Diana of the crossways

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Title:DianaoftheCrossways,Complete
Author:GeorgeMeredith
Edition:10


Language:English
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DIANAOFTHECROSSWAYS
ByGeorgeMeredith



1897

CONTENTS
BOOK1.I.OFDIARIESANDDIARISTSTOUCHINGTHEHEROINEII.

ANIRISHBALLIII.THEINTERIOROFMR.REDWORTHANDTHE
EXTERIOROFMR.SULLIVANSMITHIV.CONTAININGHINTSOF
DIANA’SEXPERIENCESANDOFWHATTHEYLEDTOV.CONCERNING
THESCRUPULOUSGENTLEMANWHOCAMETOOLATE.VI.THE
COUPLEVII.THECRISISVIII.INWHICHISEXHIBITEDHOWA
PRACTICALMANANDADIVININGWOMANLEARNTORESPECTONE
ANOTHER
BOOK2.IX.SHOWSHOWAPOSITIONOFDELICACYFORALADY
ANDGENTLEMANWASMETINSIMPLEFASHIONWITHOUTHURTTO
EITHER.X.THECONFLICTOFTHENIGHTXI.RECOUNTSTHE
JOURNEYINACHARIOT,WITHACERTAINAMOUNTOFDIALOGUE,
ANDASMALLINCIDENTONTHEROADXII.BETWEENEMMAAND
DIANAXIII.TOUCHINGTHEFIRSTDAYSOFHERPROBATIONXIV.
GIVINGGLIMPSESOFDIANAUNDERHERCLOUDBEFORETHE
WORLDANDOFHERFURTHERAPPRENTICESHIPXV.INTRODUCES
THEHON.PERCYDACIERXVI.TREATSOFAMIDNIGHTBELL,AND
OFASCENEOFEARLYMORNINGXVII.THEPRINCESSEGERIA
BOOK3.XVIII.THEAUTHORESSXIX.ADRIVEINSUNLIGHTANDA
DRIVEINMOONLIGHTXX.DIANA’SNIGHT-WATCHINTHE
CHAMBEROFDEATHXXI.THEYOUNGMINISTEROFSTATEXXII.
BETWEENDIANAANDDACIER:THEWINDEASTOVERBLEAK
LANDXXIII.RECORDSAVISITTODIANAFROMONEOFTHE
WORLD’SGOODWOMENXXIV.INDICATESASOULPREPAREDFOR
DESPERATIONXXV.ONCEMORETHECROSSWAYSANDACHANGE
OFTURNINGSXXVI.INWHICHADISAPPOINTEDLOVERRECEIVESA
MULTITUDEOFLESSONS

BOOK5.XXXVI.ISCONCLUSIVEASTOTHEHEARTLESSNESSOF
WOMENWITHBRAINSXXXVII.ANEXHIBITIONOFSOME

CHAMPIONSOFTHESTRICKENLADYXXXVIII.CONVALESCENCEOF
AHEALTHYMINDDISTRAUGHTXXXIX.OFNATUREWITHONEOF
HERCULTIVATEDDAUGHTERSANDASHORTEXCURSIONINANTICLIMAXXL.INWHICHWESEENATUREMAKINGOFAWOMANA
MAIDAGAIN,ANDATHRICEWHIMSICALXLI.CONTAINSA
REVELATIONOFTHEORIGINOFTHETIGRESSINDIANAXLII.THE
PENULTIMATE:SHOWINGAFINALSTRUGGLEFORLIBERTYAND
RUNINTOHARNESSXLIII.NUPTIALCHAPTER:ANDOFHOWA
BARELYWILLINGWOMANWASLEDTOBLOOMWITHNUPTIAL
SENTIMENT

Aladyofhighdistinctionforwitandbeauty,thedaughterofanillustrious
IrishHouse,cameundertheshadowofacalumny.Ithaslatterlybeenexamined
andexposedasbaseless.ThestoryofDianaoftheCrosswaysistobereadas
fiction.

DIANAOFTHECROSSWAYS
BYGEORGEMEREDITH
1897

BOOK1.
I.OFDIARIESANDDIARISTSTOUCHINGTHEHEROINEII.ANIRISH
BALLIII.THEINTERIOROFMR.REDWORTHANDTHEEXTERIOROF
MR.SULLIVANSMITHIV.CONTAININGHINTSOFDIANA’S
EXPERIENCESANDOFWHATTHEYLEDTOV.CONCERNINGTHE
SCRUPULOUSGENTLEMANWHOCAMETOOLATEVI.THECOUPLE
VII.THECRISISVIII.INWHICHISEXHIBITEDHOWAPRACTICAL
MANANDADIVININGWOMANLEARNTORESPECTONEANOTHER

CHAPTERI
OFDIARIESANDDIARISTSTOUCHINGTHEHEROINE
AmongtheDiariesbeginningwiththesecondquarterofourcentury,thereis
frequentmentionofaladythenbecomingfamousforherbeautyandherwit:‘an
unusualcombination,’inthedeliberatesyllablesofoneofthewriters,whois,
however,notdisposedtopersonalironywhenspeakingofher.Itisotherwisein
hiscaseandageneralflingatthesexwemaydeempardonable,fordoingas
littleharmtowomankindasthestoneofanurchincastuponthebosomof
motherEarth;thoughmenmustlooksomedaytohaveitreturnedtothem,
whichisacertainty;andindeedfullsurelywillouridle-handedyoungstertoo,in
hisriperseason;beheardcomplainingofastrangeassaultofwantonmissiles,
comingonhimheknowsnotwhence;forweareallofusdistinctlymarkedto
getbackwhatwegive,evenfromthethingnamedinanimatenature.
The‘LEAVESFROMTHEDIARYOFHENRYWILMERS’arestuddedwith
examplesofthedinner-tablewitofthetime,notalwaysworthquotationtwice;
forsmartremarkshavetheirmeasureddistances,manyrequiringtobeabrule
pourpoint,orwithinthrowofthepistol,tomakeithit;inotherwords,the
majorityofthemareaddresseddirectlytoourmuscularsystem,andtheyhave
noeffectwhenwestandbeyondtherange.Onthecontrary,theyreflect
sombrelyonthespringsofhilarityinthegenerationprecedingus;withdue
reserveofcredit,ofcourse,toananimalvivaciousnessthatseemstohave
wantedsosmallanincitement.Ouroldyeomanryfarmers—returningtotheir
bedsoverfernycommonsunderbrightmoonlightfromaneighbour’sharvesthome,easedtheirbubblingbreastswithareadyroarnotunakintoit.Stillthe
promptnesstolaughisanexcellentprogenitorialfoundationforthewittocome
inapeople;andundoubtedlythediarialrecordofanimputedpieceofwitis
witnesstothespoutingoflaughter.Thisshouldcomfortuswhileweskimthe
sparklingpassagesofthe‘Leaves.’Whenanationhasacknowledgedthatitisas
yetbutinthefisticuffstageoftheartofcondensingourpurestsensetogolden
sentences,areadierappreciationwillbeextendedtothegift:whichistostrike
notthedazzledeyes,theunanticipatingnose,theribs,thesides,andstunus,

twirlus,hoodwink,mystify,tickleandtwitch,bydexteritiesoflingualsparring
andshuffling,buttostrikerootsinthemind,theHesperidesofgoodthings.We
shallthensetapriceonthe‘unusualcombination.’Awittywomanisatreasure;


