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GETTING OUT FROM GOING UNDER
A Guide to Recovery for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders
By Linda Isaacson (pseudonym)
Getting Out From Going Under
By Linda Isaacson
Published by Sober with Money Publishing
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2013 Sober with Money Publishing
All Rights Reserved
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
Thank you for downloading this free ebook.
You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied, and
distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original
form and is distributed at no cost to the reader. Thank you for your support.
Table of Content
Welcome
Who Will Benefit From This Book
How to Use This Book
SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (DA)
History of DA
New Documentary on Bill Wilson (Bill W)
Principles of DA
SECTION 2: USING THE H.O.W. STRUCTURE TO WORK THE DA PROGRAM
How I Work the DA (H.O.W.) Program
What Does H.O.W. Mean?
“DA H.O.W. IS Real DA”
It’s Specific, Not Different
YNAB Interview
So, How Much Time Does DA H.O.W. Take?
SECTION 3: ABOUT ABSTINENCE AND SOLVENCY
Solvency and Abstinence

Clarifying Abstinence
SECTION 4: FOR NEWCOMERS & THOSE WITHOUT A SPONSOR
Where to Begin for Beginners
If You are New and Don’t Have a Sponsor…
Day Two and Beyond without a Sponsor
SECTION 5: SPONSORS & SPONSORING
Advice VS. Experience, Strength, and Hope
Calling Your Sponsor on Time
Sponsors are Not Your Higher Power
Why 3 Slips & You are Dropped?
SECTION 6: ALL ABOUT SPENDING PLANS
What is YNAB?
Can You Out-Earn Your Disease?
Parts of a Spending Plan
How Many Categories Do You Need?
How to Accrue in Categories
Tracking Sporadic Income
Split Transactions
Split Transactions with Both Inflows and Outflows
Bank Reconciliation is Essential
Three Important Concepts
Steps to Reconciling with Your Bank Account
Month End & Month Beginning
2013 Taxes Already?!
How to Start a New Year in YNAB
SECTION 7: USING MONEY SANELY
Pressure Relief Group (PRG)
Living in the Next Month
Willingness and Delayed Gratification
Depriver or Spender

When is Enough Enough?
Giving Gifts
Receiving Gifts
Lending Money
The Conundrum of Cash
Black Friday – The Day for Amateurs
I Got a Passport!
Shipping Costs are a Thorn in My Side
Prison or Freedom?
Do I Deserve That?
Vagueness is Our Enemy
Pain VS. Misery
Not Spending Money as a Spiritual Practice
SECTION 8: DEBT REPAYMENT
Savings VS. Debt Repayment
Communicating with Creditors
SECTION 9: RELATIONSHIPS
Relationship Challenges & Money
Working Your DA Program When You Have a Partner
A Member Shares Her Family Story
Children, Parents, & Money
Children & Money
Does Money Equal Love?
SECTION 10: HEALTH ISSUES AND MONEY
The DA Dilemma of Disability
Bigger is Not Always Better
Chronic Health Issues & Going Down the Rabbit Hole
SECTION 11: BUSINESS DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (BDA)
Should It Be a Hobby or Business?
Creativity & Money

What Does Fame Feel Like?
Helping One or Millions
A Revelation about Art and Business
SECTION 12: THE STEPS
Step 1: Is Your Life Unmanageable?
Step 2: The Glue that Keeps Us in Program
Step 3: The Doorway to Recovery
Step 4: Best Step 4 Explanation Ever!
Step 4: It Gets Easier with Time
Step 4: 4th Step Tips
Step 4: More about Resentments
Step 5: The Easy Part
Steps 6 & 7: Lao Tzu Inspiration
Steps 6 & 7 Made Simple
Steps 6 & 7: Willingness & Our Defects
Steps 6 & 7: Reflection is the Third Key
Step 8: Forgiveness as Amends
Step 9: Amends & Forgiveness
Step 10: Daily Inventory is Important
Step 11: About Meditation
Step 11: Program as Practice
Step 12: Program Burnout … a Plea to Sponsors & Members
Step 12: Giving Service at Meetings
SECTION 13: ABOUT CHARACTER DEFECTS
Comfort is Over-rated
Recovery and Desire in DA
Resentment & Forgiveness
About Fear
Fear of Death
Fighting with the Pharmacy

