Writing the short film 3th - Part 13

THE RATIONALE BEHIND THE CHANGES
The father’s inner action is to get the mother to tell the child about the divorce
without his having to be present, while the mother’s is to ensure that they tell
her together. His line, “I honestly think it would be better if you told her” is
too supplicating and is in any case implied by “I’ve got meetings all week.”
Her response, “Cancel them,” is far stronger than her accusation of not giv-
ing a damn about his daughter—the implication is that if he cared about her
at all, he would do what was necessary to take part in telling her. Other lines
have been dropped for similar reasons—to make the conflict between them
stronger and more indicative of what is wrong with the marriage.
The writer’s goal throughout the revision was to emphasize the struggle
between the couple by compressing their language, increasing the tension by
bringing their anger “under,” as the expression goes. She also wanted to
imply that this kind of conflict is not at all unusual for them—just the par-
ticular subject on this occasion. (All of this would set up the conditions for
Annie’s flight.)
You should note that a pause before a response usually denotes some kind
of struggle or debate on the part of the responding character; a pause within
a speech indicates some kind of struggle or debate on the part of the charac-
ter who is speaking.
In rethinking the structure of the scene, it seemed better to avoid breaking
up their exchange, because removing the interruption increased the tension
between them, and holding off on the audience’s discovery of Annie under
the table until the very last moment made it more effective.
TWELFTH ASSIGNMENT: REVISING YOUR DIALOGUE
Read your answers to the seven questions from Exercise 2 about your dialogue
sequence and then the scene itself. Try to figure out what is going on between
the characters and what each of their inner (or dramatic) actions is, or seems
to be. If this is unclear, come to a determination of what actions would make
the scene work as you would like it to. (The initial four lines given were
intended to suggest conflict.) If you want to extend the scene, do so now.

Think about any other changes you want to make, and rewrite the scene
in screenplay format.
STEPPING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD
Assignments and exercises in the first part of this book have been set up to
encourage the kind of messages from the unconscious that produce specific
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and authentic story material, rather than the lifeless copies of copies that
make for hackwork. To write an original short screenplay, you will be utiliz-
ing all the skills you’ve learned so far, so it makes good sense at this point to
take a quiet half-hour to look over your completed assignments in the order
in which they were written. Note the kind of material that you choose to
write about and the mood or tone in which you most often write. Do you
tend to go for the drama in things? the melodrama? the humor? Do you like
to deal with your characters subtly? with bold strokes? and so on.
This is information about the way you see the world and about your writ-
ing style, information that should be of great help as you move on to writing
a short screenplay.
EXERCISE 11: WRITING A LETTER
First, letting your mind run free, try to call up two or three painful incidents
from your past, incidents in which you were essentially the protagonist. Take
a few moments to reflect on each of these, dismissing any memories that still
seem “in process”—occasions that you can’t recall without feelings of dis-
comfort. Then choose a recollection to write about, even if you have to do so
arbitrarily.
Second, imagine that you are about to write a letter describing, and per-
haps explaining, the incident in detail (or in as much detail as you can
recall—the act of writing about the past in an uncensored way usually stim-
ulates memory to a surprising degree). Choose a person to confide in—

friend, relative, or imaginary confidant—who would hear you out with
sympathy and without judgment of any kind, the kind of ally who might
even defend you to yourself.
Third, set your timer for 15 minutes. If you finish writing sooner, go back
over your letter to see if you have left anything out; if you are not yet fin-
ished with describing the incident when the timer goes off, continue until
you are done. Then fold the letter and put it away in a safe place for at least
several days. As this is raw material of a very special kind, it should not be
shown to anyone else.
THIRTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: GETTING STARTED (AGAIN)
In this assignment, you will be following procedures outlined earlier for adapt-
ing material gathered about a folktale or myth into the dramatic structure of a
script outline: first, making several photocopies of your letter, then marking off
in different colors on one of these (1) the events, images, and remarks on char-
acters or settings that seem essential, including descriptions of the main

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character’s thoughts or feelings, where important; (2) any other material that
you are likely to use; and, finally, (3) whatever seems problematic but
intriguing. Look this over and revise, if necessary, on your second copy.
The playwright Oscar Wilde once said that one’s real life is often the life
one does not lead. If this is true of daydreamers, it is also true of artists, whose
“real life” is often revealed only in their work. For example, the writer/direc-
tor Jean Cocteau suffered at times from a disfiguring and painful skin condi-
tion. Very likely because of this, his profound identification with the character
of the Beast in his 1945 rendition of Beauty and the Beast helped shape the writ-
ing and performance of the “monster’s” suffering so that it is as authentic and
moving to audiences now, as it was almost 60 years ago.
Remember that this is an autobiographical fragment on its way to becoming