awittyBeautyisapower.Hassheactualbeauty,actualwit?—notsimplyatidal
materialbeautythatpassescurrentanyprettyflippancyorstaggering
pretentiousness?Grant.thecombination,shewillappearaveritablequeenofher
period,fitforhomage;atleastmeritingadispositiontobelievethebestofher,in
theteethoffoulrumour;becausethewelloftruewitistruthitself,thegathering
ofthepreciousdropsofrightreason,wisdom’slightning;andnosoulpossessing
anddispensingitcanjustlybeatargetfortheworld,howeverwellarmedthe
worldconfrontingher.Ourtemporaryworld,thatOldCredulityandstonehurlingurchininone,supposesitpossibleforawomantobementallyactiveup
tothepointofspiritualclarityandalsofleshlyvile;aguidetolifeandabiterat
thefruitsofdeath;bothopenmindandhypocrite.Ithasnotyetbeentaughtto
appreciateaqualitycertifyingtosoundcitizenshipasauthoritativelyasacresof
landinfeesimple,orcoffersofbonds,sharesandstocks,andamore
imperishableguarantee.Themultitudesofevilreportswhichittakesforproof,
aremarshalledagainstherwithoutquestionofthenatureofthevictim,her
temptressbeautybeingasufficientlypresumptivedelinquent.Itdoesnotpretend
toknowthewhole,ornakedbodyofthefacts;itknowsenoughforitsfurry
dubiousness;andexceptingthesentimentalofmen,arocket-headedhorde,ever
attheheelsoffairfacesforignition,andupstarringawayatahintof
tearfulness;exceptingfurtherbychanceasolidchampionman,orsome
generouswomancapableoffaithinthepeltedsolitaryofhersex,ourtemporary
worldblowsdirectEastonhershiveringperson.Thescandaliswarrantforthat;
thecircumstancesofthescandalemphasizethewarrant.Andhowcleversheis!
ClevernessisanattributeoftheselectermissionarylieutenantsofSatan.We
praytobedefendedfromhercleverness:sheflashesbitsofspeechthatcatch
menintheirunguardedcorner.Thewarystufftheirears,thestolidbidherbest

sayingsreboundonherreputation.Neverthelesstheworld,asChristian,
remembersitsprofessions,andaportionofitjoinstheburlyinmoralsby
extendingtoherarougholdcharitablemercifulness;betterthansentimental
ointment,buttheheaviestblowshehastobear,toacharacterswimmingforlife.
Thattheladyinquestionwasmuchquoted,theDiariesandMemoirstestify.
Hearsayaswellashearingwasatworktoproducetheabundance;anditwasa
noveltyinEngland,where(incompany)themenarethepointedtalkers,andthe
womenconversationallyfairCircassians.Theyare,ortheyknowthatthey
shouldbe;itcomestothesame.Happilyourcivilizationhasnotprescribedthe
veiltothem.Themuteshavehereandthereasketchorlabelattachedtotheir
names:theyare‘strikinglyhandsome’;theyare‘verygood-looking’;
occasionallytheyarenotedas‘extremelyentertaining’:inwhatmanner,is


inquiredbyacuriousposterity,thatinsomanymattersisleftunendinglyto
jumptheemptyandgapingfigureofinterrogationoveritsownfullstop.Great
ladiesmusttheybe,atthewebofpolitics,forustohearthemciteddiscoursing.
HenryWilmersisnotcontenttoquotethebeautifulMrs.Warwick,heattemptsa
portrait.Mrs.Warwickis‘quiteGrecian.’Shemight‘poseforastatue.’He
presentsherincarpenter’slines,withadabofschool-boxcolours,effectiveto
thosewhomtheKeepsakefashioncanstir.Shehasastraightnose,redlips,
ravenhair,blackeyes,richcomplexion,aremarkablyfinebust,andshewalks
well,andhasanagreeablevoice;likewise‘delicateextremities.’Thewriterwas
createdforpopularity,hadhechosentobringhisartintoourliterarymarket.
PerryWilkinsonisnotsoelaborate:hedescribesherinhis‘Recollections’asa
splendidbrune,eclipsingalltheblondescomingnearher:and‘whatismore,the
beautifulcreaturecantalk.’Hewondered,forshewasyoung,newtosociety.
Subsequentlyheisratherashamedofhiswonderment,andaccountsforitby
‘nothavingknownshewasIrish.’She‘turnsouttobeDanMerion’sdaughter.’
Wemayassumethathewouldhaveheardifshehadanywhiffofabrogue.Her

soundingoftheletterRatriflescrupulouslyisnoticedbyLadyPennon:‘And
last,notleast,thelovelyMrs.Warwick,twentyminutesbehindthedinner-hour,
andr-r-reallyfearingshewaslate.’
Afteralludingtothesoftinfluenceofherbeautyandingenuousnessonthe
vexedhostess,thekindlyoldmarchionessadds,thatitwasnowondershewas
late,‘forjustbeforestartingfromhomeshehadbrokenloosefromherhusband
forgood,andsheenteredtheroomabsolutelyhouseless!’Shewasnottheless
‘astonishinglybrilliant.’Herobservationswereoften‘sounexpectedlydrollI
laughedtillIcried.’LadyPennonbecameinconsequenceoneofthestanch
supportersofMrs.Warwick.
Otherswerenotsoeasilywon.PerryWilkinsonholdsabalancewhenitgoes
beyondaquestionofherwitandbeauty.HenryWilmersputsthecaseaside,and
takesherashefindsher.Hiscousin,thecleverandcynicalDorsetWilmers,
whosemethodofconveyinghisopinionswithoutstatingthemwasfamous,
repeatsontwooccasionswhenhernameappearsinhispages,‘handsome,lively,
witty’;andthestressedrepetitionofcalculatedbrevitywhileafieryscandalwas
abroadconcerningthelady,impliesweightysubstance—thereservationofa
constable’struncheon,thatcouldlegallyhaveknockedhercharacterdowntothe
pavement.Wehavenottoaskwhathejudged.ButDorsetWilmerswasa


politicalopponentoftheeminentPeerwhoyieldsthesecondnametothe
scandal,andpoliticsinhisdayflushedtheconceptionsofmen.Hisshort
referencesto‘thatWarwick-Dannisburghaffair’arenotverballymalicious.He
getswindofthetermsofLordDannisburgh’swillandtestament,notingthem
withoutcomment.Theoddnessoftheinstrumentinonerespectmayhaveserved
histurn;wehavenogroundsforthinkinghimmalignant.Thedeathofhis
enemycloseshisallusionstoMrs.Warwick.Hewasgrowingancient,andgout
narrowedthecirclehewhirledin.Hadheknownthis‘handsome,lively,witty’
apparitionasawomanhavingpoliticalandsocialviewsofherown,hewould

