Writing task 2 8.5+ 8999 antisocial behaviour

Overall band score

8.5

8+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA
Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of
respect to others.
What do you think are the causes of this and what can be done about that?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Original answer The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a
prevalent issue in today’s world. This essay will delve into the underlying causes
of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the
situation.
The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely
attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of
technology. Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,
people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own
needs above those of others. This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of
empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens. This is
compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which
can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for
the well-being and opinions of other individuals.
To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the

following steps should be taken. First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense
of community and foster empathy within society. This can be done through such
initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and
volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and
facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives. In tandem with this, the
responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through
education. Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into
their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with
respect both online and offline. Such a two-pronged approach could go a long


way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general
population.
To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and
disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration
of traditional values. By fostering a sense of community and promoting
responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling
trend.

Overall band score

8.5

8+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 8
You didn’t give any examples of antisocial behaviour, so the examiner has to
decide if this is important. I definitely would, as doing so makes the explanation
of the causes more credible. In your answer, your causes explain rudeness, but

not vandalism.
Examples of antisocial behaviour may include:
 Theft, vandalism, and crime
 Lying and deceitfulness
 Violating social norms and rules
 Drug and alcohol abuse
The causes you gave make sense and are clearly stated. Anyone watching TV
drama or Youtube videos is exposed example after example of intolerance and a
rapid escalation in tension and violence. What happens is that bad behaviour is
being modelled, and it is eventually perceived as the norm. However, for me, this
doesn’t explain vandalism. I’d think about alienation from society in the case of
people who perceive themselves as not having a stake, perhaps caused by
unemployment or a hostile or non-caring home environment.
Your solutions are ok for rudeness and lack of respect, but not necessarily for
vandalism.
Nevertheless, it’s a well-developed response.
You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed.
Your position is coherent and well-argued.
The ideas are relevant, extended and there are no contradictions.


Other possible solutions
 A return to traditional values – family and community
 Stricter punishments
Other possible causes
 Problems at home – especially one-parent families
 Children are taught to be intolerant and how to behave badly by
watching it being modelled on TV etc. This normalises it and, in some
cases, even glamorises it
 Bad behaviour on TV

Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2
As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant.
 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the
question.
 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must
suggest at least 2.
 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence
of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the
question.
 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the
main idea.
 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question
before, as there will always be important differences.


Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and
that it does not contradict the introduction.
The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a
prevalent issue in today’s world. This essay will delve into the underlying causes
of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the
situation.[a]
The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely
attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of
technology[b]. Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,

people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own
needs above those of others[c]. This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of
empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies [d]and disrespect for fellow
citizens[e]. This is compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online
interactions, which can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a
callous disregard for the well-being and opinions of other individuals.[f][g]
To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the
following steps should be taken. [h]First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense
of community and foster empathy within society. This can be done through such
initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and
volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and
facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives. In tandem with this, the
responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through
education. Schools can incorporate digital citizenship [i]and empathy training into
their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with
respect both online and offline. Such a two-pronged approach could go a long
way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general
population.[j]
To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and
disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration
of traditional values. By fostering a sense of community and promoting
responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling
trend.[k]
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors.



The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers.

Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
 Write an introduction, that explains what the question is.
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is. It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words. It is not necessary to write a long
background statement.
 Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner
that you’ve fully supported the main ideas. If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score.
 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or
more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with
lots of background information.
 The topic sentences should directly address the question.
 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It
should directly answer the question. Do not leave the
examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the
question.
 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas

about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other.


It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a
prevalent issue in today’s world. This essay will delve into the underlying causes
of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the
situation.[l]
The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely
attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of
technology. [m]Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,
people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own
needs above those of others. This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of
empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens. This is
compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which
can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for
the well-being and opinions of other individuals.[n]
To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the
following steps should be taken[o]. First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense
of community and foster empathy within society. This can be done through such
initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and
volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and
facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives. In tandem with this, the
responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through
education. Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into

their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with
respect both online and offline. Such a two-pronged approach could go a long
way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general
population.[p]
To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and
disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration
of traditional values. By fostering a sense of community and promoting
responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling
trend.


LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected


Band score 9
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning,
with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control.

The escalation of [q]anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a
prevalent issue in today’s world. This essay will delve into the underlying causes
of this phenomenon before proposing some viable [r]solutions to improve the
situation.
The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely
attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of
technology. Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,
people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own
needs above those of others. This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of
empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens. This is
compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which
can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for

the well-being and opinions of other individuals.
To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the
following steps should be taken. First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense
of community and foster empathy within society. This can be done through such
initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and
volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and
facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives. In tandem with this, the
responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through
education. Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into
their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with
respect both online and offline. Such a two-pronged approach could go a long


way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general
population.
To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and
disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration
of traditional values. By fostering [s]a sense of community and promoting
responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling
trend.
GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have
not been corrected
Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be
good for a band score 9.
Punctuation is used correctly throughout.
Appropriate structures are used throughout.

The escalation of anti-social conduct and disregard for others has become a
prevalent issue in today’s world. This essay will delve into the underlying causes

of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to improve the
situation.
The increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others is largely
attributed to the erosion of communal values and the pervasive influence of
technology. Regarding the former, as societies become more individualistic,
people may feel isolated and develop a survivalist mentality, prioritizing their own
needs above those of others. This shift in priorities often leads to a lack of
empathy, fostering anti-social tendencies and disrespect for fellow citizens. This is
compounded by the frequent exposure to aggressive online interactions, which
can desensitize one to the feelings of others, resulting in a callous disregard for
the well-being and opinions of other individuals.
To combat the rise in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others, the
following steps should be taken. First, it is imperative to promote a greater sense
of community and foster empathy within society. This can be done through such
initiatives as neighborhood outreach programs, intergenerational activities, and


volunteer opportunities, which can help bridge the gap between individuals and
facilitate a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives. In tandem with this, the
responsible use of technology and social media should be emphasized through
education. Schools can incorporate digital citizenship and empathy training into
their curriculums, teaching students the importance of treating others with
respect both online and offline. Such a two-pronged approach could go a long
way towards cultivating a sense of belonging and mutual respect in the general
population.
To summarize, what seems to be at the core of the rise in anti-social conduct and
disregard for others is the pervasive influence of technology and the deterioration
of traditional values. By fostering a sense of community and promoting
responsible technological use, society can work towards reversing this troubling
trend.