The Key to Patience
The Value of Silence
SECTION 14: VISIONS
Visions VS. Self-Will
Bucket Lists
Prosperity & Abundance Don’t Always Mean Cash
SECTION 15: THE PROMISES
The Big Book Promises
The DA Promises
The Hidden Promises
SECTION 16: GRATITUDE
Disappointment is Not Fatal
Why Me? Why Not Me?
Thanksgiving & Gratitude
Complications
Remembering
Welcome
“Getting Out From Going Under” is my small attempt to help other recovering debtors and
compulsive spenders understand how the program of Debtors Anonymous works from my point
of view. It is my effort to help spread the message because I have found so much healing in the
Fellowship. This book developed out of the blog:
www.gettingoutfromgoingunder.wordpress.com
Please note that all the material in this book is freely available at the blog. The book version is an
effort to make the information available off-line in an easy to read format, organized by topic.
First, some housekeeping. I’m making this book available anonymously to stay true to Tradition
Eleven – which is to maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and TV. Next,
please understand that this is not an official Debtors Anonymous (DA) book. DA does not
endorse any outside enterprise, which this is (Tradition Six). Therefore, the opinions expressed
here are purely my own and do not represent the Fellowship of Debtors Anonymous as a whole.
I have been in and out of Debtors Anonymous since 1999. But since April 25, 2009, I have been

consistently abstinent from incurring any new unsecured or secured debt and working my DA
program one day at a time using the tools and principles of DA H.O.W.
You can visit the official Debtors Anonymous website for more information:

You can also download the following documents for more information on DA HOW:
DA HOW information
90 Questions for DA HOW Sponsees
Through this book, I am going to give you tips and inspiration to stay abstinent with money, and
I will explain the specifics of how I work my own program. Last, but not least, I will give you
lots of training and help on creating and maintaining your spending plan, which is a crucial
component of this program.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. Remember, I am just another compulsive debtor and
spender. But for today, I am gratefully not using money like heroin. And you can do that too.
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Who Will Benefit From This Book
My intention for “Getting Out from Going Under” is to help anyone who wants to stop using
money compulsively. There are tips, tools, and tutorials for basic money management skills,
such as creating a spending plan and reconciling your spending with your bank account.
For those who are not yet in a recovery program, this book will also help you understand what
recovery is about and hopefully, will encourage you to seek out the help Debtors Anonymous
offers if you are truly out of control with money.
For anyone in Debtors Anonymous, this book provides information on various tools of recovery
and how one might use them. Working the DA program through the H.O.W. (honesty, open
mindedness, and willingness) lens is what saved my life. But there are many paths to recovery
within DA. And I hope that this book presents a big picture that is helpful to anyone seeking
recovery from the tyranny of compulsive debting and spending.
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How to Use This Book
This guide is for you to use as an adjunct to working your DA program. You can read it through
or just turn to the section that speaks to you.

Again, please note that all the material in this book is freely available at the blog:
www.gettingoutfromgoingunder.wordpress.com
The book version is an effort to make the information available off-line in an easy-to-read
format, organized by topic.
Feel free to give this book away, but I ask that you not alter it in any way.
I do not have all the answers, but I hope this guidebook will give you food for thought and
assistance on your journey through recovery.
This book includes all posts written by the admin “Sober with Money” (“Linda Isaacson”)
through April 1, 2013.
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SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (DA)
History of DA
If you don’t know the history of Debtors Anonymous, you might want to read about it
here: />Struggling for Definition and Membership
John H., DA’s founder, struggled and failed over many years, with the group disbanding and
having to restart the program on his own. It was a challenge just to figure out a bottom line and
physical method to find recovery from this deadly disease. They tried all kinds of ideas to find a
way out, as stated on the DA website:
“They first called themselves the “Penny Pinchers,” and attempted to control through will power
the amount of money they spent. Later, the group renamed itself the “Capital Builders”,
convinced that their financial problems stemmed from an inability to save money. They tried to
cure this by making daily deposits into savings accounts, but this, too, failed to resolve their
problems.”
Solving our problem with money seems not as simple and clear-cut as the solution for
alcoholism because we need to use money nearly daily. But, in the end, here is what they
discovered:
“Finally, as more years passed, they began to understand that their monetary problems did not
stem from an inability to save or control the amount they spent or earned, but rather from the
inability to become solvent.
By 1971, the essence of the DA Program unfolded in the discovery and understanding that the

