113 fatal beating

HEADMASTER: Well now Mr. Perkins, it was good of you to come in. I realize that
you are a busy man but I don’t think this matter could be discussed over the electric
telephone.
PERKINS: No, no absolutely headmaster. I mean, if Tommy is in some sort of
trouble then I want to nip it in the bud.
HEADMASTER: Well, quite frankly, Tommy is in trouble. Recently his behaviour
has left a great deal to be desired. _ PERKINS: Oh dear.
HEADMASTER: He seems to take no interest in school life WHAT-so-ever.

He

refuses to muck in on the sports field. And it’s been weeks since any master has
received any written work from him.
PERKINS: Dear me.
HEADMASTER: Quite frankly Mr. Perkins, if he wasn’t dead I’d have him expelled.
[Long pause as Headmaster sits down and sips his tea. Perkins looks up.]
PERKINS: I beg your pardon? _HEADMASTER: Yes! Expelled! If I wasn’t making
allowances for the fact that your son is dead, he’d be out on his ear.
PERKINS: He’s dead?
HEADMASTER: Yes... he’s lying up in the sick bay now. Stiff as a board and bright
green. And it’s very typical of his current attitude. _ PERKINS: [shocked] But...
[Headmaster stands up and moves behind Perkins]
HEADMASTER: You see, the boy has no sense of moderation. One moment he’s
flying around like a paper kite and the next moment he’s completely immovable...
and beginning to smell.
PERKINS: Well, how did he die?! _ HEADMASTER: Is that important? _
PERKINS:[incredulous] Yes, I think so!
HEADMASTER: Well, it’s all got to do with the library you see. We’ve had a lot of
trouble recently with boys taking out library books without library cards. Your son
was caught and I administered a beating, during which he died. But you’ll be glad
to know the ring leader was caught, so I don’t think we’ll be having any more

trouble with library discipline. You see, the library card system...
[Headmaster sits down, mid lecture and picks up one of the library cards]
PERKINS: Wait... I’m sorry.... You BEAT my son to death?

Compiled: Martín Martínez Barragán _ Checked : Juan C. David

1


HEADMASTER: Yes, Yes. So it would seem. Please, I’m not used to being
interrupted. You see, the library card system was introduced....
PERKINS: Well, exactly what happened?
HEADMASTER: Well, apparently the boys were just slipping into the library and
TAKING the books.
PERKINS: No, during the beating!
HEADMASTER: Oh, that. Well, one moment he was bending over; the next he was
lying down...
PERKINS: DEAD?!
HEADMASTER: Ummm... deadish.

Mr. Perkins, I find this rather morbid

fascination with your son’s death quite disturbing.
[Stands up and puts down the card, walking back around behind Perkins]
HEADMASTER: What I am talking about is his attitude, and quite frankly I can see
where he gets it from.
PERKINS: Well, did you have to beat him to death?!
HEADMASTER: Well it was perfectly obvious to me the first day here, I fear. I
wondered then as I wonder now if he hadn’t turned out a very different boy indeed
if you had administered a few fatal beatings early on.

[Perkins removes his glasses and stands up, looking as if he is about to "get
medieval" on the Headmaster]
PERKINS: Are you MAD?!?!
HEADMASTER: I’m furious!

In order to accommodate the funeral, I’ve had to

cancel afternoon school on Wednesday!
[A bell rings and the headmaster moves to the door]
PERKINS: This is preposterous!
HEADMASTER: Yes it is. Or at least it would be... if it were true. _ PERKINS:
WHAT?!?!
HEADMASTER: I’ve been joking, Mr. Perkins. Pardon me, it’s my strange academic
sense of humour. I’ve been pulling your leg. - [Mr. Perkins sighs with relief]
HEADMASTER: I wouldn’t cancel afternoon school to bury that little shit
625 W

