intimacy

Intimacy is often defined as arising from a close acquaintance,
association, or familiarity. This definition would definitely describe the
relationship I have with my sister, Catherine. We share just about
everything that goes on in our lives and know each other like the back of
our hands. We are so close, in fact, that rarely do we hear what another
is feeling before we already know. We can tell each other's mood by the
body language we are using. I plan to give a brief summary of this
relationship and the intimacy involved in it. There are many possible
reasons why some people are attracted to each other and form
relationships. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks,
intellectual stimulation, things in common, and differences. My sister and
I developed our relationship differently than the way you would with
someone who you just randomly meet on the street. We shared common
parents, household, schedules, and heritage. Therefore, we were
naturally inclined to develop some sort of relationship and intimacy. If we
hadn't, our living conditions would have become understandably
tenuous.The development of relationships and intimacy has some very
definitive steps. The first step is initiating which is making contact with
the other person and showing that you are the kind of person worth
talking to. Our relationship was initiated as soon as I was brought into
this world and facilitated by the fact that we were brother and sister. The
next step is experimenting which is deciding whether we want to pursue a
relationship further by using small talk and the like. Since I was unable to
talk at the time, my sister and I dismissed this step. Next comes the step
of intensifying when the expression of feelings become more common.
This came quite naturally to the two of us. People were always asking my
sister to show how much she loved me which often led to hugs, kisses,
hand holding, and other common expressions of love people often
demonstrate in a sibling relationship. The next step is integrating which is
when we give up characteristics of our old selves and become different
people. This has not happened to me because this relationship has

always been with me. My sister was not always a sister and definitely
changed when I became her brother. Bonding is the next step which is
when the parties make symbolic public gestures to show the world that a
relationship exists. My sister and I have always been very public about
our relationship. Next is the differentiating stage where the parties
separate somewhat. We are always going through this at this point in our
relationship. One day we can be the best of friends and the next day we
can be mortal enemies. Circumscribing comes next and is when the level
of communication decreases in quantity and quality. Again, this seems to
come and go in our relationship. The stagnating stage is when the
relationship becomes overly familiar and loses the feeling. We have not
hit this. We can always find a new way to keep the relationship exciting.
Avoiding is the stage in which the parties create distance between one
another. We have not reached this stage either. We are still as close as
we have ever been, if not closer. The final stage is terminating which is
when the relationship is declared over. This has not been reached in my
relationship. These stages do not have to be in this order necessarily
and some can be skipped altogether. My sister and I developed our
relationship out of necessity. Brothers and sisters often do this because
they share so much in common. Our relationship is sometimes good and
sometimes bad, but it is always solid. It could stand to be a little more
positive on both sides at some points. We share an intellectual and
emotional intimacy that most siblings do. The commonality between the
two of us facilitates this.Relational development and maintenance have
some very distinct characteristics. First, not all relationships move
through all ten steps. This has definitely been the case in my
relationship. My sister and I did not have to go through the initiating
stage that most people do, nor have we avoided each other. Intimacy is
not the only goal of relationships. Even though my relationship involved
some intimacy this is not always the reason we are there. Sometimes it is

just to reach a common goal. Movement occurs within stages. Our
relationship has definitely progressed through stages even though
sometimes they become blurred. My sister and I experienced the
integrating and intensifying stage at one point and I suspect they
occurred around the same time although two definitive steps. Movement
between steps is generally sequential. My relationship has definitely had
a pattern of development to it. Relationships are constantly changing.
Even though we have a solid relationship, my sister and I definitely have
our ups and downs. Movement is always to a new place. We are always
trying out new ways of behaving towards each other and this makes
movement mandatory. Sometimes we even go back a step or two before
we return to the point we were before.The relationship my sister and I
share involves a high level of self-disclosure. We are always intentionally
revealing information to one another that is important and would not
always be known. Our breadth is wide as we can discuss anything from
sex to politics. The depth is great because we do not pull any punches.
When we are discussing something we are as personal as you can get.
Neither of us hides much and when one does it is easily caught by the
other. Our conversations often include facts, opinions, and feelings.
Lying does not come across good and it is rarely attempted by either of
us. There are many reasons for this self-disclosure but it is mainly "just to
get it off of our chest" or catharsis.A brother-sister relationship is definitely
a unique one as evidenced here. Although it can reach some of the later
and nastier stages, I don't see this as being the case in our relationship.