act of debting itself was the threshold of the disease, and the only solution was to use the 12
Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to stop incurring unsecured debt one day at a time, and to stay
stopped.”
That is why the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop debting. If I never pick up a
credit card or unsecured debt for any reason, I will never be in debt again. A simple solution …
but how we achieve that is the challenge.
Some Need Added Accountability
All of us in the program work the 12 Steps of DA for our spiritual recovery. Most everyone who
stays solvent uses a spending plan of some kind. But while the DA founders determined that
purely by committing to not debting, you will be solvent, for those of us who find success using
the H.O.W. format, we discovered that we needed the additional step of committing our money
before spending it as our way to accomplish that.
DA does suggest using a spending plan and tracking one’s numbers as tools to prevent debting.
For some people, having the spending plan and keeping their numbers is enough. In theory, that
works for me, but my disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful in how it will trick me if I don’t
commit my spending.
I have seen this happen to me too many times. I end up justifying spending more than is
allocated in one area and the dominoes fall as I take from category after category until I feel that
there is no choice but to debt. I watched myself go from hard-won solvency with zero debt of
any kind into $33,000 of credit card debt for that very reason.
Without the added accountability, and honesty, open mindedness, and willingness to turn my
spending over a day at a time to a sponsor before spending it, I slide into vagueness too easily by
manipulating the spending plan and moving money from one category to another without
thinking through the implications.
Gratitude for Those Who Came Before Us
I am eternally grateful to John H. for his persistent determination, in the face of so many
challenges, to create the program of Debtors Anonymous. So, too, am I profoundly grateful to
those who created the additional instructions and tools for living one day at a time debt-free that
we call the H.O.W. format.
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New Documentary on Bill Wilson (Bill W)
I just came back from seeing a fabulous documentary on the life of Bill Wilson, founder of
Alcoholics Anonymous. The movie, called “Bill W,” gave me so much insight into this man who
has saved so many lives, including mine. From the producer’s website: Bill W. took eight years
of full-time work to complete. The filmmakers conducted research in dozens of archives and
private collections, and interviewed A.A. members and historians in the United States, Canada,
and Europe.
I was the only person in the theater, which was great for me, but I wish every person in recovery
would see this beautifully done film.
If you want to know when the DVD will be available, click here to sign up. For more
information, go to Page 124 Productions.
To watch a trailer of the movie:
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Principles of DA
In addition to the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, did you know that there are 12 principles of our
program? These were developed by various members of Alcoholics Anonymous and provide a
guidepost for practicing the opposite of your defects.
Step 1. We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become
unmanageable.
Principle: Honesty
When you become aware that you are about to lie or manipulate the truth, if you remember this
principle, maybe you will take a breath and take a chance on simply telling the truth. There is a
tremendous relief in not living with the guilt of lying, not to mention that you don’t have to keep
track of what you said.
Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Principle: Hope
When you find yourself drowning in self-pity thinking that there is no way out of your situation,
making an outreach call to talk about it or having a PRG may give you ideas that you hadn’t had
before … if you are open to them. They may not be the ideas that you would most like, but they
might just lead you out of the darkness. Hope is seeing that there is a light at the end of the

tunnel.
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood
him.
Principle: Faith
Faith is not the same as belief. Faith has to come first. Faith is when you see that others have
experienced relief from this disease by following the steps and taking certain actions. Belief is
when you experience it for yourself. As a newcomer, you may have to act on faith. But when you
want to turn away, get to a meeting or call someone who has been in program awhile and ask
them about the miracles they have experienced. That is how you can develop faith before you
experience belief yourself.
Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Principle: Courage
When you find yourself wanting to run away from an unpleasant reality, maybe back into
compulsive spending and debting and away from program, take a breath and instead, run
headlong toward recovery. Do your 4th step. Take direction from your PRG group even if it is
not what you wish it were. Do what makes you uncomfortable if you trust that it is the right
thing. Experience the pain of delayed gratification with gratitude, knowing that you are behaving
in a courageous manner and facing the inevitable pain of life instead of the taking the path of
addiction and avoidance.
Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our
wrongs.
Principle: Integrity
When you find yourself blaming others for your problems, you can learn to take responsibility
for your part in a conflict. In the past, continuing to ruminate on what others have done to us was
a just a way of staying stuck and sick, a manipulation of our disease to lead us to blot out the
pain of our pitiful situation with our drug of choice.
Stepping up to own your behavior instead of focusing on what others did wrong is character
building. Yes, it is natural to instinctively focus on what others have done to us, but taking a
moment to reflect on where we may have been wrong, and acknowledging it, is integral to living
a life of integrity.

Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Principle: Willingness
Without willingness, there is no recovery. Acting on these principles and, indeed, on the steps of
this program takes a determined effort of willingness. We do not like discomfort and there is
inevitable pain in learning a new way of being in the world and within yourself. When you feel
yourself bristle at the suggestions of your PRG or sponsor, instead of hardening your heart to the
idea, soften to the suggestion and open to the possibility of becoming willing to at least try the
approach suggested.
Step 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Principle: Brotherly Love
Let’s face it, love of others brings far more inner peace than hatred does. When we acknowledge
that others are no different than we are, no more fallible and filled with defects, then we can
forgive them their trespasses with compassion. Or at least we can try. When you find yourself
doing the opposite, take a breath and think about the fact that these are just other humans doing
their best, even if their best is causing you emotional angst. Aspiring to love, rather than
criticizing, judging, and hating, is all it takes. Just try. That’s all.
Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them
all.
Principle: Humility
Apologizing, especially when others have done us wrong as well, is not always easy. But
remember that you only have to apologize for what you did. You are not saying that what they
did was OK. We cannot control the actions of others. But we can own our part.
Remember the Golden Rule – Treat others as you want to be treated. Or don’t treat others as you
don’t want them to treat you. Either way, admitting you are wrong when you are can be a huge
relief. As someone said, “You can be right or you can be happy.”
Being so attached to being right that you cannot find where you are wrong, or at the least
releasing the resentment, can have lifelong consequences. Moving from “being right” to “staying
right” can fracture relationships that will cause you pain the rest of your life. Seeing your errors
and admitting them to others in a sincere apology or living amends (not repeating the behavior)
heals the soul and removes the heavy boulder of “being right” off of your back.

Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure
them or others.
Principle: Justice
If you use this principle to emotionally lash out at someone, re-evaluate your amends before you
make it. I have seen people make an amends and add a “but” at the end, as in, “I was wrong to
call you a jerk … but you really made me so angry when you didn’t like my hat. I think you
really have poor taste and you shouldn’t be so rude…”
Justice stops at our border when we practice this principle. They say we don’t take someone
else’s inventory and that is particularly important when doing Step 9 and following the principle
of Justice. Justice is not an excuse to cause more harm. The 9th step is about our amends, not
about our pain. Justice is about doing what is right or moral. In the case of our program, it is
about our internal sense of justice, not judging others. We need to just work on making things
right on our end. That is more than enough for one lifetime’s work.
Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Principle: Perseverance
When you feel like giving up, don’t. It’s just that simple. 12 step programs have ebbs and flows,
times when it is easy and times when it feels like you are up against the wall. I have seen people
leave because they felt they had to debt or spend huge money and weren’t willing to sit with the
discomfort.
This is not a program for just when it feels comfortable. That is the point. And with money,
especially, opportunities seem to come up at inopportune moments. Terror fills us or desire.
What if I don’t get that training now, today? What if I don’t buy that on sale now, today? What if
I miss this opportunity?
For me, I have found that the more I feel compelled to take a big spending action immediately,
the more I am driven by compulsion and impulse, the less likely, despite how it appears on its
face, that it is the right thing for me to do. My program tells me to wait on all big purchases until
the compulsion passes, and I do. Sometimes it is very hard, and I lean heavily on my PRG team,
network, and sponsor to get through it.
But I have never regretted waiting, though I have regretting acting more times than I can
remember.

Perseverance in this program means that we continue to work our program when it feels easy or
hard. We don’t change the rules to suit our fancy because our disease rears its ugly head enticing
us with desire or fear.
Perseverance means being willing to wait even if we miss an opportunity if acting on it will take
us into disease. We don’t look to justify spending our savings just because we want something
right now, this minute. Finally, perseverance means that we just do today what we did yesterday
with our program and keep committed to a life of sane decisions with money.
Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we
understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
Principle: Spirituality
This is a three part program, physical, mental, and spiritual. While we have to deal with the idea
of money and spending it wisely, we also have to deal with the obsession and compulsion that
can overtake our minds. But we cannot forget the spiritual aspect of our program. This is the part
that reminds us that we are not alone and we are not all powerful. Prayer, they say, is asking our
Higher Power for guidance and meditation is being open to hearing an answer.
The spiritual aspect of this program enables us to learn to sit in discomfort. Once you can do that,
you can handle anything. Meditation teaches us to sit still despite our minds going berserk.
Prayer teaches us to reach out to something or someone bigger than ourselves or to reach inside
ourselves for that still small voice that is bigger than we, our personalities, are.
Using spirituality to help you work the rest of these principles will make doing so much easier.
By practicing the spiritual parts of this program, you will learn to soften and become more open
and able to hear your Higher Power’s voice coming through others and throughout your life as
you need to make decisions.
Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this
message to others, especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Principle: Service
No matter how awful we feel, no matter how deep into self-pity and depression we sink, if we
can manage, at those times, to reach out and give help to another person, we will inevitably find
at least a bit of release from our pain. Addicts are self-centered. We have habitually used our
pain to become even more so.

