Vai trò của niềm tin và thực hành tôn giáo trong việc giải quyết mâu thuẫn vợ chồng gia đình công giáo

Vai tro cua niem tin va thuc hanh ton giao
trong viec giai quyfit mau thuln vo* ch6ng
gia dinh Cong giao
Cu Thi Thanh Thiiy'

Tom tat: Xa hdi Viet Nam da va dang co nhiing bidn ddi khong ngung vd
kinh te - van hda - xa hpi, khidn gia dinh phai ddi dien vdi nhidu vin dd nhu:
cau tnic, chiic nang thay ddi, dinh hudng gia tri, ly hon, ly tan, xung dot, bao
luc... de dga den su dn dinh, ben viing cua hdn nhan. Trong bdi canh do,
hdn nhan Cdng giao ndi len nhu mpt didn hinh ve su ben vimg khi c6 vai tro
dang ke trong viec giup vugt qua khiing hoang hdn nhan, giai quyet mau
thuan vg chdng. Trong bai vidt nay vai tro cua niem tin va thirc iianh Cong
giao trong viec giai quyet mau thuan vg chdng the hien qua nhung npi dung
CO ban nhu sau: Thii nhat, niem tin Cong giao thuc day cac cap vp chdng
giai quyet man thuin theo chidu hudng dn hda. Thii hai, cac thuc hanh ton
giao nhu cau nguyen, xung tdi, tham gia cac hpi doan tdn giao... giiip xoa
diu tdn thucmg, mat mat tinh cam vg chdng, dinh hudng hanh vi giai quyet
mau thudn theo chieu hudng tich cue bdng ca che md, giang giai ve cac gia
tri dao diic trong hdn nhan.
Tir khoa: Tdn giao; Gia dinh Cdng giao; Niem tin tdn giao; Thuc hanh ton
giao; Mau thuan vg chdng.
NgAy nhan bai: 9/12/2019; ngay chinh siia: 4/5/2020; ngay duyet dang:
29/5/2020.

1. E)9t vin de
Nghien ciru vd gia dinh la mdt trong nhiing chii dd dugc xa hdi hgc rat
quan tam trong nhidu nam gdn day, trong dd mau thuIn vg chdng, nhftng xung
dot trong ddi sdng hdn nhan da dugc lam sang td d nhidu ndi dung quan trgng

'TS., Khoa xa h6i hpc, Dai hoc Cong doan.

70

Nghien cu>u Gia dinh va Gio'i. Quyen 30, so 2, tr. 69-80

nhu: muc do phd bidn cua mau thuIn, bidu hien, nguydn nhan va he qua cua no
dot vdi ca nhan, gia dinh, xa hdi. Ddi vdi md hinh gia dinh Cdng giao, cac khia
canh nghien ciiu mdi chi dung lai d mdt sd ndi dung nhu: tinh bdn viing ciia
hdn nhan Cdng giao (Le Dire Hanh, 2012: 255), (Doan Thi Phuong Thao,
2013), (Chu Van Tidn, 2014); dinh hudng hdn nhan cua thanh nidn theo dao
Thien ehiia (Bui Phuong Thanh, 2013); tac ddng cua dao Cdng giao tdi cac
chiic nang cu thd ciia gia dinh - chiic nang sinh san (Pham Van Quyet, 2001,
2007; Ld Diic Hanh, 2012); chiic nang giao due con cai (Cii Thi Thanh Thiiy,
2012). Hien nay chua cd nhidu nghian ciiu vd vai trd, hay nhiing tac ddng cua
dao Cdng giao ddn mau thudn vg chdng, cu thd hon nvia la trong qua trinh giai
quydt mau thuan giua vg va chdng.
Bai vidt nay sir dung nhung dii lieu nghian ciiu ciia Luan an tidn sT vd
"Mau thudn vg chdng trong gia dinh Cdng giao d Ha Ndi hien nay" cua chinh
tac gia da phan tich vai trd cua dao Cdng giao trong qua trinh giai quydt mau
thudn giiia vg va chdng. Tir dd lam sang td nhiing ndi dung co ban nhu: 1) vide
thuc hanh tdn giao ciia vg chdng Cdng giao giiip xoa diu tdn thuong, mat mat
tinh cam vg chdng trong qua trinh mau thuan; 2) chinh cac cam kdt hdn nhan
thiic day hg lua chgn cac giai phap giai quydt mau thuan vg chong theo chidu
hudng dn hda; 3) dao Cdng giao dinh hudng hanh vi hda giai, xir ly man thuan
theo chieu hudng dn hda ciia vg chdng trong qua trinh giai quydt xung dot
bang each yeu cau cac tin dd "xet minh" thue hanh xung tdi hay khdng ngimg
nhac nhd, giang giai vd cac gia tri dao diic trong hdn nhan.
2. Phirong phap nghien ciru
Dii lieu dinh lugng cua bai viat nay dugc su dung trdn co sd dd lieu cua
306 phidu dung cau y kidn va hdn nhan Cdng giao dugc khao sat bdng phuong