not,onefancies,havebeensostingless.OurEnglandexposesasorryfigurein
hisReminiscences.Hestruckheavily,roundandabouthim,whereverhemoved;
hehadbynatureatarnishingeyethatcastdiscolouration.Hisunadornedharsh
substantivestatements,excludingtheadjectives,givehisMemoirsthe
appearanceofabodyoffacts,attractivetothehistoricMuse,whichhaslearntto
esteemthosebrawnysturdygiantsmarchingclubonshoulder,independentof
henchman,inpreferencetoyourpanopliedknightswiththeirpuffysquires,once
herfavourites,andwind-fillingtohercolumns,ultimatelyfoundindigestible.
HisexhibitionofhisenemyLordDannisburgh,isoftheclassofnobleportraits
weseeswingingoverinn-portals,grosslyunlikeinlikeness.Thepossibilityof
theman’sdoingorsayingthisandthatadumbratestheimprobability:hehad
somethingofthecharactercapableofit,toomuchgoodsenseforthe
performance.Wewouldthinkso,andstilltheshadowisroundourthoughts.
LordDannisburghwasamanofministerialtact,officialability,Paganmorality;
anexcellentgeneralmanager,ifnogeniusinstatecraft.Buthewascarelessof
socialopinion,unbuttoned,andalaugher.Weknowthathecouldbechivalrous
towardwomen,notwithstandingtheperplexitieshebroughtonthem,andthisthe
Dorset-Diarydoesnotshow.
HischronicleislessmischievousasregardsMrs.Warwickthantheparagraphs
ofPerryWilkinson,agossippresentinganimageofperpetualchatter,likethe
waxen-facedstreetadvertizementsoflightandeasydentistry.Hehasnobelief,
nodisbelief;namesthepro-partyandthecon;recitesthecase,anddiscreetly,
over-discreetly;andpicturesthetrial,tellsthelistofwitnesses,recordsthe
verdict:sothecasewent,andsomethoughtonething,someanotherthing:only
itisreportedforpositivethataminiatureoftheincriminatedladywascleverly
smuggledovertothejury,andjuriessittingupontheseeases,eversincetheir
bedazzlementbyPhryne,asyouknow….Andthenherelatesananecdoteof
thehusband,saidtohavebeennotabadfellowbeforehemarriedhisDiana;and

thenamingoftheGoddessremindshimthatthesecondpersonintheindictment
isnoweverywherecalled‘Theelderlyshepherd’;—butimmediatelyafterthe
bridalbellsthishusbandbecamesourandinsupportable,andeithershehadthe
trickofputtinghimpubliclyinthewrong,orhelostallshameinplayingthe
churlishdomestictyrant.Theinstancesareincredibleofagentleman.Perry
Wilkinsongivesustwoorthree;oneontheauthorityofapersonalfriendwho
witnessedthescene;attheWarwickwhist-table,wherethefairDianawouldlet
loosehersilverylaughintheintervals.Shewashardlyoutofherteens,and
shouldhavebeendancinginsteadoffastenedtoatable.Adifferenceoffifteen
yearsintheagesoftheweddedpairaccountspoorlyforthehusband’sconduct,
howeversolemnabusinessthegameofwhist.Wereadthatheburstoutatlast,
withbittermimicry,‘yang—yang—yang!’andkilledthebrightlaugh,shotit
dead.Shehadoutragedthedecorumofthesquare-tableonlywhilethecards
weremaking.Perhapshertoo-deadensuingsilence,asofonestrivingtobring
backthethrobstoaslainbirdinherbosom,allowedthegapbetweenthe
weddedpairtobevisible,foritwasdatedbacktoprophecyassoonasthe
trumpetproclaimedit.
Butamultiplicationofsimilarinstances,whichcanservenootherpurposethan
thatofanapology,isamiserablevindicationofinnocence.Themorewehaveof
themthedarkertheinference.Indelicatesituationsthechattererisnoxious.Mrs.
Warwickhadnumerousapologists.Thosetrustingtoherperfectrectitudewere
rarer.Thelibertysheallowedherselfinspeechandactionmusthavebeentrying
toherdefendersinalandlikeours;forhere,andabletothrowitsshadowonour
giddyupper-circle,therigourofthegameoflife,relaxedthoughitmay
sometimesappear,wouldsatisfythestaidestwhist-player.Shedidnotwishitthe
reverse,evenwhenclaimingaspaceforlaughter:‘thebreathofhersoul,’asshe
calledit,andasitmaybefeltintheearlyyouthofalivelynature.She,
especially,withhermultitudeofquickperceptionsandimaginativeavenues,her
rapidsummaries,hersenseofthecomic,demandedthisaerialfreedom.
WehaveitfromPerryWilkinsonthattheunionofthedivergentcouplewas

likenedtoanotherunionalwaysinaCourtofLaw.Therewasadistinction;most
analogieswillfurnishone;andhereweseeEnglandandIrelandchangeingtheir
parts,untillater,afterthebreach,whentheEnglishmanandIrishwomanresumed
acertainresemblancetotheyokedIslands.
HenryWilmers,Ihavesaid,dealsexclusivelywiththewitandcharmofthe
woman.Hetreatsthescandalaswemightdoinlikemannerifherstoryhadnot


tobetold.Butthesearenotreportingcolumns;verylittleofitshalltrouble
them.Thepositionisfaced,andthatisall.Thepositionisoneofthebattles
incidenttowomen,theirhardest.Itasksformorethanjusticefrommen,for
generosity,ourcivilizationnotbeingyetofthepurest.Thatcryofhoundsather
disrobingbyLawisinstinctive.Sheruns,andtheygivetongue;sheisacreature
ofthechase.Letherescapeunmangled,itwillpassintherecordthatshedid
oncepubliclyrun,andsomeolddogswillpersistinthinkinghercunningerthan
thevirtuous,whichneverputthemselvesinsuchpositions,butplythedistaffat
home.Nevershouldreputationofwomantrailascent!Howtrue!andtruealso
thatthewomenofwaxworkneverdo;andthatthewomenofhappymarriages
donot;northewomenofholynunneries;northewomenluckyintheirarts.Itis
atestofthecivilizedtoseeandhear,andaddnoyappingtothespectacle.
ThousandshavereflectedonaDiarist’spowertocancelourBurialService.Not
alonethecleric’sgoodworkisupsetbyhim;butthesexton’saswell.Hehowks
thegrave,andtransformsthequietworms,busyonasinglepoorpeaceable
body,intowingedserpentsthatdisorderskyandearthwithadeadlyflightofzigzags,likemilitaryrockets,amongtheliving.Andifthesearegiventocrytoo
much,tohavetheirtendersentimentsconsidered,itcannotbesaidthatHistory
requirestheflayingofthem.AgoutyDiarist,asheergossipDiarist,maythus,in
thebequestofatrailofreminiscences,explodeourtemples(forourverytemples
havepowderinstore),ourtreasuries,ourhomesteads,alivewithdynamiticstuff;
nay,disconcertourinheritedveneration,dislocatetheintimateconnexion
betweenthetuggedflaxenforelockandatitle.