Drowning in self-pity, we can reach out to others for help. And sometimes, that help comes in
the form of focusing on their problems instead of on our own. By taking your mind off your own
problem for a few minutes, you may be able to begin finding your way out of the black hole, to
see some light again. Supporting someone else is also giving yourself positive self-talk,
reminding yourself consciously of what you know subconsciously.
Yes, we need to give back what we have been given, but most of us still want to know what’s in
it for us. So we may give service because it’s part of the program, but what’s in it for you is that
you will feel better about yourself and are more likely to stay sober with money because of it.
You will be reinforcing what you have learned about recovery and we know that repeating
actions creates habits. This is a good habit. Using these principles and steps will, over time, help
you to live a more meaningful life. And isn’t that what we all want?
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SECTION 2: USING THE H.O.W. STRUCTURE TO WORK THE DA PROGRAM
How I Work the DA (H.O.W.) Program
People are curious about how one works DA HOW. So I thought I’d write about how I work this
program. The one important thing to remember is that this is not a separate program from
Debtors Anonymous. It is simply a rigorous method of working the tools.
Daily
I read a couple of pages of recovery literature and do writing. Together this should take about 15
minutes. There is a set of 90 questions that newcomers start with. (Click here to download the 90
DA HOW questions for sponsees)
Note: When I started, I nearly quit because there was so much reading and rereading in each
question. I now only ask that sponsees read a couple of pages so that there is enough time to
write within 15 minutes. Sponsors may vary in this. But I know that if you have a full life,
having to take 30 minutes or more may be overwhelming. Since you will reread chapters as you
go through the questions, it is fine with me if you read a few pages while doing one question and
then read some different pages in the next question that refers to the same chapter.
I call my sponsor at 8:15 am every day and we have a call not to exceed 15 minutes
Note: This time limit is so important. Just think about your own schedule. Most calls are in the
morning. Just think about the fact that each person you sponsor takes 15 minutes of your

morning when you may have to get kids off to school or get ready to work. Please be mindful of
your sponsor’s time.
I tell her the following:
How much I planned to spend yesterday by category (e.g., groceries $100)
How much I actually spent by category
How much I plan to spend today by category
I write in a composition notebook that I keep next to my phone. Here is an image of one page:
At the beginning of the day
Note: “I” stands for income. I don’t anticipate getting any income on that day. “E” stands for
Expense. I draw a line down the center of the page.

At the end of the day
Note: I also write to whom I paid the money, if a check, what is the check number, and if more
than one store, I add up to total it.

Since I am finished with my steps, I read her my Step 10 inventory (newcomers won’t do this, of
course)
I read my writing to her
We discuss any other outstanding issues
Weekly
I attend and do service at one DA HOW meeting. This has become imperative as we are a small
group and it is important for newcomers to find sponsors at specifically DA HOW meetings.
Service includes, leading the meeting, being the timer, doing readings, or sharing.
Monthly or less
I participate in one or more PRGs (Pressure Relief Groups). I will talk more about these later, but
these are meetings with two other DA members (not exclusively DA HOW) to work with a
member on any financial pressures or creating a spending plan, etc. PRGs can also be about
issues rather than just money.
I also have my own PRG every few months where two other members help me.
As needed

