Writing task 2 9.0 9999 national history or world history (1)

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA
Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about national history than
world history.
To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Original answer Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the
education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late. While some argue that
national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains
are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so
their combination will be an ideal approach.
Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that
it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy,
thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity. However,
this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with
global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an
insular perspective. Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause
children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to
appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in
which they live.

For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught
about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem. The primary
reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive
understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of
diverse cultures, religions, and political systems. This broader perspective can
foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues.
For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various
nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices
and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.


In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of
identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the
significance of world history. By incorporating both domains into the curriculum,
educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the
knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected
world.

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed.
Your position is coherent and well-argued. The ideas are relevant, extended, and
coherent.

I think you chose an easy question here, but as a football commentator might
say, you can’t do more than beat a weak team.
I agree that advocating the study of both is the best and easiest position, and to
attempt any other position would be almost impossible.
Personally, I’d keep it simple, probably answer like a discuss both views question
with one clear paragraph about each, but your approach is fine, as you did write
enough about both.
Another reason for learning international history is to learn from our mistakes,
which is something the collective west is singularly failing to do, as it descends yet
again into fascism and tyranny.
Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2
As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant.
 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the
question.


Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must
suggest at least 2.
 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence
of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the
question.
 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the
main idea.
 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question
before, as there will always be important differences.

 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and
that it does not contradict the introduction.
Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the
education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late. While some argue that
national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains
are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so
their combination will be an ideal approach. [a]
Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that
it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy,
thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity [b]. However,
this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with
global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an
insular perspective. Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause
children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to
appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in
which they live.[c]
For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught
about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem [d]. The
primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more
comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the
intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems. This broader
perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of
global issues. For example, learning about the history of colonization and its
impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of



historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized
communities.[e]

In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of
identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the
significance of world history. By incorporating both domains into the curriculum,
educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the
knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected
world.[f]
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors.
The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers.

Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
 Write an introduction that explains what the question is.
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is. It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words. It is not necessary to write a long
background statement.
 Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner
that you’ve fully supported the main ideas. If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score.
 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or
more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with

lots of background information.


The topic sentences should directly address the question.
 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It
should directly answer the question. Do not leave the
examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the
question.
 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas
about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other.
 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the
education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late[g]. While some argue that
national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains
are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so
their combination will be an ideal approach. [h]
Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that
it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy,
thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity. [i]However,
this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with
global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an
insular perspective. Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause

children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to
appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in
which they live.[j]
For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught
about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem [k]. The
primary reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more
comprehensive understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the
intricacies of diverse cultures, religions, and political systems. This broader
perspective can foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of
global issues. For example, learning about the history of colonization and its



impact on various nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of
historical injustices and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized
communities.[l]
In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of
identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the
significance of world history. By incorporating both domains into the curriculum,
educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the
knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected
world.[m]
LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning,
with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control.

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the
education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late. While some argue that
national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that

both domains [n]are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed
individuals, so their combination [o]will be an ideal approach.
Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that
it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy,
thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity. However,
this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with
global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an
insular perspective. Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause
children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to


appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in
which they live.
For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught
about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem. The primary
reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive
understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of
diverse cultures, religions, and political systems. This broader perspective can
foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues.
For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various
nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices
and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.
In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of
identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the
significance of world history. By incorporating both domains into the curriculum,
educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the
knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected
world.
GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have
not been corrected

Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately with a wide variety of structures, which should be
good for a band score 9.
Punctuation is used correctly throughout.
Appropriate structures are used throughout.

Whether national history should take precedence over world history in the
education of schoolchildren has been debated as of late. While some argue that
national history is of greater importance, I am of the opinion that both domains
are crucial in their own ways in shaping well-rounded, informed individuals, so
their combination will be an ideal approach.
Granted, proponents of a nation-centric historical narrative often emphasize that
it can help children to better appreciate their cultural roots and historical legacy,


thereby instilling in them a sense of patriotism and national identity. However,
this argument overlooks the fact that national histories are often intertwined with
global events, so understanding one's own history in isolation can give rise to an
insular perspective. Worse still, focusing solely on national history may cause
children to develop an ethnocentric mindset, potentially hindering their ability to
appreciate the complexities and interdependencies of the global community in
which they live.
For the aforementioned arguments, I believe schoolchildren should be taught
about local historical events and those of other countries in tandem. The primary
reason is that teaching the latter can equip students with a more comprehensive
understanding of human civilization, enabling them to grasp the intricacies of
diverse cultures, religions, and political systems. This broader perspective can
foster empathy, tolerance, and a more nuanced understanding of global issues.
For example, learning about the history of colonization and its impact on various
nations can help students recognize the lingering effects of historical injustices

and develop a more empathetic stance towards marginalized communities.
In conclusion, while national history plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of
identity and pride among schoolchildren, it is essential to acknowledge the
significance of world history. By incorporating both domains into the curriculum,
educators can nurture well-rounded, globally aware individuals who possess the
knowledge and empathy necessary to navigate an increasingly interconnected
world.