Pdp2 leadership learning

Nguyễn Thái Hải Hà
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Personal Development Project – Part 2
I.

Behavioral Change
1. My visions
My issue is that I try to please everyone. I'm very dependent on other people's affirmation and

acceptance. I frequently put other people's needs, wants, and preferences ahead of my own and do this
without even realizing it. I frequently overcommit, say "yes" to everything, and disregard my own limits
and self-care out of a deep-seated fear of disappointing or offending people. As I overlook my own wants
and needs, my actions frequently lead to emotions of tiredness, burnout, and discontent. As a result, I
frequently find it difficult to stand up for myself, communicate my actual emotions, create appropriate
boundaries, and make choices that put my own pleasure and well-being first.
One of the instances I use to illustrate this behavior is the fact that I frequently say "yes" to
requests from other people, even when I don't want to or am able to. When a buddy asks me to do
anything for them, like assist them with an assignment, for instance. Despite having a full schedule and
feeling stressed, I shall continue without saying how I really feel. For my friend's happiness, even at the
risk of my own wellbeing, I frequently give up my time and effort
In addition, I'm accustomed to holding back my actual feelings out of concern for hurting or
disappointing people. Imagine that a group of students is choosing a topic for study, and despite my
strong preference for a different topic, I choose to remain silent in order to avoid defying the consensus. I
repress my personal preferences and desires in order to keep the group's peace.


2. Strengths and Weaknesses
a. Strengths


Excellent interpersonal skills: I have a tendency to have great listening and communication
abilities, which enable me to connect with others effortlessly. I also have empathy and
understanding, which improves my capacity to connect with others and win their trust.



Adaptability: I regularly show accommodation and flexibility. To make interactions and
cooperation simpler, I may alter their behaviors and preferences to suit the needs and preferences
of others.



High degree of collaboration: I consider myself to be a team player who values collaboration and
cooperation. I actively look for methods to help and assist others, fostering a supportive and
beneficial atmosphere.

b. Weaknesses


Decision-making challenges: I often struggle with decision-making because I worry about
disappointing or offending others. Therefore, I put the preferences of others above my own,
which would leave me without any autonomy and make it difficult for me to make decisions that
would support my own goals.



Burnout and emotional exhaustion: Constantly putting others' needs before my own can be
emotionally taxing. I frequently accept more responsibility than what I am capable of handling,
which increases stress, worry, and burnout. Emotional weariness can also be exacerbated by
disregarding my own needs and neglecting to establish appropriate boundaries.



Relationship tension: Ironically, I have trouble sustaining wholesome bonds. It often leads to
imbalances, anger, or feelings of being taken for granted because of my lack of assertiveness and
persistent desire for approval.



Self-neglect: I frequently neglect my own needs, having issues with my own self-worth, and
experiencing a general lack of fulfillment in life

c. Underlying cause identification


Anxiety of rejection: I'm aware of my ingrained worry of other people disliking or rejecting me.
In order to reduce the likelihood of rejection and preserve relationships, people start to seek
validation and acceptance.



Low self-esteem: Because of this, I find it difficult to put my own needs and wants first. I have an
obsessive desire to win people over because I think that my value depends on their acceptance.



It's difficult to admit, but I genuinely have an innate need to manage my surroundings by assuring
favorable encounters. I try to prevent disputes and keep a sense of control over my relationships
by always trying to accommodate the preferences of others.

3. Changing process
a. Self-reflection: To better understand the causes of my people-pleasing behavior, I am working on
self-reflection. Identifying my motives and how they affect my physical, mental, and emotional
wellbeing is the first step.


a. Set boundaries: By accepting what is acceptable to me and assertively communicating it to others,
I am learning how to create boundaries with others. I constantly remind myself that it's acceptable
to put my needs first and to use the word "no" when it's appropriate.
a. Prioritize: I'm making progress in understanding my own desires, values, and priorities. Instead of
only trying to satisfy others, I take careful steps to ensure that my actions are in line with my own
objectives and well-being.
a. Develop assertiveness: I'm learning how to communicate my needs, wants, and views in a clear
and courteous way. I find that using assertiveness exercises helps me to express clearly without
being excessively accommodating.
a. Seek help: I now take into consideration obtaining support from a counselor or my family and
friends' support when my actions persist or adversely affect my life. They can provide me
direction, resources, and methods for navigating and getting rid of this pattern.

4. Outcomes Review
Stronger personal boundaries and more self-esteem have resulted from my efforts to change my behavior,
which is a good thing. I am able to learn to say "no" when it's necessary and to place boundaries on the
things I am ready to do for other people by realizing the importance of prioritizing my own needs and
aspirations. By not continually sacrificing my own pleasure and well-being for the purpose of appeasing
others, this enables me to live a more balanced and full life. As others admire and value my genuineness
and honesty, I also strengthen my connections with them.


II.

Concept applied

From all the principles I've studied, I've come to the conclusion that using the Fisher and Ury approach to
conflict as a people-pleaser can be a useful tool for me as I work toward being a future leader. Here are
the methods I use
1. Distinguish interests from positions: I tend to emphasize the requests and positions of others since I'm a
people-pleaser. Instead, put your attention on comprehending the underlying interests, needs, and
concerns of all parties. I was able to find points of agreement as well as potential win-win solutions.
2. Clearly describe the issue: Spend some time outlining the issue or controversy at hand. Make sure that
everyone is aware of the situation and how it affects each party. This phase is essential for getting over
the propensity to avoid confrontation and moving toward achieving beneficial outcomes.
3. Create options: With a clear grasp of the underlying motives, come up with a number of potential
answers that take into account the needs of all parties. Encourage open-minded, imaginative thinking by
creating a welcoming environment where everyone's opinions are appreciated.
4. Objectively assess the options: Consider how each solution compares to the interests of the various
parties involved. Evaluate the viability, viability, and long-term effects of each choice. Find a solution
that, to the greatest extent feasible, satisfies everyone.
5. Communicate effectively: Because I'm a people-pleaser, it's crucial for me to speak out for what I
believe in while yet being understanding of others' opinions. In order to make sure that everyone feels
heard and understood, I should be sure to communicate my suggested solutions clearly and pay close
attention to other people's ideas.
6. Collaborate and negotiate: Involve all parties in a collaborative dialogue and motivate them to
cooperate to find a win-win resolution. Look for trade-offs and compromises, looking for a solution that
optimizes general pleasure.


7. Put connections first: Establishing and keeping solid relationships is crucial for a future leader.
Relationships need to be maintained throughout dispute resolution, according to the Fisher and Ury
method. As much as possible, keep the lines of communication open and cultivate a welcoming

environment that promotes future collaboration.