Writing task 2 9.0 9999 cosmetic surgery

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA
Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order
to improve their appearance.
Why is this the case?
Is it a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Original answer The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance. This essay will first
outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
negative development.
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards. The pervasive influence of mass
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making
many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical
intervention to achieve their desired look. For example, the widespread use of
photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on
social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a
similar level of perceived perfection. This is further compounded by advances in
medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and

affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures.
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
surgery is predominantly detrimental. One major problem is that it can lead to an
excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance
rather than their character or abilities. This could lead to a decline in self-worth
for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by
society. Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession


for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance.
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to
conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures. From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled
with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative.

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent answer.
You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed.
Your position is coherent and well-argued. The ideas are relevant, extended, and
coherent.

Other ideas






There’s also the fact that you hardly ever see anyone on TV who’s
would not be considered good looking. Obviously, this only really
applies to women.
People might also attribute their lack of success to their appearance
rather than to a lack of ability defects in their character. This being
the case, there’s not much chance of their other defects being
rectified.
Perhaps some blame could be attributed to the tastes of men – we
are obviously attracted to beautiful women, so it’s only natural that
women should do all they can to attract a mate. Before plastic
surgery they had and still have fashion and makeup – all designed to
deceive us – LOL. Fortunately for our female counterparts, it’s more
difficult for us to fool them, as they’re more interested in resources
than in looks
Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2


As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant.
 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the

question.
 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must
suggest at least 2.
 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence
of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the
question.
 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the
main idea.
 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question
before, as there will always be important differences.
 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and
that it does not contradict the introduction.
The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance. This essay will first
outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
negative development.[a]
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards[b]. The pervasive influence of mass
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making
many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical
intervention to achieve their desired look. For example, the widespread use of
photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on
social media platforms [c]have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a
similar level of perceived perfection. This is further compounded by advances in
medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and
affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures.[d]
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and

satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
surgery is predominantly detrimental. [e]One major problem is that it can lead to


an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance
rather than their character or abilities. This could lead to a decline in self-worth
for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by
society. Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession
for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance.[f][g]
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to
conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures. From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled
with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative. [h]
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors.
The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers.

Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
 Write an introduction, that explains what the question is.
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is. It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words. It is not necessary to write a long
background statement.
 Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner

that you’ve fully supported the main ideas. If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score.
 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or


more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with
lots of background information.
 The topic sentences should directly address the question.
 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It
should directly answer the question. Do not leave the
examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the
question.
 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas
about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other.
 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance. This essay will first

outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
negative development.[i]
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards. [j]The pervasive influence of mass
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making
many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical
intervention to achieve their desired look. For example, the widespread use of
photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on
social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a
similar level of perceived perfection. This is further compounded by advances in
medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and
affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures.[k]
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
surgery [l]is predominantly detrimental. [m]One major problem is that it can lead to
an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of


superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance
rather than their character or abilities. This could lead to a decline in self-worth
for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by
society. Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession
for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance.[n]
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to
conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures. From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled
with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative.
LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 9

Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning,
with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control.

The prevalence [o]of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance. This essay will first
outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
negative development.
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards. The pervasive influence of mass
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making
many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical
intervention to achieve their desired look. For example, the widespread use of
photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on
social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a
similar level of perceived perfection. This is further compounded by advances in


medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible [p]and
affordable[q], further fueling the increase [r]in such procedures.
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend [s]of cosmetic
surgery is predominantly detrimental. One major problem is that it can lead to an
excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance
rather than their character or abilities. This could lead to a decline in selfworth for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated
by society. Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession
for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance.
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery can be attributed to the pressure to
conform to social beauty standards[t] and increased accessibility of these

procedures. From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled
with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative.
GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have
not been corrected
Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be
good for a band score 9.
Punctuation is use correctly throughout.
Appropriate structures are used throughout.
Errors are rare and occur as minor slips.

The prevalence of cosmetic surgery has surged in recent years, with many
individuals opting for procedures to enhance their appearance. This essay will first
outline the underlying causes of this trend, before arguing that it is more of a
negative development.
The primary motivation for individuals seeking cosmetic surgery is often rooted in
a desire to conform to social beauty standards. The pervasive influence of mass
media and technology has amplified the focus on physical appearance, making


many people feel pressure to conform to beauty ideals and resort to surgical
intervention to achieve their desired look. For example, the widespread use of
photo-editing applications and the proliferation of "picture-perfect" images on
social media platforms have led many to seek cosmetic procedures to attain a
similar level of perceived perfection. This is further compounded by advances in
medical technology, which have made cosmetic surgery more accessible and
affordable, further fueling the increase in such procedures.
Notwithstanding the potential benefits of improved self-confidence and
satisfaction with one's appearance, I believe that the growing trend of cosmetic
surgery [u]is predominantly detrimental. One major problem is that it can lead to

an excessive focus on external beauty or, in other words, foster a culture of
superficiality, where individuals are judged primarily on their physical appearance
rather than their character or abilities. This could lead to a decline in self-worth
for those who may not fit into the narrow definitions of beauty propagated by
society. Worse still, the pursuit of physical perfection can become an obsession
for some individuals, leading to multiple procedures and a vicious cycle of
dissatisfaction with their appearance.
In conclusion, the rise in cosmetic surgery [v]can be attributed to the pressure to
conform to social beauty standards and increased accessibility of these
procedures. From my perspective, the promotion of superficial values, coupled
with the potential psychological risks, makes this development largely negative.