Compiled: Martín Martínez Barragán _ Checked : Juan C. David

2


hedmɑːstə | wel nɑʊ mɪstə pɜːkɪnz | ɪt wəz gʊd əv ju tə kʌm ɪn | aɪ ɹɪəlaɪz ðət ju əɹ ə bɪzi
mæn | bət aɪ dəʊn(t) θɪŋk ðɪs mætə kʊd bi dɪskʌst əʊvə ði ɪlektɹɪk teləfəʊn |
pɜːkɪnz | nəʊ | nə(ʊ) æbsəluːtli hedmɑːstə | aɪ miːn | ɪf tɒmi ɪz ɪn sʌm sɔːt əv tɹʌbl̩ | ðen | aɪ
wɒnt tə nɪp ɪt ɪn ðə bʌd |
hedmɑːstə | wel kwaɪt fɹæŋkli | tɒmi ɪz ɪn tɹʌbl̩ | ɹiːsəntli hɪz bɪheɪviə | həz left ə gɹeɪt diːl tə
bi dɪzaɪəd |
pɜːkɪnz | əʊ dɪə |
hedmɑːstə | hi siːmz tə teɪk nəʊ ɪntərest ɪn skuːl laɪf wɒtsəʊevə | hi rɪfjuːzɪz tə mʌk ɪn ɒn ðə

spɔːts fiːld | ən(d) ɪts biːn wiːks sɪns eni mɑːstə | həz rɪsiːvd eni ɹɪtn̩ wɜːk fɹəm (h)ɪm |
pɜːkɪnz | dɪə mi: |
hedmɑːstə | kwaɪt fɹæŋkli mɪstə pɜːkɪnz | ɪf hi wɒzn(t) ded | aɪd hæv hɪm ɪkspeld |
lɒŋ pɔːz əz hedmɑːstə sɪts dɑʊn ən(d) sɪps (h)ɪz tiː | pɜːkɪnz lʊks ʌp |

pɜːkɪnz | aɪ beg jɔː pɑːdn̩ |
hedmɑːstə | jes | ɪkspeld | ɪf aɪ wɒzn(t) meɪkɪŋ əlɑ(ʊ)ənsɪz fə ðə fæk(t) ðət jɔː sʌn ɪz ded |
hiːd bi ɑʊt ɒn (h)ɪz ɪə |
pɜːkɪnz | hiːz ded |
hedmɑːstə | jes | hiːz laɪɪŋ ʌp ɪn ðə sɪk beɪ nɑʊ | stɪf əz ə bɔːd ən(d) bɹaɪt gɹiːn | ən(d) ɪts veɹi
tɪpɪkl̩ | əv hɪz kʌɹənt ætɪtjuːd |
pɜːkɪnz | ʃɒkt | bʌt |hedmɑːstə stæn(d)z ʌp ən(d) muːvz bəhaɪn(d) pɜːkɪnz |
hedmɑːstə | ju siː ðə bɔɪ hæz nəʊ sens əv mɒdəɹeɪʃn̩ | wʌn məʊmənt hiːz flaɪɪŋ əɹɑʊn(d) laɪk
ə peɪpə kaɪt | ən(d) ðə neks(t) məʊmənt hiːz kəmpliːti ɪmuːvəbl̩ | ən(d) bəgɪnɪŋ tə smel |
pɜːkɪnz | wel hɑʊ dɪd hi daɪ |
hedmɑːstə | wel ɪz ðæt ɪmpɔːtn̩t |
pɜːkɪnz | ɪŋkɹedjuləs | jes aɪ θɪŋk səʊ |
hedmɑːstə | wel | wel ɪts ɔːl gɒt tə duː wɪð ðə laɪbɹəɹi ju siː | wiːv hæd ə lɒt əv tɹʌbl riːsn̩tli |
wɪð bɔɪz teɪkɪŋ ɑʊt laɪbɹəɹi bʊks wɪðɑʊt laɪbɹəɹi kɑːdz | jɔː sʌn wəz kɔ:t | ən(d) aɪ ədmɪnɪstəd
ə biːtɪŋ | djʊəɹɪŋ wɪt͡ʃ hi daɪd | bət juːl bi glæd tə nəʊ | ðət ðə ɹɪŋ liːdə wəz kɔ:t | səʊ aɪ dəʊn(t)
θɪŋk wiːl bi hævɪŋ eni mɔː tɹʌbl̩ wɪð laɪbɹəɹi dɪsəplɪn | ju siː ðə laɪbɹəɹi kɑːd sɪstəm |
hedmɑːstə sɪts dɑʊn mɪd lekt͡ʃəɹ ən(d) pɪks ʌp wʌn əv ðə laɪbɹəɹi kɑːdz