NosimilarblameisincurredbyHenryWilmers.Noblamewhatever,onewould
say,ifhehadbeenless,copious,ornotsosubservient,inrecordingthelady’s
utterances;forthoughthewitofawomanmaybeterse,quitespontaneous,as
thislady’sassuredlywashereandthere,sheisapttospinitoutofamuseful
mind,athertoilette,orbythelonelyfire,andsometimesitisimitative;admirers
shouldbewareofholdingituptothewitheringglareofprint:sheherself,
quotinganobscuremaximmonger,saysoftheselapidarysentences,thatthey
havemerely‘thevalueofchalk-eggs,whichlurethethinkertosit,’andtempt
thevacuoustostrainforthelike,onemightadd;besidesflatteringtheworldto
imagineitselfricherthanitisineggsthataregolden.HenryWilmersnotesa
multitudeofthem.‘Thetalkfelluponourbeingcreaturesofhabit,andhowfarit
wasgood:Shesaid:—Itistherethatweseeourselvescrutchedbetweenlove
grownoldandindifferenceageingtolove.’Criticearsnotpresentatthe
conversationcatchanechoofmaximsandaphorismsoverchannel,


notwithstandingafemininethrillintheironyof‘ageingtolove.’Thequotation
ranksratheramongthetestimoniestohercharm.
Sheisfresherwhenspeakingofthewarofthesexes.Foronesentenceoutof
many,thoughwefindittobebutthecleverliteraryclothingofacommon
accusation:‘MenmayhaveroundedSeraglioPoint:theyhavenotyetdoubled
CapeTurk.’
Itiswar,andonthemaleside,Ottomanwar:herexperiencereducedhertothink
sopositively.Hermainpersonalexperiencewasinthesocialclasswhichis
primitivelyvenatorialstill,canineunderitspolish.
SheheldabriefforherbelovedIreland.SheclosesadiscussionuponIrish
agitationbysayingratherneatly:‘YouhavetaughtthemitisEnglishaswellas
commonhumannaturetofeelaninterestinthedogthathasbittenyou.’
Thedogperiodicallyputsonmadnesstowinattention;wegatherthenthat
England,inanangrytremour,trieshimwithwater-grueltoprovehimsane.

OftheIrishpriest(andshewasnotofhisretinue),whenhewasdeemeda
revolutionary,HenryWilmersnoteshersaying:‘Beintunewithhim;heisinthe
keynoteforharmony.Heisshepherd,doctor,nurse,comforter,anecdotistand
fun-makertohispoorflock;andyouwondertheyseetheburninggatewayof
theirheaveninhim?Conciliatethepriest.’
Ithasbeenpartlydone,donelate,whenthepoorflockhavefoundtheir
doctoringandshepherdingatotherhands:their‘bulb-foodandfiddle,’thatshe
petitionedfor,tokeepthemfromacompleteshavingofftheirpatchofbogand
scrubsoil,withoutanyperceptionofthetremuloustransatlanticmagnificationof
thefiddle,andthesplittingdiscordofitslatestinspiritingjig.
Andshewillnothavetheconsequencesofthe‘wearifuloldIrishduelbetween
HonourandHungerjudgedbybreadandbutterjuries.’
ShehadneedtobebeautifultobetolerableindayswhenEnglishmenstood
moreopenlyforthestrongarmtomaintaintheUnion.Hertroopofenemieswas
ofhersummoning.
Ordinarilyhertopicswereofwiderrange,andthoseofawomanwhomixed
hearingwithreading,andobservationwithhermusings.Shehasnodoleful


ejaculatorynotes,ofthekindpeculiartowomenatwar,containingone-thirdof
speculativesubstancetotwoofsentimental—afemininepleafor
comprehensionandasquire;anditwasprobablythereason(asthereisno
reasontosupposeanemotionalcause)whysheexercisedherevidentswayover
themindofsoplainandstraightforwardanEnglishmanasHenryWilmers.She
toldhimthatshereadrapidly,‘agreatdealatonegulp,’andthoughtinflashes—
awaywiththemakersofphrases.Shewrote,sheconfessed,laboriously.The
desiretoprune,compress,overcharge,wasatormenttothenervouswoman
writingunderasharpnecessityforpayment.Hersongswereshotoffonthe
impulsion;prosewastheheavytask.‘Tobepointedlyrational,’shesaid,‘isa
greaterdifficultyformethanafinedelirium.’Shedidnottalkasifitwouldhave

beenso,heremarks.Oneisnotastonishedatherappearingan‘actress’tothe
flat-minded.Butthebasisofherwoman’snaturewaspointedflame:Inthe
fulnessofherhistoryweperceivenothinghistrionic.Capriciousorenthusiastic
inheryouth,shenevertrifledwithfeeling;andifshedidsowithsomeshowy
phrasesandoccasionallyprofferedcommonplacesingilt,asshewasmuch
excitedtodo,hermoodsofreflectionweredirect,alwayslargeandhonest,
universalaswellasfeminine.
Hersayingthat‘Awomaninthepilloryrestorestheoriginalbarkofbrotherhood
tomankind,’isnomorethanacryofpersonalanguish.Shehasgoldenapplesin
herapron.Shesaysoflife:‘WhenIfailtocherishitineveryfibrethefires
withinarewaning,’andthatdriveslikeraintotheroots.Shesaysoftheworld,
generously,ifwithtaperingidea:‘Fromthepointofvisionoftheangels,this
uglymonster,onlyhalfoutofslime,mustappearouroneconstanthero.’Itcan
bereadmaliciously,butabstain.
ShesaysofRomance:‘TheyoungwhoavoidthatregionescapethetitleofFool
atthecostofacelestialcrown.’OfPoetry:‘Thosethathavesoulsmeettheir
fellowsthere.’
Butshewouldhaveusawaywithsentimentalism.Sentimentalpeople,inher
phrase,‘fiddleharmonicsonthestringsofsensualism,’tothedelightofaworld
gapingformarvelsofmusicalexecutionratherthanformusic.Forourworldis
allbutasensationalworldatpresent,inmaternaltravailofasoberer,abraver,a
brighter-eyed.Herreflectionsarethustobeinterpreted,itseemstome.Shesays,
‘Thevicesoftheworld’snoblerhalfinthisdayarefeminine.’Wehavetoguard
against‘half-conceptionsofwisdom,hystericalgoodness,animpatient
charity’—againsttheelementarystateofthealtruisticvirtues,distinguishableas


thesicknessandwrithingsofouregoismtocastitsfirstslough.Ideaisthere.
Thefunnypartofitisourfindingitinbooksoffictioncomposedforpayment.
Manifestlythisladydidnot‘chameleon’herpenfromthecolourofher

audience:shewasnotoftheuniformedrankandfilemarchingtodrumandfife
asgallantinterpretersofpopularappetite,andgoingorgonetosoundlessness
andtheicyshades.
Touchesinwardarenotabsent:‘Tohavethesenseoftheeternalinlifeisashort
flightforthesoul.Tohavehadit,isthesoul’svitality.’Andalso:‘Palliationofa
sinisthehuntedcreature’srefugeandfinaltemptation.Ourbattleisever
betweenspiritandflesh.Spiritmustbrandtheflesh,thatitmaylive.’
Youareentreatedtorepressalarm.Shewasbypreferencelight-handed;andher
sayingoforatory,that‘Itisalwaysthemoreimpressiveforthespiceoftemper
whichrendersituntrustworthy,’islightenough.OnPoliticssheisrhetoricaland
swings:shewrotetospurajuniorpolitician:‘Itisthefirstbusinessofmen,the
schooltomediocrity,tothecovetouslyambitiousasty,tothedullardhis
amphitheatre,armsofTitanstothedesperatelyenterprising,Olympustothe
genius.’Whatawomanthinksofwomen,isthetestofhernature.Shesawtheir
existingpostureclearly,yetbelieved,asmendisinclinetodo,thattheygrow.
Shesays,that‘Intheirjudgementsuponwomenmenarefemales,voicesofthe
present(sexual)dilemma.’Theydesiretohave‘astillwoman;whocanmakea
constantsocietyofherpinsandneedles.’Theycreatebystoppageavolcano,and
areamazedatitseruptiveness.‘Welivealone,anddonotmuchfeelittillweare
visited.’Loveispresumablythevisitor.Ofthegreaterlonelinessofwomen,she
says:‘Itisduetotheprescribedcircumscriptionoftheirminds,ofwhichthey
becomeawareinagitation.Werethewallsaboutthembeatendown,theywould
understandthatsolitarinessisacommonhumanfateandtheonechanceof
growth,likespacefortimber.’Astothesensationsofwomenafterthebeating
downofthewalls,sheownsthatthemultitudeofthetimorouswouldyearnin
shiveringaffrightfortheoldprison-nest,accordingtothesageprognosticof
men;buttheflyingofavaliantfewwouldformavanguard.Andweare
informedthatthebeginningofamotivelifewithwomenmustbeinthehead,
equallywithmen(bynomeansatruismwhenshewrote).Alsothat‘mendonot
somuchfeartolosetheheartsofthoughtfulwomenastheirstrictattentionto

