
and the other half on our own problems. But, the truth
is, you don’t know if you’ll have another chance for this
topic of conversation. You can hope that you might, but
there are no certainties with cancer, so really, really
engage with them. You’ll never regret that.
For weekly wisdom from Harriet, sign up for her newsletter at tinyletter.com/
harrietminter. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @harrietminter

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 19



interview

Keira Knightley

“It can make a big
difference if girls
see stories about
extraordinary women”
Award-winning actress Keira Knightley talks about fearlessness,
feminism, her passion for history – and new film The Aftermath
PHOTOGRAPH MAARTEN DE BOER/THE LICENSING PROJECT

A

keen student of the past and
historical fiction, Keira Knightley

has an avowed preference and
enthusiasm for period films. In
The Imitation Game, Anna Karenina, A Dangerous
Method and this year’s Colette, Knightley revels
in recreating characters from bygone days.
It’s therefore no surprise that she is currently
starring in The Aftermath, a romantic drama
set in Germany after the Second World War.
Knightley plays Rachael Morgan, the
unhappy wife of British colonel Lewis
Morgan (Jason Clarke), who is stationed
in Hamburg to oversee the city’s
reconstruction. Complications
ensue when her husband allows
the previous owner of their mansion
on the Elbe, a former high-ranking
Wehrmacht officer (Alexander
Skarsgård), and his troubled
daughter to stay with them,

and Rachael becomes attracted to him.
‘I’ve always been drawn to historical fiction
and I love exploring the past,’ says Knightley
of her choice of roles over the years. ‘I enjoy
relating to the characters in period fi lms and
I have a completely different feeling when I’m
reliving another era, as opposed to performing
in projects that tell contemporary stories.’
The actress, who earned Oscar nominations
for Pride & Prejudice and The Imitation Game,

reiterates: ‘I love period films! I always have
and, although I’ve gone through times when I felt
guilty about starring in too many of them, I now
embrace them. There’s something about the
escapism that makes me want to take on these
dramas and I often relate to historical characters
far more strongly than others.’
The Aftermath is directed by James Kent
(director of First World War drama Testament Of
Youth) and Ridley Scott is its executive producer.
Welsh author Rhidian Brook wrote the screenplay,

>>>

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 21


based on his novel of the same name, recounting his
grandfather Walter Brook’s experience.
Knightley is married to musician James Righton,
former keyboardist and frontman of the band Klaxons.
They live in London with their daughter, Edie, three.

The interview

You are outspoken about the need to find more
women’s stories, especially following your role in
The Imitation Game as mathematician Joan Clarke,
who worked with codebreaker Alan Turing…
Women need female heroes because it’s vital that girls

learn in school about the contributions that women have
made in history. Usually, we only hear about male heroes
or great male figures, so women need to learn more about
a remarkable individual like Colette, for example. [In
Colette, Knightley plays Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette, a
ghostwriter for her author husband, who fought for
creative ownership of her work, challenging 20th-century
gender norms.] We need to be inspired by her and many
other women whose lives and accomplishments have gone
unrecognised, or not received the attention they deserve.
Colette was also open and fearless about relationships
– she lived her life the way she chose and had no shame
about her sexuality. She lived unapologetically and I’d like
people to feel empowered after learning more about her.
Is it fair to say you have a penchant
for unconventional historical
female characters?
Sometimes those kinds of movies
have been the only ones that offered
me the chance to play strong,
independent women. I can’t tell you
how many scripts I’ve read in which
women are subjected to violence or
portrayed as the passive girlfriend
or wife. The period films I’ve done
have enabled me to tell stories about
formidable and fascinating women.
  
Do you share the boldness of some
of the women that you portray?

Unfortunately, I tend to be much
more introverted than they are.
I think that’s why I’m drawn to
playing women who enjoy being
the centre of attention, because
I’m exactly the opposite in social

22 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E S P R I N G 2 0 1 9

“I’m glad we’re
talking about
sexual politics…
We need to keep the
conversation going
and this fire lit”
situations. Acting is my way of indulging in being a
more fearless kind of person than in real life although,
sometimes, I suppose those personality traits rub off
on you – but they never last, I’m sad to say!