I do not spend one penny unless it is committed to someone. I have been abstinent in DA HOW
since April of 2009. We know that spending may come up that you didn’t anticipate in the
morning. For instance, let’s say you didn’t plan to go anywhere, but realized you have to. You
get in the car and realize you need gas. It’s totally fine. Just let a DA HOW sponsor know. Some
sponsors require that you get a sponsor on the phone (trying at least three before leaving a voice
message for your own sponsor), but many (like me) are fine with a text message. Now, this does
not mean that you can decide to buy a car in the afternoon and text a message that you will spend
$15,000. Use common sense and discretion.
I try to practice delayed gratification, which is one of my difficulties. So I may ask myself – can
this wait until tomorrow? This has been one of the practices that has truly been the most healing
for me.
Five dollar limit
Many sponsors allow for $5 over a committed amount. This means that if you are at the grocery
store and you committed $100 and the bill is $104.53, you can go ahead with the purchase and
not contact anyone. If it is $105.10, you would contact someone FIRST.
However, this is NOT free reign to buy a bunch of different items for $5. It is for an overage of
spending and not to be abused.
Mistakes
Mistakes are different to me than slips or relapse. If you made a calculating error and didn’t
know you had less in a category, that is a mistake. If you did everything you could to ensure that
you didn’t overspend, and again, you forgot about an automatic debit, so you were over, that is a
mistake. If you go to the gas station and realize as you finish pumping that you didn’t commit it
this morning and call immediately, even though you just spent the money, that is a mistake.
But if you buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks knowing you didn’t commit and just don’t call
because you don’t feel like it, that is a slip to me.
In this program, intention is very important. DA HOW has a very high bottom. That is because
those of us who work this program know how insidious the disease is for us. In DA, the pure
measure of losing abstinence is debting. In DA HOW, if I DELIBERATELY don’t call in my
numbers, for me, that is the mark of losing my DA HOW abstinence.
Summary

So that is how I have worked my program since April 25, 2009. I hope this gives you some
clarity. It is really clear and simple. And doing so has profoundly changed my life for the better.
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What Does H.O.W. Mean?
H Stands for Honesty
In all 12 step programs, honesty is the cornerstone.
Without self-honesty, you do not become willing to seek help nor even recognize you have a
problem. Further self-honesty prevents self-justification for actions that are counter-productive
or will lead to relapse. Self-knowledge may avail us nothing (which it states in the Big Book),
but self-honesty, raw and deep, will lead us to a life of integrity and recovery.
When you are dishonest with your sponsor, you are wasting the sponsor’s time and energy.
Making a mistake is one thing, but lying to your sponsor about the mistake keeps you stuck in
your illness. If you live by #1, above, you will invariably continue to be honest here even when it
is painful or you risk losing your sponsor.
Lying at a meeting or to your sponsees about having lost your abstinence is not doing either them
or you any good and if you continue working a recovery program while doing so, you will most
likely regress in other areas as well, such as resentment, fear, and abstinence.
O Stands for Open mindedness
Most people come into DA desperate for help. They may have hit bottom and have lost
everything or they may have hit a higher bottom and there is still time to keep the boat afloat.
Either way, only desperation leads us to a 12 step program. In DA H.O.W., there is a rigor and
structure to how we work the steps and tools that is not usually present in the way the program is
worked.
Invariably, as soon as we are presented with the “suggestions” of the H.O.W. structure, we balk.
Suddenly, once again, we know best how to recover from this disease. We may like this
suggestion, but cannot possibly do that one. If we work or have small children, there is no
possibility to fit in 15 whole minutes to read and write, we insist!
But even regarding the one point upon which all DA members agree, that we do not use
unsecured debt, some may balk. When told that we accomplish this goal, first and foremost by
cutting up our credit cards and canceling all lines of credit and accounts, who among us hasn’t

had a moment’s pause? “But what if there is an emergency,” cries one or “How will I rent a car
to travel,” moans another or “what if I need dental work,” whines a third.
Being open minded means that we will listen to suggestions. This is not overtly an action step.
But if you are only desperate and not open minded, then you will revert to trying the easier and
softer way as soon as the feeling of desperation lifts, even briefly. You will continue trying to do
things your way. And you know how well that has worked out for you.
I am a balker. It is a terrible defect of mine. Invariably at my PRGs, I’ll know how I want an
issue to be resolved. As soon as I hear a new idea, I immediately panic and feel resistance. I feel
frightened and instantly think up all kinds of reasons (excuses?) this won’t work and why I don’t
like the idea.
But because I have worked on open mindedness, my PRG group knows to let me rant on for a
few minutes because I invariably calm down. And once I am calm, I do finally become open
minded. This is where meditation has been extremely helpful to my recovery.
Now, I am able to hear out my PRG group (or sponsor if an issue we are discussing) and really
listen to their reasoning. Without being open minded, willingness is impossible.
W Stands for Willing
If you are honest and you are open minded, then you can become willing to do what is required
for recovery, what has worked for others. I heard someone share a great piece of knowledge – I
don’t have to like what I have to do … I just have to do it anyway.
Willingness means we cut up our credit cards and cancel our accounts even if we are terrified
about future need. We have faith that we will have enough and if we don’t, we will have help to
address the situation. We can have this faith because we see that others have had the courage to
take this action and it worked out. I nearly fainted with anxiety when I took this step.
Willingness means one finds the time to do the writing, even with a sick child or looming work
deadline. Surely there is time in the bathroom. Just making a small effort for a couple of minutes
is better than no effort at all. Skim the reading if you cannot focus. Because I have an illness
where I am exceedingly dizzy and foggy most of the time, I often have no clue what I just read,
but I put in the effort anyway.
Willingness means not spending what you haven’t committed even if you want to cry.
Willingness means at least giving all suggestions presented by your sponsor and trusted PRG