theirgraces.’Thepresentmarketiswhatmenareforpreserving:anobservation
ofstillreverberatingforce.Generallyinhercharacterofthefemininecombatant
thereisaturnofphrase,likeadimplenearthelipsshowingherknowledgethat
shewasutteringbutatartmeasureofthetruth.Shehadalwaystoomuch


lambenthumourtobethedupeofthepassionwherewith,asshesays,‘welash
ourselvesintothepersuasivespeechdistinguishingusfromtheanimals.’
TheinstancesofherdrolleryareratherhintedbytheDiaristsforthebenefitof
thosewhohadmetherandcouldinhaletheatmosphereataword.Drolleries,
humours,reputedwitticisms,arelikeodoursofroastmeats,pastwiththe
pickingofthejoint.Ideaistheonlyvitalbreath.Theyhaveitrarely,oriteludes
thechronicler.TosayofthegreaterraticandforsakenLadyA****,aftershehad
acceptedtheconsolationsofBacchus,thathernamewasproperlysignifiedin
asterisks‘asshewasnownightlyanAriadneinheaventhroughherGod,’sounds
tousaroundabout,withwitsomewhereandfunnowhere.Sittingattheroastwe
mighthavethoughtdifferently.PerryWilkinsonisnothappierincitingherreply
tohiscomplimentonthereviewers’unanimouseulogyofherhumourand
pathos:—the‘merryclownandpoorpantaloondemandedofusineveryworkof
fiction,’shesays,lamentingthewriter’scompulsiontogoonproducingthemfor
applauseuntilitisextremestagethatknockstheirknees.Weareinformedby
LadyPennonof‘themostamusingdescriptionofthefirstimpressionsofa
prettyEnglishsimpletoninParis’;andhereisanopportunityforludicrous
contrastoftheFrenchandEnglishstylesofpushingflatteries—‘pipingtothe
charmedanimal,’asMrs.Warwicktermsitinanotherplace:butLadyPennon
wasacquaintedwiththesillywomanofthepiece,andfoundheramusementin
the‘wonderfultruth’ofthatrepresentation.
Diaristsofamusingpassagesareunderanobligationtopaintusarealistic
revivalofthetime,orwemisstherelish.Theodouroftheroast,andmore,a
sliceofitisrequired,unlessthehumorousthingbepreternaturallyspiritedto

walktheearthasoneimmortalamonganumberlessnumerousthanthemythic
Gods.‘Hegivesgooddinners,’acandidoldcriticsaid,whenaskedhowitwas
thathecouldpraiseacertainpoet.Inanislandofchillsandfogs,coelumcrebris
imbribusacnebulisfoedum,thecomicandotherperceptionsaredependenton
thestirringofthegastricjuices.Andsucharevivalbyanyofuswouldbe
impolitic,wereitapossibleattempt,beforeoursystemsshallhavebeenfortified
byphilosophy.ThenmayitbeallowedtotheDiaristsimplytorelate,andwecan
copyfromhim.
Then,ah!then,moreover,willthenovelist’sArt,nowneitherblushlessinfant
norexecutiveman,haveattaineditsmajority.Wecanthenbeveraciously
historical,honestlytranscriptive.Rose-pinkanddirtydrabwillalikehavepassed
away.Philosophyisthefoeofboth,andtheirsillycancellingcontest,perpetually


renewedinashuffleofextremes,asitalwaysiswhereaphantasmfalseness
reigns,willnolongerbafflethecontemplationofnaturalflesh,smotherno
longerthesoulissuingoutofourincessantstrife.Philosophybidsustoseethat
wearenotsoprettyasrose-pink,notsorepulsiveasdirtydrab;andthatinstead
ofeverlastinglyshiftingthosebarrenaspects,thesightofourselvesis
wholesome,bearable,fructifying,finallyadelight.Dobutperceivethatweare
comingtophilosophy,thestridetowarditwillbeagiant’s—acenturyaday.
Andimaginethecelestialrefreshmentofhavingapuredecencyintheplaceof
sham;realflesh;asoulbornactive,wind-beaten,butascending.Honourablewill
fictionthenappear;honourable,afountoflife,anaidtolife,quickwithour
blood.Why,whenyoubeholdityouloveit—andyouwillnotencourageit?—or
onlywhenpresentedbydeadhands?Worsethanthatalternativedirtydrab,your
recurringrose-pinkisrebukedbyhideousrevelationsofthefilthyfoul;for
naturewillforceherway,andifyoutrytostifleherbydrowning,shecomesup,
notthefairestpartofheruppermost!PeruseyourRealists—reallyyour
castigatorsfornothavingyetembracedPhilosophy.Asshegrowsintheflesh

whendiscreetlytended,natureisunimpeachable,flower-eke,yetnottoo
decorativelyaflower;youmusthaveherwiththestem,thethorns,theroots,and
thefatbeddingofroses.Inthisfashionshegrew,sayshistoricalfiction;thus
doessheflourishnow,wouldsaythemoderntranscript,readingtheinneraswell
asexhibitingtheouter.
AndhowmayyouknowthatyouhavereachedtoPhilosophy?Youtouchher
skirtswhenyoushareherhatredoftheshamdecent,herderisionof
sentimentalism.Youareonewithherwhen—butIwouldnothaveyoua
thousandyearsolder!Gettoher,ifinnootherway,bythesentimentalroute:—
thatverywindingpath,whichagainandagainbringsyouroundtothepointof
originalimpetus,whereyouhavetobeunwoundforanotherwhirl;yourpointof
originalimpetusbeingthegrosslymaterial,notatallthespiritual.Itismosttrue
thatsentimentalismspringsfromtheformer,merelyandbadlyapingthelatter,—
fineflower,orpinnacleflame-spire,ofsensualismthatitis,coulditdoother?
andaccompanyingtheformerittraversestractsofdeserthereandthere
couchinginagarden,catchingwithonehandatfruits,withanotheratcolours;
imaginingasecretahead,andgoadedbyanappetite,sustainedbysheer
gratifications.Fiddleinharmonicsasitmay,itwillhavethesegratificationsat
allcosts.Shouldnonebediscoverable,atonceyouareattheCaveofDespair,
beneaththefunerealorbofGlaucoma,inthethickmidstofponiarded,slitthroat,rope-dependantfigures,placardedacrossthebosomDisillusioned,
Infidel,Agnostic,Miserrimus.Thatisthesentimentalroutetoadvancement.