fiction, so transform characters and events as you choose, as long as those
changes do not undermine the credibility of your story. Changing the gender
of your main character, or the locations where events take place, or even the
time period in which they take place can sometimes distance you enough from
the original material to make writing flow more easily. Now ask yourself the
questions that we asked of the Icarus/Daedalus myth, getting two very differ-
ent sets of answers—one in which Icarus was the protagonist, set in “mythical
time,” and one in which Daedalus was the protagonist, set in the time of the
Civil War. Who is your protagonist? (Choose fictional names throughout.) Who
or what is your antagonist? What is the protagonist’s situation at the beginning
of the script? (This should be written in as objective a manner as possible.)
What event or occasion could serve as catalyst? What is the protagonist’s dra-
matic action? Do you have any images or ideas as to the climax? the ending?
At this point, it would be a good idea to employ some or all of the exer-
cises presented in earlier chapters. What you will be writing is fiction based
on autobiography: the people in your letter are to be thought of as charac-
ters, the rooms and landscapes as settings and locations.
If, after doing the next several exercises, you find this to be in any way
anxiety producing, you should accept the fact that the material has not yet
been fully processed by your unconscious and is still too “live,” so to speak,
to be used as the basis for a screenplay. In our experience, trying to exert
willpower or to “tough it out” in these cases simply doesn’t work; in fact, it
is more likely than not to lead to writer’s block. You are better off putting
away the material, choosing another incident, and beginning again. All that
matters is that you end up working on (or playing about with) material in
which you can take pleasure.
EXERCISES 12 AND 13: USING VISUAL IMAGES (AGAIN)
Exercise 12 takes 10 minutes. Imagine an indoor hobby or activity of choice
that your main character might pursue any time he or she has a chance.
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Close your eyes and visualize the setting. Then write down the following,
substituting the name of your character for X: Night. Gusts of wind outside. X
sits (or stands) at a table (or bench or whatever) working on things, completely
absorbed in what he or she is doing. A long moment, and Y opens the door without
knocking to come into the room.
You have 10 minutes in which to describe for the camera what X is
doing, how X is doing it, and what happens when Y comes into the room.
If the characters go to dialogue, fine—just be sure that the emphasis
remains on the visual.
If, at the end of 10 minutes, you are still writing, and particularly if the
description should turn into a full scene, continue on until you finish or run
out of steam.
Now, for Exercise 13, quickly write down the answers to the now-familiar
questions about your characters: Who are you? Where are you? What are
you wearing? Why are you here? What do you want at this moment? What
time is it? What season? What year? Besides being windy, what is the
weather like? Take a break, short or long, and go on to the next two exercises.
EXERCISES 14 AND 15: FURTHER EXPLORATIONS
For Exercise 14, think of a suitable location in which to place your main
character, whom I’ll call X but you call by name, and write a brief paragraph
describing it. When you have done this, let X walk, run, or leap into the
frame and see what happens. At any point after that, let another character—
possibly, but not necessarily, Y—come onscreen, and see what happens then.
Stop at 10 minutes, unless you find yourself writing a scene that you might
be able to use in your screenplay, in which case, continue.
For Exercise 15, consult your list of favorite offscreen sounds and try to
find one or more that might add mood or even significant content to either
the interior or exterior scene.
FOURTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: WRITING A STORY OUTLINE

FOR YOUR SCRIPT
First, reread the suggestions for writing story outlines in the previous chap-
ter. Then, using both the results of the last few exercises and your marked-
up copy of the original letter, make a bare-bones outline for the screenplay,
no more than a page long. Put this away for a day or two while you reflect
on the feeling—the tone you want the material to express. When you are
ready, look over the outline to see if you’ve taken a step toward introducing
the character in his or her situation (perhaps by way of one of the exercises),
included a catalyst, and offered some sort of ending, even if you do not yet

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consider it to be the right one. Change the order of the scenes if necessary.
Next, write a more detailed story outline in which most of the “steps,” or
numbered descriptions of the action, indicate a full dramatic scene.
Remember to use the present tense for screenwriting, and—most impor-
tant—try to give us access to your characters’ thoughts and feelings through
their actions and reactions.
At this point, a reading and discussion of the outline, either in class or to
knowledgeable friends, should prove invaluable before you move on to
writing your script. Take notes of any ideas or criticism that might be useful,
as it is easy to forget such comments. We suggest that you don’t rewrite the
outline unless it seems absolutely necessary, but instead go on to a first draft
of your screenplay.
FIFTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: WRITING A FIRST DRAFT
Consult our examples or the short screenplays in Appendix B for the appro-
priate format. Then, keeping your portfolio of exercises and assignments
nearby and your outline at your elbow, begin writing. Remember that the
first draft of any screenplay is an exploration: the main thing is to get the
story on paper so that you have something to revise. If you find it difficult

to work at home, go to a café; if you find the word processor wearisome, go
to pen or pencil; if you find any or all of the process daunting, break the
actual writing into 10-minute segments.
Put this rough first draft away for a week, if possible, before going on to
the next chapter, which is on revision. We strongly suggest that you follow
the practice of professionals and do not show this rough draft of very per-
sonal material to anyone for comment or criticism until you have worked
further on it, as is also suggested in Chapter 7.
NOTES
1. Raymond Chandler, foreword to Raymond Chandler Speaking, ed. Dorothy Gardner
(Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1962).
2. Pat Cooper, “Annie’s Flight,” unpublished ms., 1993.
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