DOLCE VITA (French) - Sweet times

DOLCE VITA (French) --- SWEET TIMES
I met her on the net, how?
I can't remember, but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I
declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.
"If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. Do I have a million?"
"No. That's why I don't have a house."
"If I have wings, I can fly. Do I have wings?"
"No. So I can never fly."
"If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off
the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be
drawn off?"
"No. That’s why I don't love you."
That's me, a typical science student. First, you come up with an
assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion.
If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just
bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.
But she is an exception. She actually mailed me and said that I am an
'interesting' person.
'Interesting’? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr.
Clinton. I thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from
serious brain damage.
Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad
-FLYNDANCE -
That’s quite a unique one.
But I was warning myself: Hello, this is the virtual world of Internet.
Who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.
Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in
disguise, the only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a
herbivore. But, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is
special.
So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.

Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always
wishing to meet her in #ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my
side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train
myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-
sighted.
She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied
my reply to her reply.....blah blah.....blah....
Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction!
Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in one of
the mails....
'I dance slightly, amidst the crowd.
Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, It ain't gonna stop
my rhythm.
'Cos it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'
I simply cannot relate this gal to any of the 'dinosaurs'.
But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill.
Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance,
and has been perpetually warning me about this....
"HELLO!!! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk?
Maybe 'she' is a guy!! Haha!!"
I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally
in Sec 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'.
As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".
In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning
snakes alive, and make into soup. But he got all the factors to be a
playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.
Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every
women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many
girlfriends he had .
I went online that night, log onto #ajcrr and..... Yesh!! She is there!!

Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a
message.....
"hey slorr...so late liao haven't slept ahh??"
Now what? Now what??!! Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed
hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath.
Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment,
somebody to tell me what to say to her.
How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humour which has gone
stale.
"slorr... me in a foul mood today...can't sleep.. u leh??"
MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what slorr slorr...
now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in
that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows? It might attract
some innocent gals into talking to you.... Haha...."
"I am not feeling very good too.... so let's sad together."
Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat
forming on my forehead.
Actually I m not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's
all.
And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:
"since u r feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"
I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE
FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP."
And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than
their eyes.
So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a
sentence to move her.
"ok... but u haven't greet me leh..."
DAMNIT! How can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me
'MR COURTEOUS' in school.

If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lost all my female fans.
"nice to meet u...miss long-hair..."
I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.
Tye said that:
"FlyNDance...hmm...she would either be long-haired or a desperado,
because when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt.
So if she doesn't has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she
dances, AH-HA!! This has a certain sexual hint in it... haha.."
"heh? how u know I got long hair?"
BINGO!! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not
a DESPERADO. Yesh!!
"not only that....I also know u seldom wear skirt...."
I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever.
"err... I guess u r rite lor.. but how u know one?"
HAHAHAHAHA.... I m good ahh...
"just guess..."
"ok lor... hey slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz... u
coming online tomorrow morning??"
"ya... y??.."
Please...please...please say the u coming too, if not I m going to kill
myself for letting u go tonight.
"I’ll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...good night..."
"er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too"
I just blurted out a last sentence....
Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now.
But is the season of spring really arriving for me? I wish....
"slorr... what a coincidence ahh..."
"yeh... I m not late."
"ya lor... so qiao.."
Gals are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I

have to pretend that its not.
They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys
they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen
to their love life.
"slorr.... u talking nonsense lah..."
"NONSENSE??? ok, let me tell u what nonsense... Summer's beach, the
guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion
with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter.
Then he will call out loud the name of the gal, running towards her,
carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."
"slorr.... u siao liaoz ahh??"
"I siao? Ok...let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the
guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a
sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and u can see birds stop over
at his side, admiring his work. and there will be a gal whose the
model....most probably naked."
"slorr.. but these all very romantic mah..."
"ROMANTIC?? hello miss... romance only survive in novels and movies.
In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the gal
may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.
Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or
he might get a thrashing from the gal because he comments on the
excess fats around the waist and hips."
"slorr... u hate romance??.."
"I hate romance? nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to get a
deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!!
some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one
dares to challenge the height of him! I object....because I m not tall."
"slorr.... objection overruled..."
I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until

noon.
"slorr... are u hungry?..."
"ya... u leh??...."
"yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.."
"then do u think we should....??"
"slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with u..."
"ok, good.. I m not romantic... neither are u."
I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance
this morning.
"You moron...told her you are not romantic...you siao ah?....you have
disgrace we man... how can you make such a big
mistake?....I...I..."
Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling
of the hand and the wing.
"There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal... one...don't forget to be
romantic... two...don't be too honest... 3...don't be too stingy on the
sugar in our speech... noticed number 1, you stupid??
"What rubbish is that? In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu
ai', you should know this..."
"This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries.
Women aren't really that...cheap... so why would they only falls for 'bad
guys' like me??"
"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic... Those 'nice guys' are
usually...dumdums...so she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy'
rather than any of those dumdums... in Maths we call this
2C1...understand? Dumdum.."
Oh, Tye is talking about Maths!! Now I understand. No wonder I have
always been left on the shelf.
"In another words... gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall...if you are
not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts...can forget