Spiritualitydoesnotlightit;evanescentdreams:areitsoil-lamps,oftenwith
wickaskantinthesocket.
Athousandyears!Youmaycountfullmanyathousandbythisroutebeforeyou
areonewithdivinePhilosophy.Whereasasingleflightofbrainswillreachand
embraceher;giveyouthesavourofTruth,therightuseofthesenses,Reality’s
infinitesweetness;forthesethingsareinphilosophy;andthefictionwhichisthe
summaryofactualLife,thewithinandwithoutofus,is,proseorverse,plodding

orsoaring,philosophy’selecthandmaiden.Tosuchanendletusbendouraimto
work,knowingthateveryformoflabour,eventhisflimsiest,asyouesteemit,
shouldministertogrowth.Ifinanybranchofuswefailingrowth,thereis,you
areaware,anunfailingaboriginaldemocraticoldmonsterthatwaitstopullus
down;certainlythebranch,possiblythetree;andforthewelfareofLifewefall.
Youareacutelyconsciousofyonderoldmonsterwhenheismouthingatyouin
politics.Bewaryofhimintheheart;especiallybewaryofthedisrelishof
brainstuff.Youmustfeedonsomething.Matterthatisnotnourishingtobrains
canhelptoconstitutenothingbutthebodieswhicharepitchedonrubbishheaps.
Brainstuffisnotleanstuff;—thebrainstuffoffictionisinternalhistory,andto
supposeitdullistheprofoundestoferrors;howdeep,youwillunderstandwhen
Itellyouthatitistheveryfootballoftheholiday-afternoonimpsbelow.They
kickitforpastime;theyareintelligencesperverted.Thecomicofit,the
adventurous,thetragic,theymakedevilish,tokindletheirOgygianhilarity.But
—sharplycomic,adventurous,instructivelytragic,itisintheinterwindingwith
humanaffairs,togiveaflavourofthemoderndayrevivingthatofourPoet,
betweenwhomandusyawnTime’smosthollowjaws.Surelyweowealittleto
Time,tocheerhisprogress;alittletoposterity,andtoourcountry.Dozensof
writerswillbeinatyonderyawningbreach,ifonlyperuserswillrallytothe
philosophicstandard.Theyaresickofthewoodenypuppetrytheydispense,as
onaracecoursetotheroaringfrivolous.Well,ifnotdozens,half-dozens;gallant
pensarealive;onecanspeakofthemintheplural.Iventuretosaythatthey
wouldbesatisfiedwithadozenforaudience,foracommencement.Theywould
perishofinanition,unfed,unapplauded,amenabletothelawsperchanceforan
assaultontheirlastremainingpairofearsorheels,toholdthemfast.Butthe
exampleisthething;sacrificesmustbeexpected.Theexamplemight,one
hopes,createataste.Agreatmodernwriter,ofclearesteyeandhead,now
departed,capableinactivityofpresentingthoughtfulwomen,thinkingmen,
groanedoverhispuppetry,thathedarednotanimatethem,fleshthoughthey
were,withthefiresofpositivebrainstuff.Hecouldhavedoneit,andheisofthe

departed!Hadhedared,hewould(forhewasTitanenough)haveraisedtheArt


indignityonalevelwithHistory;toaninterestsurpassingthenarrativeof
publicdeedsasvividlyasman’sheartandbrainintheirunionexcelhisplain
linesofactiontoeruption.Theeverlastingpantomime,suggestedbyMrs.
WarwickinherexclamationtoPerryWilkinson,isderided,notunrighteously,by
ourgraverseniors.TheynamethisArtthepastureofidiots,amethodfor
idiotizingtheentirepopulationwhichhastakentoreading;andwhichsoon
discoversthatitcanwritelikewise,thatsortofstuffatleast.Theforecastmaybe
hazarded,thatifwedonotspeedilyembracePhilosophyinfiction,theArtis
doomedtoextinction,undertheshiningmultitudeofitsprofessors.Theyarefast
cappingthecandle.Instead,therefore,ofobjurgatingthetimidintrusionsof
Philosophy,invokeherpresence,Iprayyou.Historywithoutheristheskeleton
mapofevents:Fictionapictureoffiguresmodelledonnoskeleton-anatomy.But
each,withPhilosophyinaid,blooms,andishumanlyshapely.Todemandofus
truthtonature,excludingPhilosophy,isreallytobidapumpkincaper.Asmuch
aslegsarewantedforthedance,Philosophyisrequiredtomakeourhuman
naturecredibleandacceptable.Fictionimploresyoutoheaveabiggerbreastand
takeherinwiththisheavenlypreservativehelpmate,herinspirationandher
essence.Youhavetoteachyourimaginationofthefeminineimageyouhaveset
uptobendyourcivilizedkneesto,thatitmusttemperitsfastidiousness,shunthe
grossnessoftheover-dainty.Or,tospeakinthephilosophictongue,youmust
turnonyourself,resolutelytrackandseizethatburrower,andscrubandcleanse
him;bywhichprocess,duringthecourseofit,youwillarriveattheconception
oftherightheroicalwomanforyoutoworship:andifyouprovetobeofsome
spiritualstature,youmayreachtoanidealoftheheroicalfemininetypeforthe
worshipofmankind,animageasyetinpoeticoutlineonly,onourupperskies.
‘Sowelldoweknowourselves,thatweoneandalldeterminetoknowapurer,’
saystheheroineofmycolumns.Philosophyinfictiontells,amongvariousother

matters,oftheperilsofthisintimateacquaintancewithaflatteringfamiliarin
the‘purer’—apersonwhomorethanceasestobeofelsetousafterhisideal
shallhaveledupmenfromtheirflintandarrowheadcavernsto
intercommunicativedaylight.Forwhenthefictitiouscreaturehasperformedthat
serviceofhelpingtocivilizetheworld,itbecomesthemostdangerousof
delusions,causingfirsttheindividualtodespisethemass,andthentojointhe
massincrushingtheindividual.Wherewithletustoourstory,thefrothbeing
outofthebottle.


CHAPTERII
ANIRISHBALL
IntheAssemblyRoomsofthecapitalcityoftheSisterIslandtherewasapublic
Ball,tocelebratethereturntoErinofaBritishheroofIrishblood,afterhis
victoriousIndiancampaign;amightystrugglesplendidlyended;andtrulycould
itbesaidthatallErindancedtomeethim;butthiswasthepickofthedancing,
pastdisputethepickofthesupping.Outsidethosehallsthesuppingwasdonein
Lazarusfashion,mainlythroughanexcessivestrainingoftheorgansofhearing
andvision,whichimpartedthereadinessformore,declaredbyphysicianstobe
thestateinducingtosounddigestion.Someonespiedthefigureoftheheroat
thewindowandwasfed;someonlytohearthetalechewedthecudofit;some
toldofhavingseenhimmountthesteps;andsureitwasthatatanhourofthe
night,nomatterwhen,andnevermindadroportwoofcloud,hewouldcome
downthemagain,andhaveanIrishcheertofreshenhispillow.For‘tisIreland
givesEnglandhersoldiers,hergeneralstoo.Fartheraway,overfieldand
bogland,thewhiskiesdidtheirexcellentancientserviceofwateringthedryand
dryingthedamp,tothetoastof‘LordLarrian,Godblesshim!he’sanhonourto
theoldcountry!’andabitofasightofollow,hintsofastory,andloudlaughter,
adrink,adeepersigh,settlingintoconversationuponthebraveLordLarrian’s
deeds,andanIrishregimenthefavoured—hadnotastefortheenemywithout

