The complete idiot guide part 3 potx

Chapter
Are You
Grammarphobic?
In This
Chapter
•
Learn how people feel about grammar
•
Probe the influence of words on thought and speech
•
Define grammar,
usage,
mechanics, and style
A favorite proverb of the arts-and-crafts set is "One picture is
worth
a
thousand words." Nope. It really isn't
so.
Just try to use a picture to teach
people. You'll quickly find out
that
you need a thousands
words—or
more!—
to tell
them
exactly
what
to look at and why.
Whatever you might have heard about cultural illiteracy, the closing of the
American mind, and TV rotting our brains, Americans are passionately in

love
with
their
language,
perhaps more so now than ever before. And we
greatly
respect people who can use
English
correctly,
with
skill,
grace,
and
flair.
We know they
tend
to succeed in whatever they
attempt,
because
they have the tools to communicate, persuade, and inform effectively, no
matter
what
the
message.
it
Parti:
No
Uncertain
Terns
In this chapter, you learn

that
you're not alone in
your desire to master the rules of standard
written
English—or
in your fear of
banging
your head against
a
brick wall while trying to do so. Then you
meet
the
movers and shakers of
English:
grammar,
usage,
mechan-
ics,
and
style.
Along the way, we explore your feelings
about
English.
How
Can
You Tell
If
You're
Grammarphobic?
That

said, we still have to contend
with
the fear factor. I'll bet you know what I mean.
I
whisper "grammar" and your eyes roll back in your head; I
mutter
"predicate nomina-
tive" and you pass out cold. How bad is it, bunky? Take this quiz to see if you're suffer-
ing
from mild or acute "grammar-itis."
Put a check
next
to each answer
that
applies to you.
1.
Knowing
that
I have to tell the difference between "lie" and "lay" makes me
feel
like General Pickett charging his doomed division up Cemetery Hill.
2.
I think
euphemisms
are just another word for nothing left to lose.
3.
Having to conjugate an irregular verb feels like a kick in the gut from
Jackie
Chan.
4.

I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than be asked when and how to use the
possessive
case before a gerund.
5.
Chewing ground
glass
is more appealing to me than having to write a
resume
and a
letter
of application for a job (no
matter
how good the job sounds).
6. I'd rather dive into a pile of double-edge razor blades than have to distinguish
between "who" and "whom."
7.
I have to write a 20-page
report
on employee morale? Beam me up, Scotty.
8. Having my finger slammed in a car door is
less
painful than knowing if I
should use an adjective or adverb after a linking verb.
9. I'd sit two inches from a speaker playing Whitney Houston when she hits
that
high
C if it would get me out of writing a bad-news business
letter.
10.
Rip out my intestines

with
a fork? No problem. It's far preferable to having to
send
e-mail to my boss.
Bonus:
I break into a cold sweat at the very thought of
seeing
my tenth-grade
English
teacher.
Take
My
Word
for
It
Most of us
think
the English we
speak
is the standard version.
People
who use
other
forms,
we
think,
are speaking dialects.
In
fact, most of us speak a
dialect, a language

that
reflects
the
speech
of a particular region.
Chapter
I
:
Are
You
Grammarphobic?
5
Answers
All
checked Your tenth-grade teacher really did a number on your head,
didn't
she?
7
to 9 checked Everything will be okay, baby. Mama's here now.
4
to 6 checked Help is just a few
pages
away.
1 to
3
checked
Liar,
liar,
pants on fire.
None checked

Want
to write this book for me?
There's no denying
that
the rules of standard
written
English
are
scary,
more frighten-
ing
than a
sail
on the
Titanic
or a night
with
Michael
Jackson.
English
rules are
scary,
yes—but
difficult, no. Hey, you can program
a
VCR, ride on a New York City subway,
and make withdrawals from an ATM. You can learn all you need to know to write a
better
report, memo, or letter. You know your efforts will be repaid manifold, like
compound interest on a CD.

Word
Power
"Give me a lever long enough and prop strong enough," Archimedes wrote, "and I can
single-handed
move the world." More than two thousand
years
later, the celebrated
novelist
Joseph
Conrad responded: "Do not talk to me of
Archimedes'
lever. He was
an
absentminded person
with
a mathematical
imagination.
Give me the right word
and the right accent, and I will move the world."
These comments are powerful confirmation of the marvel of
language.
For more than
three thousand
years,
people have declared their
love,
made their demands, pledged
their support, and taken on the
1RS
because of the flexibility and beauty of

language.
Millions
of
us,
young and old alike, have turned words into communication thanks to
our
language.
We've prayed at its altar, damned its rules, and stretched its limitations.
We've molded it like so much
Silly
Putty to conform to our needs.
War
of
the Words
But
not everyone worships
language
with
the same enthusiasm. "Fine words
butter
no
parsnips,"
observes an
English
proverb
with
noticeably
less
ebullience.
Writer