phap chgn mau thuan tien vdi hai nhdm vg/chdng trong gia dinh vg chdng
ciing Cdng giao, gia dinh vg chdng khdng cimg Cdng giao.
Ddi vdi dii' lieu dinh tinh, bai vidt sii dung phuong phap phdng vdn sau
nham kham pha nhiing nguydn nhan, ly do cua hien tugng m§u thuan vg chdng
trong gia dinh cua ngudi Cdng giao de cd su ly giai, bd trg va lam phong phu kat
qua nghian cuu. Phuong phap nay dugc thuc hien vdi hai nhdm ddi tugng chinh:
1) vg (hoac chdng) trong cae gia dinh Cdng giao; 2) linh muc chinh xii, dng
trurn, ba quan. Kdt qua da cd 15 cudc phdng van sau ca nhan bao gdm: 8 ngudi
vg, 4 ngudi chdng, 01 linh muc, 01 dng trimi, 01 ba quan dugc thuc hien.
Dia ban khao sat lira chgn la quan Ha Ddng vdi 4 dia diam khao sat: nha
thd giao xii Ha Ddng, nha thd giao hg La tinh trai; nha thd giao hg Mai LTnh


Cii Thi Thanh Thiiy 71

nha thdi giao hg Yen Nghia. Thdi gian thue hien khao sat la thang 10 nam
2017. Myc dich khao sat dinh lugng nhSm thdng ke, md ta xu hudng lua chgn
giai quyet mau thuan trong ddi sdng hdn nhan cua vg chdng Cdng giao, ciing
nhu phan tich hrcmg quan hai bien dk so sanh each thiic giai quylt mau thuSn
giiia hai nhdm vg chdng ciing va khdng ciing Cdng giac. Ngudn dii lieu dinh
tinh chu yiu dugc dimg de phan tich nhirng tac ddng cua niSm tin va thue hanh
ton giao den qua trinh giai quyet mau thuan tren co sd nhiing phdng vin sau
ddi vdi vg (hoac chdng) tren dia ban khao sat.
3. Khai niem nilm tin va tiiurc hanh ton giao
Niem tin tdn giao la "ham y mdt niim tin d nhiing cai sieu nhien, nhung
ddi vdi tdn giao vin rat hien thuc, tham chi cdn hien thuc hon ca thd gidi hien
thuc niia, nhung vin d ngoai tam njm bit ciia giac quan va tri thiic ciia con
ngudi binh thudng" (Minh Chi, 1995 dSn theo Vd Van Thanh, 2014: 60). NiSm
tin tdn giao la su dinh hudng gia tri viing chjc cua nhiing ngudi theo tdn giao
vao luc lugng thin thanh, va mdt thd gidi khac (Vii Dung, 2014), nd khac vdi