thebackingofhis‘boys.’Nothe.Why,he’dnevermarchtobattleandtheynot
handy;becausewhenhestruckhestruckhard,hesaid.Andhehasawoundon
therighthipandtwofingersoffhislefthand;hasbledforEngland,toshowher
whatIrishmenarewhenthey’rewelltreated.
Thefineoldwarriorstandingattheupperendofthelongsaloon,tall,straight,
grey-haired,martialinhisaspectanddecorations,wasworthytobetheflag-pole
forenthusiasm.Hislargegreyeyeslightenedfromtimetotimeasheranged
themoverthefloatingcouples,anddroppedawordofinquirytohisaide,
CaptainSirLukinDunstane,agoodmodelofacavalryofficer,though
somewhatagiant,equallyhappywithhischiefinpassingthetroopsofanimated
ladiesunderreview.Henamedasmanyaswereknowntohim.Reviewing
womenexquisitelyattiredforinspection,allvariouslyandcharminglysmiling,
isareliefafterthemonotonousregimentsofmen.Irelandhaddoneherbestto
presenttheheroofherbloodanagreeablechange;andhetooexpresseda


patrioticsatisfactiononhearingthatthefacesmostadmiredbyhimwereofthe
nativeisle.Helookedupononethatcamewhirlinguptohimonayoung
officer’sarmandsweptoffintothecrowdoftops,foraconsiderablewhile
beforeheputhiscustomaryquestion.Shewasreturningonthespinwhenhe
said,
‘Whoisshe?’
SirLukindidnotknow.‘She‘sanewbird;shenoddedtomywife;I’llask.’
Hemanoeuvredafewstepscleverlytowherehiswifereposed.Theinformation
hegatheredforthebehoofofhischiefwas,thatthehandsomecreatureanswered
tothenameofMissMerion;Irish;agedsomewherebetweeneighteenand
nineteen;adearfriendofhiswife’s,andheoughttohaverememberedher;but
shewasachildwhenhesawherlast.
‘DanMeriondied,Iremember,aboutthedayofmysailingforIndia,’saidthe
General.‘Shemaybehisdaughter.’

Thebrightcynosureroundeduptohiminthewebofthewaltz,withherdark
eyesforLadyDunstane,andvanishedagainamongthetwistingcolumns.
Hemadehisway,handsomelybumpedbyanapologeticpair,toLadyDunstane,
besidewhomaseatwasvacatedforhim;andhetrustedshehadnotoverfatiguedherself.
‘Confess,’shereplied,‘youareperishingtoknowmorethanLukinhasbeenable
totellyou.Letmehearthatyouadmireher:itpleasesme;andyoushallhear
whatwillpleaseyouasmuch,Ipromiseyou,General.’
‘Ido.Whowouldn’t?’saidhefrankly.
‘ShecrossedtheChannelexpresslytodanceheretonightatthepublicBallin
honourofyou.’
‘Wheresheappears,thefirstpersonfallstosecondrank,andacceptsithumbly.’
‘Thatisgrandlyspoken.’
‘Shemakeseverythingintheroomdustroundablazingjewel.’


‘Shemakesapoetofasoldier.Well,thatyoumayunderstandhowpleasedIam,
sheismydearestfriend,thoughsheisyoungerthanI,asmaybeseen;sheisthe
onlyfriendIhave.Inursedherwhenshewasaninfant;myfatherandMr.Dan
Merionwerechums.WewerepartedbymymarriageandthevoyagetoIndia.
Wehavenotyetexchangedasyllable:shewassnappedup,ofcourse,the
momentsheenteredtheroom.Iknewshewouldbeatakinggirl:howlovely,I
didnotguess.Youareright,sheextinguishestheothers.Sheusedtobethe
sprightliestoflivingcreatures,andtojudgebyherletters,thathasnotfaded.She
‘sinthemarket,General.’
LordLarriannoddedtoeverythingheheard,concludingwithamockdoleful
shakeofthehead.‘Mypoorestsubaltern!’hesighed,inthetheatricalbut
cordiallymelancholystyleofgreenageviewingCytherea’smarket.
Hispoorestsubalternwasricherthanheinthewherewithaltobidforsuch
prizes.
‘WhatishernameinadditiontoMerion?’

‘DianaAntoniaMerion.Tonytome,Dianatotheworld.’
‘Shelivesoverthere?’
‘InEngland,oranywhere;whereversheistakenin.Shewilllive,Ihope,chiefly
withme.’
‘AndhonestIrish?’
‘Oh,she’sIrish.’
‘Ah!’theGeneralwasIrishtotheheelsthatnight.
Beforefurthercouldbesaidthefairobjectofthedialoguecamedartingonatrip
oflittleruns,bothhandsout,allherfaceonetendersparkleofasmile;andher
cryprovedthequalityofherblood:‘Emmy!Emmy!myheart!’
‘MydearTony!
Ishouldnothavecomebutforthehopeofseeingyouhere.’


LordLarrianroseandreceivedahurriedacknowledgementofhiscourtesyfrom
theusurperofhisplace.
‘Emmy!wemightkissandhug;we’reinIreland.Iburnto!Butyou’renotstill
ill,dear?Sayno!ThatIndianfevermusthavegone.Youdolookadashpale,my
own;you’retired.’
‘Onedancehastiredme.Whywereyousolate?’
‘Togivetheothersachance?Toproduceagreaterimpressionbysuspense?No
andno.IwroteyouIwaswiththePettigrews.Wecaughtthecoach,wecaught
theboat,wewereonlytwohourslatefortheBall;sowedidwonders.Andgood
Mrs.Pettigrewis,piningsomewheretocompleteheradornment.Iwasinthe
crush,spyingforEmmy,whenMr.Mayorinformedmeitwasthedutyofevery
Irishwomantodancehertoesoff,ifshe‘dbeknownforwhatsheis.Andtwirl!
amanhadmebythewaist,andIdyingtofindyou.’
‘Whowastheman?’
‘NottosavetheselimbsfromthelightedstakecouldItellyou!’
‘YouaretoperformaceremoniousbowtoLordLarrian.’

