communication between men and women

Communication Between Men and Women: They Can't be the Same
In communication between men and women, the two genders
always
communicate differently. Traditionally men communicate facts
directly and are
less likely to discuss details that have little to do with the
conversation.
Women traditionally are more careful about what they say and seek
to build
relationships by the way they communicate. These two forms of
communication,
direct (traditional male) and indirect (traditional female), are
consistent
throughout most cultures. There are cases where the men
communicate indirectly
and the women directly but not where both the genders communicate
in the same
way. (Lakoff 627) If the two genders do communicate in the same
way, there is
bound to be serious conflict that usually involves violence.
The movie Thelma and Louise tells the story of two women
who have run
away from their traditional roles as women. They have been put
under too much
pressure from society and especially men. Both Thelma and Louise
feel a need to
change their position in society and they do it by changing the
way they
communicate. This change in communication between men and women
causes the
women to take on a stronger and more direct language which also

included robbery
and murder. They change from the traditional female forms of
communication to a
more masculine form of communication. Once they change, the men
who they come
into contact with change the way they communicate as well, or
they face serious
consequences. This demonstrates the fact that men and women are
bound to
communicate differently. In the movie, Thelma and Louise react
violently to men
who communicate directly to them after they have changed their
form of
communication. These violent reactions are a result of the men
breaking the
cultural ideal that men and women are bound to communicate
differently. At the
beginning of the movie Thelma and Louise, Thelma and Louise were
women who lived
lives of typical American women and communicated like one would
expect a woman
communicate. They were concerned mainly about their
relationships with men and
tried not to make them mad. However, they needed a break from
their lives and
the two women decided to take a quick vacation. Their lives
change when Thelma
is raped by a man she meets at a bar. When Louise shoots and
kills the rapist,
after he mocks them, they change the way they communicate and act

with other men.
They can no longer afford to seek or further emotional ties with
men because
they are forced to make quick and decisive decisions. This
creates a clear goal
they must achieve, and that is to get to Mexico to avoid being
caught by the law.
Once they have this clear and concise goal (a trait that a man
would have),
they begin to communicate with men more directly. They are less
concerned with
the emotional ties they have with men, and they become focused on
a single goal,
which is leaving the country.
The two cases where Thelma and Louise cause serious pain
and sorrow to
men are the result of men not understanding that Thelma and
Louise have changed
the way they communicate. These cases are when the Thelma and
Louise pull the
truck driver over and when Louise shoots the rapist. The only
chance any man
has to convince them of something, was if a man communicated like
a woman
usually would. But since Thelma and Louise have changed their
communication
style to a more direct style, they see the direct form of
communication towards
them as a threat and act to eliminate that threat. In the case
of the rapist

Harlen, he got caught in the cross over. Louise decided to
communicate very
directly to the rapist which included shooting him in the heart.
By threatening
to shoot him, it displays that she changed from an indirect form
of
communication to a direct form of communication. Though violence
is not
generally thought a form of communication, it conveyed the her
feelings towards
him very directly and clearly. Harlen did not know that Louise
had changed her
form of communication and preceded to communicate to her very
directly by
insulting her and using very obscene language. When she changed
the way she
communicated, she felt compelled to shoot him. If he would have
changed his
communication style to one which is more understanding and
concerned, he would
have not been shot because Louise would have not felt threatened
by the him.
In the other case where a man does not recognize that
Thelma and Louise
have changed their form of communication is when the two women
pull the rude and
obscene truck driver over and blow up his truck. By this time in
the movie,
Thelma has obviously changed her form of communication to the
same style that

Louise changed to. When they ask this old truck driver to pull
over, he is
thinking that the two women are physically attracted to him and
that they will
communicate like traditional women. Thelma and Louise are
obviously not, and
are just planing to get some revenge on him. The truck driver
communicates with
the two women throughout the movie. Every time they pass him on
the road, he
makes many of totally un-called-for comments and gestures towards
them. He does
not strive for any emotional connection to them like he would if
he truly knew
and understood their style of communication. So when he is
conned by Thelma and
Louise to pull over, they decided to blow up his truck and
communicate the fact
that they did not appreciate the way that he treated them.
These two examples show that communication styles between
men and women
are different. If they are not different, something bad is bound
to happen.
The two genders must have different communication styles because
they have
learned through culturalization that men and women communicate
differently.
There has been some kind of understanding or force that keeps the
two genders
from communicating in the same way. Lakoff describes this

understood force as
being "…some deep intrinsic physical and/ or psychological
distinction that
irrevocably divides the sexes: The need for polarization is very
strong." It
may not be consciously understood by all people, but it is
subconsciously
understood by most since in nearly every culture, men and women
are treated
differently from birth to the end of their lives (Lakoff
625-626).
When men did change their style of communication when
they communicated
with Thelma and Louise they were more successful in communicating
with them.
With Thelma and Louise communicating more directly, men could not
communicate
with them directly because this would result in violent
consequences. Most men
in Thelma and Louise do change their style when they communicate
with them.
Louise's boyfriend, Jimmy, changes his form of communication fast
and is
basically used by the two women to help them escape Also there
is the Police
officer, Hal, who is tracking down the Thelma and Louise who uses
a more
indirect style in communicating with the two. Though the
ultimate situation for
these two men turned out negatively, they were able to

communicate better with
Thelma and Louise than the two men who communicated directly to
them.
In the case of Hal, the FBI agent, he is forced by Thelma
and Louise to
communicate indirectly because the two women are speaking
directly to him. He
switches over to the indirect form as soon as he begins to
communicate with
Thelma and Louise. He appears too be "soft" and to have some
kind of emotional
connection with Thelma and Louise. He genuinely does not want
anything to
happen to them and seems to believe the two's story. Hal has
taken this case
personally. One can see this in the concern on his face when he
speaks to the
suspects on the phone and when he runs after them as they drive
over the cliff.
He asks them "Can't we sit down and talk about it?" This sounds
like something
a woman would say rather than a man would say, demonstrating that
Hal has
changed his form over to a more feminine from of communication.
Louise's boyfriend, Jimmy, also takes a more indirect and
feminine style
of communication with Thelma and especially Louise. He takes
this feminine
style to an extreme by letting Thelma and Louise use him. He
gives them money

for their escape even though he does not want them to go. He is
trying anything
to keep his connection with Louise. Jimmy can communicate the
best with Louise
because he approaches her with this feminine style. This is
shown by the long
conversations they have while they exchange the money and the
clear
understanding they have about each other when they separate. He
even asks
Louise to marry him while he is giving her the money. Jimmy
shows a great need
for intimacy with his proposal and also he shows his feelings for
Louise. This
proposal is the ultimate expression of connection with Louise and
shows his
emotional tie he has to her. He is very open and shows his
emotions in his body
language, which are also characteristics of traditional feminine
communication
(Lakoff 627).
The contrast that exists in communication between men and
women is shown
clearly in Thelma and Louise. The movie shows what happens when
the two genders
communicate similarly and differently. When they communicate
differently their
is a good understanding of each other and a greater sense of
connection between
the two people communicating; which was shown well by the FBI

agent Hal and
Louise's boyfriend Jimmy. When a man and a woman communicated in
the same way,
there was conflict between the two. This was illustrated well by
the truck
driver and the rapist Harlen and the conflicts they had with
Thelma and Louise;
proving the point that men and women must communicate
differently.