niem tin ddi thudng. Hay ndi each khac, ni8m tin tdn giao la sir tin tirdng ciia
ca nhan vao nhiing gia tri sieu thuc ma tdn giao neu ra, khdng cin chiing minh,
khdng phu thudc vao viec cd bang chimg hay khdng, nhung cac tin dd vin tin
tudng vao tinh chan ly cua nd. So vdi cac tdn giao khac, dao Cdng giao la tdn
giao ddi hdi cao ve mire do niem tin cua cac tin dd, ddng thdi hira hen phin
thucmg sau khi chet cho nhirng ai ed niem tin tdn giao virng vang "Phue cho
nhung ai khdng thay ma tin, vi nude Trdi la cua hg" (Kinh Tam mdi Phiic
that). Trong bai viet nay, niem tin tdn giao ciia vg chdng Cdng giao the hien d
viec hg tu danh gia ve su tin tudng ciia ban than ddi vdi cac gia tri dao dire ma
Cdng giao dua ra nhu: gia tri ve Idng yen thuong, sir vi tha, bac ai, hy sinh,
chiu thua thiet ve minh, tin tudng vao eac cam ket tdn giao... va day la nhirng
gia tri dinh hudng cho hanh vi, ling xtr ciia vg chdng trong qua trinh giai quyet
mau thuin.
Ddi vdi mdi quan he vg chdng, niem tin Cdng giao nhan manh den tinh
chat "thanh thieng" cua mdi quan he, do dd - dii mau thuan la khdng the tranh
khdi, vg chdng van phai chung sdng vdi nhau trgn ddi. Vdi nhirng gia tri giao
ly can ban nhu vay, dao Cdng giao cd vai trd nhat dinh ttong viec didu chinh
hanh vi va dinh hudng cho mdi quan he vg chdng hudng tdi su ben viing, dn
dinh dac biet trong tinh hudng "nhay cam" khi dang cd mau thuin vg chdng.
Thuc hanh nghi ll tdn giao ed tim quan hrgng dac biet ddi vdi tdn giao ndi
chung, va cac tin dd tdn giao ndi rieng (Levy & Razin, 2006, 2012), nghi le la su


72

Nghien ci>u Gia dinh va Gio-i. Quyen 30, s6 2, tr. 69-80

bidu hidn ra ben ngoai cua nidm tm tdn giao, la su bidu dat cho nhiing gia tri tdn
giao. Ddi vdi dao Cdng giao, cd hai nghi Id tdn giao co ban nhat: di Id Nha thd,
cau nguyen hang ngay. Thdm vao dd, Dao Cdng giao cd nhieu nhiing boat ddng

khac dd thu hiit su tham gia cua cac tin dd nham ciing cd ddi sdng diic tin ciia hg
tham gia vao nhdm, hdi doan, ca doan, dang hoa... Nhiing hoat ddng thuc hanh
tdn giao nay cd vai trd thuc day niem tin tdn giao cung nhu dinh hudng hanh vi,
ling xir cua vg chdng ttong qua trinh xay ra mau thuan.
4. C a c gia tri dao dire, cam ket ton gi^o thuc day lua chgn c^ch thii'c
giai quyet mau thuan vo* chong theo chieu h u i ^ g on hoa
Be giai quydt mau thudn vg chdng, theo McNutty, Kamey (2004) vide cd
dugc nhiing chidn luge xir ly la quan trgng va can thidt. Cd nhidu hinh thiic
giai quydt man thuan giiia vg va chdng nhung didu quan trgng la vg chdng can
giai quyet mau thuan kip thdi, chu ddng khdng ndn dd keo dai, ngay cang nang
na hon (Ld Thi, 2009).
Trong mdi lidn he vdi tdn giao, kdt qua phan tich dii lieu cua bai vidt
cho thay: (1) nidm tin tdn giao dinh hudng vide giai quydt mau thuan vg
chdng trong gia dinh Cdng giao theo xu hudng dn hda. (2) chinh cac cam
kdt tdn giao cd tac dgng thiic day qua trinh hda giai, lira chgn giai quyet
mau thuan theo xu hudng dn hda. Didu nay thd hien rd khi so sanh giira hai
nhdm gia dinh nghidn cuu (cung theo dao Cdng giao va khdng cimg theo
dao Cdng giao).
Bang I. Mirc do tham gia cuavg* ch6ng vao viec glM quy^t mau thuan
theo chi^u hudng on hda (%)
Cach giai quylt
mau thuan

Cung theo dsio
Cong giao (n=205)
ngutri

Khdng ciing theo
d^o Cong giao (n=101)

Cahai

Khong ai

1 ngudi

Cahai

Nhudng nhjn

52,2

37,1

5,9

71,3

22,8

Chu ddng hda giai,
Iam lanh

44,9

44,4

9,9

67,3

22,8

Chiu thua thiet ve
minh

38,5

41,5

14,9

68,3

16,8

Ngudn: Kdt qua khao sat luSn an Tien sy, 2017.


Cu Thi Thanh Thiiy

73

Ddi vdi nhiing gia dinh ea vg va chdng ciing theo dao Cdng giao, xu
hudng chung la ca vg va chdng diu lira chgn each giai quyk dn hda nhiSu hon
so vdi nhihig cap vg chdng khdng ciing thee dao Cdng giao. Mdt trong nhitng
ly do quan trong dd la viec cung tdn giao - giiip hg dl dang hon trong vice chia
se nhiing gia hi dao diic tdn giao, nhirng gia tti khuyen khich ca nhan cd long
yeu thuong, vi tha, sin sang tha thii, biet tdn h-gng suy nghi va hanh ddng cua
ngudi khac.