team a try.
Let me give you one caveat about this from my experience. If this is a new sponsor or PRG team
for you and you don’t know them very well, I would then say to run their suggestions by your
trusted network if you truly disagree with them. Otherwise, I would give all suggestions a good
hearing and valiant effort, like it or not.
I will give you an example from my own life. I wanted to make a big purchase. My PRG team
was very leery and the more insistent I was, the more concerned they became. I pretty much
threw a tantrum on the phone. But in the end, I did what they suggested. Weeks passed. While I
was still interested in the purchase, I no longer felt as if my life would end without it. The
compulsion had passed.
I brought up this purchase again with each PRG member individually. Further, with complete
sincerity, I told each that that if they still thought this was a poor spending choice on my part,
then I would follow their guidance and stop asking about it.
And guess what! Independently, they both said they were now fine with it. Both said that the
urgency and anger surrounding having to do it at that moment was part of their discomfort.
Financially, other situations had resolved and it was more feasible for me to use the money as I
wanted.
So never underestimate the power of willingness.
Willingness, as described in that example, is not spending money as soon as I want something. It
is often sitting in discomfort until it passes so you can see clearly.
This is a huge one for me! When I get a sudden urge for a discretionary item, as large as a car or
as small as a book, I wait at least 24 hours to buy it. For me, that desperate kind of yearning is
downright painful. I can’t think straight and never make good choices when I am in that “gotta
have it” mode.
Willlingness to wait allows that feeling to die down. Once, I agreed that I would not make a
certain small purchase until the desperation had subsided. It took an entire week before I felt
ready to buy it.
On the other hand, I have most often found that my joy in the item is inversely proportional to
my desperation to have it. Getting something I want, but am not painfully longing for, is always
far more satisfying for me.

So when you think of something to buy that you have not committed as you go about your day,
try to get willing to wait at least one day to buy it.
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“DA H.O.W. IS Real DA”
Following is an excellent article written by a DA member in my network, which adds another
voice of someone whose life has been saved by using the H.O.W. structure within DA as well as
an explanation of how this member works the program.
DA-HOW IS Real DA
I’m a grateful compulsive debtor, spender, and underearner who’s been involved in DA since
November of 2008. I’ve not incurred new unsecured debt since July 12, 2009. This program has
saved my family and my life, and I am incredibly grateful to our founder who figured out how to
apply the 12 steps to compulsive debting. When I started working DA, my family had $54,491 in
unsecured debt, and we now have $42,176, even though I’m the only person in my family
working DA, and we’re putting living our life ahead of paying debt quickly. We’ve also
increased our savings incredibly during that time and have had an amazing quality of life, taking
numerous cash vacations, making cash home repairs, and being able to deal with some very
costly medical situations with cash.
I’m writing because I work the DA tools using the HOW structure. It seems to me that there is a
general perception out there that working DA using HOW is not real DA. I’ve been on meetings
that when someone announced a new DA-HOW meeting, someone else warned newcomers that
DA-HOW is not real DA. I’ve also witnessed people with long-term solvency come onto HOW
meetings and attack the way we work our program. I want to talk about what DA-HOW is and
why I think that it is no threat to the greater program of Debtors Anonymous.
To me, using HOW is just following instructions on a specific, very structured way to use the
DA tools. There are no tools that are unique to working a HOW program, just a commitment to
use the tools of the program of DA so that we can actually get out of the spending and debting
and into the steps and program of recovery. I detail below the guidelines for working DA using
this method, but as I told someone on the phone today, there are no HOW police, it’s just a
method of sponsorship and tool use that some members of DA use.
I speak with my sponsor (and my sponsees) daily. During that call, I report on the previous day’s

