Writing task 2 9.0 9999 reducing packaging (1)

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

See below C&C LR GRA
Model answer
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility
to reduce the amount of packaging of goods, while others argue that customers
should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Original answer The issue of excessive packaging has become a pressing concern in today's world,
as it directly contributes to environmental degradation. Some believe that the
onus of reducing packaging lies with manufacturers and supermarkets, while
others contend that it is consumers who should make conscious choices to avoid
over-packaged products. This essay will examine both perspectives before arriving
at a personal viewpoint.
On the one hand, proponents of the idea that manufacturers and supermarkets
should take responsibility argue that they have the power to make significant
changes in the industry. As the primary creators and distributors of packaged
goods, they are in a unique position to develop innovative solutions and promote
sustainable practices. By opting for eco-friendly materials and minimizing
packaging size, for example, they can drastically decrease the environmental
impact of their products. In addition to this, if they actively promote the use of

environmentally friendly packaging, they can foster a culture of sustainability and
encourage competitors to follow suit, which could create a ripple effect, leading
to a widespread reduction in packaging waste.
On the other hand, those who assert that customers should avoid buying overpackaged goods argue that consumer choices ultimately drive market behavior.
By making conscious decisions to purchase products with minimal or eco-friendly
packaging, customers send a strong message to businesses that there is a demand
for sustainable practices. As most businesses are driven by profit, they are likely
to adapt their offerings to meet this demand. Plus, when an individual exercises


his/her purchasing power in favor of sustainable products, it can also encourage
others in his/her social circles to do the same, further promoting a culture of
responsible consumption.
From my perspective, a concerted effort from both producing and consuming
ends is wholly warranted to tackle the issue of excessive packaging effectively.
While manufacturers and supermarkets should be encouraged to adopt
sustainable practices and minimize packaging, individuals should actively seek out
and support environmentally friendly products, creating a demand that
incentivizes businesses to prioritize sustainability.

Overall band score

9

9+9+9+9

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
I don’t see the point in keeping your position secret till the conclusion, but it’s
probably ok.

You have a clear position throughout and all parts of the question are addressed.
You chose the easiest position, which is to agree with both views, which is always
the best idea when possible.
Your position is well-argued. The ideas are relevant, extended, and coherent. To
me, it all seems rather idealistic, and the ideas neither paragraph are like to
produce any reduction in packaging. Government intervention is the only
solution, but I would not mention that, as you’re given a choice between two
impractical solutions.

You might have pointed out why excessive packaging is a pressing concern –
microplastics in the environment are getting in the food chain, and we don’t know
how dangerous they are yet.
Advice On Brainstorming For Task 2
As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're


directly relevant.
 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the
question.
 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If
the question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must
suggest at least 2.
 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence
of the main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the
question.
 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main
ideas in the main body paragraphs, directly support the
main idea.

 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question
before, as there will always be important differences.
 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question,
that it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and
that it does not contradict the introduction.
The issue of excessive packaging has become a pressing concern in today's world,
as it directly contributes to environmental degradation. Some believe that the
onus of reducing packaging lies with manufacturers and supermarkets, while
others contend that it is consumers who should make conscious choices to avoid
over-packaged products. This essay will examine both perspectives before arriving
at a personal viewpoint.[a][b]
On the one hand, proponents of the idea that manufacturers and supermarkets
should take responsibility argue that they have the power to make significant
changes in the industry[c]. As the primary creators and distributors of packaged
goods, they are in a unique position to develop innovative solutions and promote
sustainable practices. By opting for eco-friendly materials and minimizing
packaging size, for example, they can drastically decrease the environmental
impact of their products. In addition to this, if they actively promote the use of
environmentally friendly packaging, they can foster a culture of sustainability and
encourage competitors to follow suit, which could create a ripple effect, leading
to a widespread reduction in packaging waste.[d]
On the other hand, those who assert that customers should avoid buying overpackaged goods argue that consumer choices ultimately drive market
behavior[e]. By making conscious decisions to purchase products with minimal or
eco-friendly packaging, customers send a strong message to businesses that there


is a demand for sustainable practices. As most businesses are driven by profit,
they are likely to adapt their offerings to meet this demand. Plus, when an
individual exercises his/her purchasing power in favor of sustainable products, it
can also encourage others in his/her social circles to do the same, further

promoting a culture of responsible consumption.[f]
From my perspective, a concerted effort from both producing and consuming
ends is wholly warranted to tackle the issue of excessive packaging effectively.
While manufacturers and supermarkets should be encouraged to adopt
sustainable practices and minimize packaging, individuals should actively seek out
and support environmentally friendly products, creating a demand that
incentivizes businesses to prioritize sustainability.[g]
C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Excellent cohesion and coherence throughout, with no errors.
The sentences have a natural flow characteristic of high band score answers.