Trgng Kinh thanh Dag Cdng giao, nhiing gia tri nay dugc nhic di nhSc lai
nhidu lan: Anh em hay "yeu thuong ngudi than can nhu chinh minh" (Lc 10,2528), "hay yeu thuong nhau nhu Diic Gie-su da yeu thuong" (Ga 13,34; 15,12),
tinh yeu thuong la khdng khang khang bat ngudi khac theo y minh, ngudi ed tinh
yeu thuong khdng ddi hdi mgi viec phai theo y minh, nhu the y kidn minh ludn
ludn diing, khdng thao ding ngudi khac, khdng cd chap vi tinh ed chap bgc Id
mgt mirc dp kieu ngao "su kieu ngao di trudc, sir bai hoai theo sau" (Cham ngdn
16:18). Ngu that su yeu thuong, thi can phai tdn trgng quan diem cua ngudi
khac, va neu cd the dugc, thi sin Idng nhan nhugng. Tinh than nhan nhugng hda
hgp dd la "chd ai tim Igi rieng cho minh, nhung hay tim cho ke khac" (ICd
10:24). Khi cd tinh yeu thucmg thi ngudi ta thudng khdng de dang ndng gian vi
Idi ndi hoac hanh ddng ciia ngudi khac. Trong ddi sdng hdn nhan, day la nhihig
gia tri quan trgng giiip cac cap vg chdng kiem soat va dieu tiet hanh ddng ciia
minh, dSc biet hong vice quan ly va kim ham eac mau thuin, xung dot.
Scanzoni va Amett (1987) nhan thiy ring thdng qua eac hoat ddng tdn
giao chung va rieng, cae ddi tac thudng dat dugc trang thai chung, hudng vao
cac gia tri ciia yeu thuong va cham sdc. Cd le, sir tham gia tdn giao tang cudng
nhihig phim chit quan he lam giam xung dot hong hdn nhan. Dudley va cdng
sir (1990: 82) cho thiy su tham gia tdn giao da giup cac cap vg chdiig thudng
xuyen "nghi din nhung nhu ciu ciia ngudi khac, bigt yeu thuong nhieu hon va
tha thii, tdn h-gng nhau trong ung xu, va giai quyet xung dot". Cac nha nghien
ciiu khac ciing da nhin manh cac dure tinh nhu Idng vi tha la rat quan frgng vdi
su than mat trong hdn nhan (Wallerstein va cdng sir, 1995). Hay ndi each khac,
gia tti dao ditc tdn giao dugc xem la ddng vai trd dinh hudng cho hanh vi cua
ca nhan trong tuong tac hang ngay, gdp phin giam giam thiSu va phdng ngira
nhihig mau thuin cd thd phat sinh giua vg chdng khi ca hai cimg chia se nhirng
dinh hudng gia hi tuong ddng va ciing cd su tdn trgng, yeu thuong, cham sdc
lan nhau.
Cac dir lieu dinh tinh cung minh chimg cho diiu nay, vdi can hdi phdng
vin sau: khi ma hai bac bit ddng, bac thudng xii ly thi nao? Cau tra loi cho