Franklin
P.
Adams cranked, "Words mean one thing on Monday and another on
Tuesday."
And an
anonymous Romanian checks in
with
this
saying:
"With
words alone, you don't make
the soup."
6
Parti:
No
Uncertain
Terms
That statements about the power of
language
can contradict each other only
serves
to
prove the ability of
language
to express a wide variety of
feelings
and opinions.
The
force
Be

with
You
Where do you stand on the power of
English?
Take this instant test to see. Put a
check
next
to each statement you
agree
with.
1.
Next
to sex,
language
is the most exciting form of communication we have.
2.
Words are as vital to
life
as food, drink, and sex, but on the whole we don't
show
as much interest in
language
as we do in the other pastimes.
3.
If
you
write
with
confidence, you'll do
better

in nearly all aspects of
your
life.
4.
Using correct
English
can help you get a
better
job.
5.
The phrasing of
a
sentence has decided the fate of many a friendship, and
for
all we know, the fate of many a kingdom.
6. Knowing how to use
English
can improve your chances of getting a date
on a Saturday
night—a
hot date, too.
7.
People become great leaders through their command of
words.
8. Much of the mischief in the world
arises
from words.
9. The whole purpose of writing and speech is to be understood.
10.
You cannot get ahead if you can't write

with
confidence.
11.
When words
fail,
wars begin. When the wars
finally
end, we settle our
dis-
putes
with
words.
12.
Every
word we know makes a difference, because every word is an idea.
13.
Words are the only things
that
last forever; they are more durable than the
hills.
14.
Words are the most powerful drug we have.
15.
Every
time you write something, you say much more than you think you
say.
Bonus:
True or
False:
If the art of

conversation
stood a little bit higher, we would
have
a lower birthrate.
People
who cherish
language
are not
linguistic
police who arrest the miscreants who
split
their infinitives or dangle their participles in public. Rather, they are people like
you,
people who recognize the need to speak and write
with
confidence.
Chapter
1:
Are
You
Grammarphobic?
7
Term
Limits
This brings us to the
matter
of
English
itself.
What

exactly are the components of
English?
There are four standard conventions of
written
and spoken
English:
•
Grammar
•
Usage
•
Mechanics
•
Style
Let's
look at each standard convention of
English
in detail.
What
Is Grammar?
"Grammar," Henry Fowler
wrote
in his soon-to-be famous
1926
Dictionary
of
Modern
English
Usage,
is "a poor despised branch of

learning."
Henry was a bit cranky
that
day.
To the rest of
us,
grammar is a branch of
linguistics
that
deals
with
the form and
structure of
words.
It's an
attempt
to make explicit and conscious what the skilled
writer and speaker of
English
does intuitively
and unconsciously.
When
people are said to
have "good" or "bad" grammar, the under-
standing
is
that
they choose to obey or ignore
the rules of accepted usage associated
with

their
language.
Grammar is one of the oldest fields of study,
as
well as one of the most durable. Even
Plato
can be labeled an early grammarian,
because he was responsible for dividing
the sentence into subject and verb
(onoma
and
rheme),
a division it has retained.
Dazzle your friends; toss this out at the
next
cocktail party.
You
Could
Look
It Up
Grammar
is a branch
of linguistics
that
deals
with
the
form
and structure of words.
Take

My
Word
for
It
Grammarians
are not necessarily
writers, but
writers
must always
be grammarians,
whether
they
are aware of it or not.
What
Is Usage?
Usage
is the customary way we use
language
in speech and writing.
Because
we use lan-
guage
for different purposes,
there
are a various levels of
usage.
The following table lists
the big three.
8
Parti:

No
Uncertain
Terms
Level
of Usage
1.
Standard
English:
formal usage
2.
Standard
English:
informal usage
3.
Nonstandard usage
Examples
They have done nothing.
They've done nothing.
Dey ain't done nothin'.
You
Could
Look
It Up
Usage
is the customary
way we use language in
speech
and
writing.
The main difference

between
standard English and
nonstandard English appears in the use of pronouns
and certain verb forms. For example, where a speaker
of
standard English would use
brought,
a speaker of
nonstandard English would use
brung.
There
are also
several
words and expressions
that
are considered
nonstandard, such as slang words.
jX^_J/
Quoth
the Maven
In
most
cases,
substandard
usage
is
associated
with
the uneducated.
In

a few rare
cases,
however, people have made substandard
usage
their
trademark. Dizzy
Dean,
a
pitcher for the St.
Louis
Cardinals who later became a radio and TV sports broadcaster,
is
a
case
in
point.
Typical of his utterance: "Didn't nobody come around
after
the game
and ask whether we'd
throwed
or
threw
the ball in there to make a play. We won 'em,
no questions
asked."
The following table describes formal usage, informal usage, and nonstandard usage in
more detail.
The
Language

Rank and File
Level
of Usage Uses
Characteristics
Formal
Informal
Business
letters,
resumes,
cover letters, serious
speeches, newspaper
articles,
scholarship
Most books, magazines
newspapers, business letters,
many textbooks, political
speeches
Standard verbs, adverbs
with
-ly endings, standard
vocabulary, standard
punctuation
Standard verbs, adverbs
with
-ly endings, standard vocab-
ulary,
standard
punctuation,
contractions, some slang
Chapter