‘Chatterfirst!alittle!’
Thepleaforchatterwasdisregarded.Itwasvisiblethattheheroofthenight
hunglisteningandinexpectation.HeandtheBeautywerenamedtooneanother,
andtheychattedthroughaquadrille.SirLukinintroducedafellow-Harrovianof
olddays,Mr.ThomasRedworth,tohiswife.
‘Ourweather-prophet,meteorologist,’heremarked,tosetthemgoing;‘you
remember,inIndia,mypointingtoyouhisnameinanewspaper—letteronthe
subject.Hewasgenerallysafeforthecricketingdays.’
LadyDunstanekindlyappearedtocallittomind,andsheleduponthethemqueriedattimesbyanabrupt‘Eh?’and‘Ibegpardon,’formanifestlyhisgaze
andoneofhisears,ifnotthepair,weregiventotheyoungladydiscoursingwith
LordLarrian.Beautyisrare;luckilyisitrare,or,judgingfromitseffectonmen,
andtheverystoutestofthem,ourworldwouldbeinternallymoredistracted
planetthanwesee,totheperversionofbusiness,courtesy,rightsofproperty,and


therest.Sheperceivedanincipientvictim,ofthehundredssheanticipated,and
sheverytolerantlytalkedon:‘Theweatherandwomenhavesomeresemblance
theysay.Isittruethathewhoreadstheonecanreadtheother?’
LordLarrianhereburstintoabraveoldlaugh,exclaiming,‘Oh!good!’
Mr.Redworthknittedhisthickbrows.‘Ibegpardon?Ah!women!Weatherand
women?No;theonepointmorevariableinwomenmakesallthedifference.’
‘CanyoutellmewhattheGenerallaughedat?’
ThehonestEnglishmanenteredthetrapwithpromptitude.‘Shesaid:—whois
she,mayIaskyou?’
LadyDunstanementionedhername.
DaughterofthefamousDanMerion?Theyoungladymeritedexaminationfor
herfather’ssake.Butwhenremindedofherlaughter-movingspeech,Mr.
Redworthbungledit;heownedhespoiltit,andcandidlystatedhisinabilityto
seethefun.‘Shesaid,St.George’sChannelinagaleoughttobecalledSt.
Patrick’s—something—Imissedsomepoint.Thatquadrille-tune,the

Pastourelle,orsomething…’
‘ShehadexperienceoftheChannellastnight,’LadyDunstanepursued,andthey
both,whileinseemingconverse,caughtsnatchesfromtheirneighbours,duringa
pauseofthedance.
ThesparklingDianasaidtoLordLarrian,‘Youreallydeclinetomakeanyofus
proudwomenbydancingtonight?’
TheGeneralanswered:‘Imightdoitontwostilts;Ican’tonone.’Hetouched
hisveteranleg.
‘Butsurely,’saidshe,‘there’salwaysaninspirationcomingtoitfromitspartner
inmotion,ifoneofthemtakesthestep.’
Hesignifiedawoefulnegative.‘Mydearyounglady,yousaydarkthingstogrey
hairs!’
Sherejoined:‘IfwewereoverinEngland,andyoufixedonmethestigmaof


sayingdarkthings,Ishouldneverspeakwithoutbeingthoughtobscure.’
‘It’sbecauseyouflashtoobrightlyforthem.’
‘Ithinkitisratherthereminiscenceofthetooththatreceivedastonewhenit
expectedcandy.’
AgaintheGenerallaughed;helookedpleasedandwarmed.‘Yes,that‘stheir
way,that‘stheirway!’andherepeatedherwordstohimself,diminishingtheir
importanceashestampedthemonhismemory,butsoheartilyadmiringthe
lovelyspeaker,thatheconsideredherwitanhonourtotheoldcountry,andtold
herso.Irishprevaileduptoboiling-point.
LadyDunstane,notlessgratified,glancedupatMr.Redworth,whosebrows
boretheknotofperplexityoverastrongstare.He,too,stampedthewordsonhis
memory,toseesubsequentlywhethertheyhadavestigeofmeaning.Terrifically
precocious,hethoughther.LadyDunstane,inherquicksympathywithher
friend,readtheadversemindinhisface.Andherreadingofthemindwasright,
wrongaltogetherherdeductionofthecorrespondingsentiment.

Musicwasresumedtoconfusethehearingoftheeavesdroppers.
Theybeheldaquaintspectacle:agentleman,obviouslyanEnglishman,
approached,withtheevidentintentionofremindingtheBeautyofthenightof
herengagementtohim,andclaimingher,asitwere,inthelion’sjaws.He
advancedafoot,withdrewit,advanced,withdrew;eagerforhisprize,notoverenterprising;inaweoftheillustriousGeneralsheentertained—presumeably
quiteunawareofthepretender’spresence;whereuponavoicewasheard:‘Oh!if
itwasminuettingyoumeantbeforethelady,I’dneverhavedisputedyourright
toperform,sir.’Foritseemedthatthereweretwoclaimantsinthefield,an
IrishmanandanEnglishman;andtheformer,havingaliveliersenseofthe
situation,hungaloofinwaitingforhereye;thelatterdirectedhimselftostrike
bluntlyathisprey;andhecontinuedminuetting,nowrapidlyblinking,flushed,
angry,consciousofawkwardnessandatangle,incapableofextrication.He
begantoblinkhorriblyundertherailleryofhisrival.TheGeneralobservedhim,
butasanobjectremoteandminute,aflyorgnat.ThefaceofthebrilliantDiana
wasentirelydevotedtohimsheamused.
LadyDunstanehadthefaintlinesofadecorouslaughonherlips,asshesaid:
‘HowodditisthatourmenshowtosuchdisadvantageinaBall-room.Ihave


seenthemindanger,andtheretheyshinefirstofany,andoneisproudofthem.
Theyshouldalwaysbefacingtheelementsorinaction.’Sheglancedatthe
minuet,whichhadbecomeapetrifiedfigure,stillpalpitating,bentforward,an
interrogativereminder.
Mr.RedworthreservedhisassenttotheproclamationofanyEnglish
disadvantage.AwhiffofCeltichostilityintheatmosphereputhimonhismettle.
‘Whereverthemanistried,’hesaid.
‘Mylady!’theIrishgentlemanbowedtoLadyDunstane.‘Ihadthehonour…
SullivanSmith…atthecastle…’
Sherespondedtothesalute,andMr.SullivanSmithproceededtotellher,halfin
speech,halfindotsmostluminous,ofacivilcontentionbetweentheEnglish

gentlemanandhimself,astothepossessionoftheloveliestofpartnersforthis
particularensuingdance,andthattheyhadsimultaneouslymadearushfromthe
LowerCourts,namely,theircards,totheUpper,beingthelady;andMr.Sullivan
SmithpartlyfoundedhispreferableclaimonherIrishdescent,andonhis
acquaintancewithhereminentdefunctfather—oneoftheever-radiatingstarsof
hisquenchlesscountry.
LadyDunstanesympathizedwithhimforhisnotintrudinghisclaimwhenthe
youngladystoodpre-engaged,aswellasinhumorousappreciationofhis
imaginativelogic.
‘Therewillbedancingenoughaftersupper,’shesaid.
‘IfIcouldscoreonedancewithher,I’dgohomesupperlessandfeasted,’said
he.‘Andthat’snotsayingmuchamongthehordesofhungrytrooperstip-toefor
thesignaltothebuffet.See,mylady,thegentleman,aswecallhim;thereheis
workinghisgamutperpetuallyuptodacapo.Oh!butit’sasheeptryingtobe
wolf;he‘ssheep-eyedandhe‘swolf-fanged,patheticandlarcenous!Oh,now!
who’dbelieveit!—themanhasdared…I’dassoonthinkofcommitting
sacrilegeinacathedral!’
Themanwasactually;toquotehisindignantrival,‘breachingthefortress,’and
pointingouttoDianaMerion‘hernameonhisdirtyscrapofpaper’:ashocking
sightwhenthelady’srecollectionwasthesolepointtobeaimedat,andtheonly
umpire.‘Asifallofuscouldn’thavewrittenthat,andhadn’tdoneit!’Mr.
SullivanSmithgroaneddisgusted.Hehatedbadmanners,particularlyincases