74

Nghien CLFU Gia dinh va Gio'i. Quyen 30, so 2, tr. 69-80

thay ngudi Cdng giao ludn cd gang thuc thi tinh than nhudng nhin lan nhau.
"Ong ay cd ndi gi md tdi thdy khdng vui tdi di cho khdc cho lang xudng chu
khong tranh luan dung sai... Tdi thudng xuyen Id ngudi nhdn nhin trong nhihig
vdn de cd the xay ra tranh cai, minh nhin cd mdt gi ddu, md cdn duoc dm gia
dinh nita. Di Nhd thd cha cUng day phdi nhdn duac thi mdi hanh dgng duac"
(Nii, 62 tudi, ndi trg).
Chmh cac gia tri dao dire ciia dao Cdng giao dinh hudng cho vg chdng
trong gia dinh Cdng giao lua chgn each giai quydt nay khi khuydn ran con
ngudi phai bidt nhan nhin de chung sdng vdi nhau thuan hda: ''Phuc cho nhiing
ai mang igi hoa thuan. vi Thuong De se ggi hg Id con cdi Ngai", va phai bidt
chap nhan nhiing thua thiet ve minh "neu ai vd md phdi nguoi, thi hay gia md
kia niia " vi dd chinh la bac ai, vi tha.
Thdm vao dd, cac cam kdt hdn nhan ciia ngudi Cdng giao ciing la nhSn td
thiic day hg lira chgn cac giai phap giai quydt mau thuan vg chdng theo chiau
hudng dn hda. Cam kdt hdn nhan chinh la su thd hiia giiia ngudi nam va ngudi
nii vdi nhau vd ddi sdng vg chdng, trudc su ehimg kidn cua Thidn Chiia va
cdng doan Hgi thanh, vi cd nhirng cam kdt nay nan mdi quan he vg chdng mdi
dugc Thidn Chua thiat lap.
Mgt vai nghian ciiu d nude ngoai cho thay, cac cap vg chdng khi dua
nhau dan Nha thd va thuc hidn vide cam kdt hdn nhan vTnh vidn da khuydn
khich hg tang cudng su hda giai khi cd man thuin xuSt hien (Lehrer va cdng
su, 1993; Booth va cdng su, 1995; Wilson cdng su, 1996; Holeman, 2003). Bdi
theo quan niem cua dao Cdng giao, ly hdn la didu cam ky, nen cac cap ddi can
tim each giai quydt van dd nay sinh trong hdn nhan dd tidp tuc duy tri mdi quan
he hdn nhan.

Cac cam kdt hdn nhan cd kha nang didu chinh hanh vi va thiic d4y vide
lua chgn giai quydt man thuan theo xu hudng dn hda.
"Vg chdng tdi da the vdi Chiia yeu thuong nhau mgi ngay rdi tdt nhien phdi
gia Idi the do chir, nen cd vdn de gi di chdng niia, thi ciing phdi kiim chi, vg
ndng thi chdng phdi lanh, chdng Idn tieng thi vg phdi bdt Idi, vg chong vdi
nhau chdp gi chuyen ai thdng ai thua, ai dung ai sa^ (Nam, 55 tudi, xe dm).
"Chinh Chiia da Idm cho cugc hdn nhdn cua tdi ludn cd su sudn se, chit
nhdn lam cho cugc sdng hdn nhdn cita vg chdng hodn thien, Idi thi khi tuyen
hira vg chdng lam cho chung tdi gdn bd vd nhudng nhin, yeu thuong nhau
han. Ldi Chiia day da dn sau vdo trong Idng cita chung tdi rdi, nen du cd
mdu thudn vdi nhau di chdng nita cUng phdi nhudng nhin nhau" (Nii 62
tudi, ngi trg).


Cii Thi Thanh Thiiy

75

Co the thay, ddi vdi ngudi Cdng giag giai viec quydt man thuin trong xu
hudng dn hda la thuc thi ldi day cua Thien Chiia, hiu hSt eac gia dinh cd vg
hoac chdng, hoac ca hai lua chpn each thiic nay. Nhdm gia dinh khdng cd ai
thuc thi xu hudng giai quyk mau thuin theo chidu hudng dn hda khdng nhiiu.
Nhihig gia dinh cd sir tucmg ddng tdn giao giira vg va chdng thi thudng lira
chgn each thirc giai quySt nay nhiiu ban sc vdi gia dinh vg chdng khdng cung
theo dao Cdng giao. Cac cam kit tdn giao vi hdn nhan thiic diy qua trinh hda
giai, lua chgn each thiie giai quyit mau thuin giOa vg va chdng thee chiiu
hudng dn hda.
5. Thirc hanh t6n giao giup xoa diu mau thuan, thiic diy giai quyit
mau thuan theo chilu hvdng tich cue, on hoa
Tdn giao cd the tham gia giai quyet xung dot gia dinh thdng qua cac hoat