Do you think the rise of the #MeToo movement and the
resurgence of feminism will result in more female-led
films and the dramatisation of more women’s stories?
We’ll have to see but I certainly hope so. We’re still in
the early stages of this renewed women’s movement but
I think we’ve already started to see more projects getting
made which revolve around women and give greater
weight to female characters.
With all the discussion about
‘THE AFTERMATH’

feminism and gender politics going
on now, it’s important that young
Set in post-war Germany in 1946,
women get to hear stories about
Rachael Morgan (Keira Knightley)
great women and are able to identify
arrives in the ruins of Hamburg in
with female heroes. Men have always
the bitter winter, to be reunited with
been inspired by male heroes in films
her husband Lewis (Jason Clarke),
and I think it can make a big
a British colonel charged with
difference if girls get to see stories
rebuilding the shattered city.
about extraordinary women, too.
As they set off for their new home,
Rachael is stunned to discover that
Lewis has made an unexpected
decision: they will be sharing the
grand house with its previous owner,
a widower (Alexander Skarsgård)
and his disturbed daughter. In this
charged atmosphere, enmity and grief
give way to passion and betrayal.
The Aftermath is directed by
James Kent, best known for the
award-winning Testament Of Youth.

Apart from acting, did you ever

have any other career ambitions?
I dreamed of a sports career but there
were very few opportunities for girls,
except maybe in tennis, which I
didn’t like. I love football, of course
[Knightley’s breakthrough role
was in coming-of-age story Bend It
Like Beckham], and rugby. I remember
taking part in an oratory competition


interview

In Bend It Like Beckham with Parminder
Nagra, championing women’s football

Knightley as Leo Tolstoy’s Russian aristocrat
Anna Karenina, who has a life-changing affair

y plays an unhappy wife in The Aftermath.
Knightley
f at the recent Women of the Year Awards
Left,

Playing mathematician Joan Clarke, opposite
Benedict Cumberbatch, in The Imitation Game

WORDS: VIVA PRESS. PHOTOGRAPHS: REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; PLANET PHOTOS

in which I spoke about sexism in sport. It was my first

feminist speech. I finished third, which still annoys me!
Are you a competitive person?
I love a good challenge. If I don’t get out of my comfort
zone; if a role doesn’t scare me in some way, I get bored.
I love doing great dramatic films and I’m fascinated by
darker characters. Maybe that’s why comedies aren’t
really me. The first time you say a joke, everyone laughs
on the set. Then you repeat the line in the next few takes
and nobody laughs, so you haven’t the faintest idea
whether or not you’re doing a good job.
Do you and your husband have set child-rearing
responsibilities, especially when you’re filming?
We’re both very engaged in the life of our daughter
and, if I’m going to be busy with a fi lm, my husband
takes care of her… When he has to leave for work, I
take over the parental duties. I also have a fantastic
nanny who helps me with everything at home and
that makes it much easier for me.

You’re working again after a year off to spend more
time with your daughter. How do you feel about that?
I grew up the daughter of a working mother, and I know
how important it was for me and my sense of self to see
Mum working. I want my daughter to see that I’m doing
something I love. I want her to know that whatever field
she chooses, she can have a child and pursue a career.
Did your mother raise you to be independent?
Both my father and mother were activists. [Knightley is
the daughter of actor Will Knightley and actress-turnedplaywright Sharman Macdonald.] My mother raised me
to believe I could do anything in life. That’s why I wrote

an essay for Feminists Don’t Wear Pink (And Other Lies).
Every book sale helps fund [United Nations Foundation
women’s charity] Girl Up, which promotes female
education and leadership. I’m glad we’re talking about
sexual politics and all the other issues that opens up.
We need to keep the conversation going and this fire lit.
‘The Aftermath’ is in UK cinemas now; ‘Feminists Don’t Wear Pink
(And Other Lies)’ curated by Scarlett Curtis (Penguin, £12.99)

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 23


24 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E S P R I N G 2 0 1 9


relationships

Welcome to
the family

When Barbara Meakin* fell in love with a widower
who had a daughter, she thought she was walking
into a fairy tale. Instead, she found herself embarking
on the emotional journey of her life

W

hen I met a clever, kind
handsome man with a
beautiful 11-year-old

daughter, it seemed like
a dream come true. I was 49 years old and
had always wanted children, but that had
never happened for me. When he asked me
to marry him on my birthday in Venice,
it was the happiest day of my life. At our
wedding, we included a prayer for children.
I was determined to be a mother to J. I
wanted to fill that gap in her life.
It had started well. J and I had our first
meeting over a litter of puppies at a street
party. She loved them. I loved them. She was

earning points to get a puppy and I suggested to
her father that, as she was obviously going to get
the puppy anyway, why not let her have it now?
It was the summer holiday and she’d have time
to enjoy it… He wisely gave way. J was delighted
and associated that happiness with me.
I held back initially – it was her pet.
But, when the dog started refusing to come
back on walks, my husband suggested
that we find a way of managing her or look
for a new owner. I felt as if giving up on the
dog would somehow be giving up on my
relationship with J. I was in a bit of a panic,
never having had my own dog , but threw
myself into it. Compared to people, dogs >>>

S P R I N G 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 25