sample discuss both views band 7+ writing task 2

Task: Some people think that spending a lot
on holding wedding parties, birthday parties
and other celebrations is just a waste of
money. Others, however, think that these are
necessary for individuals and the society.
It is believed by many that organizing social celebrations and parties GIVES RISE
TO A STATE OF LAVISH SPENDING. Nonetheless, others hold a view that
THIS featureS prominently when it comes to the interests of the involved
individuals. From my perspective, I side with the former idea due to the
FINANCIAL BURDENS associated with such social events.
On the one hand, the proponents of such massive social gatherings might
argue that the social events enable involved participants and event-holders to
cement their own social bonds. The involved may utilize the celebrations of such
kind in order to consolidate their social connections. One of the most pronounced
(từ vựng tốt) examples is if a couple have undergone a quarrel, a party may help
them to put an end to it. Furthermore, they can meet more like-minded figures at
these social events, which creates favorable conditions for/FACILITATES them to
find their own soulmates. Thus, it is apparent that such social events are liable to
facilitate the participants and the event-holders to forge their social bonds
Nonetheless, I personally hold a stance that the aforementioned merits could not
compensate for the unbearable costs which the insiders struggle to pay for the
holding of these celebrations. The hosts of the celebrations may have to allocate a
large sum of money during the preparation for social events, which may seemingly
lead to irreversible loans (câu supporting viết tốt). One of the most striking
instances could be taken is that they may be forced to pay a plethora of funds for a
more EXPANSIVE venue to WELL ACCOMODATE the involved participants.
In addition, in CERTAIN/SOME cases, the EVENT-HOLDERS are absent from
their work for a long time throughout the celebrations, thereby POSSIBLY
resulting in a downturn in their incomes. Henceforth, it is obvious that such
massive social gatherings give rise to an increasing financial burden on the
organizers.

TO FINALIZE, AS AFOREMENTIONED, whilst social events are contributory
factors in GENERATING more close-knit relationships, their costs ARE
LIABLE TO BE OVERLY EXTRAVAGANT. Hence, it is my firm conviction
that celebrations of such kind are not worth the lavish spending they bring about.
Remarks: Đây là bài viết Essay tốt của em, trên các khía cạnh như cấu trúc,
từ vựng và triển khai ideas chặt chẽ, logic, dù còn 1 vài lỗi nhỏ. Cố gắng phát
huy.
Estimated bandscore: 7.0