ddng thuc hanh tdn giao da timg dugc ban luan qua mdt sd nghien ciiu nhu:
Nghien ciru cua Greenberg va cdng su (1998) tim thay ldi ciu nguyen la quan
trgng de lam mem mdi quan he, tag dieu kien giai quyet xung ddt. Trong mdt
nghien ciiu dinh tinh. Marsh va cdng sir (2001) da cd gang lam sang td ve each
tdn giao cd the giiip cac cap vg chdng ddi phd hieu qua vdi cac cudc xung dot
trong hdn nhan. Hg phat hien ra rang thuc hanh tdn giao nhu ldi cau nguyen da
giup cac cap vg chdng Cdng giao quan ly dugc sir tire gian ciia hg trong cudc
xung dot trong hdn nhan (Nathaniel va cdng su, 2006). Nghien ciiu ciia Curtis
va cdng sir (2002) cho thiy ring viec tham gia tdn giao cua ngudi dan dng ti le
nghjch vdi nhihig van de cua hdn nhan. Nhirng ldi cau nguyen ciing cd tac
dung lam giam su tieu cue, sir khinh miet, va thu dich, ciing nhu phan ling cam
xiic ddi vdi ngudi ban ddi (Butler va cdng sir, 2002).
Vi mat ly thuydt, tdn giao ndi chung - vdi tu each la mdt thiit chi xa hdi
dugc coi la mdt cdng cu him hieu trcng viec hg giup xa hdi, bdi chiic nang
"din bii hu ao", lien kit xa hgi ciia nd. Khi miiu thuiin xay ra, du d miic do nao
diu di lai nhiing he qua khdng mong mudn len chu the cia mdi quan he ma
trudc nhit la nhirng tdn thuong vi mat tam ly nhu budn buc, chan nan, tham
chi edn gay ra nhimg ran nut trong tinh cam vg chdng. Dir heu phan tich hcng
bai viit nay cho thiy, viec thuc hanh tdn giao giup xoa diu nhirng tdn thuong
mit mat tinh cam cua cae tin dd bing each khuyen nhu hg khdng ngimg "cau
nguyen", din nha thd va tham gia thuc hanh tdn giao.
Trudc hit, ngudi Cdng giao thudng ciu nguyen khi cd van de xay ra
Uong mdi quan he vg chdng. Sd lieu khao sat cho thiy, khi xay ra mau thuan
vg chdng hiu hit ngudi Cdng giao diu tiin hanh can nguyen, chi cd 9,5% chua


76

Nghien ciru Gia dinh va Gio-i. Quyen 30, so 2, tr. 69-80

bao gid cau nguyen. Cau nguyen la dd dugc giai tda, mong nhan su trg giup vd
hinh tii Thidn Chiia de cd thd hda giai man thuan.
"Khi vg chdng tdi mdu thudn, tdi cd den Nhd thd cdu nguyen. cdu nguyen
xong cdm thdy thodi mdi, mgi cdi dugc gidi tda" (Nam, 31 tudi, kinh doanh).
"Mdi Idn cdu nguyen xong thdy long minh nhe nhom hon, nhu kieu dugc
gidi tda ay, cdu nguyen vdi Chua minh cd the khdc ldc, than van md khdng
so dieu gi... cdm thdy cUng nhe long han" (Nii, 28 mdi, kinh doanh).
Cku nguyen la each dd giai tda nhiing am lie, dd tam su, chia se, giai bay
vdi Thidn Chua, dd xin on lanh "hdn, xac". Cau nguyen cdn giiip hg tin tudng
vao tuong lai tdt dep hon, khi cho rang nhiing khd khan trong mdi quan he vg
chdng se dugc Thuong de hda giai.
Ngoai ra, thuc hanh tdn giao bang each di Id Nha thd cUng giiip ngudi
Cdng giao vugt qua nhiing cam xiic rieu cue, xoa diu nhung tdn thuong ve
mat tinh than. Vide ddn Nha thd dugc coi la den vdi Thidn Chiia dd cau
nguydn, xin on bii dSp nhirng tdn thuong mat mat mat tinh than, lam cho ndi
budn dugc ngudi ngoai, giam nhiing hue tiic khd chiu trong long, cd cai nhin
khoan dung do lugng vdi ngudi ban ddi, ddng thdi cung xet lai ldi ndi va
hanh ddng ciia minh.
"Nhieu khi dang khd chiu hay budn ba ve gia dinh lam, nhung cir den nhd
thd Id het, den de di le cdu nguyen, rdi gap go mgi ngudi Id thdy long nhe
nhom hdn em a" (Nii, 35 tudi, cdng chiic).
Viec tham gia cac hgi doan tdn giao ciing mang lai nhiau Igi ich tich cue
vd mat tinh than, la noi de mgi ngudi trao ddi, giiip do nhau ve nhiing khd khan
trong ddi sdng.
"Tham gia cdng dodn la cdm thdy ngudi vui ve khoan khodi, khde manh, gia
dinh vdn Id hanh phiic vui ve lam, ke cd chdng cd khdng cd di nhung lai
khuyen khich vg di, bdo Id di cho no cd hdi dodn, bgn be vui ve, chit d nhd
chd cd on ich gi, tir ngay cd tham gia thdy vui ve han, thdm chi cdn thich
nita. minh nhiet thdnh vdi cdng viec nhd Chua, chua thudng cdng cho" (Nii,
45 tudi, ban Hanh giao).

