Interpersonal chapter 9 interpersonal communication in close relationships

Interpersonal Communication
in Close Relationships
CHAPTER TOPICS
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Intimacy in Close Relationships
Communication in Families
Communication in Friendships
Communication in Romantic Relationships
Improving Close Relationships
Looking Out/Looking In
Fourteenth Edition


Intimacy in Close Relationships
• Dimensions of Intimacy
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Physical
Intellectual
Emotional
Shared Activities

• Some relationships exhibit all four dimensions
• Other relationships exhibit only one or two

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Intimacy in Close Relationships
• Masculine and Feminine Styles
• Research shows that women are somewhat
more willing than men to share their feelings
• In terms of amount and depth:
• Female – Female were at the top
• Male – Female came in second
• Male – Male had the least disclosure

• Biological sex is not as important as the
chosen gender role when expressing emotion
• Generalizations do not apply to every person
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Intimacy in Close Relationships
• Cultural Influences on Intimacy
• Notions of public and private selves have
changed dramatically
• Collectivist cultures

• Generally do not reach out to outsiders, often
waiting until they are properly introduced before
entering into conversation

• Individualistic cultures
• Make fewer distinctions between personal
relationships and casual ones
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Intimacy in Close Relationships
• Intimacy in Mediated Communication
• Mediated communication can be just as
personal as face-to-face interaction
• Relational intimacy may develop more quickly
through mediated channels
• Intimate connections in cyberspace can also be
problematic
• “Virtually unfaithful”

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Intimacy in Close Relationships
• The Limits of Intimacy
• Most people want 4-6 close relationships in

their lives
• Obsession with intimacy can lead to less
satisfying relationships
• Intimacy is rewarding but it isn’t the only way
of relating to others

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Communication in Families
• Characteristics of Family Communication
• Family communication is formative
• Family communication is role-driven
• Family communication is involuntary

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Communication in Families
• Characteristics of Family Communication
• Families as systems
• Family systems are interdependent
• Family systems are manifested through
communication
• Family systems are nested
• Subsystems

• Suprasystems

• Families are more than the sum of their parts

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Communication in Families
• Communication Patterns within Families
• Conversation orientation
• High conversation orientation
• Low conversation orientation

• Conformity orientation
• High-conformity families
• Low-conformity families

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Communication in Families
• Communication Patterns within Families
• Consensual
• High conversation, high conformity

• Pluralistic

• High conversation, low conformity

• Protective
• Low conversation, high conformity

• Laissez-faire
• Low conversation, low conformity
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Communication in Friendships
• Types of Friendships
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Youthful vs. mature
Long term vs. short term
Relationship oriented vs. task oriented
High disclosure vs. low disclosure
High obligation vs. low obligation
Frequent contact vs. occasional contact

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Communication in Friendships
• Sex, Gender, and Friendship
• Same-sex friendships
• Cross-sex friendships
• Mutual romance, strictly platonic, one partner desires
romance, one partner rejects romance

• Friends with benefits

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Communication in Friendships
• Sex, Gender, and Friendship
• Gender considerations
• Sex role
• Sexual orientation

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Communication in Friendships
• Friendship and Social Media

• Internet has made friendship more complicated
• Social networking sites used primarily to
maintain current friendships or to revive old
ones
• Social media isn’t a replacement for face-to-face
communication
• Means to support and rekindle friendships

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Communication in Romantic
Relationships

• Ancient Greek

• Storge and philla
• Friendly love

• Pragma
• Practical, logical affinity

• Agape
• Selfless, altruistic compassion

• Mania
• Eros
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Communication in Romantic
Relationships

• Romantic Turning Points

• Transformative events that alter the relationship
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Especially important in romantic relationships
Often mark movement among stages
Not all turning points are positive
Can provide clues about the status of the relationship

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Communication in Romantic
Relationships

• Couples’ Conflict Styles

• John Gottman – conflict styles
• Volatile
• Avoidant
• Validating

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Communication in Romantic
Relationships

• Couples’ Conflict Styles

• Gary Chapman – love languages
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Words of affirmation
Quality time
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
• Assumption your partner speaks same love language as
you can be a setup for disappointment

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Improving Close Relationships
• Relationships Require Commitment
• Promise - sometimes implied, sometimes
explicit – to remain in a relationship and make it
successful
• Commitment formed and reinforced through
communication
• Words aren’t surefire measure of commitment
• Deeds are also important

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Improving Close Relationships
• Relationships Require Maintenance and
Support
• Relational maintenance strategies
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Positivity
Openness
Assurances
Social networks
Sharing tasks

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Improving Close Relationships
• Relationships Require Maintenance and
Support
• Most used with family and friends
• Openness
• Social networks

• Most used with romantic partners
• Assurances

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Improving Close Relationships
• Relationships Require Maintenance and
Support
• Social support

• Helping loved ones through challenging times
• Communication plays a central role
• Resources
• Emotional support
• Informational support
• Instrumental support

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Improving Close Relationships
• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• Types of relational transgressions
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Lack of commitment
Distance
Disrespect
Problematic emotions
Aggression

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Improving Close Relationships
• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• Relational transgressions
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Minor vs. significant
Social vs. relational
Deliberate vs. unintentional
One-time vs. incremental

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Improving Close Relationships
• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• Strategies for relational repair
• Talk about the violation
• Take responsibility for the transgression
• Components of apology
• Expressing regret
• Accepting responsibility
• Making restitution
• Genuinely repenting

• Requesting forgiveness

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