I
:
Are
You
Grammarphobic?
9
Level
of
Usage
Uses
Characteristics
Nonstandard Conversation, movies, Nonstandard verbs, adverbs
television,
radio, comic
without
-ly,
slang
words,
strips,
regional expressions nonstandard punctuation,
"creative" spelling
The correct level of
usage
is the one
that
is appropriate for the occasion. For example,
you would use formal usage in a job application
letter,
resume,
and business

letter.
Informal usage is more fitting for a personal
letter,
greeting card
message,
and conver-
sation.
Even in these days when everything
goes,
nonstandard usage is as tacky as
rhinestones on
tweed.
Usage
includes the following elements:
•
Pronoun choice
•
Verb
conjugation
•
Verb
use
•
Active and passive voice
•
Correct word choice
•
Subject/verb agreement
•
Adjectives and adverbs

•
Double negatives
•
Parallel structure
•
Misplaced modifiers
•
Redundancy
•
Parallel structure
•
Coordination
•
Subordination
There's more (isn't
there
always?),
but that's enough to hit you
with
at once. I cover
all
these concerns (and more) in Parts 2 and
3.
10
Parti:
No
Uncertain
Terms
What
Is Mechanics?

As
its name
suggests,
mechanics
is
the nuts and bolts of
clear
writing. The six members of
the mechanics
gang
are as follows:
•
Abbreviations
•
Capitalization
•
Italics
•
Numbers
•
Punctuation
•
Quotation marks
You Could Look
It
Up.
Mechanics
include
abbreviations,
capitalization, ital-

ics,
numbers, punctuation, and
quotation
marks.
Mechanics
allow writers to show the grouping and relationship of
words.
They
signal
pace and intonation.
Best
of
all,
they help you
say
what you mean clearly and so avoid
misunderstanding.
What
Is
Style?
In
life,
personal style is
that
essential^
ne
sais
quoi
that
distinguishes

Iman
from
Roseanne,
Ethel Merman from Pee Wee Herman. People
with
style can wear white
shoes
after
Labor Day and not get arrested by the Style
Police;
they never have lipstick
on their
teeth,
toilet paper on their heels, or
rings
around their
collars.
Heck, they
don't even have to
wear
collars
to look sharp. Personal style is the way you dress, walk,
and
talk to make an impression on those you meet.
In
writing,
style
is an author's distinctive way of writing.
Style
is made up of elements such as word choice,

sentence length and structure, punctuation, figures of
speech, and tone. Writers might change their style for
different kinds of
writing
and to suit different audi-
ences.
In poetry, for example, writers might use more
imagery
than they would use in prose (nonpoetry).
You Could Look
It
Up
_,
A
writer's
style
is his or
her
distinctive way of
writing.
Quoth
the Maven
When
it
comes
to
writing
style,
the head weenie at the roast was New
Yorker

writer
E.
B. White.
In
the summer of
1957,
White revised and
reissued
a slender
writing
guide-
book he had
used
at Cornell,
written
by his professor, William Strunk.
Fewer
than
100
pages
long, the book has never been out of
print
since—and
with
good
cause;
it's a honey.
Chapter):
Are
You

Grammarphobic?
II
A
Civil
Tongue: Standards
for
Effective Communication
Good writing and speaking meets five basic standards: It's clear, complete, correct,
efficient, and effective. Here are some examples:
•
Clear.
The reader gets the meaning you, the writer, intended. There's no ambiguity
or guesswork; everyone's on the same page. I cover
issues
of clarity in Chapter 19.
•
Complete. Good writing is the bun and the beef; the reader gets the complete
package.
With
effective communication, readers have everything they need to
evaluate the message and act on it. See Part 5 for these
issues.
•
Correct.
The writing is free from errors in grammar,
usage,
and mechanics.
There are no bloopers in such areas as spelling, capitalization, word order, and
sentence structure. All this is covered in Parts
2,3,

and 4.
•
Efficient.
The words are arranged on the page to save the reader time. The
lay-
out is clear and crisp, so the message is
easy
to track. Here are the Top Two of
page
arrangement:
•
Organization
•
Visual impact
You'll learn all about these considera-
tions in Part 6.
Effective.
Because all the ducks are in a
row, effective writing conveys a positive
image
of the writer and his or her com-
pany, organization, or group. Because it
treats the reader
with
consideration,
good
writing creates good
feelings,
too.
See

Part 6 for more on this.
Danger,
Will
Robinson
Cultural
considerations
are
very
important
to
effective
writing
and
speech.
Americans,
for
instance,
value
direct
appeals.
Check
out
any
of our
advertise-
ments
and
you'll
see
what

I
mean.
The Japanese,
in
contrast,
prefer
subtle
messages
where
the point
must
be
inferred.
The Least You Need
to
Know
•
Grammar is a branch of
linguistics
that
deals
with
the form and structure of words.
•
Usage is the customary way we use language in speech and writing. The correct
level
of
usage
is the one
that

is appropriate for the occasion.
•
Mechanics include punctuation, numbers, quotation marks, capitalization, abbre-
viations,
and italics.
•
A writer's style is his or her distinctive way of writing.
•
Good communication is clear, complete, correct, efficient, and effective.