"Chi tham gia trong ddi ddng hoa... Tham gia a ddy cd cdc chi em, cdc So
tam su ve mgi chuyen trong cudc sdng. Cd cdc Sa thi khi minh cd (hdc mdc
gi thi Sa cd the gidi dap giiip minh hoac Id nhitng chi em di trudc minh
ngudi ta se giiip do minh. Mgi ngudi (hudng chia se vdi nhau vi nhiing
chuyen trong ddi sdng hdng ngay cua minh, cdch irng xii cua minh chdng
han thi ngudi ta cd the dua cho minh nhirng ldi khuyen, bdi vi ngudi ta ciing
lan tudi han minh" (Nir, 28 tudi, ndi trg).


Cu Thi Thanh Thuy

77

Ben canh dd, viec thuc hanh Cdng giao giiip dinh hudng hanh vi cua vg
chdng trong qua trinh giai quyit xung dot bing each: 1) yeu ciu cac tin dd "xet
minh" (mpt dang kiem diem ban than) thuc hanh vice Xung tdi; 2) nhic nhd,
giang giai v i cac gia tri dao diic trpng hdn nhan.
Cung gidng nhu can nguyen, ngudi Cdng giao dugc khuyen nen thuc
hien viec "xet minh" hing ngay, d i "chira bd nhung thdi hu tat xiu", cdn xung
tdi thi khdng nhit thiit phai thue hien hang ngay. Xung tdi ddi vdi ngudi Cdng
giao la tam sir vdi Chiia, ddng thdi sam hdi tdi ldi cua minh, d i dugc rude ll
(nghi thiic an hanh ma ngudi Cdng giag cho ring dd la banh Thanh). Xung tdi
huge cac tin do phai "xet" lai hanh vi, ldi ndi ciia minh ddi vdi moi ngudi, tir
dd cd nhiing diiu chinh hanh vi cho phu hgp. Sd lieu khao sat cho thiy, 71,2%
ngudi Cdng giao thuc hien viec xung tdi khi mau thuin vg chdng xay ra va cd
28,8% khdng thuc hien viec nay.
"Nhieu Idn cdi nhau v&i va, minh cUng co nhiing lai noi khong diing, thi
thodng noi bay chdng han, thi ciing nha md di Xung tpi vai Cha, cha lai
nhac nha vdi cdu de minh khong noi bay niia... noi chung Idm sai thi phdi
nhd md xung toi, chu khong xung thi lam sao Chua tha thu cho minh duac"

(Nam, 28 taoi, tu do).
"Moi Idn xung toi, hoac trudc khi nhd tha cd le minh se di sang sam trudc,
de doc kinh cdu nguyen sdm hoi, xet minh, de con duac rude le. Neu minh
cd loi trong cuoc song, chdc chdn la thdy xdu ho, cdm gidc sang nhd tha
minh cd loi cue ki, di chi cui mat thoi, khong ngang mat len nhin Chua duac
ddu. Minh sang nhd thd, sdm hoi, xin Chua cho minh liic ndo cUng cdn phdi
binh tmh, tdm minh lang lai de xu ti moi viec khdc han. Minh di xung toi da
sdm hoi toi loi, ldi dn tieng ndi cija minh" (Nir, 28 tadi, ndi trg).
Viec dinh hudng hanh vi cua vg chdng trong qua trinh giai quyet mau
thuin cdn dugc thuc hien gian tiip thdng qua cac bai giang ciia Cha tren Nha
thd khi cac cap vg chdng thudng xuyen dugc nhac nhd ve nhiing gia tri dao
diic cua tdn giao, eua hdn nhan.
"Chinh Chua ban cho Cha kha ndng gidng day vd Cha gidng day va chong
phdi hda thuan, khong duac cdi minh, minh di minh phdi nghe ldi Cha, Cha
luc ndo cung day phdi an ngay a Idnh chir khong day mdng chui nhau, minh
Id ngudi Cdng gido sdng phdi lam chimg cho Chua, ddnh cai chui nhau thi
Idm chimg Idm sao, di xung toi Cha ciing nhdc nhd phdi din toi ldi do minh
khdng sdng ngay lanh, cho nen va chdng song vdi nhau gidm di nhieu, hda
thudn vdi nhau la chinh khdng Ion xon" (Nii, 70, nghi hmi).
Trong nhiiu thanh ll, linh muc thudng giang giai v i nhimg dao ly trong
hdn nhan, gia dinh va trong cugc sdng, hi dd cac tin dd lira chgn each sdng.