your stupidity...but they can never forgive if you are not romantic..."
"Come on, this is so exaggerating."
"Hey...most women have a 'knot' for romance...just like most men have
a 'knot' for virginity...to women they just can't understand how precious
the thin layer of membrane is to men, same thing, men can't imagine
how important women treats romance."
"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that."
"The key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but how many had
actually succeeded in that... practically none..."
"Ok, fine. now I've done it... so what should I do to remedy the
situation?"
"Face it...you are hopeless already... I promise you I'll have a drink with
you when you and her are over..."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH."
Mid-night. I am trying to concentrate on my Physics notes....
F = ma, v = u + at....
it's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas
and equations, and this we call science.
then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitious?
Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be
explained by Science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its unreal....
Close to 1am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my
luck on net then, maybe she is there...
"slorr...u here"
"finally... good night to u... .."
'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this
hour? Must be feeling down again.
"yes... it is fate that brought me to u at this moment..."
I am trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit romantic.
"slorr... nothing to do with fate...I waited 4 u 4 one hour liaoz..."

"sure or not?.. for wat?.."
"talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep..."
"u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah... "
"slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of relationships began
from internet?..."
Oh my god... how should I answer her now?
"it's.. it's very... romantic..."
Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.
"slorr... u bluffing... u not romantic one mah..."
GAME OVER!! I m finished! No choice but to drink with Tye.
"slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?..."
"no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio tonight?.."
"nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..."
Sigh...I give up...I asked for it myself.
"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as
ROMANTIC, 'coz romance gives pple an impression of unreal, and
cyberspace is virtual."
"slorr....that's interesting.."
"surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of
pple are produced in this way...
The 1st type.... The 1st type being those who present themselves on
net with their 'secondary personality'. Usually all of us consists of
multiple personalities, and in everyday life, what we present to the
world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being
suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep
inside. So internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both
intentionally or without conscious knowledge."
"izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?"
"The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of
man/woman he/she would want to be. there's bound to be 1 or 2

characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these
characteristics are just couldn’t be found in u. cyberspace is the perfect
location for this transformation to occur."
"slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?"
"I m not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!! type 3
will be those who transform themselves into characters which are
impossible for them to become in real life. for example, if u r a gal, you
may act as a man on net. you may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN
if u want."
"hmm.. that’s pretty amazing..."
"the 1st type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is
being presented on net.
the 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire
others, always forgets his own strong pts.
the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some
impossible."
"slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?.."
"I dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos I m not. I crossed the possibility
of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think u r special. being able to
attract u, I think I m at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2."
"type2.... den who u wish to become?.. slorr.."
I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic
and eloquent, because these are wat I am lacking of.
"slorr.... wat about me?.."
"U?.. I dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE, problemably that means u
wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can. but if this is something u wish
yet u can't achieve, den there's 2 possibilities: 1, u r aging, 2, u r
leaving the world."
I think I said something wrong, because she didn't sent me anymore
msg after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk

about these things?
I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be
the queen of Caldecott Hill. damn that TIMES mag, poison my mind.
Maybe she's lagging. so I waited... and waited. Although it's just a few
minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not
know how to start until she sent me this msg:
"slorr... lets meet..."
Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to
wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.
I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight, 8pm, at the entrance of
Macdonalds, the one beside YMCA. that's the best time and place to
meet a gal you have never met before, according to Tye, because they
would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply
go inside the Mc and have some fries and coke.
She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be
wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.
She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never
mind, I am not Brad-Pitt either. then she told me she has long ago
given up on this hope already.
"slorr... u r early..."
While I was idling, a gal tapped my shoulders from my back. Although I
was already mentally prepared for anything that's gonna appear in front
of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood in front of me now.
if not for the coffee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is only
asking for directions because she is one of those chio buz that can only
be found on Orchard Road, usually while I am crossing the road. Maybe
I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind
was extraordinarily calm.
"Had your dinner right?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc 1st..."
"You are pretty smart huh?... a good way to save money indeed..."

AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an innocent
smile back. Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even
ordered TWO packets of fries.
"This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat..."
I m not falling for that, miss... but I m glad she mentioned 'next time'.
"slorr... r u disappointed when u saw me just now?.."
DISSAPPOINTED?... r u drunk?..
"why do you think I will be disappointed then?.."
"Because I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite
disappointed when you saw me.."
She is making 0 sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that she's
actually cute.