Paragraphing for Task 2
I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
 Write an introduction, that explains what the question is.
After reading the introduction, the reader should have a
good idea what the essay is about, and what your position
(opinion) is. It should be possible to write an introduction in
under 50 words. It is not necessary to write a long
background statement.
 Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to
expand on the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner
that you’ve fully supported the main ideas. If you write 3
main bodies, it is more difficult to expand and support them
sufficiently to get a high score.
 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and
each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or

more supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with
reasons, evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with
lots of background information.
 The topic sentences should directly address the question.
 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction
and the main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It
should directly answer the question. Do not leave the
examiner in any doubt about whether you’ve answered the
question.
 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question
to clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to
reject one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas
about one side, the examiner may decide you have covered
one side more than the other.
 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what
extent question if you have main ideas which both agree and
disagree with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with
under 70 words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central
topic in a short paragraph.
The issue of excessive packaging has become a pressing concern in today's world,
as it directly contributes to environmental degradation. Some believe that the
onus of reducing packaging lies with manufacturers and supermarkets, while
others contend that it is consumers who should make conscious choices to avoid
over-packaged products[h]. This essay will examine both perspectives before
arriving at a personal viewpoint.[i]
On the one hand, proponents of the idea that manufacturers and supermarkets
should take responsibility argue that they have the power to make significant
changes in the industry. [j]As the primary creators and distributors of packaged
goods, they are in a unique position to develop innovative solutions and promote

sustainable practices. By opting for eco-friendly materials and minimizing
packaging size, for example, they can drastically decrease the environmental
impact of their products. In addition to this, if they actively promote the use of
environmentally friendly packaging, they can foster a culture of sustainability and
encourage competitors to follow suit, which could create a ripple effect, leading
to a widespread reduction in packaging waste.[k]
On the other hand, those who assert that customers should avoid buying overpackaged goods argue that consumer choices ultimately drive market


behavior[l]. By making conscious decisions to purchase products with minimal or
eco-friendly packaging, customers send a strong message to businesses that there
is a demand for sustainable practices. As most businesses are driven by profit,
they are likely to adapt their offerings to meet this demand. Plus[m], when an
individual exercises his/her purchasing power in favor of sustainable products, it
can also encourage others in his/her social circles to do the same, further
promoting a culture of responsible consumption.[n]
From my perspective, a concerted effort from both producing and consuming
ends is wholly warranted to tackle the issue of excessive packaging effectively.
While manufacturers and supermarkets should be encouraged to adopt
sustainable practices and minimize packaging, individuals should actively seek out
and support environmentally friendly products, creating a demand that
incentivizes businesses to prioritize sustainability.[o]
LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 9
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise meaning,
with a wide variety of vocabulary, used accurately and with a high level of control.

I would definitely use consumers in preference to customers.
The issue of excessive packaging has become a pressing concern in today's world,
as it directly contributes to environmental degradation. Some believe that the

onus of reducing packaging lies with manufacturers and supermarkets, [p]while
others contend that it is consumers who should make conscious choices to avoid
over-packaged products. This essay will examine both perspectives before arriving
at a personal viewpoint.
On the one hand, proponents of the idea that manufacturers and supermarkets
should take responsibility argue that they have the power to make significant


changes in the industry. As the primary creators and distributors of packaged
goods, they are in a unique position to develop innovative solutions and promote
sustainable practices. By opting for eco-friendly materials and minimizing
packaging size, for example, they can drastically decrease the environmental
impact of their products. In addition to this, if they actively promote the use of
environmentally friendly packaging, they can foster a culture of sustainability and
encourage competitors to follow suit, which could create a ripple effect, leading
to a widespread reduction in packaging waste.
On the other hand, those who assert that customers should avoid buying overpackaged goods argue that consumer choices [q]ultimately drive market behavior.
By making conscious decisions to purchase products with minimal or eco-friendly
packaging, customers[r] send a strong message to businesses that there is a
demand for sustainable practices. As most businesses are driven by profit, they
are likely to adapt their offerings to meet this demand. Plus, when an individual
exercises his/her purchasing power in favor of sustainable products, it can also
encourage others in his/her social circles to do the same, further promoting a
culture of responsible consumption.
From my perspective, a concerted effort from both producing and consuming
ends is wholly warranted to tackle the issue of excessive packaging effectively.
While manufacturers and supermarkets should be encouraged to adopt
sustainable practices and minimize packaging, individuals should actively seek out
and support environmentally friendly products, creating a demand that
incentivizes businesses to prioritize sustainability.

GRA – Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have
not been corrected
Band score 9
Grammar is used accurately a wide variety of structures, which should be good for
a band score 9.
Punctuation is use correctly throughout.
Appropriate structures are used throughout.


The issue of excessive packaging has become a pressing concern in today's world,
as it directly contributes to environmental degradation. Some believe that the
onus of reducing packaging lies with manufacturers and supermarkets, while
others contend that it is consumers who should make conscious choices to avoid
over-packaged products. This essay will examine both perspectives before arriving
at a personal viewpoint.
On the one hand, proponents of the idea that manufacturers and supermarkets
should take responsibility argue that they have the power to make significant
changes in the industry. As the primary creators and distributors of packaged
goods, they are in a unique position to develop innovative solutions and promote
sustainable practices. By opting for eco-friendly materials and minimizing
packaging size, for example, they can drastically decrease the environmental
impact of their products. In addition to this, if they actively promote the use of
environmentally friendly packaging, they can foster a culture of sustainability and
encourage competitors to follow suit, which could create a ripple effect, leading
to a widespread reduction in packaging waste.
On the other hand, those who assert that customers should avoid buying overpackaged goods argue that consumer choices ultimately drive market behavior.
By making conscious decisions to purchase products with minimal or eco-friendly
packaging, customers send a strong message to businesses that there is a demand
for sustainable practices. As most businesses are driven by profit, they are likely
to adapt their offerings to meet this demand. Plus, when an

individual exercises his/her purchasing power in favor of sustainable products, it
can also encourage others in his/her [s]social circles to do the same, further
promoting a culture of responsible consumption.
From my perspective, a concerted effort from both producing and consuming
ends is wholly warranted to tackle the issue of excessive packaging effectively.
While manufacturers and supermarkets should be encouraged to adopt
sustainable practices and minimize packaging, individuals should actively seek out
and support environmentally friendly products, creating a demand that
incentivizes businesses to prioritize sustainability.