78

Nghien ci>u Gia dinh va Gio-i. Quyen 30, so 2, tr. 69-80

each ling xir cua ban than; "binh thudng di le nghe cha gidng ve hdn nhdn,
cudc song, doi nhdn xu the giiia ngudi vdi ngudi, cdc vdn de trong xa hgi.
Nhimg ndi chung Id cha gidng la hudng mgi ngudi img xu dn hda, sdng thien,

sdng cd dao" (Nir, 28 tudi, ndi trg). "Thu 7 ndo tdi cdng di hdng tudn cu thii 7
la nhd thd co le thay ngay chii nhat. Tudn ndo tdi cUng di deu, khdng di duoc
cdm gidc thieu di cdi gi day Thir nhdt den nhd thd de cha gidng le day con
ngudi thdnh con ngudi tdt, khdng dn gian ndi ddi, khdng dn cdp dn from,
khdng dn ndi idng nhdng ndi tuc chui bay, khuyen gia dinh, vg chong sdng
chung thuy, yeu thuong nhau, sdng bdc di, hy sinh. Thir hai, la de cdu xin Chua
ban bdng an cho gia dinh manh khde, vui ve song vdi nhau cho tdt (hdi. (Nii,
62 tudi, ndi trg). Chinh vide ludn dugc nhac nhd vd nhirng gia tri tdn giao cua
hdn nhan, ciing Iam cho cac cap vg chdng phai didu chinh hanh vi dd cd nhirng
img xu phii hgp vdi chuan muc tdn giao.
Cd thd thay, trong each thiic giai quydt man thuan vg chdng, dfio Cdng
giao khdng hudng tdi giai quydt chinh van dd gay nen tiidi trang mau thuan, ma
hudng tdi nhung giai phap mang tinh dn hda, gan vdi hanh vi, thai do ciia vg
chdng trong qua trinh giai quydt mau thuan. Bang vide thuc hien cac nghi Id
tdn giao nhu cau nguyen, di Id nha thd, xung tdi, xet minh, nhac nhd cac gia tri
dao diic cua tdn giao va hdn nhan, dao Cdng giao da cd vai trd quan trgng
trong vide xoa diu, giam bdt nhiing tdn thuong vd mat tinh cam, tinh thin trong
mau thuan vg chdng, thiic day hg lira chgn cac giai phap dn hda nham hda giai
man thuan.
6. Ket luan
Ngudi Cdng giao thudng xuydn tim ddn sir trg giiip cua Thien Chiia
trong qua trinh giai quydt mau thuan vg chdng trong gia dinh bang each thuc
hanh tdn giao nhu xung tdi, hay can nguyen, di nha thd, tham gia cac hdi nhdm
tdn giao. Hg tin rang bang each thiic nao dd Thidn Chiia cd thd hda giai nhirng
mau thuin, bat ddng trong cudc hdn nhan cua hg, cho ndn kdnh trg giiip nay
ludn dugc vien dan ddn khi cd mau thuan xay ra. Cac gia tri dao diic, niam tin,
thuc hanh, cam kat tdn giao da gdp phan tich cue vao qua trinh didu hda, giai
quydt man thuan vg chdng trong gia dinh Cdng giao. Cac cam kdt hdn nhan la
ydu td quan trgng thiic day ca nhan lira chgn giai quydt theo chidu hudng dn
hda, thiic day Idng vi tha, thiic day vide tidp can giai quydt theo chiau hudng

quan ly mau thuan, khdng dd mau thuan pha vd quan he hdn nhan. Cac kdnh
trg giup tir tdn giao td ra hidu qua trong viec lam giam nhung he qua tieu cue
cua mau thuan, giiip ca nhan vugt qua trang thai tam ly tidu cue, ban chd va
ban gan nhiing ran nut trong quan he vg chdng.


Cu Thi Thanh Thdy

79

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