pɜːkɪnz | weɪt | aɪm sɒɹi | ju biːt maɪ sʌn tə deθ |

Compiled: Martín Martínez Barragán _ Checked : Juan C. David

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hedmɑːstə | jes jes | səʊ ɪt wʊd siːm | pliːz | aɪm nɒt juːs tə bi:ɪŋ ɪntəɹʌptɪd | ju siː ðə laɪbɹəɹi
kɑːd sɪstəm wəz ɪntɹədjuːst |
pɜːkɪnz | wel ɪgzæktli wɒt hæpənd |
hedmɑːstə | wel əpeəɹəntli | ðə bɔɪz wə slɪpɪŋ ɪntə ðə laɪbɹəɹi ən(d) teɪkɪŋ ðə bʊks |
pɜːkɪnz | nəʊ | djʊəɹɪŋ ðə biːtɪŋ |
hedmɑːstə | əʊ ðæt | wel wʌn məʊmənt hi wəz bendɪŋ əʊvə | ðə nekst hi wəz laɪɪŋ dɑʊn |
pɜːkɪnz | ded |
hedmɑːstə | ʌm | dedɪʃ | mɪstə pɜːkɪnz | aɪ faɪn(d) ðɪs mɔːbɪd fæsəneɪʃn̩ əv jɔ:z wɪð jɔː sʌnz
deθ kwaɪt dɪstɜːbɪŋ |
stæn(d)z ʌp ən(d) pʊts dɑʊn ðə kɑːd wɔːkɪŋ bæk əɹɑʊn(d) bəhaɪn(d) mɪstə pɜːkɪnz |

hedmɑːstə | wɒt aɪm tɔːkɪŋ əbɑʊt | ɪz hɪz ætətjuːd | ən(d) kwaɪt fɹæŋkli | aɪ kæn siː weə hi
gets ɪt frɒm |
pɜːkɪnz | wel dɪd ju hæf tə biːt (h)ɪm tə deθ |
hedmɑːstə | wel ɪt wəz pɜːfək(t)li ɒbviəs tə mi: frəm ðə fɜːs(t) deɪ hɪəɹ aɪ fɪə | aɪ wʌndəd ðen |
əz aɪ wʌndə nɑʊ | ɪf hi hædn(t) tɜːnd ɑʊt ə veri dɪfɹənt bɔɪ ɪndiːd | ɪf ju həd ədmɪnɪstəd ə fjuː
feɪtl̩ biːtɪŋz ɜːli ɒn |
pɜːkɪnz ɹɪmuːvz (h)ɪz glɑːsɪz ən(d) stæn(d)z ʌp | lʊkɪŋ əz ɪf (h)i ɪz əbɑʊt tə get mediiːvl̩ ɒn ðə hedmɑːstə |

pɜːkɪnz | ə ju mæd |
hedmɑːstə | aɪm fjʊəɹiəs | ɪn ɔːdə tu əkɒmədeɪt ðə fjuːnəɹəl | aɪv hæd tə kænsl̩ ɑːftənuːn skuːl
ɒn wenzdeɪ | ə bel ɹɪŋz ən(d) ðə hedmɑːstə muːvz tə ðə dɔː |
pɜːkɪnz | ðɪs ɪz pɹəpɒstəɹəs |
hedmɑːstə | jes ɪt ɪz | ɔːɹ ət liːst ɪt wʊd bi: | ɪf ɪt wə tɹuː |
pɜːkɪnz | wɒt |
hedmɑːstə | aɪv biːn d͡ʒəʊkɪŋ mɪstə pɜːkɪnz | pɑːdn̩ mi: | ɪts maɪ stɹeɪnd͡ʒ ækədemɪk sens əv
hjuːmə | aɪv biːn pʊlɪŋ jɔː leg |
mɪstə pɜːkɪnz | θæŋk gɒd | saɪz wɪð rɪliːf |
hedmɑːstə | aɪ wʊdn(t) kænsl̩ ɑːftənuːn skuːl | tə beɹi ðæt lɪtl̩ ʃɪt |

Compiled: Martín Martínez Barragán _ Checked : Juan C. David

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