spending and pre-commit my spending for the upcoming 24 hours. For example, I might say that
I committed 75 for groceries yesterday, and spent 73.25. I would also say that I am going to
spend up to $40 on gas, as it’s something I’ve already checked in my spending plan to ensure
that I have at least that much left for this month (this, obviously, requires daily use of the tools of
record-keeping and spending plan). I also contact my sponsor if I have unplanned spending that
comes up. For example, one of my kids recently had an urgent medical need. I called my sponsor
and committed up to $100 for medical, ensuring, of course, that I had that much in my spending
plan, or if not, we would have discussed how I could pay for it without debting.
As importantly, or even more so, is the fact that every day I do reading and writing, which I read
aloud to my sponsor. This is how we work the steps – I’ve been through them once, and am
currently on step 8 of my second time through. We have a set of questions we use as a general
guide to help people work their way through steps 1-3. These incorporate readings from the Big
Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps & 12 traditions. After
the first 3 steps, we work our way through the remaining steps with guidance from our sponsors.
A HOW sponsor is someone who has at least 30 back-to-back days of freedom from using
unsecured debt and has answered at least 30 days of questions with a sponsor. We take
anonymity very seriously, withholding the names of our sponsors and sponsees as well as those
we talk with, in order to ensure that we don’t inadvertently breach another person’s anonymity.
I go to at least one DA meeting per week, most often a meeting with other people using a HOW
format (just because that helps me reinforce the way I use the tools). I also make or receive at
least one DA outreach call per day. That’s it as far as the structure goes. We use the other tools
of service, awareness, business meetings, pressure relief meetings and action plans, but there are
no specific suggestions as to how they work within this structure. Remaining free from new
unsecured debt is considered our primary form of service.
I know there are lots of people working DA who don’t need this level of structure in order to
recover. The thing I’m grateful for is that there is an option for people like me who do need this
much structure in order to be free of the mental obsession about spending and debting as well as
the act of incurring new unsecured debt. It has allowed me to deepen my connection with my
higher power and to really experience the promises of DA in my everyday life.
So, please, allow those of us who need this type of structure to recover in the way we need to

without having to defend it as “real” DA. As opposed to being a threat to DA, this is just one of
many options for sponsorship We use the same steps, traditions, and tools, and they help us to
recover from a life-threatening malady, one day at a time. The Debtors Anonymous preamble
states, “The only requirement for membership in Debtors Anonymous is a desire to stop
incurring unsecured debt.”
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It’s Specific, Not Different
As stated in the Debtors Anonymous Preamble: “The only requirement for membership in
Debtors Anonymous is a desire to stop incurring unsecured debt.“
The DA program gives us suggestions for ways to do so, including:
* Don’t incur any new unsecured debt.
* Develop and live by a spending plan.
* Record your spending.
* Have PRGs when you are first developing a spending plan and whenever you feel pressured
financially.
* Work the 12 Steps to the best of your ability.
* Work out payment arrangements with creditors, ensuring we meet our needs first.
* Go to meetings and share your experience, strength, and hope with other members.
If we follow these suggestions, we will keep from debting, ensure that we work the steps, and
give service.
However, some of us need additional instructions and support. Yes, there are DA pamphlets
providing more explanation, but even then, some of us need even more specificity,
accountability, and structure to stay solvent. That is where the H.O.W. format comes in,
providing the following specific ways to keep from debting (#1 and #3), ensure that we work the
steps (#2), and give service (#4, #5, #6, and #7):
* We don’t spend any money without committing it first.
* We do daily reading and writing, using a series of questions to start.
* We call a sponsor daily to commit our numbers and writing (can be a temp or any DA HOW
sponsor if you don’t yet have a permanent one).
* We sponsor as we can.

* We make one additional call to another DA member daily for outreach.
* We attend at least one DA meeting a week (preferably DA HOW if this is how you work your
program to show support).
There is nothing about what we who follow the H.O.W. format do that is different from the
basics of what any DA member does, except that we follow a structured method to accomplish
what the DA program suggests we do in a broader way.
A Note about Family Members
If you are in charge of the spending plan for the family, you can still only do your best to ensure
the other members live by the plan. If, for instance, you tell a family member that they can spend
no more than $30 at a restaurant, but they spent $45, it is not a slip of your abstinence. You will
still need to live with the consequences of finding the additional money to keep your spending
plan accurate, but you are not the one who overspent.
I have worked with many in program who deal with spouses and children. It is challenging, but
workable. The key is to keep your side of the street as clean as you can, and accept that others
may not have your commitment. Gradually, many of these situations improve with time. But
even then, the occasional problem will happen. Take a deep breath and remember what your
family members went through when you were into your disease. Have compassion for them in
their imperfection, just as you are learning to have compassion for your own.
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YNAB Interview