Writing task 2 9.0 9999 countries should produce foods their population eats and import less (1)

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA
Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people think that countries should produce foods their population eats
and import less food as much as possible.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Original answer Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any
government. To this end, it is proposed that countries should become
independent of food imports. While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would
argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world.
On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports. As for the former, it can
lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,
thereby curbing the unemployment rate. This can be seen in rural areas in
Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure
year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing
jobless periods. Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental
protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from
food transportation.
On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every
nation. To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions

are simply not suitable for agricultural practices. This is evidenced by Japan,
whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this
country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry. Another exemplar is Kenya,
where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts. For
these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing
national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic
problems.


In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food
independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can
prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little
choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food
security.

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
The question is about food security, but it also says foods their population eats,
but it’s not really clear whether the question is suggesting net food security or
absolute, as in minimal food imports and exports. So, it’s ok to not address that
directly.
As I said in my comments, your arguments are relevant, but you didn’t use the
food security argument, even though you mentioned it in the introduction. I think
this may be quibbling over minor details, so I still gave you 9 for TR.

You could also mention that, even though food independence is not feasible is
Japan and elsewhere, it is still worthwhile striving to boost food production.
You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed.
Your position is coherent and well-argued. The ideas are relevant, extended, and
coherent.

Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2
As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant.
 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the
question.
 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must


suggest at least 2.
 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence
of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the
question.
 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the
main idea.
 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question
before, as there will always be important differences.
 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and
that it does not contradict the introduction.
Ensuring national food security is [a]undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of

any government. To this end, it is proposed that countries should
become [b]independent of food imports. While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I
would argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world. [c]
On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports. [d]As for the former, it can
lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,
thereby curbing the unemployment rate. This can be seen in rural areas in
Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure
year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing
jobless periods. Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental
protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from
food transportation. [e]
On the other hand, producing food domestically [f]is not a viable option for every
nation[g]. To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions
are simply not suitable for agricultural practices. This is evidenced by Japan,
whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this
country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry. Another exemplar is Kenya,
where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts. For
these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing
national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic
problems. [h][i]
In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food
independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can
prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little


choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food
security.[j]
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors.

The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers.

Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
 Write an introduction that explains what the question is.
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is. It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words. It is not necessary to write a long
background statement.
 Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner
that you’ve fully supported the main ideas. If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score.
 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or
more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with
lots of background information.
 The topic sentences should directly address the question.
 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It
should directly answer the question. Do not leave the
examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the
question.

If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas
about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other.
 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any
government[k]. To this end, it is proposed that countries should become
independent of food imports. While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would
argue [l]it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world.
On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports[m]. As for the former, it can
lead to [n]an increase in employment opportunities in the field of
agriculture, thereby curbing the unemployment rate[o]. This can be seen in rural
areas in Vietnam, where [p]a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped
ensure year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals [q]and
preventing jobless periods. Regarding minimizing food imports, [r]it can aid in
environmental protection, given [s]reduced food miles and thus lower levels of
CO2 emissions from food transportation.
On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every
nation[t]. To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions
are simply not suitable for agricultural practices[u]. This is evidenced [v]by
Japan, whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this
country to produce enough [w]food to feed its citizenry. Another exemplar is
Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue [x]due to prolonged
droughts. For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount
to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socioeconomic problems. [y]

In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food
independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe [z]it can
prove [aa]unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little
choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food
security.



LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning,
with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control.

Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly one of the chief objectives of any
government. To this end, it is proposed that countries should become
independent of food imports. While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would
argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world.
On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports. As for the former, it can
lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,
thereby curbing [ab]the unemployment rate. This can be seen in rural areas in
Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure
year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing
jobless periods[ac]. Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental
protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from
food transportation.
On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every
nation. To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions
are simply not suitable for agricultural practices[ad]. This is evidenced by Japan,
whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this
country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry. Another exemplar [ae]is

Kenya, where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged
droughts. For these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount
to causing national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socioeconomic problems.


In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food
independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can
prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people [af]little
choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food
security.
GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have
not been corrected
Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for
a band score 9.
Punctuation is use correctly throughout.
Appropriate structures are used throughout.
Errors are rare and occur as minor slips.

Ensuring national food security is undoubtedly [ag]one of the chief objectives of any
government. To this end, it is proposed that countries should become
independent of food imports. While this proposal is indeed beneficial, I would
argue it is not a feasible option in many parts of the world.
On the one hand, countries should be encouraged to increase their food selfsufficiency and decrease their reliance on food imports. As for the former, it can
lead to an increase in employment opportunities in the field of agriculture,
thereby curbing the unemployment rate. This can be seen in rural areas in
Vietnam, where a focus on developing the agricultural sector has helped ensure
year-round production, providing thousands of jobs for the locals and preventing
jobless periods. Regarding minimizing food imports, it can aid in environmental
protection, given reduced food miles and thus lower levels of CO2 emissions from

food transportation.
On the other hand, producing food domestically is not a viable option for every
nation. To be more specific, geographic and climatic conditions in many regions
are simply not suitable for agricultural practices. This is evidenced by Japan,
whose infertile soil and hostile climate makes it virtually impossible for this
country to produce enough food to feed its citizenry. Another exemplar is Kenya,


where food insecurity still remains a major issue due to prolonged droughts. For
these nations, avoiding food imports would actually be tantamount to causing
national food shortages as well as a series of concomitant socio-economic
problems.
In conclusion, while there are certain benefits that the policy of food
independence can confer upon a nation and the environment, I believe it can
prove unfeasible in countries where natural conditions afford the people little
choice, so importing foods in this case seems the only way to guarantee their food
security.